The Girl I Last Loved (18 page)

She gave a smile and got in without questioning on seeing me firm.

We drove up to Prayas. She left.

I stayed there. Should I leave or not – that question hovered in my mind. Leaving Kasam when she was dressed like that was a temptation hard enough to resist.

Having no other option, I followed her without her knowledge.

“Hey, you look ravishing dear,” an old lady graced her with this comment.

“Thank you,” Kasam whispered, kneeling on to her.

“Hey pretty lady, will you marry me?” A guy in his thirties shouted.

“Yeah… only if your wife agrees!”

There were a few giggles and guys were gulping at her beauty. Some girls were passing with envious glances. Then I looked at her again and confirmed that she looked like the ultimate epitome of beauty. Somehow I felt proud.

Kasam clicked the projector screen off to reveal the white board. She was surprised to see ‘Happy birthday, Kasam’ scribbled over it. Then from the greenroom a few participants brought a big chocolate cake. Everyone shouted ‘happy birthday’ and hovered around the cake. One lady escorted Kasam to it. She cut the cake and started distributing it to the participants. Three girls stepped up to cut more pieces and started handing it to Kasam.

She looked overwhelmed and ecstatic at this gesture. Some people even gave her a few gifts and cards. It felt real nice to see that she has made a place in people’s heart. Although they had only formal interactions, she had touched their soul. They loved her. They respected her. Probably that gave her the strength to go on although life had been rather cruel to her. First those family issues, then Utsav. Being a lone girl in a city like this, living on her own, running Prayas with little help from her cousin on financial front… she had done one hell of a job. I was happy for her and proud of her, as the only person responsible for her success was she herself.

Finally they packed up the party.

Today we would discuss about ‘collaboration’.

She spoke up. Then paused. She went ahead to write that on to board. Then withdrew her hand and turned around. She looked kind of confused.

Suddenly she smiled.

“Let’s do something different today,” she beamed.

Few confirmations and few suggestions.

“Yeah.”

“Yup… let’s play something.”

“Let’s all go out and have lunch!”

“Or… let’s talk about love,” Kasam uttered sheepishly.

Followed by suppressed giggles from the crowd, there was a soft glitter in her eyes.

I smiled to myself. Was it for me?

Was she finally noticing my feelings for her?

Was she feeling the same way?

“So… from where we should begin?” Kasam added.

“I have an idea. Let’s talk about whether love can happen at first sight,” a young girl suggested.

“Love can only happen at first sight to a kiddo like you,” an elderly man answered.

The girl gulped.

“Normally love doesn’t happen at first sight; it’s merely attraction,” a woman took her question seriously.

The discussion went on…

Some were single lined answers with ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

“I can’t say exactly love, but sparks do fly if love is gonna happen. My Dad fell in love with my Mom when he saw her for the first time; not the other way around though…,” a girl added in an overwhelmed tone.

“Love can happen anytime… anywhere… with anyone…,” a boy gave out in a lazy tone.

“Oh! That’s a cliché,” Kasam chuckled.

A cool looking guy in a loose T-shirt folded at the sleeves and a jeans serving just to cover his ass sort of announced “Yeah, love can happen at first sight, it ‘depends’ on the second… third… fourth…”

“Very clever answer, Devesh. We will close this topic on this note itself.”

I often wondered how she remembered everybody’s name.

They went on to discuss love marriage, arranged marriage, living without marriage, whether opposites attracted or not.

Then silencing the whole crowd Kasam, asked, “Can one be in love with two people at a time?” My face lifted up.

As Kasam asked this question, people considered before speaking out anything.

“The case can be considered as the intermediate stage… remember organic chemistry? A snapshot in which first girl is about to leave your life and simultaneously second girl is about to enter your life… else loving two girls at a time would be considered as an unstable state,” a guy in carbon frame spoke.

“Ohhoo! Geeky,” a girl gave him an odd look.

“Love cannot happen twice; it’s only the wild attraction given the name of love. Ultimately, one of the two has to cry,” a girl spoke who looked like someone speaking from experience.

“One can’t walk on two different paths at the same time, just like that one can’t love two different people at the same time,” an intellectual spoke.

“No one can be in love with two people at a time… and if it is so, then that means the person doesn’t truly love either,” a wise lady added.

“If there is a point in falling in love with two people at a time, then one must go for the second one whom he or she loves because’ if that person was seriously in love with the first one, then he or she should not feel at all for the second one. If you were so overwhelmed with love, you wouldn’t have looked out for it in any other person.”

I don’t know why that girl’s statement made me look at Kasam. She was deep in her thoughts. After some time she gave a smile of hers which she always gave after realising something. I read her lips, probably she uttered a ‘yes’.

I left for work upon receiving another message from Ved. Probably I would have to do a little overtime today. I didn’t feel much like smoking today; maybe I didn’t feel alone today.

Dear Romeo,

Today he told me I am the most beautiful thing he ever saw.

Does he still love me?

Do I love him? Or have I always loved him?

Somebody told me you don’t look out for love if you are already in.

So, what was that which I had with Utsav? I cried so much after he left. I wished so much for him to return. Probably I still kindled that faith in my heart until I collided with Akash again. If I loved Utsav, why did I forget about him on encountering Akash? Why I survived without Utsav but got addicted to Akash?

Maybe I cried for Utsav just because somebody left me.

Was Utsav only a ‘somebody’?

Is Akash ‘the one’?

Life would have been so simple without such questions.

Love

Juliet

Chapter 16

I drove as fast as I could. The thought of reaching to her early was the only dominant thought in my mind. Sharp turns… restlessness… for the first time I left my beloved Audi to be parked by the gatekeeper and rushed upstairs. I forgot to ring and clicked the door open with the keys. In the past few days, again I got accustomed to living alone. This never came in my mind that you can enter the house by just hitting the bell. I entered. Kasam was there in her room, as a soft humming sound was coming from the guest room. I don’t know why, but I was kind of relieved to find she was still around. I placed my laptop and coat at the couch and progressed towards her. She was kneeling from behind. Her hair hanging downwards, she was wearing a light blue
kurta
over a purple
patiala
. She was arranging her clothes – white top and dark blue jeans from the morning, then that pink saree. Whenever I saw her I felt guys had so few options. My wardrobe included shades of black, grey suits and if I decide to go a little offbeat, then brown. Huh, that’s why guys got drawn towards girls as their world was everything a guy’s world wasn’t.

Kasam turned with a smile on her face. She was constantly brushing her fingers over that saree.

She just bumped into me.

“Hey,” I said.

She looked kind of ‘taken by surprise’.

“Hi, you scared me.”

“Why? Am I not supposed to be here?”

“I thought you will be late.”

She went ahead to keep her clothes in her bag. It gave me a feeling that she intended to leave tomorrow. The sinking feeling seeped in but I couldn’t let that come in way of making the most of the night we had together.

“You know Mommy sent it for me.”

There on her face was one of the most genuine smiles I ever saw.

I reflected that smile.

She somehow came to terms with her mother. I was happy for her.

She kept that saree in her bag with exceptional caution.

“Come with me for a second,” I indicated to her.

Took her to the study and unlocked it.

“You lock the rooms inside your own flat,” Kasam gave an odd look.

“Come,” I said patiently.

Making her stand in the room, I shifted to hit the light.

“Wow… you are making me say it again and again,” Kasam looked exhausted from the day and overwhelmed at what she saw.

“You always wanted to have a Christmas and wasn’t able to because nobody permitted it at your house.”

“Oh! My God! How could you possibly remember that? It had already slipped my mind,” she beamed.

Two people under the same roof, one whose wish was fulfilled and another whose happiness lay in fulfilling those wishes.

In a room with a partially decorated Christmas tree, few series of lights… few candles… few bells… some randomly hanged decorations… hot chocolate… blowing balloons… opening meaningless presents and half other boxes that turned out to be empty… hanging more bells on to the Christmas tree… laughing… sharing… two friends who already left friendship at the last station… with no other station in sight yet.

Finally we both felt exhausted and fell flat over the couch.

Both numb for some time. I drifted my sight to her. She was lying with her head hanging by the edge of the couch. She looked at peace, so I dared to ask, “So now, everything is fine with your mother?”

“Yeah, you can call it fine. We both grew older and wiser.” I smiled as she continued. “Akash… sometimes you need to let go what happened in past to see what that person has to offer you ahead,” she placed a hand on my shoulders and got up.

She stood by the window, looking at the street lights shining far away.

She looked at me and gave a little smile. She said while recalling, “After my grandparents died, my maternal uncles fought over the property. They even went on to arrange separate
bhoj
for my grandfather’s death to claim a better share for the inheritance. My elder uncle at that time was retired and by then had married off all of his daughters and his sons were making big time in marketing. It’s out of my ability to comprehend why he needed that inheritance at all. On the other hand my other uncle just got married a few years back, had a little daughter and except few random construction contracts once a year, could be well considered as jobless. Morally we had a clear winner here; still, they needed a court case to sort it all out. My grandfather, whatever he made, whatever he owned, he always bought in pieces of two. Perhaps he feared what was about to happen. Still it happened. They asked all the sisters for their letter of consent that they wouldn’t claim anything. My father convinced Mommy over it. And slowly she realised that her brothers never accommodated her and gradually she turned towards us… her real family.”

I listened patiently all through. It’s only a few times that she agreed on letting out her feelings.

As the conversation came to an abrupt end, I added something, “When my grandfather retired with a hefty pension, everyone in our family was in need of money. My eldest uncle had to marry one daughter and finance a son studying in London. My father had four to raise. My other uncle was jobless. My aunt was a widow.

“My youngest uncle was just relocated to a sector where he wasn’t getting any black money. Yet everyone agreed on dividing that money between my aunt and the jobless uncle’s family… these things are dependent upon family education and nonetheless, on the individuals.”