The Girl With No Past (18 page)

But when I suggested meeting at his place, Julian’s face crinkled. ‘Um, we could, but it’s being decorated at the moment so is a bit of a mess. Next time, though?’

I nodded, disappointed but also relieved that I wouldn’t have to travel to east London. At least not yet.

‘I’d better let you get back to work,’ Julian said. He leaned forward and for a second I thought he was going to kiss my cheek. Instead, he grabbed my hand and said he would see me on Friday at seven o’clock.

As he turned to leave I remembered something. ‘Shouldn’t we exchange numbers?’ I said. ‘You know, in case anything happens before Friday. It seems silly to just talk on email now.’

Julian walked back to me. ‘You’re right, I completely forgot. That’s another reason I came to see you. I’m an idiot.’ Dipping his hand in his pocket, he pulled out his phone and tapped in my number as I called it out. ‘Now I’ve got yours I can call your phone so you’ll have mine.’

Watching him leave, I took the empty trolley back to the storeroom, avoiding Maria’s stare as I passed the desk. She had a queue of customers snaked around the desk so there was nothing she could say at that moment. But I knew her head would be swarming with questions.

I was certain she would find a chance to grill me before I left for the day, and it came sooner than I’d hoped. We had served all the customers and it was nearing closing time when Maria mentioned what she had seen earlier.

‘So are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to guess?’ Her words weren’t delivered with humour, but they were icy, much like Julian’s had been to Ben earlier.

‘You’ve met Ben, remember? He donated loads of books to us. We’ve…kind of become friends now I suppose.’

Maria narrowed her eyes. ‘Friends? Okay. So who is this other guy then? And what’s with the flowers?’

I didn’t intend to lie, but I couldn’t let Maria any further in. She was already asking uncomfortable questions and if she knew about Julian I would never get a break. I would be like her; putting my heart out there to get crushed. The more people who knew about any part of my life, the worse it would get for me. I had already told Ben more than I’d wanted, or planned to, so I couldn’t do the same with Maria.

‘He’s my cousin.’ I had done it. And now the lie was out there it was impossible to retract.

‘Your cousin? Really? What about the flowers?’ Her mouth twisted. She was waiting to catch me out.

‘Well, I didn’t say anything, but my grandmother died yesterday. He was just bringing them to cheer me up. We were really close, you see.’

That changed everything because suddenly Maria’s face softened. ‘I’m sorry. You should have told me.’

I wondered if she didn’t believe me after all, but just didn’t want to seem insensitive, but either way, I needed to steer her off the subject. ‘How are things, anyway? What happened with that last man? Didn’t you quite like him?’

But Maria did not seem happy at my change of topic. Looking at her scrunched up face, it seemed to blend into Imogen’s, reminding me of all the times I’d had to bite my tongue in her presence. It hadn’t always been like that, but as we’d got older she had become more volatile. What had I become?

‘So do you have any other family? You’ve never mentioned any,’ Maria said, ignoring my question and tapping something into the computer. I couldn’t tell if she was genuinely working or just needed a distraction, and I didn’t dare peer over her shoulder at the screen.

Thankfully, as I was attempting to form a response, an elderly gentleman shuffled up to the desk and handed her a list of books. I took my opportunity and slipped away.

It was dark by the time I left the library, and most of the snow had turned to ice. I walked slowly, trying to step onto any small patches of concrete that were visible. I pulled the hood of my parka up and focused on the ground, paying no attention to anyone passing me.

So when someone knocked into me, I immediately turned and apologised. I looked up, expecting some sort of response, but the tall figure in front of me just stared at me, a misshapen grin on his face. He also had his hood up so I couldn’t see much of his face, but his skin was pasty and dotted with acne.

I should have tried to run then because I knew. I knew something was wrong, but my feet wouldn’t move.

The man pulled something from behind his back. A white plastic bottle. Yanking off the top, he held it out in front of him. And then I knew what was about to happen to me.

The liquid in that bottle was acid.

I had heard of men doing this to women, to permanently scar their faces, but I wasn’t a beauty queen or model with a jealous boyfriend. But that didn’t matter. I had my emailer.

The icy liquid sloshed across my face, feeling as if it had stuck there, permanently frozen. But wasn’t acid supposed to burn? Why couldn’t I feel the heat? It must be shock. I had heard the body shuts down as a way of coping in these situations.

Within seconds the man had dropped the bottle and run off, negotiating the ice like an Olympic skater. I fell to my knees, tears mixing with the acid pouring down my face.

Gasps and shouts erupted all around me and people crowded around, fussing and hurling frantic questions at me. Someone shouted out that they had seen something being thrown in my face.

‘Acid,’ I tried to say, but my voice was a rasp so I doubted anyone could hear me.

Then, in my peripheral vision I saw a man scoop up the bottle and lift it to his nose. He took a deep sniff and then nodded. ‘It’s okay,’ he said, either to me or everyone standing around, I wasn’t sure which. ‘It’s just water.’

SIXTEEN

Parents have descended on the school like a swarm of insects. It’s chaos everywhere. But like I told Adam, this is good. It means that while they’re all busy talking to our teachers, we can slip away at some point this evening and be alone. We’ll probably end up in a cupboard somewhere, but I don’t care. I need to talk to Adam and it has to be tonight. I’ve put it off for too long already.

He’s late. We agreed to meet at the back of science block at half past five and now it’s already ten to six. There is nobody around, but I can hear talking and shoes clanking on the pavement around the buildings. Not Adam’s shoes, though. He’ll be wearing his trainers so I won’t hear him coming. I keep looking in all directions. Knowing Adam, he will creep up on me and try to make me jump out of my skin.

It’s cold out here and my denim jacket is too thin for this January weather, but it looks nice, and I’ll be fine if Adam hurries up. I try to relax, and really I should be feeling good because my teachers all sung my praises to Mum and Dad this evening. Mr Atler put a bit of a downer on things by saying I talk too much to Imogen in biology, but they soon forgot about that when he told them I’d come first in our last three tests. I don’t even like biology, but I want to do well. I want to have a good job after university.

For something to do while I’m waiting, I pace from one edge of the science block to the other, keeping to the back so I’m not seen. I count my steps and when I reach two hundred and fifty-seven, Adam appears like a ghost, gliding towards me, silent in his trainers.

I open my mouth to complain about his tardiness but he beats me to it.

‘That fucking bitch.’ There is no need to ask whom he’s referring to. ‘She’s gone too far this time, I swear. Can you believe what she’s done now?’

Even though I already know, I keep quiet and let Adam deliver his rant. It’s always best to let him get it out of the way. I’m used to this now; it’s been like this the whole time I’ve known him. I thought he’d get over the whole Miss Hollis thing in Year Ten but it’s only got worse. Neither I nor our looming GCSEs can steer Adam from his path of hatred. I know he’s not Miss Hollis’s favourite student but I doubt she cares enough to let him take over her life. Yet that’s exactly what he’s done for over a year now. This is exactly what I wanted to talk to Adam about, so I’m not pleased he’s come straight here with another hate story to report.

‘She completely slated me to Mum and Dad, making out I was the devil or something. Why can’t she just fucking give me a break? I get good grades for everything but she doesn’t give a shit.’ Adam’s voice is loud and shaky; I have never seen him this angry before. But it’s more than anger. He is upset.

‘Just calm down,’ I say, pulling him towards me. But he brushes me off and continues his tirade.

‘Now I’m in deep shit. My dad says he won’t let me go to America this summer because of it.’ His eyes glisten, his breathing heavy in between his words.

Although Adam is distraught, I feel pleased that he won’t be going away. I hate myself for having such a selfish thought, but this summer might be the first chance we get to be truly alone. Just the two of us. Without Miss Hollis clouding Adam’s every thought and action. I keep this to myself.

‘Look, try not to panic. I’m sure your parents are just angry at the moment, but tomorrow they’ll see things differently. My dad—’

‘No, Leah. This is not like your dad. When they say something they mean it. I can’t talk them round like you do with your parents.’

Adam’s comment stings but I have to remind myself this isn’t about me. I need to support my boyfriend. ‘I know…but, maybe if they can see you making an effort then—’

‘Do you really think that bitch will give me a glowing report? I get the highest marks in history and it doesn’t make a difference. She’s had it in for me since day one.’

I want to tell Adam he is wrong, that he just needs to leave Miss Hollis alone and everything will be all right, but, like him, I don’t believe it will be. She does seem to have a problem with him, even if it was his fault to begin with. So instead I urge him just to give it a try and see what happens.

Adam falls silent and I focus on the chatter on the other side of the school. I can’t make out any words, but the sound is reassuring because it’s dark out here. I know he is with me but, with the mood he’s in, it wouldn’t surprise me if he disappeared.

Eventually he speaks. ‘I know what I need to do,’ he says, reaching for my hand and leading me over to the low wall.

As soon as we sit down I can feel the cold seep through my skirt. It feels as if I’m sitting on a block of ice. Adam doesn’t seem to notice and shuffles next to me.

‘I need to take my mind off it all.’ He cups my face in his hands and kisses me, and although it feels good, I wonder where he learnt to do this and almost giggle that I’m even thinking this right now. His lips feel dry today but I ignore that and try to focus on the feel of him; moments when we get a chance to do this are rare.

It seems as if we’ve been kissing forever, and my lips are sore and dry when Adam finally breaks away. He leans in and whispers in my ear. ‘I think we should do it. I don’t want to wait any more. Do you?’

For a moment I wonder if I’m mistaken and Adam is talking about something else. He hasn’t mentioned sex for weeks now, and I thought we were waiting until my birthday. I have got used to this idea, and have been feeling good that I’m waiting until I’m sixteen, but I suppose it’s only five months away. Twenty weeks won’t make much difference, surely? And if it helps take his mind off all the trouble with Miss Hollis then I need to do what I can to help him.

‘Where can we go?’ I ask. I’m excited but petrified too. ‘My parents will be back home now. So will yours.’

Adam smiles and rests his head on my shoulder. ‘We don’t need to go anywhere. We’ve got the perfect place here.’

I look around to see if I’ve missed something, but no, all that’s here is the back of the science block, a low wall and a grassy slope behind us. Beyond that is High Elms Lane.

‘Where?’ I ask. ‘We can’t get in the science block, can we?’

Adam stands and pulls me up with him. ‘We don’t need to go in there. Come with me.’

He walks about two metres and stops. It is only then I notice a gap in the wall, large enough for several people to squeeze into. It’s as if the builders ran out of bricks so left a square shape cut out of the block.

I stare open-mouthed for two reasons. Firstly, I never knew about this and, secondly, I can’t believe Adam wants us to do it here when it’s minus a hundred degrees out here.

‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know about this,’ he says, grinning. ‘Half the school hang out here at lunchtime. Teachers never come here, though. It’s too far for their fat arses to walk from the staffroom.’

Adam’s joke can’t ease my nerves. We’re about to do it. Here. In the freezing cold. He must sense my tension because his voice softens. ‘I just don’t know when we’ll get another chance.’

I want to point out that we’ll have the whole summer now, seeing as he probably isn’t going to America, but I don’t want to remind him what happened earlier. Besides, I want to do this. Maybe it will bring Imogen and me even closer together; I’ll finally know how she feels. We’ve been drifting lately so having this in common is bound to get us back on track.

‘Okay,’ I say, stepping forward to follow him into the gap.

Adam peels off his coat and spreads it out on the floor before sitting down. ‘To cover the ice,’ he says. And there is lots of it here, making me wish I’d doubled up on layers. Tripled up, even. Although the more clothes I have on, the more awkward this could be.