The Good Life (19 page)

“Yes, I was a total virgin when you first saw me yesterday. That's certainly finished with. Is it—”

There was a knock on the door. “Can I come in?” Billy called.

Timmy sat up hastily, looking frightened. Perry smiled at him and pulled him down, putting a finger to his lips to indicate silence. “I'm busy now,” he called. “I'll meet you in the bar in a little while.”

“Very well.”

Timmy relaxed, and they stretched themselves in closer against each other. “I don't see how I can ever be without you,” the boy sighed. “I feel as if I've become a part of you. I want to be. I want to be yours for always.”

Perry looked into the wide blue eyes and stroked his golden hair. He supposed it wouldn't do either of them any harm to dream together. The sweetness of it brought a lump to his throat. It was tempting to allow himself a taste of love, but he knew there were things he mustn't expect in life. “You'll be mine for a week anyway,” he said.

“Tell me more. I adore you. If I knew you were in love with me, I might even be able to get through the summer without you.”

“All right, sweetheart. I don't know any more about it than you do, but you've done
something
to me. If you were a girl, I'd know I was in love with you. How's that?”

“Oh, God, it's utter bliss. I know what it's like when we make love together, so I don't care about not being a girl. I'm sure it can happen with two boys. We're in love with each other. At lunch I want Mother to meet you.”

“I'd like that. I must introduce you to Billy Vernon since we're all in the same boat, as it were.” Perry lifted himself over Timothy's body and looked down into his eyes. His hands closed on his arms. “Are you happy, baby?”

“In heaven.”

Perry sent him back to his mother, then shaved, showered, and dressed for the day. He went up and found Billy in their deserted bar, a drink in front of him. A drink was brought to Perry, and he lifted his glass to his benefactor. Billy lifted his in return, looking chipper.

“You're devastatingly attractive this morning,” he said. “Isn't it a relief to stop rolling? Did you have any exciting adventures last night?”

“A shipboard romance? Yes, actually. I talked to the beautiful blond on deck. His name is Timothy Dillingham. It makes me giggle, which isn't very romantic, is it?”

“Dillingham? Yes, old Boston. Social Register. You've picked a very respectable partner.”

“So Timothy's in the Social Register. Well, well, well. I'm moving up in the world. He came to my cabin. As a matter of fact, you were interrupting something just now.”

Billy looked at him beadily. “I hope you enjoyed it, but don't forget who's paying the bills.”

Perry stiffened and put down his drink. “I can't forget it very easily if you keep reminding me. Are you trying to suggest that you've bought exclusive rights after all?”

“Certainly not. I want you to have a good time. But there are certain things I assume we want to do together. I like a drink before lunch, for example.”

“I know. Here I am. Fresh from bed with a socially registered cock.”

“I'm delighted you saved enough energy to get here.”

“Fucking doesn't take much energy, just time.”

“I'm sorry if I made you feel rushed,” Billy said, immediately placating him.

“Some things can't be rushed.” Perry smiled at him and relaxed. He had won another small round. “Actually, we'd finished for the moment. It was very nice.”

“I told you you should make a habit of boys. You in particular should find them rewarding. Have you found out how old he is?”

“Nineteen and very willing. You wouldn't suspect he's a stallion to look at him. You'll meet him at lunch.”

When they were heading in to lunch, Perry caught sight of Timothy fidgeting near the door, looking distraught. He saw Perry and signaled with his eyes, then turned away.

Perry put a hand on Billy's shoulder and stopped. “You go ahead. I'll be with you in a second.”

Billy continued into the dining room, and Perry joined the boy in an island of potted plants and armchairs. He held Timothy's arms and smiled into his eyes. “What's up, baby?” he asked reassuringly.

“I had to see you. I pretended to feel seasick so I could catch you before you went in. Mother's in a state.” Timmy blushed, and his eyes seemed to plead with him.

“Tell me,” Perry said soothingly.

“She says…” He struggled for words. “She says Mr. Vernon is notorious for having boys. She's forbidden me to speak to him. She says you must be his catamite. Do you know what that is?”

Perry felt a cold dread creeping over him and a stab of rage. There was always a threat hanging over him; everything he had struggled to create for himself could be swept away in an instant. He told himself that a stranger called Mrs. Dillingham couldn't hurt him, but he felt the fragile structure of his life being shaken.

“I know roughly,” he said with deadly calm. “It's a boy that a guy uses for sex. I guess you're mine.”

“Yes. I wanted to tell her so. I'm proud of being your lover, your catamite, if that's what I am. She tried to have us put at another table, but there aren't any, thank God. I want to stay where I am, close to you. She warned me not to get too friendly with you.”

“She's a bit late,” Perry said with icy satisfaction while rage boiled up in him. He'd kill the damn woman. How dare she make a scene with the ship's staff about passengers who had as much right to be here as she had? How many others were talking about Billy and his catamite? The threat was there — vague, shapeless but real, capable of exposing him as an outcast. A male whore. An unmentionable. Rage seethed in him. His grip tightened on the boy's arms. He wasn't a threat. Timmy belonged to him. Timmy's eyes pleaded with him again. The devotion in them calmed his rage.

“Please. I had to tell you so you'd understand if I act sort of peculiar. I'll have to nod at you sort of as if I hardly know you. I mustn't meet Mr. Vernon. Please don't pay any attention to her. I belong to you. Nothing can change that even if you don't want me.”

“I do, baby. I adore you. There. I've never said that to anybody. I want to put my arms around you and kiss you for an hour. Meet me on the deck after lunch. I'll wait near where we were last night, okay? Let's go have lunch. I can't wait for you to nod at me as if you hardly knew me.”

“You go first. You're so wonderful.”

Perry joined Billy, wondering if this was really the way it felt to be in love. It was certainly different. He couldn't stop thinking about the boy, the way it felt to have him close and look at him. When they were together, nothing could threaten him; Timmy was uniquely his own. His sweetness was a deep, warm comfort that he wanted with him always, something no one else had ever offered him.

“Did you speak to Elsa when you came in?” Billy asked.

“No. I guess I didn't see her.”

“You have wonderfully selective vision. I fixed up a bridge game with her for tomorrow afternoon if that's all right with you.”

“Fine.” He supposed he'd have to take a break every now and then from making love with Timmy. “I could kill you for telling her I was a good player. I'll probably do everything wrong.”

“I doubt it. The baroness knows what she's talking about when she says you're good. Elsa's a fiend, but she's not as good as she thinks she is. That about sums up Elsa.”

Timmy came in and sat a few feet away from him. They nodded distantly, but Perry took advantage of having his mother's back to him to wink at Timmy. He saw him struggling to keep his expression fixed. He thought of the boy's blushes at dinner last night. A lot had happened since then.

At Billy's urging, Perry ordered the smoked salmon and made a feast of it. “Now I'm going to be paralyzed trying to decide between the caviar and the smoked salmon,” Perry said.

Billy beamed. “Have lots of both. They're both expensive. Wake me up if I doze off. I hope by tomorrow I'll be able to keep my eyes open for a bridge game. When am I going to meet the shipboard romance?”

“I'll explain later. That's his mother. You've hit a snag with her.”

“Trying to protect his virtue, is she? Poor misguided woman, with you on the loose.”

“He said something of the same sort. She hasn't noticed yet that he's tossed his virtue overboard.”

Perry was glad he could talk about it lightly. The rage still trembled in him, but at least Billy didn't seem upset. May be it happened often. Perry had the impression that Billy wasn't accepted everywhere. Not even money was enough — a sobering thought.

When Timmy offered an arm to his mother and left without a glance at him, Perry leaned across the table. “Now I can explain. His mother's forbidden him to meet you because of talk about boys. She hasn't got a very high opinion of me either. He's furious with her, but he isn't in a hurry for her to know that he's the same way.”

“Of course not. It's something one avoids as long as possible. It takes time to adjust to it. Most people never do, particularly in the States.”

“Would you mind meeting him even if he doesn't speak to you in public?”

Billy studied him for some seconds, looking baffled at first, and then his expression softened with delight and pride. Perry thought he even detected a gleam of love in his eyes. “What a remarkable young man you are. A real gentleman. Such tact and kindness. Of course I'd love to meet him. We can't blame him for his mother. No more than we can really blame her, no matter how foolish she is for thinking she can protect her boy.” Billy sighed and smiled. “I'm still stunned by my shrewd instinct about you. Thank you, dearest boy.”

Perry was touched. It felt good to do the right thing when it was appreciated. “That's wonderful. I'd like to bring him by for a drink in your cabin before dinner. He thinks he's fallen head over heels in love with me. I must say it's a very pleasant feeling. I haven't gone into any big explanations about us. There hasn't been time even if I thought there was any need to. He assumes I have my own money. I guess that's sort of dishonest, but for the rest he can draw his own conclusions. Okay?”

“That's exactly the way I would want it. I'm in good hands, my dearest boy. I've never been so happy. You make living together seem so easy.”

“
I
think it is. Coffee?”

He wanted to go up on deck. He'd never felt so deprived by being without somebody he wanted. He wanted Timothy even more now that Mrs. Dillingham threatened to keep them apart. To do so, she'd literally have to lock up her son.

Catamite
. He could imagine the elegant woman hissing the ugly word into his face.
Whore
. God deliver him from mothers intent on protecting their sons. He thought of Mrs. Costigan, and his cheeks burned with shame again. “Scum,” she'd spat. “Nothing but a whore.” Mrs. Costigan's voice still rang in his ears.

When Perry brought the boy to Billy's suite that evening, Billy was charming to the boy, and Timmy responded sweetly. He told Billy that he'd fallen madly in love, and Billy smiled benignly.

“There's no earthly reason for being young unless you are in love,” Billy said. “You couldn't do better than Perry. He's the most delightful young man I know.”

“We're thinking of going down to third class tonight,” Timmy said. “Do you want to go?”

“Thank you for suggesting it. I've been known to stray among the lower classes, but I think not tonight. You two naughty children go along and enjoy yourselves. I'm having a rest cure, although I haven't done anything to rest
from.”

The hour passed agreeably. “I'll feel awful pretending I don't know you,” Timmy said to Billy when it was time to dress for dinner with his mother. “Please forgive me.”

“Don't worry about it. When your mother learns about you, she'll undoubtedly have second thoughts about homosexuality.”

“I hope she never finds out.”

“You might mind less as time goes by. It's a frightful strain leading a double life.”

“I guess you're right. This is the first time I've had anything much to hide —just crushes at school. I thought they might turn out to be like everybody else's crushes — you know, just go away.”

“It takes only one love affair to be sure. Your mother will find out that it isn't something she can prevent. I have a child myself, not much younger than you are. People have the right to be happy if they're not doing anybody any harm.”

They both looked at Perry. “It's time for a dutiful son to go make his mother happy,” he said. “I'll be right back, Billy. I'm all clean. I just have to change.”

Perry dressed and returned to Billy, who had changed and was waiting for drinks.

“My word, how handsome you are,” Billy exclaimed in greeting. “Your boyfriend will swoon when he sees you. He's a sweet young thing. I love the way he looks at you. He's quite mad about you. He'd better be careful if he doesn't want his mother to know.”

“He's doing his best to convert me to homosexuality.”

“He's beautiful enough to succeed. We were invited to have our meals at the captain's table. I refused. There's nothing more deadly. Have you looked at the passenger list? I don't know a soul aboard but Elsa and Dickie.”

“And Timothy Dillingham if he's there. I haven't had a chance to really look.”

“Our faithful George insists that ‘Claire Smith' is really Joan Crawford. She'd better put in an appearance soon while there's still a chance to save you for the opposite sex. Shall we have a drink in the bar before dinner?”

“Whenever you say.”

He and Billy fell in with Elsa Maxwell and her companion, Dickie Gordon, as they were all leaving the dining room, and they went together to the grand ballroom, where they found a table beside the floor. The orchestra was playing a Noel Coward song. If they were crossing the Atlantic Ocean, nobody could feel it here. Perry had to remind himself that he was on a boat.