The Girl of Sand & Fog (19 page)

I exhale loudly, shaking my head.
“But they didn’t come. There’s no reason to get all freaked out now.”

“That nothing bad happened doesn’t
mean you should keep on doing everything you think you’re justified to do. How
far are you willing to take this? Until you hurt the people you love? Or until
you hurt you? Do you even know what it is you want? Is it the truth? Your dad
in your life? Or maybe, just maybe, deep down inside in a way you don’t want to
admit, what you really want is to hurt them all the way they’ve hurt you. I’m
not sure anymore and that scares me.”

What I hear in his voice turns my
insides cold. Crap, he is really worried for me.

“Jeez, Bobby. A little perspective
here would be nice. We went into a house. My dad’s house. It’s not like we
committed armed robbery.”

He parks in his driveway and angles
his body in the seat to face me. “I love you, Kaley. Don’t make me watch you
take this obsession so far that you hurt everyone you love, including you.”

My cheeks grow hot. “It’s not a
fucking obsession to want to know the truth about who your parents are.”

“No,” he replies unruffled. “The
obsession is how you’re doing it. Cyberstalking 24/7—do you think I don’t know
what you are always doing on your phone?—and it has now progressed to breaking
and entering. Excuse me for being concerned and thinking maybe we should hit
the pause button here.”

He opens his door and starts to climb
out.

I follow him to the pool house and
the silence between us is heavy and awful. He goes to the fridge and pulls out
an orange juice.

“Do you want me to leave?” I ask.

He doesn’t look at me. He remains
crouched there, back toward me, shaking the bottle and shaking his head. “Is
that what you think or do you just say shit like that to hurt me?” he says
after an excruciatingly long moment of silence.

“That’s a no-win question. It’s not
fair. Neither answer is true.”

He turns and probes me with his gaze.
“Then what is fair?”

“That I love you,” I whisper. “And
that I’m sorry. Hurting you is the last thing that I would ever want to do.”

We square off with our eyes.

“Then don’t.”

I nod.

He takes me into his arms. “I love
you, Kaley. I’m here for you. Let me be. And let me be the guy I want to be for
you.”

I fan his face with my fingers and
lean in until our foreheads are touching. “You already are.”

His gaze softens and the grim line of
his mouth relaxes. “Remember that, Kaley. I’ll be the guy you need me to be
even during the times you don’t want me to.”

CHAPTER 18

I sit on the bed and watch Bobby
pack.

“I can’t believe you’re going without
me.”

He shoves a shirt into his bag. “Yep,
I am. And you should, too, instead of sitting around letting your parents’ shit
drive you crazy.”

My mouth scrunches as I shake my
head. “I can’t leave my mom. Not until I know everything is going to be all
right. She’s really sad. It’s been two days since she told Alan about Khloe. He
hasn’t showed and hasn’t called. My mom is a mess.”

He nods, his chin jutting out in that
way that tells me he’s struggling not to get pissed at me. “The best thing you
can do is stay out of it. It’s not about you, Kaley. It’s about them. Us being
together, that’s about you. Maybe that’s what you should focus on.”

My cheeks flush. “We are my focus.”

“Then why aren’t you going to Tahoe?”

“I can’t. Zoe can’t either. Not all
of us have
oh so progressive
parents. There was no point in asking.
Chrissie would have said no. She’s like navigating a minefield these days.
Something’s wrong. Really wrong. I can feel it.”

“The best thing you can do for
everyone is stay out of it and go to Tahoe with me. You can’t fix your parents’
shit and if something bad is going to happen, you can’t prevent it. And I’d
really appreciate a little honesty here. You didn’t even try to get permission
to go. I know you didn’t ask Chrissie.”

Groaning, I flop back on the bed.
“How many times do I have to tell you there was no point? She would have just
said no. And then she’d be all suspicious about everything I ask if I can do
forever. It’s better for us both if I don’t ask about Tahoe and snowboarding.”

He zips closed his bag. “So what are
you going to do for two weeks without me?”

I make a face. “Hang with Zoe.” I
turn onto my side, lifting a brow. “What are you going to do for two weeks
without me? Run to Caroline’s rescue every time she has an emergency on the
slopes?”

He clenches his jaw. “Stop it,
Kaley.”

Fine, it was a shitty joke.

I need to let up on poking at him
over
her
.

I stare up at him, eyes wide. “Are
you going to miss me?”

He sinks down on the bed, letting out
a ragged sigh. “You know I am.”

“Then why don’t you stay?”

He kisses me. “I have a better idea.
Why don’t you go?”

Back to square one.

No point in telling him again that I
can’t.

His phone beeps. He fishes it from
his pocket and reads a text. “Jake’s here.”

Bobby starts gathering up his shit.
Fuck, I don’t want him to go, but he’s going to go and there isn’t a damn thing
I can do about it. I don’t know why he’s being so stubborn about this. He
should want to stay with me.

We walk to the driveway and Bobby
tosses his junk into the back of Jake’s Explorer.

He drapes his arms over my shoulders,
kissing me long before he climbs into the passenger seat.

My fingers curl around his open
window. “Text me every night and every morning.”

He brushes my cheek with a thumb.
“I’ll be texting you more than that and you know it. I hope you change your
mind and fly up. It’s not going to be any fun without you.”

I pout. “I can’t.”

He nods.

Jake leans forward around Bobby. “See
ya, Kaley. Keep Zoe out of trouble for me.”

I laugh and step back from the
vehicle. The ignition turns over and they start driving down the road. Fuck, I
can’t believe Bobby really went without me.

I climb into my car, text Zoe to see
if she wants to meet up later, and then head for home. I pull into my driveway
and my stomach does a flip.

Alan’s back.

Black Mercedes parked by the garage,
blocking me so I can’t get in.

My fingers curl around the steering
wheel and I stare at his car, anxious but now depressed. Fuck, I should have
gone to Tahoe instead of sticking around for my mom. Jeez, I wish my mom would talk
to me about things so I’d know what’s going on instead of always trying to read
the vibe she’s putting out. But no. That would be too simple. And crap, I could
have gone—Bobby was right—because everything is hunky-dory in Chrissie’s world
and I shouldn’t have doubted for a moment it would be.

Chrissie gets everything she wants,
always.

I climb from the car and cut through
the backyard, entering the house through the patio doors. Krystal is on the
family room floor clad in her pink tights doing her post-ballet stretches.
Ethan and Eric are playing video games. I don’t see mom or Alan and it’s quiet.

Oh yuck, I hope that doesn’t mean
they’re—

“Hello.”

I whirl and my heart stops.

What the fuck is she doing here? I
stare in disbelief as the little college girl from Alan’s house drops a laundry
basket with a loud thump on the kitchen island.

“Where’s my mom?” I ask.

The girl brushes her hair back from
her face and tucks the loose strands into her ponytail. “In the studio working.
She asked not to be disturbed.” She gives me a pointed smile. “You’re Kaley,
right? I just started working here today. I’m Aarsi.”

Oh fuck, what the hell is going on
here?

Leave for two hours and shit goes
down.

I watch her fold and fluff, neatly
stacking Khloe’s little duds into organized piles.

“Yep, I’m Kaley.”

She nods. “It’s a pleasure to meet
you.” And then her gaze locks on mine in an intense, meaning-filled stare
before she scoops up the finished laundry and sets it in the basket.

OK, she didn’t bust me and for some
reason she doesn’t want me saying anything either. That’s a win. I can work
with that.

I watch her leave. The second she’s
gone from the room I drop down on the floor beside Krystal.

“What’s going on?”

Krystal slowly rolls her upper body
back and gracefully straightens. She lets out a slow breath. “What’s going on
about what?”

“What is Aarsi doing here?”

Her brows crinkle. “She’s the new
nanny. Showed up this morning—pouf, like Mary Poppins out of nowhere. I didn’t
even know Mom was hiring a nanny.”

Oh fuck.
Mom
didn’t.

Krystal’s gaze sharpens. “Why are you
so freaked out about it?”

Crap, what did I let slip onto my
face?

“I’m not.”

“Good. Mom seems happy. And Aarsi is
kind of fun. Are you going to the beach with us? Mom wants her to take all of
us, except Khloe, to the beach and then Grandma’s for the night.”

Chrissie is shipping us off
overnight.

I search the house again.

“Is Alan here?”

Krystal shakes her head.

I spring to my feet and make my way
down the hallway toward the studio. Mom asked not to be interrupted, but I open
the door anyway. No one at the soundboard. Chrissie is alone behind the glass
seated at the piano, chewing on a pencil and staring at the sheets lying in
front of her.

I pause for a moment, watching her.
She’s writing music again. When did that start? And Krystal’s right. She looks
happy. Happy enough that she might even let me go to Tahoe if I ask.

I go through the soundproof door and
cross to the far side of the room. I drop down on the couch and sigh.

Chrissie looks up. “Well, that was
dramatic, baby girl. What’s wrong?”

I comb the hair from my face with my
fingers. “Bobby left for Tahoe today. He’ll be gone two weeks.”

She sets down her pencil, lays her
arms on the piano, and studies me. “Why Tahoe?”

“Snowboarding with his friends.”

My mom’s brows hitch up—
oh fuck, I
shouldn’t have said that
—and then she smiles. “Snowboarding again. A lot of
that going around lately.”

I tense. I was delusional to think
even for a moment that asking her to go would be a good thing. And why does it feel
like my mom knows about Thanksgiving, and if she’s going to bust me, why can’t
she just do it?

She grabs the pencil and starts
tapping it on the wood. “Why didn’t you ask to go?”

I lift a brow. “You would have said
no.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But you don’t know
because you didn’t ask. In fact, you’ve pretty much stopped talking to me about
everything.”

I flush. “That’s not true. I’m
talking to you now.”

Chrissie drops her gaze first. She
focuses on rearranging her papers. “You can go to Tahoe if you want to. That is
why you’re talking to me today. You want to go snowboarding with Bobby.”

I flush. “What? I didn’t even ask if
I could go.”

Chrissie lifts her chin. “You’re just
trying to work up to it. Trying to decide whether to be honest or tell me a
fib. I’d rather we talked honestly about the things you do so I know where you
are than have you sneaking around lying to me.”

Oh fuck. She does know.

It was a mistake to come in here.

I go to the piano and settle on the
bench beside her. “I’m not sneaking around. I’m not doing anything. I don’t
want to go Tahoe.”

“Well, I want you to know you can if
you want to.”

“I don’t!”

Crap, this is stupid.

How does she make me feel like I’ve
been doing something wrong when I’m not doing anything she wasn’t doing at my
age?

I stand. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting
Zoe. We’re going to the movies. Is it all right if I stay over at her house
tonight?”

Chrissie’s gaze changes, doe-eyed
hurt and worried. “It’s all right to stay the night. Just text me later if you
decide to. And try to remember, you can talk to me any time you want to, baby
girl.”

She makes one of her comical faces.

Oh crap, I’ve got to get out of here
fast.

Comical face always precedes serious
shit about to tumble out of her.

I roll my eyes. “You are so funny,
Mom, I forgot to laugh. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I’m almost to the studio door.

“There’s a full box on condoms in my
nightstand drawer, Kaley. You don’t have to ask. Just take some if it’s
something you need.”

I freeze with my hand on the knob.

Fuck, I can’t just walk out on that
one, not when she worked so hard to get it out. I turn back to face her. She’s
just sitting there, all concerned and junk, nervously staring at the piano and
rubbing her index finger on the middle-C key.

Chrissie can’t even look at me.

Her cheeks are cute-cute pink.

Inwardly, I groan.

“That is definitely too much
information, Mom. And I so don’t want to know why
you
have them.”

Her face shoots up and her bright
blue eyes lock on me. “I’m sorry. I know that was awkwardly put…and not a very
good way of easing into…what I mean to say is, you and Bobby—”

Oh fuck, she’s rambling, and you have
got to be kidding me, Chrissie. Really, now? When I’m almost eighteen?

I go back to the piano and kiss her
on the head. “No, Mom. It was fine. You’ve said all you need to say. But no sex
talk. No safe sex talk. No you-should-wait-for-sex talk. No sex talk of any
kind. Can’t do it. Nope. We’re good with the location of the family condoms.
I’m out of here.”

*
  *  *

Zoe can’t stop laughing. “
Family condoms
.”

My cheeks hurt from smiling. “You
should have seen my mom’s face. I felt so bad for her. She really did try.”

“It’s so ridiculous.” Zoe’s gaze
starts to sparkle. “I think you should have stayed for the sex talk. I mean,
think of who your mom’s been banging for the last twenty years. I bet she’s a
wealth of knowledge. An untapped resource. Definitely better than Yotti.”

I shudder. “Gross, don’t say things
like that about my mother. I don’t know how you and Yotti just talk about
everything like it’s normal that you do.”

“Ah—because it is.”

“Well, it isn’t in our family. And it
would have been awful. Chrissie could hardly say the word condom.”

“Probably because they’re a new
invention in Chrissie’s universe. Maybe now that she’s discovered them, she’ll
stop having kids.”

Zoe busts out laughing again.

I glare at her. “That was mean.”

Zoe pouts. “Don’t be pissed, Kaley.
I’m just kidding.”

I struggle to hold it in, but
laughter bubbles upward anyway. Zoe smiles.

“What do you want to do now?” she
asks.

I shrug. “It’s really pathetic how
hard it is to figure out what to do when the guys are gone.”