The Good Daughter (19 page)

The next day at school we all met up at the oval. ‘I've got to talk to you about something,' Dina whispered, while the boys stood opposite us. Her eyes shifted. I turned and saw Gemma approaching. ‘I'll tell you later,' she said.

Throughout the day she kept trying to get me alone, but Gemma wouldn't let Dina out of her sight. We were in the toilets together at lunch and Gemma was waiting by the sink while Dina and I were in the cubicles. ‘Oh no!' Dina groaned from the cubicle next to me. ‘I've got diarrhoea!'

‘I'll wait for you outside.' Gemma's footsteps echoed as she ran for the door.

I quickly pulled up my pants and held my breath as I burst through the cubicle door. Dina appeared at my side. ‘What—' I bleated.

‘I was faking.' Dina waved her hand dismissively. ‘Gemma can't stand a bowel movement.'

‘She's not the only one,' I muttered, as I washed my hands.

‘I was thinking we'd organise a fake sleepover the night of Brian's party and tell our parents we're at each other's house. You can spend the night at Brian's and I can be with Tony.'

‘I don't know…' I knew I wanted to go to the party, but I wasn't sure about sleeping over.

‘You'd be crazy not to go.' Dina almost vibrated with excitement. ‘You can get drunk, smoke, hang out all night.'

I tidied my hair. Dina wouldn't get it even if I spelled it out. I'd had the chance to do plenty of grown-up things before Mum became an uptight Born-Again Muslim. I'd learnt from experience that grown-up parties were overrated.

At the last party Mum and Dave threw before they broke up, one of his drunken mates stumbled into my bedroom while I was sleeping and groped me under the doona. I screamed so loud that Dave and Mum came bursting in.

When they switched on the light his mate was sitting on the bed beside me, dazed, his pants unzipped. ‘She wanted it,' Dave's mate said. Dave bashed him in my bedroom while I huddled against the wall. Hearing the noise, other party-goers poured into the room and a melée began. The brawl was so bad that the cops came and hauled everyone away…

Dina was waiting for an answer. ‘I'll go to the party,' I said. ‘But I won't be sleeping over.'

Her face dropped. ‘Don't make up your mind yet.' She followed me to the door. ‘There's still plenty of time.' She never gave up.

I opened the bathroom door and there was Gemma, waiting for Dina like an eager puppy. Dina bit back her questions. It was the only time I was thankful for Gemma's presence.

Brian and I had a free period because our teacher was away. ‘Give it a break?' I whined. He was still carrying on about his party and I was sick of the topic. I took my juice out and stabbed the foil with the straw.

‘Why don't you come as Wonder Woman?' He stared at my hair. ‘You can get a dark brown rinse and, with your light eyes, you'd be a dead ringer.'

‘Puhlease,' I said between sips. ‘I don't look anything like Wonder Woman.'

‘Sure you do.' Brian's eyes moved to my breasts.

‘You're such a pig.' I slapped him on the shoulder and crossed my arms.

‘What's your problem? We always talk like this.'

I shifted uncomfortably. Of course, he was right. We'd talked about circumcision, periods, sperm, masturbation and everything under the sun, but I couldn't help my discomfort at the possibilities Dina raised with her whole stupid sleepover idea. ‘I'm not coming to the party.'

‘Why?'

‘I won't be allowed.' For the first time I was grateful for Mum's transformation.

‘But Dina told me the two of you were organising a fake sleepover.'

I coughed as the juice went down the wrong way. I was going to kill Dina.

Brian slapped my back. ‘Are you all right?'

I shrugged his arm off my shoulders.

‘Just say you're sleeping over at Dina's and stay at my house,' he said matter-of-factly.

‘Can't.' I grabbed my backpack. ‘If Mum caught me I'd be dead meat.'

Brian put his hand on my arm and stopped me from leaving. ‘Sabiha, is something else going on?'

I side-stepped him, losing his hand in the process.

‘There's plenty of room in the double bed,' he said.

I jerked back like I was stung.

‘Oh…' Brian said knowingly. ‘'Cause, you know, nothing will happen.'

Oh, so I was a street skank he'd never want to touch.

‘I mean…' he stuttered. ‘You know we're just mates.'

I walked away.

‘Sabiha,' he called, but I didn't stop.

I wanted to kick him. He'd tried to kiss me only a few weeks ago.

He grabbed my arm again and turned me to face him. ‘What's your problem?'

‘What's
your
problem?' I shouted.

He raised his hands in surrender. I backed down, more embarrassed than ever. We'd never had a fight and now I'd ruined everything. I was so confused: I wanted him to like me but I had to admit that I still wasn't sure exactly what I meant by that.

‘What's going on?' Brian asked gently. ‘It's me. Your best friend.'

My throat choked up and I was blinking back tears.

‘If you don't want us to sleep together...'

I flinched.

‘You think we're going to do more than sleep together?' Brian demanded.

I didn't say anything.

‘Sabiha, we've been in a bed together before,' he said, exasperated.

How could I forget parent–teacher night?

‘That was daytime,' I said.

He arched his eyebrow. ‘You know people can have sex during the day, right?'

‘Smartarse,' I replied. I was sick of feeling so horridly embarrassed. It's like there's a baseline to how much embarrassment you can feel in one session and then the shame retreats like it never existed. ‘It's the way Dina talked about the sleepover.'

‘You let that slag create this.' He pointed at me and him. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?'

‘Oh, shit.' I covered my face with my hands. ‘I can't believe I freaked out.'

‘It's okay.' He hugged me. I stiffened, but this was Brian, my best friend. My body relaxed into him. ‘Are we cool?'

‘Yeah.'

‘Good.' He kissed me on the forehead. ‘What are the chances of you coming as Wonder Woman?'

I shook my head.

‘What if I dyed your hair for you?' he persisted.

How could I refuse that offer?

Dina called me that night. ‘Are you going?' she demanded before I had the chance to speak.

‘Hello to you, too.'

‘Are you or aren't you?' Dina was getting edgy.

‘I don't know yet,' I lied. I wanted her to suffer for stuffing me round.

‘Didn't you and Brian talk?'

‘You mean after you spilled your guts about the fake sleepover?' Anger crept into my voice.

‘Yeah.' Dina sounded confused.

She was as thick as a brick shithouse. Anything that wasn't about her flew right over her head. ‘We talked,' I admitted. ‘If we got sprung it would be World War Three. Aren't you worried?'

‘Nope. I just want to get a break.' Her voice was all bitterness.

‘Aren't you scared?' I licked my dry lips. ‘I mean if you sleep over at Tony's then you and he will...you know.'

‘I've waited for six months because I wanted our first time to be special, and a guy will only be satisfied with blowjobs for so long,' Dina said.

Was I the only one who didn't think sex was the be-all and end-all?

‘I know you're scared,' Dina said. ‘But I really need this. I need one night where Tony and I can be with each other like a normal boyfriend and girlfriend.'

Even though her idea of normal was clearly way off mine, I heard the pain in her voice. ‘All right,' I interrupted. ‘I'll go to the party.'

Dina shrieked and I nearly dropped the phone. ‘You won't regret this, I promise. Okay, gotta go,' she squealed.

The dial tone purred in my ear. I returned the handset to its cradle. Dina had a one-track mind leading to Tony. I still had time to call Brian. I picked up the phone again and dialled. As I pressed the last digit the uncomfortable feeling I had earlier in the day returned and I quickly hung up. I bit my nail and stared at the phone. I was still behaving like an idiot. This was Brian. I wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt and called him.

‘So, hi Wonder Woman!' Brian exclaimed.

‘What makes you think I'm coming?' I asked petulantly.

‘Because Dina told me,' he said. ‘So are you?'

I held the phone away from my ear. What the hell? She moved so quickly. ‘Um…'

‘Because you'd look fabulous as a brunette.'

‘Okay, I'll do it.'

‘We'll put a rinse in tomorrow after school. Dina's already done the prep by telling her parents she has to go to the library.'

She was out of control. Pretty soon I'd be opening my mouth and she'd be talking for me. ‘I want a dye job, not a rinse.' I'd tried the whole rinse thing and wasn't impressed, plus I actually did fancy being a brunette.

‘You sure?'

‘Mmm,' I stared at myself in the mirror. ‘I want the real deal.' I was imagining my hair as sleek and shiny, a seal's pelt of rich brown.

The next day we snuck out of school at lunchtime and went to a chemist. Brian tried to talk me into a light-brown colour, but I got the dye that was one shade off black. After school we went to his house. I sat on a kitchen chair in the bathroom wearing a black rubbish bag as a cape while Brian ran his gloved hands through my hair.

‘You should be a hairdresser,' I teased.

‘I've thought about it,' he said seriously.

I gulped down my laughter. Thankfully he was caught up with my hair. ‘How come you changed your mind?' I asked.

‘My dad would go ape-shit,' he said. ‘He thinks that only poofs are hairdressers.'

I squirmed on the chair. ‘That's not true. Hairdressing is a type of trade too.'

‘Thanks.' He squeezed my shoulder and a warm glow filled my belly. He'd finished squirting the dye on my hair and was Gladwrapping my head. I resembled a human condom. He stepped back and admired his handiwork. ‘All done.' He slicked back a few errant strands. ‘Let's watch TV until it sets.'

Twenty minutes later I bent over the basin while he washed the dye out. As he worked around me his crotch rubbed against my hip. I was never more aware that my best friend was a guy now. Kathleen and I had dyed each other's hair heaps of times, but I'd never been conscious of how intimate a thing it was, hands all over your head, a body surrounding you.

Brian lifted a section of hair. ‘Oh, oh.'

I forgot about my discomfort. Now I was terrified. ‘What's wrong?' I demanded.

bad hair

‘You're kind of patchy,' Brian said.

I inspected my hair. Even though it was wet and therefore darker, it was obvious that the brown hadn't covered it completely.

‘I told you to buy two packets,' Brian accused.

‘You know I didn't have enough money,' I said between gritted teeth. Instead of the gorgeous, glossy brunette I'd imagined, I looked like my head was covered in spew. ‘I'm up shit creek.' I sat on the edge of the bathtub and covered my head with my hands.

‘It's okay,' Brian said. ‘You can wear a cap to school and we'll buy two packets of dye and fix it tomorrow.'

I liked his plan, but we still had the same problem. ‘So, once again what do I do for cash?' I was getting frustrated and my case was urgent.

‘Sorry Sabiha! I told you: I used the last of my allowance on decorations for the party.' He put his hands in his pockets and swayed. ‘Can't your mother help you?'

I would have to suck up to her and I hated the thought. It was a come-down after my extortion bid. ‘I'll have to.'

‘Let me dry your hair before you go home.'

I couldn't even enjoy him running his hands through my hair. When I got home Mum stepped into the hall while I was taking off my shoes. Shoes littered the hallway and chatter came from the living room. Visitors, again.

Mum's eyes widened. ‘What did you do to your hair?' she gasped.

I touched it self-consciously. ‘I dyed it brown.'

She thrust me into the living room. ‘Look at my stupid daughter.' Safet was there, and other familiar faces. ‘Girls would kill for her long, blonde hair and she does this.' She took a handful of my hair and tossed it. The women clucked their tongues and shook their heads like crazy chickens.

‘Mum.' I pulled from her grasp.

One of the women squinted at my head. ‘It's multicoloured.'

I touched my hair again. ‘There wasn't enough dye to cover all my hair.'

‘She's still half-blonde,' another woman said, and they all cackled.

I ignored them and turned to Mum. ‘Can you lend me money so Dina can fix it tomorrow?'

‘No.' Mum went in and sat on the sofa. I left for my bedroom. Mum called me back. ‘I'll take you to the hairdresser tomorrow and pay to have it dyed back to blonde.'

‘No, thanks,' I forced a smile. ‘It's growing on me.'

In the morning I stared at the mirror. I'd tied my hair into a ponytail so that the patches of blonde kind of resembled streaks. I twisted and turned in front of the mirror. I was fooling myself. I put the cap on and poked my ponytail out the back.

As I ate breakfast the smell of bleach filled my nostrils. I sniffed and saw that the walls were still damp. Mum usually washed the walls with bleach and water once a year to wipe off the cigarette smoke stains, but I hadn't seen her do it yesterday.

She burst through the back door. ‘Have you finished breakfast?'

‘What are you doing up?' She was rarely awake before eleven a.m.

‘I wanted to get a early start.' The back door was open and the Hills Hoist was full of washing. Mum took the dishes from me. ‘You don't want to be late.' She'd hadn't seen me off to school since I was in third grade. She glanced at my cap. ‘I can still make an appointment at the hairdresser.'