The Girl Nobody Wants: A Shocking True Story of Child Abuse in Ireland (26 page)

Then they stopped and I said, ‘Come on, Simon’ and we both walked away, leaving Kevin still standing in the street with a look of murder on his face. We walked up the road, we went up to Karen’s flat and I told Simon to take his top off, so that Karen and I could see if he had any cuts on his body. However, as he lifted up his top, we could both see that he had hand and finger marks all over his arms and neck that had come out in bruising all over him and it looked very bad. We told Simon that he looked ok and Karen told him that she wanted to take photos of his back so that he could see the marks that Kevin had caused him. He said ok, she took photos of the marks and we left it at that until Simon left, and then Karen took the film down to the chemist and she had it developed within an hour.

When we got the photos back, Karen and I studied them and we could see that Simon had grab marks all over him that did not come from the fight he had earlier. That evening, when Simon came back to the shed, I asked him about all the marks over his body and he said that he had got them while play-fighting with the boys. Then he said that he had to go back and stay at Kevin’s house as Kevin said that if he did not come back, then he would have nowhere else to live when I give up the shed. I said that I was never going to give the shed up, but Simon still left and he went back to Kevin.

A few days later, Kevin came to the shed without Simon. He said that he had been drinking heavily since the day of the fight, and that he needed to tell me something, as he was feeling suicidal and he wanted to kill himself by jumping into the Grand Union Canal. I looked down at him, then he climbed up into the sheds and he confessed to me that he had been abusing Simon and having sex with him since the day he came over to London. He said that he had been getting Simon drunk, and he had been dropping sleeping pills into his drinks, then molesting him and having sex with him while he was unconscious.

I was shocked and I felt sick and weak looking at him. He even tried to put the blame on to Simon, saying that he wanted it to happen. But I knew it was not true and I knew that he had taken advantage of his baby brother. Simon was only thirteen years old and Kevin was almost thirty. I do not know how a grown man could do such a thing to a child, let alone his own brother, but he did and now he was feeling guilty about what he had done to Simon and he was asking me for my forgiveness.

I was so disgusted with Kevin that I got up and I walked away from him; I didn’t give a shit about his feelings and I wasn’t interested in his excuses. As far as I was concerned, he should have committed suicide right there and then in front of me, and I would have been happy to help him do it. I felt so angry that I wanted to go back and kill him myself; but now that I knew what was wrong with Simon, I knew that I had to do something to help him. But what could I do, as I had nothing. I didn’t want Simon to know that I knew about what Kevin had done to him, so the best I could do for Simon was to be there if and when he needed me, and I spent all of my time following him around the streets and trying to keep him safe and out of Kevin’s hands. But Simon couldn’t cope with all the pressures he had and he began to drink alcohol and he took all kinds of drugs to help him forget about everything, and after a while he began to look a mess. I did what I could for him and somehow he just managed to keep himself together.

Then a couple of months after Kevin told me about the abuse, Simon’s best friend, Tim, came over from Ireland. And it just so happened that Tim and I used to have a soft spot for each other back in Ireland, so I was also happy to see him. He was the same age as me, fifteen, and he had no place to stay, so I said that he could stay with me above the sheds if he wanted to and he said yes. I was so happy and we spent the next few months all hanging around together; and for a while, it seemed to make Simon happy having his best friend with him again. But every night, Simon still had to go back home to Kevin’s house and he hated it.

After a couple of months, Tim and I began to spend most of the day with each other and, after a while, we began to have feelings for each other. Not long after my sixteenth birthday, I became pregnant by Tim and I was so happy and so was Tim. We still slept above the sheds and I even stuck a few family photos of my brother and Tim on the walls, to make the place look more like home. But it was freezing in the sheds and I knew we couldn’t stay there forever; plus, for some reason, Tim began taking little digs at me and after a while the digs became thumps into my arms and legs and I didn’t like it.

So, after a few more months above the sheds, I decided that it was best for me to go back to mum’s house. Not for myself, but for my baby’s sake, as I thought that Tim might not hit me if some adults were around. And after talking to mum, she agreed to let Tim stay with me at her house. So we went back to the shed and we packed what little belongings we had up and we moved in with mum. At first, mum seemed to be happy for us and she gave us our own room with a double bed in it; and for a while, things looked good for the both of us.

Then one day, Jim said that he had a job for Tim if he wanted it; he said that it was working as a labourer building roads; and straightaway Tim took the job. At first, Tim found the work hard. But when he got his first pay cheque, we were both very happy and it felt great having some money to spend on baby clothes. And now the bump in my belly was getting bigger and already I loved my baby, but Tim seemed to be more interested in going out after work and drinking with the boys rather than coming back home to me.

And each time Tim went out with Jim and the boys, he would come back even drunker than the time before and I began to hate him for what he was doing. I would sit up all night, waiting for him to come home and to give me some attention, but all he could do when he finally came home was stagger into the living room and collapse on the sofa. Every night, Tim was so drunk that he had no idea what he was doing, and Jim seemed to love it because he had Tim all to himself, and Tim was now his best friend and his new drinking partner.

Soon Tim and I began to have huge arguments about why he was staying out all night and drinking with Jim. I also asked him about what he was getting up to in the evenings with Jim, instead of being with me, but all he said was that everything was fine and for me to stop complaining. Soon after the conversation, Tim began to hit me again, but he would only hit me on parts of my body that people could not see.

Then one evening, while I was in bed waiting for him to come in, I heard them both as they came through the front door, and they were laughing and swearing at each other as they walked through the house. Then everything went quiet and I heard a door close. I stayed lying in my bed for a moment, expecting Tim to come in to see if I was ok, but he didn’t; so after a couple of minutes, I decided to get up and to go see what he was doing. I opened my bedroom door and it was still very quiet in the house, so I went downstairs and I walked into the living room, but he was not there; so I walked back up the stairs to my room as I thought they must have gone back out of the house.

It was still very quiet when I walked back into my room and, as I closed the bedroom door, I heard a faint squeaking noise coming from the direction of the spare bedroom, so I went back into the hallway and I walked over to the spare room and I listened for a moment. And as I opened the bedroom door, I could see Tim lying face down on the bed naked, and Jim was also naked and he was just about to lie on top of Tim. I looked at them both and then I ran to my mother’s bedroom and I told her what both of them were doing and she just said, ‘Leave them both alone and let them get on with it.’ I looked at her in disbelief at what she had just said to me and then I ran back to the spare room and I shouted at Jim to get the fuck off him and to get out of the room.

He got up and, as he left the room, I woke Tim up and then we had a massive argument, and Tim told me that Jim had been having sex with him for the whole of the time that we had been staying at mum’s house. And to my shock, it didn’t seem to bother him and he thought nothing of what they had been doing. We spent the rest of the night shouting at each other about our future, and when morning came Tim said that he couldn’t take any more of my family and he said that he wanted to go back to Ireland, and I said ok. I even helped Tim pack his bags, and within an hour we were both on the underground train heading towards Paddington train station; and when we arrived at Paddington, Tim said goodbye to me and he got on a train and, within a couple of seconds, he was gone.

And in that split second, my whole life had changed and I was on my own again, but this time I was six months pregnant. I turned around and I went back to mum’s; and when I got back, I went into the kitchen and I swallowed a couple of painkillers, but they never helped, so I took another four and I lay down on my bed, wishing I was dead. Now I hated Jim even more than I did before, because he had made my only company and the father of my child leave me. Now that I was pregnant and my belly was big, Jim had no option but to keep his dirty hands off me; and for a while, he left me alone, and I spent most of my time wandering from one sister’s house to another.

Then one weekend, mum went out for the day to visit her sister and she took my stepbrothers with her, leaving my young niece and myself alone in the house. At first, everything was fine and we just sat and played games together, but then Jim came in from the pub and he accused me of eating all the food in the house; and he picked on me because I was pregnant and because he couldn’t molest me anymore. He said that I had eaten a pot of bacon cabbage and potatoes all on my own, but I was feeling sick and I hadn’t eaten a single thing all day and he knew it.

But he also knew that I had money hidden in my bedroom that I was saving to buy a pushchair for my baby. And the problem was that he wanted me to give him the money so that he could go back to the pub and buy more drinks for himself with it. He was so desperate for the money that he began to shout at me that he knew I had it and that I had to give it to him as rent for the room; then he said that I was a dirty little bitch and a slag, and nothing but a dirty bastard’s child. And that I was no good to anyone, then he said, ‘No wonder your boyfriend left you.’ And with that I stood up and I shouted at him that my boyfriend left me because he could not take his dirty hands off him and because I had caught them having sex together. Jim went mad and he said that if I didn’t get out of his house, he was going to kill me and my baby by kicking me into my belly. Then he ran towards me and, as he came face to face with me, he said, ‘Don’t you eat any of my food again.’

I thought he was going to kill me, so I grabbed my niece by the hand, and we both ran out of the house; and on the way out the front door, I called him a pig. I shouted that I was going to get him all the food that he wanted and I was going to get him a load of pig because he was a pig. Then I ran back into the house and up the stairs to my room and I got my money, then I ran back out of the house and we both walked up the high street to the local supermarket to buy some food. Once there, I got a shopping trolley and I spent all the money I had saved for a pushchair, buying him all the food he wanted. I got him ten heads of cabbage, ten pieces of boiling bacon, and ten turnips; and just the thought of what we were doing was enough to make us both laugh aloud. Once we left the shop, we struggled with the shopping trolley all the way back to the house. And on the way back, a few people asked us if we needed a hand, but all we could do was laugh and say that we were going to feed the old drunken pig all the bacon that he can eat.

When we got back to the house, Jim was fast asleep, lying drunk on the sofa, snoring his head off. So I crept into the kitchen and filled the fridge up with as much food as I could and then I lined the rest of the food up on the side next to the front door. And then I told my niece to open the front door and to get ready to run. I shouted at Jim, ‘Wake up you pig’ and I began to throw the rest of the food at him. At first, he didn’t know what was hitting him; but as he got up and he look over at me, he realised what I was doing, and at that moment I hit him right in the face with a piece of bacon. I shouted at him that pigs are dirty just like you and you deserve to eat your own kind, and I chucked the rest of the turnips and bacon at him, and then I ran out of the house.

He jumped up to chase me, but he was only wearing his underpants, so I managed to get a head start on him and I was able to get a good way down the road before he managed to get his trousers on and out of the front door after me. He ran down the road, shouting at us and calling us little beggars and tramps. ‘You cunt’s’, he shouted. Then he threw a turnip that he was still holding at us, but it missed and I couldn’t stop laughing as it rolled past me, and I was trying to hold my belly at the same time to stop it from bouncing up and down as I ran.

Then I got a stitch in my side and I had to slow down, but I continued up the road and I ran towards my sister Tracy’s house. As I got closer, I could see her standing outside the house and she was washing the windows. I shouted at her as loud as I could to open the front door, and she turned around just in time to see Jim chasing me down the road. Then she ran to the front door and she waited for us to reach the house and, as we ran inside, I slammed the door shut, hitting Jim in the face with it; and then I shouted at him through the letterbox to fuck off. Then Tracy shouted at him from the window and she told him that she saw everything that he was doing to us, and that she was going to tell mum everything; then he turned around and walked away. Tracy then turned to us and said, ‘What the fuck have you two been up to?’ I just laughed at her and after I had finished telling her what had happened, she said well done and she laughed too.