The Goddess Test Boxed Set: Goddess Interrupted\The Goddess Inheritance\The Goddess Legacy (91 page)

But I wanted that love. I
needed
that love to make the rock melt away, to make everything not so bad. And if I
could make myself love him as much as he loved me…maybe it would all be okay.
Maybe this wouldn't be a prison.

So I kept kissing him. My hands fumbled down his front, pushing
away his clothes and brushing against his warm skin. I could do this. I
would
do this, and once we were together in the most
intimate way possible, it would all click. We would be happy, and it wouldn't be
an illusion. It would be my choice.

As I drew him down onto the bed, however, he broke away.
“Persephone—”

“Don't,” I said. “Please.”

His Adam's apple bobbed, but he fell silent. I kissed him
again, pulling him as close to me as possible. I'd never had someone pressed
against me like this before, and his body was solid, weightier than I'd
expected. Not that I'd expected much, but it still felt foreign.

I didn't let myself stop. Soon enough we were both completely
undressed, and as he settled over me, I pushed away every last shred of fear
that haunted me. We were doing this together, and no matter how exposed and
terrified I was, lying there in his bed, I would not back down.

One night of swallowing my fears, one night of being with him
like this, and that wisp of love would turn into a howling storm. I just needed
to get through tonight.

“Do it,” I whispered, and when he opened his mouth again,
undoubtedly to protest, I silenced him with a burning kiss.

Everything would be fine. Better than fine.

It had to be.

* * *

It wasn't fine. It wasn't even close to fine.

Our bodies didn't fit. Maybe it was my virginity, or maybe he
was unnaturally blessed, but whatever it was, it was hot, sticky, uncomfortable,
awkward, everything it wasn't supposed to be. And had I not been immortal, I was
sure it would've been one of the most painful experiences of my life.

To make matters worse, he didn't seem like he knew what he was
doing, either, and we both fumbled through it. It might've been intimate, but it
wasn't sexy or loving. It was all physical, nothing emotional, and by the time
it was over, I was struggling to hold back tears.

Hades rolled off me, his chest heaving. As his eyes searched
mine, his brow furrowed, and he brushed his fingers against my cheek. “I'm
sorry.”

I shook my head, too close to breaking down to speak. It wasn't
his fault. I'd been the one to pressure him into this, to force us both before
we were ready. But the part of me drowning in anger and disappointment blamed
him. He could've done what I hadn't had the courage to do and walked away. He
could've said no to my father when he'd suggested this marriage to begin
with.

“It will get better,” he whispered. “I love you.”

Silence surrounded us, and I knew without asking that he was
waiting for me to say it back. To offer him one small affirmation that this
wasn't a complete disaster. But it was, and a tear slid down my face, too fast
for me to catch it.

In the glow of the candlelight, Hades's expression crumbled. He
knew what my silence meant, and for a moment, he seemed to fold into himself.
His shoulders hunched and his head bowed, and his fingers dug into the sheets. I
didn't offer him any comfort. I couldn't. I'd only be lying to us both.

At last Hades came to life and pulled a silk blanket up to
cover me. He didn't try to touch me, though he did watch me for a long moment. I
turned away. I didn't want his guilt as well as mine.

Eventually the candles burned out, or maybe Hades extinguished
them. Either way, in the darkness, the rock weighed down even heavier around me,
and I could barely breathe.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't be here with a man I didn't
love. Married or not, his queen or not, I was a person, not an object, and my
parents had had no right to do this to me in the first place. But here we were,
both of us victims, both of us painfully aware of the wall between us now. It
hadn't been there before the wedding, but now, because of me, because of my
parents…

I didn't sleep, and judging from Hades's breathing, neither did
he. At last, when it was time to get up—how Hades could tell without the sun, I
had no idea—I waited until he dressed and disappeared before I got out of bed
and bathed. I had two options: I could stick around and accept my fate, or I
could fight for my freedom.

No contest.

As soon as I finished washing off any last trace of the night
before, I hurried out of the bedroom, nearly crashing headfirst into Hades in
the hall. Though he carried a tray, he managed to sidestep me without dropping
anything. For a long moment, we stared at each other.

“Where…” He paused and clutched the tray, loaded with my
favorite fruits, breads and cheeses. He was bringing me breakfast in bed. “Where
are you going?”

Another wave of guilt washed over me. Even after last night, he
was still trying to make me happy. “I—I need to see Mother,” I said, my voice
hitching. “Can I…?”

“Of course.” He set the tray down on an end table and reached
for me, though he pulled away at the last second. “I'll take you up to
Olympus.”

I followed him through the hallway to the private entrance, and
together we walked down the cavern path that led to the portal between realms.
Seeing the rock around me only made the weight on my chest worse, and by the
time we reached the crystal circle in the ground, I could barely see
straight.

“Are you all right?” said Hades, touching my elbow. Though it
wasn't much, it was enough to remind me of the night before, and I shuddered. He
immediately dropped his hand.

“I'm sorry, I just—I need to—I need to go to Olympus. Can you
show me how?” Technically, before my wedding and coronation, I'd been unable to,
but now, as Queen of the Underworld, I had that power.

“Yes,” he said slowly. “Of course. I have to touch you to get
you there. Is that all right?”

I nodded, and he set his hand on my back. It was a familiar
touch, the kind only two people who knew each other well could share, and his
skin burned against mine.

Why was it this bad? Sure, the night before hadn't been at all
what I'd been raised to expect from watching Aphrodite and her lovers, but
plenty of people had gone through worse. So why did the very thought of him make
me sick to my stomach?

“Like this,” he said quietly, and I felt a rush of power
emanate from him, dark and rich and completely repugnant. But there was no
escaping him as we raced upward through the rock, and by the time we burst into
the open sky, I was nauseous. From the journey, from the Underworld, from
Hades's touch or ancient power, I didn't know, but all I wanted was to go
home.

At last we landed in the middle of Olympus, and I broke away
from him and ran as fast as I could. Through the throne room, into the hallway,
toward Mother's room, everything around me a blur. The golden sunshine that
reflected off every inch of Olympus seemed to fill me from the inside out, and
by the time I burst into her chambers, I was glowing. “Mother!”

“Persephone?” She stood and opened her arms, and I melted into
them. “I didn't expect to see you so soon. Is Hades with you?”

I nodded, and something about hearing her voice and feeling her
familiar presence made that dam inside me snap. I broke into rough sobs,
clutching her as hard as I could. I wouldn't let her go again, not for
anything.

Somehow Mother managed to guide me to her bed, and together we
sank down. “Sweetheart, what's wrong?” She tried to pull away, but I held on.
“Surely it wasn't that bad.”

But it was. I couldn't explain it to her—I couldn't even
explain it to myself—but in that moment, I would've rather faded for eternity
than go back to the Underworld with Hades. I didn't belong there. We didn't
belong together, and it was all a mistake—a stupid mistake that Mother could
fix.

“Please,” I gasped between sobs. “Don't make me go back
there.”

Her arms tightened around me. “What happened? Darling, if you
don't tell me, I can't help you.”

I opened my mouth to try to find the words, but before I could
say a single one—

“Persephone?”

I looked up, my lower lip trembling. “Father?”

Zeus stepped into the room, his brow knit and mouth turned
downward. Father or not, I'd never spent much time with him beyond what little
bonding assuaged his guilt. But I would've taken his awkward hugs and nasty
temper a thousand times over before I went back to Hades.

“Persephone, your husband is waiting for you in the throne
room,” he admonished. “He's quite worried.”

I sniffed, refusing to lessen my grip on Mother. “I can't go
back there. I can't
breathe
.”

“Don't be ridiculous. You're a goddess. You don't need to
breathe,” said Zeus. “Now, explain to me what this tantrum of yours is all
about.”

“Zeus,” said Mother in a warning tone, but he didn't budge. He
stared at me, his blue eyes stormy and his arms crossed over his broad chest.
I'd never been afraid of him before, but tension crackled in the air sure as
lightning. One wrong word, and daughter or not, he'd treat me like a
traitor.

“I can't—” I hiccupped. “The rock's too heavy, and—Hades, we—”
My face grew hot. “Please don't make me go back.”

“You have no choice in the matter,” said Zeus. “You are Queen
of the Underworld now, and that is not a crown you can give up.”

“I don't care, just—please. I'll do anything,” I begged. “I
can't go back.”

Mother sighed. “You've been there all of one night. Things will
get easier. I know it's a change from Olympus—”

“Have you ever spent the night down there?” I said, and she
hesitated.

“No, but—”

“I
can't,
Mother.
Please
.”

She frowned and shared a look with Zeus. “Your father's right.
You're Queen, and like it or not, that is not a role you can relinquish.
Regardless of your marriage, Hades needs your help ruling, and you've already
made a commitment. You cannot back out of it no matter how different it is from
your expectations.”

My entire body felt as if it had turned to stone. I'd expected
opposition from Zeus, of course. He was never agreeable about anything. But my
own mother…

“You don't understand.” I pulled away and stood on trembling
legs. “It's not natural down there. It's—cold and dark and twisted, and I can't
breathe
—”

“Again with the breathing,” said Zeus, and Mother shushed
him.

“—and I don't love him, Mother. I can't spend my life down
there.”

“Love?” Her confused expression morphed into a sympathetic one,
and humiliation coursed through me. I didn't want her pity. I wanted her
understanding. “Persephone, love has very little to do with it. Hades loves you,
of course, but your love for him won't come immediately. You must give it
time.”

“But how can I love something completely unlovable?” My voice
broke, and I wiped my cheeks angrily.

“You can, and eventually you will. In many ways, Hades is the
most loving of us all,” said Mother. “Do not be fooled by his dark kingdom.
There is beauty in it, and despite a difficult night, things will get easier.
Happiness is a choice—”

“And I choose not to be.” The words came out as a broken sob.
“You're going to do this to me? You're going to damn your only daughter to a
life down there with him?”

Mother faltered. “Sweetheart, please. Tell me what brought this
on.”

But I couldn't. I didn't know what specific thing was behind
the wall of hatred and anger inside me. I didn't know what made me want to run,
but that didn't make it any less real. “He just—” I shook my head. “It isn't
right.”

“Take it one step at a time,” said Mother in what she must've
meant to be a soothing voice, but it made me shudder. “If you didn't enjoy
consummating your marriage, that's natural. The first time is almost never—”

“It isn't
about
that.”

“Then what is it about?” She reached for me, but I stepped
back. My entire body trembled so badly that I had to struggle to stay upright.
It was as if I was fighting an invisible force just by being in the room, and I
didn't know how to stop it.

“I just—I don't belong there. I don't know how else to explain
it.”

Mother and Zeus exchanged another look, and Zeus cleared his
throat. “You will return to the Underworld with Hades, and you will obey him as
you would obey me. He is your husband now, and you will not dishonor me by
evading your duties. Do you understand?”

My eyes watered until I couldn't make out his features. But I
knew that voice—it was the voice of a king, the one he used when we had
absolutely no choice. The voice he'd used to tell me I'd be marrying Hades on my
sixteenth birthday no matter how I felt about it.

I couldn't respond. Every time I opened my mouth, that wall of
hatred and resentment was there, and finally I dashed past him and fled the
room. I couldn't do this no matter how often he threatened me, and the fact that
he and Mother refused to so much as consider my feelings—it wasn't fair. I
needed to get away from that unyielding revulsion. I needed to get away from my
life.

As I ran down the hallway, I nearly barreled headfirst into
Hera. Had she been there the entire time? Our eyes locked, and she opened her
mouth to say something, but I regained my footing and rushed past her. I didn't
care if she'd overheard. I didn't care if she empathized with being trapped in a
loveless marriage. There was nothing she could possibly say or do to change my
parents' minds, and I didn't need pity. I needed an escape.