The Girls Who Went Away (54 page)

decision regretted by, 62, 235–36, 275, 295

and financial issues, 22–23, 91, 194

as pregnant brides, 40, 80, 122

and search for child, 62, 64, 194, 235

supportive, 15–18, 22–23, 57, 164, 202

and talk about sex, 38–40, 44, 55

unforgiving, 24–26, 90, 104, 314, 316, 317

as victims of the times, 112–15, 202

Muncie, Indiana, studies, 30

Nancy I, 47–53

Nancy II, 39, 73–74, 257–58

Nancy III, 32, 41, 44, 211–12, 217, 256

National Adoption Clearinghouse, 249

Nellie, 136, 178–79

nice girls, 10, 29, 34

nuclear families, 111

OriginsUSA, 225

Orphan Voyage, 250

ostracism, 78, 103, 170

Pam, 164–73, 297

Pamela I, 141, 178, 212–13, 216

parents of baby’s father:

decisions made by, 280–81, 302

negative reactions of, 46, 75, 77, 103, 127

supportive, 25, 77, 274

parents of baby’s mother:

actions taken by, 48–49, 61, 73–74, 78, 86, 103–5, 156, 167, 205, 302

and baby’s birth, 89, 169–70

financial dependence on, 78, 160, 162, 274

negative reactions of, 46, 67, 70, 72–74, 75, 102, 127, 138, 166–67, 188, 197, 240, 303

not told about baby, 120

search and reunion, 235–36

social climbing by, 101

supportive, 228–29, 274

paternity, proof of, 77

Paton, Jean, 250

peer pressure, 30, 32, 34, 35

Pollie, 12, 104, 138–39, 226, 255, 259

postwar economy, 31, 102, 104–5, 107, 112, 124, 182–83

pregnancy:

bonding with baby during, 180, 258

dating and, 14–15, 36, 42–43, 237, 302

from first sexual experience, 10, 47, 55, 155–56, 197, 273, 313

hiding, 72, 134, 152, 155, 156, 164–67, 229, 238, 314, 325

ignorance about, 37–38, 44, 45, 47, 49, 121, 238, 279

and marriage, 24–25, 32, 39, 71, 120, 228

in the military, 313–14

and moral judgments, 36, 77, 138, 147–48, 158, 188

prevention of,
see
birth control

second, 201–2

and secondary infertility, 217, 218

and sex education, 296–97, 317

premarital sex:

and alcohol or drug use, 33, 201

bad girls and, 29, 32, 35–36, 45

changing attitudes toward, 30–32, 34, 37

coercion and, 33–34, 35, 47, 75

date rape, 33–34, 107, 115, 237–38

dating and, 31–35, 54–56

increasing occurrence of, 7, 29–30, 45

as rebellious act, 79–80

as sinful, 131, 138, 158, 188

social pressures toward, 32–33

prostitutes, homes for, 133–34

psychiatry:

changing attitudes in, 147–49

social stigma of, 203

Rachael, 179

relinquishment, 181–89

changing attitudes toward, 119, 148–50, 290

decision of, 11, 116, 141, 150–51, 153

as defining event of mother’s life, 12, 52–53, 83, 97, 207, 209, 244, 305

and demand for adoptable children, 118–19

emotional burden of, 187–88, 208, 268–69, 304

of only child, 215, 217–18, 242–43, 263, 303–4

positive view of, 131–32

second thoughts about, 181, 186, 189, 200, 219

signing papers for, 22–23, 82, 92, 128, 160–61, 170–71, 179, 181, 186–87, 192–93, 195, 199–200, 230–31, 282, 300, 304, 305, 315

without legal counsel, 186

reunion:

with active or passive searchers, 249

adoption agencies facilitating, 249–50

consequences of, 124–25, 221, 235, 244–45, 252, 264, 308

death intervening with, 257

emotions of, 51–52, 64, 95, 125, 194–95, 222, 247, 260–61, 265, 266–72, 277, 284–85, 307–8

with father, 65–66, 200, 255–56, 307

and healing, 66, 163, 247, 252, 269, 278, 317

honeymoon phase of, 260

interest waning after, 261, 263–64

laws against, 53, 315–16

in prison, 257–58

and privacy issues, 251–52, 291, 320

and registry movement, 250–52

reluctance for, 252–53, 258, 283, 289, 320

and sadness of lost years, 125, 236

search and, 1, 4, 62–66, 94–99, 124–25, 130–31, 241–42, 247–72, 275–78, 292, 314

and telling their stories, 53, 247, 253–56, 262, 263, 267, 278, 301

Riesman, David, 106

Rillera, Marri, 251

Roe v. Wade,
7

Rose, 116–17, 139

Ruth, 127–32, 301

Salvation Army, 133, 134, 137

Sandy I, 298–99

Sanger, Margaret, 41

school:

classes in maternity homes, 139, 157, 273

educational aspirations, 102, 109

expulsion from, 34, 72, 103, 167

returning to, 78, 82, 171, 192, 202, 230

Search Angels, 316, 317

searchers, professional, 194, 249, 283

secondary infertility, 217, 218

secrecy:

burden of, 12, 19, 83–84, 126, 207–8, 212, 278, 290

and family relations, 288, 294, 295–96

hiding the pregnancy, 72, 134, 152, 155, 156, 164–67, 229, 238, 314, 325

as protecting the baby, 194

as protecting the mother, 139, 205

and social mores, 9–10, 23, 71–72, 82, 123–24, 294

and telling the story, 267, 278

self-esteem, low:

Church and, 59, 70

marriage and, 161, 214–15

rebuilding sense of self, 192, 236

remorse and, 218, 236, 244

and sense of abandonment, 7, 78, 157

social mores and, 84, 153, 163, 211, 227, 241, 303

social workers and, 86–87, 151, 158, 187, 194, 195

Serena, 260–61

sex education, 7–8, 37–40, 44–45, 296–97, 317

shame:

burden of, 83, 97, 119, 131, 153, 202, 211, 290, 298–99

Church and, 59, 70

of family and friends, 11, 70, 72, 78, 103–4, 109

and social stigma, 8, 9, 11, 15, 25, 36, 40, 82, 103–4, 109, 126, 149, 188, 278

Sheila, 137–38, 221–22

Sheryl, 70–71, 104, 135, 154, 177, 224–25

social workers:

adoption promoted by, 88, 96, 150–51, 153, 187

change in philosophies of, 143–50, 294

false papers filed by, 130

inadequate counseling by, 180–81, 222

and increasing demand for babies, 183

low self-esteem fostered by, 86–87, 151, 158, 187, 194, 195

mothers entering field of, 205

professional field of, 143, 181

and reunions, 276–77

signing papers for, 22–23, 82, 160–61, 179, 181, 186–87, 231, 282, 305

support from, 274

Soundex Reunion Registry, 235, 241, 251, 260

Sue, 36–37, 188

suicide, thoughts of, 313

SunflowerFirstMoms, 225

support groups, 50–51, 193–94, 204–5, 225–27, 249–51, 283

surrendering one’s baby,
see
relinquishment

Susan I, 68, 257

Susan II, 119, 273–78

Susan III, 228–36

Suzanne, 7, 13, 214, 221, 223

therapy,
see
counseling

Toni, 9, 71

trauma and stress, 52–53, 95, 142, 218, 308–9

unwed mothers:

changing views toward, 144–50

deathbed confessions of, 295

gynecologist for, 239

homes for,
see
maternity homes

shame of, 8, 36, 72

as single parents, 117–18, 189

as unacceptable to society, 8, 11, 44, 101, 103–4, 109, 113, 120, 123, 147–48, 185, 211, 241, 293

Vilardi, Emma May, 251

wage homes, 134–35, 156–58

welfare application, 87, 161, 233

Wendy, 182, 259–60

Whyte, William, 106, 107

Yvonne, 85–99