The Girl on the Cliff (22 page)

He turned to Mary suddenly as Anna was placing a record on the spindle, and smiled at her. ‘In r-return for the c-coat.’

And that was that.

It was also the start of Jeremy Langdon becoming a permanent fixture in Mary’s sitting room. Every afternoon, Anna would sweep Jeremy away from his lamp post and bring him in for a cup of tea. As Mary sewed, Anna and Jeremy would listen to the ballet music. Anna would
pirouette around the room, Jeremy applauding loudly at the end of the piece. As Anna dropped him a graceful curtsey, Mary realised the child was recreating the moments she had spent with Lawrence Lisle in the drawing room of Cadogan House.

‘S-She’s very g-good, Mary,’ Jeremy commented one day as he made his way out of the flat.

‘Do you think so? She’s certainly determined, and that’s for sure.’

‘T-Talented,’ Jeremy nodded. ‘I s-saw the b-best before the war. Sh-She could be too. G-Goodbye, Mary.’

‘Where will you be getting your supper from tonight?’ Mary ventured. ‘You look as though you haven’t had a square meal in a long time. I’ve some chops in the oven and there’s plenty to spare.’

‘Oh, Jeremy, do stay!’ persuaded Anna.

‘Y-you’re very kind, but I don’t want to be a b-bother.’

‘He’s not, is he, Mary?’

‘No, Jeremy, you’re no bother,’ she smiled.

Soon the lamp post was bereft of its old friend, as Jeremy spent more and more time with Mary and Anna. He’d arrive with an offering; some chocolate for Anna, or a piece of fresh fish that Mary would cook for their supper. As his confidence grew, Jeremy’s speech became less halting. With the gentle encouragement of woman and child, he began to communicate more easily. Over the weeks, Mary watched as some of the gauntness left his thin features, due in part to Mary’s heaped plates at suppertime, and his hands became more capable of holding a knife and fork to his mouth. Mary saw flashes of humour start to emerge, began to glimpse a man who was obviously not only educated, but had a quiet wisdom to complement it. Jeremy’s gentleness, thoughtfulness and kindness, especially towards Anna, endeared him more to Mary as each day passed. And as his haunted expression left his deep green eyes and his body filled out, Mary saw what a handsome man he was.

One night, Mary tucked Anna into bed, thinking too how the child had blossomed since Jeremy had arrived in their lives.

‘I’m so happy, Mary,’ Anna sighed as she rested her head on the pillow.

‘I’m glad you are, pet.’

‘Yes …’ Anna murmured, ‘you and me and Jeremy, it’s almost like we are a real f-family, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, I suppose it is. Now you shut your eyes and get yourself to sleep.’

Mary left the room and went back to her desk to continue sewing, but found she couldn’t concentrate. She gazed out of the window and saw the lamp post was empty, as it often was these days after Jeremy had departed from their flat. She still had little idea of who he was. There was no guarantee that one day Jeremy wouldn’t simply disappear, never to return. Mary’s stomach churned as she thought of Anna losing yet another person she loved.

And her too …

Mary felt a sudden jolt in her stomach as she realised that Anna was not the only one to have become more than fond of their regular visitor. There was something about Jeremy that reminded her of the last time she’d seen Sean. She had that same feeling of protectiveness towards him.
And
attraction …

Mary pulled herself up short. She had to end this nonsense at once. She was an orphaned Irish spinster and former domestic servant, whereas Jeremy Langdon was obviously a gentleman. He was simply a friend and a companion, someone who had known the kind of terrible pain in his life which she could empathise with. And that was the way it must stay.

A few days later, there was a knock on Mary’s door. Startled, as Anna was out at her ballet lesson and she wasn’t expecting a client, Mary went to the door and opened it.

‘Jeremy,’ she said in astonishment. Never had Jeremy come to the flat without Anna bringing him in. ‘I … are you all right?’

‘N-No.’

Mary could see by the ghostly colour of his skin and the expression in his eyes that something had happened. ‘Come in. Anna’s not back yet, but we’ll be having a cup of tea while we wait, shall we?’

‘I w-wanted to speak to you. W-Without Anna.’

‘Well now, you sit down and make yourself comfortable. I’ll be off to make the tea.’

‘N-N-No! N-Need to speak, not d-drink!’

Mary noticed his speech was far more stilted than it had been in recent weeks. She led him into the sitting room and sat him down in his usual chair.

‘Are you sure I can’t be getting you anything, Jeremy?’ she asked as she took the chair opposite him.

‘My go-godmother d-died l-last night.’

‘I – oh, Jeremy … I’m so sorry, pet.’

‘I –’ Jeremy put a shaking hand to his forehead. ‘S-Sorry,’ he offered as tears began to fall down his face. ‘Only p-person who –’ he choked – ‘c-cared for me! L-Loved me! How I am
n-now
!’

Mary watched as his shoulders heaved in despair. Unable to bear his suffering, she did the only thing she could. She went to Jeremy and put her arms around him. ‘There now,’ she whispered, cradling him as if he were a child, stroking his soft hair, ‘you have a good cry. Nothing wrong with crying, is there?’

As Jeremy continued to sob, she wrapped her arms tighter around his chest. ‘I’m here, Jeremy, and so is Anna. And we both care for you.’

Jeremy turned his anguished eyes up to Mary. ‘D-Do you c-care? For a b-broken wreck like me? How c-can you?’

‘Because you’re a good, kind man. And whatever happened to you out there in the trenches was not your fault. It doesn’t change who you are inside, now does it?’

Jeremy’s head dropped forward and Mary bent down on her knees and reached up to hold him. He buried his face in her shoulder. ‘Th-That’s n-not what my parents think, they
h-hate
what I’ve b-become. So ashamed! W-Wanted to h-hide me.’

‘Holy Mary, Mother of God!’ Mary shuddered, horrified. ‘I’m so sorry for what you have suffered. But I promise, it does not change the person that you were and still are. There now, you must remember that, Jeremy. The war did terrible things to men like you. Us at home had no idea what you went through to win us our freedom.’

‘You th-think so?’

‘I
know
so.’ Mary felt the wetness of his tears dampening her shoulder. ‘I had a … somebody, who was out there for years. And, right at the end, didn’t survive to see us win.’

At that, Jeremy lifted his head from her shoulder and looked directly at Mary. ‘Y-You l-lost your s-sweetheart?’

‘My fiancé. And any idea of the life we had planned along with him.’

‘M-Mary, I th-think you must b-be an angel. The way you c-care for Anna, and
m-me
. Listening to everything we t-talk of and yet you have l-lost so much yourself.’

‘Yes. But I haven’t faced the fear and pain and the memories of those things which you must live over and over.’

‘Yes, but you too have suffered b-because of the
d-damned war! Mary,’ Jeremy took her hands from his shoulders and curled them in his. ‘I have been thinking of this f-for a while. And what I th-think is th-that I l-love you. I love you.’ With huge effort, Jeremy repeated the phrase without stuttering.

There was a pause as Mary looked into Jeremy’s eyes. Her natural common sense and pragmatism won over what he was saying. This was a moment of high emotion and need for him. And she mustn’t believe it. ‘Jeremy, you are in so much pain, you’re not after knowing where you are. It’s the shock, you see. And –’

‘
N-No!
It’s not the shock. You are so b-beautiful and so kind. I’ve l-loved you from the moment you handed me the c-coat. Since then, I haven’t been coming to stand by the l-lamp post to think of my dead sweetheart. But to catch a g-glimpse of
you
.’

‘Jeremy – stop it, please!’ Mary said desperately.

‘It’s true! I watched Anna, knew she was your d-daughter, spoke to her. To give me a chance to meet you p-properly. And t-today, when I’ve l-lost the only person who c-cared for me, I had to tell you my feelings! L-life is very short!’

Mary looked up into his tear-filled eyes in wonderment. Not only because Jeremy professed to love – to
love
her – but because he had just managed to utter at least two paragraphs in the same breath.

‘Well now, Jeremy, I’d be saying that is very kind of you, but I think, if I’m honest, you’ve had a bit of a nasty shock, so.’

‘Mary.’ Jeremy’s tears had dried now. His eyes softened as he looked at her. ‘I understand that you and I, we b-both
know what pain is. Trust me, I would never play with your f-feelings. And I’m not getting mine c-confused either. Perhaps you feel nothing f-for me anyway.’

Mary sat at Jeremy’s feet, her eyes downcast, her hands still held in his.

‘I understand,’ Jeremy nodded. ‘How c-could anyone l-love somebody like me?’

Mary dragged her eyes up to his again. ‘No, ’tis not that. ’Tis simply that I’ve loved before and lost. I –’ Mary drew in her breath – ‘
do
care for you. In fact, I’d be saying I care for you a deal too much. And if you were to go out of my life, I’d be worrying that I’d miss you.’

‘Well, I understand that we’ve both l-lost someone. We share that. Could we share the fact we’ve f-found someone too?’

‘Oh, Jeremy, you know nothing about me.’ Mary shook her head sadly. ‘There’s many things I’ve done, many things about me –’

‘M-Mary, I’ve killed other human b-beings! Nothing you could ever tell me would shock me, after what I have s-seen. And whatever it is, my love, I would want to share it! So tell me and I will t-tell you of the things I’ve d-done. That’s what l-love is all about, isn’t it? Trust?’

‘But, Jeremy, pet,’ Mary whispered, ‘I’m an orphan from nowhere. You are a gentleman, and you need a lady. I can never be that, not even for you.’

‘Do you think I care?! My mother is a real L-Lady and when I came b-back from the t-trenches, she put me into an –’ Jeremy struggled to say the word – ‘asylum! Her own ch-child!’ He gulped back his tears. ‘War has changed everything, there is nothing I n-need to know about you.
Other than that you are the k-kindest person I have ever met. And you have a b-beautiful heart.’

‘Ah, Jeremy …’ Mary took her hands away from his and wiped her eyes roughly.

It was Jeremy’s turn to reach down, pull her from the floor and fold her into his arms. And what she felt there, after years of loneliness, she could hardly describe. The smell of him, a man’s smell – so familiar, yet unknown.

‘Mary,’ he tipped her chin up and placed a soft kiss on her lips, ‘I’d never h-hurt you. You must believe me. I c-can read the fear in your eyes. I’ve seen it so m-many times b-before.’

He planted gentle kisses on her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks. Finally, she gave up trying to analyse whatever this might mean, and gave in. Feelings were aroused in her as he kissed her and caressed her which Mary thought she’d never experience again. For all Jeremy’s outward disabilities, Mary felt his maleness and his strength.

Twenty minutes later, Mary glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece and put her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Anna will be waiting for me.’ She climbed off Jeremy’s knee and straightened her hair in the mirror.

‘May I accompany you to c-collect her?’

Mary turned and smiled at him. ‘If you’d be wanting to, yes.’

A disgruntled Anna was sitting on the steps outside the studio when Mary and Jeremy appeared around the corner. Her expression changed immediately as she saw them.

‘Hello, you two! You’re late,’ she smiled.

‘Yes, sorry about that, pet, but Jeremy came round to see me. He’s had some bad news today, haven’t you?’

‘Yes.’

Anna looked at him quizzically. ‘You look very happy for someone who’s had b-bad news,’ she responded.

Jeremy gave Mary a secret smile as they set off towards home. Anna danced happily along in front of the two of them. ‘It’s all right, I know why. I’ve been waiting for this to h-happen for weeks!’ She stopped suddenly on the pavement to turn round to face them. ‘You two love each other, don’t you?’

‘Well now, I …’ Mary blushed furiously.

Jeremy took her hand firmly in his. ‘Yes. Do you m-mind?’

‘Of course I don’t! I think I’m about the happiest girl in the world. It means that if you two get married, I have a mother and a father. And we can be a p-proper family.’ Anna threw her arms spontaneously around both of them. ‘Because I love both of you l-lots and lots and lots!’

The death of Jeremy’s godmother had left him the owner of a large house in West Kensington, enough money to provide him with a small income for life and a smart black Ford car. A week after his godmother’s funeral, Jeremy took Mary and Anna to see his house.

Anna ran from room to room happily. ‘It’s almost as big as Cadogan House, b-but not quite.’

Mary shifted uncomfortably as Anna made the comparison. Although she trusted Jeremy implicitly, any talk of the past, especially to someone who came from the same social class as her former employees, had to be dangerous.

As Anna ran down the stairs into the entrance hall, she stopped and turned to look at Mary and Jeremy, who were walking down with more decorum behind her. ‘Are you going to ask us to come and l-live here with you, Jeremy? It’s a big house for just you. And it seems silly Mary and I l-living in our little flat, when you have all this space.’

‘Now then, Anna.’ Mary blushed at Anna’s lack of guile. ‘Jeremy’s only showing us his house. Don’t be asking him such impertinent questions.’

‘Sorry, Mary. It w-was just that I thought …’

‘You th-thought right, Anna.’ Jeremy smiled. ‘The l-logic of a child. Well, Mary, would you l-like to come and l-live here?’

‘
Please … !
’ It was all too much. Mary fled down the rest of the stairs, across the hall and out of the front door. She didn’t stop running until she arrived in the safety of her own sitting room.

Jeremy arrived at the front door of her flat ten minutes later. She let him in, tears streaming down her face. ‘Where’s Anna?’ she asked.