The Goddess Test (23 page)

Married one day and gone the next. Somehow it didn’t seem fair. I could return early if I wanted, I knew that, but my mother was adamant that I spend my first summer without Henry.

The next morning we had breakfast in bed, me sitting cross-legged in my pajamas on one side and him on the other. I was allowed to eat now that it was spring again, and even though I wasn’t any hungrier than usual, I attacked my pancakes with unusual vigor, making a mess of myself in the process. Henry didn’t seem to mind; every now and then he leaned toward me and kissed the syrup off my lips, smirking when he saw me blush.

Packing took no time at all, and much sooner than I’d anticipated, I stood facing the majority of my new family on the winding drive that led to the front gates. Once again Calliope was missing, but it was James’s empty spot that made my insides twist unpleasantly.

One by one I hugged them goodbye, even gruff Phillip, who smelled of horses and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but witnessing this tear-filled display of sentimentality. Before I’d even reached her, Ava was crying, and she threw her arms around me so tightly that I thought she might never let go. “Oh, Kate—I’m going to miss you!”

“I’m going to miss you, too.” No matter what had passed
between us that winter, I hoped her tears meant all was forgiven and that I would see her when I came back in the fall. “One day you’ll have to fill me in on everything that happened when I wasn’t looking.”

She nodded, too choked up to speak, and with one last hug, we finally let go of each other.

My mother was next. She stood serenely in the sunlight, looking as if she were glowing, and for a moment I was afraid to touch her. She fixed that for me, gathering me up in a hug and giving me a wet kiss on the cheek. “Have fun,” she said warmly, but there was a glint in her eyes that made it clear she expected me to uphold our deal. I would stay away for six months, but this was the only summer I’d let her boss me around. “Go experience mortal life before it passes you by.”

I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to enjoy mortal life again, knowing what was waiting for me in the autumn, but I nodded. “Love you,” I said, suddenly as choked up as Ava. My mother gazed at me, and for a long moment it felt as if we were the only two people in the world. But as quickly as it had come, the feeling vanished, and then it was Henry’s turn.

I didn’t know what to say, so instead I wrapped my arms around him, and he embraced me. I was crying in earnest now, making a mess of what little makeup Ava had talked me into that morning, but I didn’t care.

“Take care of Pogo, yeah?” I said with a sniff, pulling away to wipe my eyes.

“Cerberus and I both promise to do so,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine. “Kate…whatever is waiting for you outside that gate, remember that the summer is yours to do with what you please.” His voice was strained, but he seemed to make an
effort to push past it. “It is none of my business what you decide to do with that time.”

“I know,” I said. “And I also know that the way I feel about you isn’t going to change just because the seasons do. So if you don’t mind too much, I’m going to stick to the vows I made.” I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

He managed to return it. “I cannot tell you how relieved I am to hear that, but that still does not change—”

“Henry,” I said firmly. “Enough about that. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not, so you might as well get used to it.”

He hesitated, but finally he gave in. “Anytime you need me, I will be by your side. You have my word.”

I nodded, and he pressed his lips to my forehead. It was such a chaste kiss that I wondered if he would give me a proper goodbye or not. Probably not, I realized. Not with my mother watching.

“I will be waiting for you when you return,” he said. “And I love you.”

This time I hadn’t imagined or dreamed it; he’d really said it, and not because of some test or bet or obligation. Because he meant it. Something inside of me swelled, and I felt as if I was going to burst. “Love you, too.”

With that, he braved the mess that was my face and kissed me deeply. I tried to make it linger, but he pulled away, and I knew it was time to go.

I trudged down the drive, glancing over my shoulder every few seconds as I took my time. While Henry’s presence behind me pulled me back, knowing that I would have to leave before
I could see him again pushed me forward. This was my home now, and nothing could keep me away forever.

When I reached the top of the gentle hill that hid any view of the manor from the outside world, I turned and waved, startled to see Henry was the only one still there. He raised his hand in return, and I forced myself to continue forward.

The gate came into view and with it a sight that made me stop in my tracks. Suddenly I understood exactly why Henry had been so adamant about reminding me I could do what I wanted with my summers.

James leaned against the same car he’d used to drive me to Eden Manor, and he wore the same humungous headphones he’d had in September. The only thing that was different was the lack of a smile on his face.

I slipped out from between the gates and hesitated, not sure what to say. Wordlessly he stepped around to open my door for me, and I thanked him, but he said nothing. It wasn’t until we were driving down the gravel road that I finally found the courage to talk, and even then my voice came out as a squeak.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my hands clasped together so tightly that my knuckles were white. “For everything.”

“Don’t be.” He turned the corner and the hedge disappeared from view. “You did what you had to do, and so did Henry. So did the council. I knew it was a long shot anyway after I met you.”

I pressed my lips together, not knowing what to say. I was sure he’d meant it as a compliment, but it didn’t help the guilt that gnawed at me incessantly. “You’ll exist for a long time, right? I mean, the world isn’t going to end tomorrow.”

“I don’t know,” said James, and for a moment I heard a hint of the boy who liked to build things with fries. “With Calliope on the rampage, anything’s possible.”

Leaning back against my seat, I let myself relax. At least he was still in there somewhere. “Where are we going?”

“Someplace I think you should go before you leave for the summer,” he said. When it was clear he wasn’t going to give me any more details, I resigned myself to looking out the window and trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t hurt so much.

Henry had been telling the truth. What had once been Main Street in Eden was now a dirt road surrounded by trees on either side, and the spot where Eden High School had stood was nothing more than a meadow. Even though I’d only been there for a few weeks, I felt a pang as we drove by. There would be no going back, not to the life I’d known as a mortal, and it was a loss I hadn’t been prepared to deal with.

By the time we reached our destination, we’d found civilization once more. It wasn’t New York City, but it wasn’t all dirt and trees either. Several small buildings clustered together to form a town near the hospital where my mother had stayed. I looked around, trying to find something familiar, but there were only small factories and churches and grocery stores.

James drove past a pair of wrought-iron gates, and my eyes widened as I realized where we were. I could hear the gravel on the road crunch underneath the tires, and he wound the car down the path slowly, coming to a stop a quarter of a mile inside.

“Come on,” he said, opening the door. “I want to show you something.”

I stepped out and stared at the cemetery that surrounded us, the headstones and statues rising out of the brown grass. Some of them were newer, the names clear and readable, while others we passed were so old and worn that I could hardly make out any kind of engraving at all. James kept his distance, shoving his hands in his pockets as if he were afraid to touch me, and I trailed behind him, busying myself with avoiding the mud and the melting snow.

He stopped in front of a fresh grave, one that was so new that there was no tombstone. Just a temporary marker with a name written in black marker. James stepped aside so I could see it, but there was no need. I knew exactly where we were.

“Diana Winters,” I said softly, running my shaking fingers over the letters that formed her name. “But I thought she was—”

“Alive?” said James, and I nodded. “As a deity, yes. But she took a mortal form to raise you, and that mortal form died ten days ago.”

I was silent, wondering what he expected me to say to that.

“She’s still your mother,” he said, “but you need to understand that things won’t be the same between you now, and things won’t be the same between you and Henry or you and the rest of the council either.”

I bristled at that. “Just like things aren’t the same between you and me?” I said, but instead of showing any signs of anger or frustration, James shrugged.

“Somewhat different, given you’re closer to both of them, but yeah. Something like that.”

I crouched down next to the marker, running my fingers
over it as I stared at the mound of dirt that held my mother’s human body. I wasn’t sure what to feel—sadness was unavoidable, but there was a jumble of other emotions I didn’t fully understand. Relief, maybe, that her battle had ended. Fear for this new reality I faced and the truths I’d learned while she’d been wasting away in a hospital bed.

But most of all I felt a hollow ache inside of me, and it took me several seconds to realize I missed the life we’d had before we’d come to Eden. Not the years of sickness and pain, but the trips to Central Park. The Christmas trees. The days when I knew my best friend was only a short walk down the hall. Those were over now, and a new existence stretched out before me, blank except for the faces of Henry, my mother, and the rest of the council.

“I know it’s the end,” I said, placing a hand on the raised dirt. “I’ve known that for a long time.”

“No, it’s not,” said James, moving to stand beside me. “It’s the beginning.”

We stayed there until the cold seeped into my clothes and the fog clung to my hair, leaving me chilled and damp. I accepted his hand as he helped me up, and I touched the marker one last time, proof of my humanity and my brief existence in a world where all things died. At last, with a heavy heart, I tore myself away.

“So what are you going to do during the summer?” said James as we walked to the car. Even though it was an obvious attempt to lighten the mood, it took me several moments to reply, my mind too clouded with thoughts of my mother. I felt anchored to her grave, but with each step I took, the
weight became a little easier to bear. It would never go away completely, I knew that, but at least I was sure that one day I would be able to accept it.

“I don’t know,” I said, and I stared at the muddy ground as I entertained the possibilities laid out before me. I could go back to New York City, but there was nothing for me there. I could stay in Eden with the trees, but I figured that would get boring after the first month or so. “Maybe try some authentic Greek food. I’ve never been to Greece, y’know.”

“Greece,” said James, and there was emptiness in his voice that ate at me. “It’s nice in the summer.”

Tentatively I reached out to slip my arm into his, and he didn’t move away. “Do you want to come?”

His eyes widened. “Really?”

“Of course.” I grinned with effort, but that didn’t make it any less real. “I don’t want to go to Greece on my own, and I can’t imagine a better tour guide than one of my best friends.”

Slowly a smile spread across his face, but there was a hint of distance in his eyes I couldn’t completely ignore. “I’d really like that.”

The gravel crunched underneath our feet as we reached the car, and he opened the door for me, the silence between us now comfortable instead of tense and ugly. I sat down and relaxed against the seat as he slid behind the wheel. There was a lingering doubt in the back of my mind as I smiled at him and saw that look in his eyes again, but I pushed it away. Things weren’t anywhere near perfect, but no matter what happened, at least I had my friend back.

As we drove away, I twisted around to see my mother’s grave, dark against the remaining piles of white snow. James was right; this wasn’t an ending. It was the beginning my mother
had wanted for me and the beginning I’d wanted for myself all along. I may not have planned on living forever, but now that I was, I was going to make the most of every moment.

In one way or another, everyone who has ever been a significant part of my life has helped me down this path, and I’m grateful for everything. I’d like to acknowledge the following people in particular:

Rosemary Stimola, my lovely agent who never gives up. Thank you for taking a chance on me.

Mary-Theresa Hussey, my amazing editor, and Natashya Wilson, Senior Editor at Harlequin Teen. You’ve both been wonderfully supportive, and I’m so excited to continue this journey with you.

The many teachers I’ve had over the years, especially Terry Brooks, Jim Burnstein, Kathy Churchill, Larry Francis, Wendy Gortney, Kim Henson, Chris Keane, Bob Mayer, Mike Sack and John Saul. By teaching me how to tell a story, you showed me who I am.

Shannon and John Tullius. Your tireless support gave me hope that maybe I wasn’t as terrible as I thought I was.

Sarah Reck and Caitlin Straw, the two best friends and first readers I could ever ask for.

Melissa Anelli, the world’s greatest cheerleader.

And Jo, who changed my life just by living hers.

Thank you all so much for everything.