The Gingerbread Boy (31 page)

Catherine buried her face in Daniel’s shoulder. How could this day have ended this bizarrely? How? Why? Soon she became aware of a heaviness against her knee. She glanced down, and saw that her purse, which she had somehow managed to keep hold of, was gaping open. Inside, the dummy gazed up at her from its ghastly stitched eyelids.

A knot of terror struck her as she looked from it to Daniel’s face.

His gaze was more frightening than either the horror of the tornado, or of the horror in her purse.

The vacant gaze of resignation.

It was if the winds blowing the campus apart had also torn the real Daniel away.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Catherine fell onto the couch and closed her eyes.

She’d finally done well on her exams this morning. Even with all the turmoil going on in the last few days, somehow, she’d stayed focused.

At least that was over for now.

The voice sounded distant. “Cathy. Cath? You awake?”

Catherine’s eyelids opened heavily to find Penny sitting in a chair kitty-corner to her, leaning forward, her hands clasped between her knees.

“Oh good, you
are
awake.”

“I am, now.” Catherine said.

“Did you have exams today?” Penny asked.

Catherine nodded. “The tornado didn’t hit any of my buildings.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Mine, either. Darn!”

They both laughed.

“I’m just glad nobody got killed.” Penny said, “Lots of damage, but no serious injuries. I’m glad it wasn’t a very strong tornado.

Catherine nodded, although it’d seemed horrific enough at the time.

Silence.

“I guess a lot of people lost their roofs, though.” Penny said quietly, leaning back in her chair. “A friend of mine, Gail, said the roof blew off the place she was renting.” Penny leaned forward again. Her voice was hesitant. “I was wondering, would you and Joanne mind if Gail moved in here for the summer? Even if you and Joanne decided to leave, Gail and I could afford the rent and hold the house until you come back in the fall.”

Catherine arched an eyebrow. “Does Gail have bleach-blonde hair, an enormous wardrobe or drive a fancy car?

Penny shook her head. “She has light brown hair, buys her clothes in thrift shops, and drives a rusty old car.

“She sounds fine to me.” Catherine said.

“I thought she might.”

There was yet another silence. Penny looked deep in thought, something Catherine hadn’t thought she was capable of a few months ago. Penny bent forward and dug her hands into her hair in dismay. “I can’t believe how stupid I was around Beth. It seems so clear to me now.”

Catherine’s eyes widened.

Penny looked down. Her feet shifted inward until they touched. “I was so absorbed in her. Sometimes I hated her, but I still let her use me. I couldn’t stand how she cut me down, and it was almost worse to hear her cut you down. Every time she called you ‘Sleazy Sealey,’ I felt like slapping her. I was glad when you finally did belt her one.”

She continued, looking earnestly into Catherine’s face. “Did you know she was jealous of you? You’re pretty and smart and independent and don’t need men flocking around you to make you feel good about yourself. Beth has to fake glamour and throw her money around to get friends. She’s never liked herself. She probably never will. Beth has always been a little disturbed, not you. No one ever believed her lies. No one that counts, anyway. Not your
real
friends.”

“
Real
friends?” Catherine asked.

Penny nodded. “Like Joanne, and like me. I want real friends now, too. “I can’t believe it took me so long to realize it.”

Catherine found a smile. “I always thought there was more to you than a Beth Shaker sidekick.”

Penny stood and lifted her arms in the air. “I feel like I’ve spent the past seven or eight months in a coma and have just started to wake up. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, but it feels good. Kind of cleansing.” She paused and lowered her arms. Sighing, she flopped back in her seat. “How are you feeling these past few days? You haven’t over-dosed in the shower or the bathtub.”

Catherine shrugged her shoulders.
How did she feel?

“I guess I’m numb.” She admitted. “After the tornado and Daniel’s mood swings I sometimes don’t know what to feel, so I just study like a maniac to block it out. Joanne and Joey haven’t spoken much either. It’s like the whole world suddenly shifted a notch and everything is different.”

Penny nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”

Catherine leaned against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. “I’m trying not to dwell on things. I need to relax and get myself back together.”

“Daniel will come around. Give him time.”

Catherine nodded, saying nothing as Penny continued.

“Even if part of him believes what Beth wants him to believe about you, in time he’ll learn what she’s really like. I could tell him right now. Joanne says that if she ever sees Beth again, she’ll swing her wide world of sports at her and propel her into China. Beth doesn’t stand a chance against all of us. Nor does Cave-Pig. We’re not afraid of them. If anything, he and Beth should be afraid of us. And Gail’s a spitfire. If she moves in, we’ll be indestructible. If those two low-lives ever show their faces again, which I doubt they will, they won’t stand a chance around all of us.”

Catherine remained silent.

Penny leaned over, slapped her fondly on the knee. “Daniel will come around. And, until he does, you’ve got us to lean on. Remember that.”

“Thank you.”

Penny smiled. “I’m serious. I think I can be a good friend, if given the chance.”

Catherine’s heart warmed. “I believe you.”

****

Daniel stood behind a fragrant lilac bush in the corner of Catherine’s yard near the street, and stiffened his shoulders. Catherine’s roommates had just left. Now was the time. Now, or never. He had to do this. He had to somehow find the strength to break her heart. It was the right decision. It had to be! Yet tears burned in his eyes and a fierce trembling overtook him. He fought back the tears, and, gasping, got his breathing under control. Then his head began to swim. He couldn’t think straight. Was this decision as firm as he’d believed? Looking through the lilac bush at the porch steps, he noticed a small cluster of daffodils growing near the bush he and Catherine had fallen into not that long ago after his “identity” crisis.

He could always pull off another set of petals and perhaps change his decision.

Something in his heart twisted. Ached so badly he couldn’t take another breath. How was it possible that a heart could hurt so horribly, and yet, if a doctor took it out of the chest and examined it, it could appear completely normal? How could anything so painful appear normal? But that was exactly what he had to do. To appear, if not normal, at least indifferent. Cold. Detached. It was the only way this could work.

And then Joey’s face appeared in his mind. And his long, disappointed mouth that mumbled the word “coward.”

Daniel shook his head. “That’s not it,” he whispered. “She can’t know about this. Not now. It’d ruin her.”

Then his mother’s face formed in his mind. Mumbling something which meant the same thing, although she’d never admit it. “Quit running. Now is the time, Daniel, quit running.”

Tears once again filled Daniel’s eyes. The shaking resumed. He stared at the house, at the still broken rail, at the flowers. He wanted to trot up those stairs, fling open the door, grab Catherine into his arms and twirl her in the air once again. Tell her he loved her. Ask her to marry him.

To marry him!

To marry a walking corpse?

For that was what he was becoming, day by day, moment by moment. How selfish, how utterly wretched would it be to ask her to stay in his life in any manner at all now?

Taking a deep breath, Daniel pulled back a wad of hair from his face, steeled himself, one last time, and pulled out his cell phone. He then made a call he could not turn back from.

****

The call came when Catherine was alone. She picked up her cell, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and hoped against hope…

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s me.”

“Daniel.”

Long pause.

“How do you think you did on your finals?” Daniel asked.

“Not bad. I doubt I aced them, but I did okay, Catherine said, her heart beating in her ears.

“Good. I always knew you’d do well if you could focus all your time on your studies.”

“All my time? What do you mean?”

“I have to talk to you. Could I come over?”

Catherine’s heart beat a little faster at the strange monotone to Daniel’s voice. She’d hoped that not speaking to him at all for the past few days would have helped lighten him up somewhat after the tragedy of not being able to perform. Maybe he finally needed her.

“You can come right over. I’m the only one home now.”

Silence. Then, “All right.”

“Well,” Catherine’s voice lightened, “I’ll be here. See you in a little while.”

“See you in a minute.”

The knock on the door five minutes later startled Catherine. Daniel must have called her from somewhere nearby. She rushed into the bathroom, suddenly panicky. She straightened her blouse, checked her hair. In the mirror a pale, anxious face gazed back at her. She had to calm down, had to…

The knock came again. Louder.

She took several deep breaths to relax. But her legs were quivering as she went to the door. She opened it with a big smile, then the smile left her face.

Daniel looked awful. His hair was dull and matted. There were tears in the knees of his jeans. His shirttail hung out, wrinkled. He looked at her from listless eyes with dark hollows beneath them.

“May I come in?” he asked.

“Sure, of course.” Catherine held open the door as Daniel stepped inside, his hands tucked in his pockets.

Catherine closed her eyes, fighting for strength as she shut the door.

She should have expected this. What had she been thinking? Daniel must still be in shock. The concert’s cancellation had to still be a horrible let down.

Daniel turned to her, but his eyes seemed to stray involuntarily to the floor. “I’m not sure how to begin this, so I guess I’ll just begin.”

A dull ball of dread seemed to slide against Catherine’s heart.

“Lift still wants us to tour with them. We’ll start this weekend. I don’t know how long the tour will last. Joey’s working on some things.”

Catherine nodded. She’d known this might happen. She’d prepared for it, or so she’d thought. He could be gone for months. But the tour should have made Daniel happy. At least slightly happy. There was no hint of anything remotely happy in his voice or expression now. He seemed indifferent to everything as he gazed at her.

“We can’t see each other any more, Catherine.”

A knot jammed in Catherine’s throat. “I know. It could be months. But we can still call each other.”

“There won’t be any calls.”

Catherine’s mouth closed, then, “I know you hate it, but if texting is easier…”

“We won’t be seeing each other, or talking to each other again, or even texting. Ever.”

Catherine froze. She hadn’t heard that word, ”
ever
.” She’d imagined it.

“But we
can
call, maybe only once a week or so, maybe even once a month,” she stammered, “It won’t mess up my studies. What’s wrong with that?”

Daniel’s hands came out of his pockets. He put them on Catherine’s shoulders. He leaned in until his face was a mere six or seven inches from hers. His once wondrous eyes were streaked red.

“You’re not listening. It’s over between us, Catherine. It never could have worked. You know that. I think we’ve both known it all along.”

Catherine shook her head, bit her lip. “Don’t say that.”

“I
am
saying that. We’re living two completely different lives. They go in opposite directions. We’d resent each other after a while. Maybe we do already.”

Catherine’s jaw dropped. The words came hot from her mouth. “It’s Beth, isn’t it? You believe all her lies. You think I’ll ruin you. Oh, if I only knew where that horrid woman was, I’d…”

“You’d what?” Daniel asked, raising his eyes in suspicion. “You’d
stalk
her?”

Catherine gulped and put her hand over her mouth. “That’s not what I meant! Beth is a liar. She’s poisoning you against me. I saw her pull up in her car at your house one morning, I was watching behind the window. I have an idea what she was doing there, what she wanted…”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters!”

Daniel’s face shot back up at her. “Catherine, do you honestly believe I want you scampering around as my nursemaid…” his voice trailed off, his eyes took on a stunned look. “I mean, trying to nurse my career along, while you let yours go? I don’t need a clinging vine. Because in the big picture, that’s what you’d become.”

“Where do you get this crap?” Catherine whispered, her knees weakening treacherously.

“It’s the truth.”

Catherine reached back and had to grasp the doorknob to catch her balance. Daniel reached for her, and suddenly she was in his arms, suddenly gushing out words she was helpless to control.

“What’s happened to you? Why won’t you talk to me anymore? You used to tell me everything. I know you cared about me. Once… once when you were swinging me around on the porch, you said you loved me. I heard it. Maybe you didn’t think I did. What happened to that?”

She felt Daniel’s strength drain. He trembled against her and turned his face away. His voice was a whisper. “I’m a performer. I’ve always been good at it. You were just another audience. Just another private audience.”

Before she even knew what she was doing, Catherine pulled away. She drew back her arm. The sharp sound of her hand slapping Daniel’s face filled the house.

There was utter silence as she stared at the red mark growing on his cheek.

“I’m sorry!” she sputtered.

Daniel turned to look at her. His voice was oddly calm as he felt his cheek. “You hate me, don’t you?”