The Governess Club: Sara (19 page)

Nathan leaned back, suppressing the urge to kiss her breathless. He did not wish to add to her confusion, much to Primordial Nathan’s disappointment. He had to remember that this week was about her, not him, no matter how much he wanted to lay claim to her body.

“But surely you fought for the bill,” she said.

He looked at her, gazing at him so earnest in her naivety. She had no inkling of what politics was like. Neither had he, when he first pursued his career. By the time he had woken up to the reality, he had been too steeped in the corruption to do anything about it.

“Don’t do that,” he warned her.

“Do what?”

“Make me into some sort of a noble hero, championing the cause of the underdogs. That is not what it is like.”

“Then what was it like?”

Nathan sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “You do not want to know.”

“But I do. And I trust you to tell me. You speak to me as no other does; you do not shield me from the truth.”

“That is putting a rather rosy shade on it.”

Sara shook her head, her loose curls bobbing around her face. “I don’t believe so.”

He sighed again. “Truly, it is best that you don’t know.”

Her mouth flattened into a thin line, an expression he had never seen on her face before. Usually she was too meek to put up any resistance to a refusal. “I have come to realize that I dislike being told that,” she informed him. “All my life I have been living based on what others have told is me best for me, or what I should do, or how a proper, chaste lady behaves. It is why I have never had anything remotely adventurous happen to me, for it is not something a proper lady welcomes. I find that I am weary of being shielded from reality.”

Nathan looked at her for a long moment. This new determination fit nicely on her face. “As you wish. Tell me, what do you know of politics?”

“Nothing beyond the basic function. A gentleman becomes a candidate and the people elect him. Then the House debates and votes on legislation that become laws.”

His smile was tight. “Ideally, yes, that is the most basic definition of how democracy works. However, it is not reality. That bill for the orphanages and apprenticeships was bought out of all its support. Loyalty can be traded within the halls of Parliament and the wealthy opponents to the bill paid for the right sort. All it took was a few well placed, influential members in the party to veto the bill and encourage the members who championed it to reconsider their position. Those who refused lost in their next by-election. You see, politics is not about the people, not about the welfare of the country or helping her people, but about power, money and greed. There are men who will do anything to gain what they want and then to hold onto it.”

“Oh my.” Her eyes were wide.

“Indeed.”

Sara leaned back against the head board, her breakfast finished, her hand resting over her sated stomach. She could not remember her hunger ever feeling so satisfied. Nathan finished off the last bite of his meal and moved the tray back to the table. He went to the window and looked out over the expanse of the lawn.

She asked the question, even though she suspected the answer. “Were you one of the champions?”

“No.”

Oh. Not the answer she was expecting. If he did not lose his seat because of a refusal to toe the party line, then why did he leave politics? She dreaded the next answer. “Were you one of the well placed members?”

A moment of silence. “Yes.” When she didn’t respond, he let out derisive sigh. “I told you not to make me in a noble hero.”

“Why did you do it?”

“The price was right.”

“And what price do you put on your morals, your convictions?”

“It would differ. Sometimes it was money, sometimes it was the promise of a vote on another piece of legislation that I was campaigning for, sometimes it was for a piece of property. One time—” He stopped, unwilling to sully himself further in her estimation.

“Is that how you acquired Windent Hall?”

Thank Christ she hadn’t picked up on his hesitation. “No. I bought that one legally. All the properties I accepted as bribes were sold for profit.”

“I see. But you are no longer in politics? Left quite suddenly, if Jacob had it right?”

“Yes.”

“So you must be attempting to right the wrongs in your life, to be a better man.”

He turned to look at her, disbelief on his face. “Once more you are turning me into a noble, honorable person. Do not forget the way I have treated you and others. I chose to escape to Windent Hall to avoid society, not to make myself into a better person.”

“You speak as though you have a dark secret.” Her voice held a note of teasing and he was loath to demolish it, but he had no choice. He could not allow her to persist in this fantasy of his honor and nobility. And she did say she wished to not be shielded from the truth.

He looked out the window. “I do have a dark secret.”

She laughed behind him. “Indeed? What is it?”

Nathan swallowed. “The last bribe I was offered was a wife.”

There was a moment of silence. “Are you betrothed, then?” Hurt and shock mingled in her voice.

He looked over his shoulder at her before turning completely. “You misunderstand me. It was not a wife for myself that was the bribe. She was already married to the man who wanted my vote. I would . . . have use of her for a sennight if I cast mine alongside his.”

Sara stared at him, her eyes wide. She did not speak.

The corner of his mouth twisted into a sardonic sneer. “So you see, I am not made of the heroism you believe me to be.” He turned back to look out the window, not wanting to see the look on her face anymore.

He condemned himself enough. He did not need the addition of hers.

Nathan continued in his story. “I was tempted, I tell you the truth. She was a beautiful woman. Full of the right curves and colors to entice a man, make him think of the pleasure he would receive from bedding her. Right up until I looked into her eyes, I was tempted greatly. What I saw there—the only way I can describe it is death. They held nothing, not even resignation. It became clear to me at that point that I was by far from the first man she had been sent to as a bribe.

“When her husband saw my hesitation, he ordered her to undress. She began, but that is when I came to my senses and tossed the bastard out of my house. His wife I was more gentle with, for she was a pawn in his game, but I did not offer her refuge and have little care as to her fate. So you see, saintly Miss Collins, I am far from honorable, far from noble. All I wanted to do was get out there. That is how I came to be at Windent Hall.”

Silence reigned behind him. Nathan continued to stare out the window, but he could not even say if the sun was shining or not. He had never thought to air any of those words but now he could not call them back.

Would not. She needed to know the truth of his abominable character. Knowing who he was would keep her safe from believing the wrong thing about him.

She broke the silence behind him. “I understand now.”

“What?” The word wrenched out of him, not expecting that to be the first thing she said.

“That day we first met. Why you reacted the way you did. You thought Mr. Pomeroy was offering me to you just as that horrid man did his wife. It makes perfect sense. It does not excuse your behavior, however.”

He turned, looking at her in angry disbelief. “Why are you speaking to me as though nothing has changed?”

“Because nothing has.”

“Did you not hear what I just told you?” He was incredulous.

“Yes, every word. I am sorry you had to experience that. You must be feeling horrible.”

Nathan stared at her. “Horrible?” he choked on the word. He made a slashing movement with his hand. “Horrible doesn’t begin to cover it. I very nearly accepted another man’s wife in exchange for a meaningless political purpose!”

“But you didn’t.” Her voice was matter of fact.

“What?”

“You didn’t accept the bribe. You very nearly did, but did not. Other bribes you did accept, but this one you did not and it has changed you. It has made you stronger and a better man.”

Nathan stared at her as though she had three heads and ten tits. “You make no sense, woman.”

She looked at him, her gray gaze clear and direct. “You were tempted, Nathan.”

“Yes.”

“Even our Savior was tempted. For forty days he withstood the temptations the Devil laid out before him. Are you saying that you are such a better man than He that you should not experience temptation at all?”

He was flummoxed.

“The sin is not in the temptation, but how we react to it. If you had accepted that bribe,” she couldn’t bring herself to say the actual inducement, “then it would have been a sin. But you did not. Would it have been better for you to offer aid to the woman? Indubitably. But we cannot have too high of expectations on a man who is just learning how to change for the better.”

“But I am not changing for the better,” he croaked, barely able to get his voice around his incredulity. She could not be serious.

Sara smiled at him. “That may be what you think, but there is evidence to the contrary.”

“How so?”

“I have not seen you foxed since that afternoon in your library. You have made the effort to be more cordial in my presence, even if it wasn’t always successful. You carefully planned this week with the protection of my reputation in mind. Even then, you have made it clear that I can end this at any time with no shame or repercussions. After our first night here, you have not pressed any unwanted attentions on me, instead respecting my hesitations. You, sir, are more honorable than you believe yourself to be.”

Nathan stalked toward the bed, his steps intent, his brow lowered, his limp offering little hindrance. He needed to end this charade of hers, needed to see the truth about him. “You think all that proves me honorable, proves me noble? All it proves is that I am doing things for my own benefit. What purpose does it serve to be a sodden drunk when it makes my judgment unsound? Being cordial has benefitted me as I now find myself in a bedroom alone with a woman I greatly desire. It is not your reputation that I desire to protect, but my own bachelorhood; I have no wish to be wed. And allowing you to end this at any time or not forcing unwanted attentions on you? Well, that just means that I am not a rapist.”

He was now at the foot of the bed. Grasping the bedcovers, he pulled them out of her grasp and down off her body. Her ankles now exposed, he wrapped his hands around them and pulled her down until she was on her back. Sara gave out a little shriek of surprise at the motion, her shift rising up slightly, caught between her body and the bed. His hands, firm and warm, slid up her calves as he knelt on the bed and settled between her legs.

His voice was gravelly when he spoke. “And I highly doubt my attentions are unwanted.”

With that, Nathan pushed her shift up to her waist. Before she had a chance to react, he separated her knees with his shoulders and kissed her at her most intimate place. Sara gasped, sitting up and trying to squirm away, but his arm came up around her abdomen and anchored her to the bed. “Nathan,” she managed to get out, the sensation of his tongue against her womanhood warring with the shock that he was actually putting his mouth
there
.

His only response was a grunt that sent vibrations up from her nub and into her bloodstream. Her eyes fluttering, she lay back against the bed, acceding to his wishes. His tongue traveled the length of her before settling around that spot again, paying it close attention. Small grunts of pleasure, coming up from deep in his chest, echoed inside of her, tingling up her spine. Sara instinctively opened her legs more, giving him greater access. She closed her eyes, losing herself in the sensation of being kissed so intimately. Never had she considered experiencing such a thing; never had she felt so wonderful, so desired.

Her hand crept down to where his head bobbed. Careful as to not disturb him, she threaded her fingers through his hair, gently holding his head between her legs. That seemed to encourage him, for he increased the intensity of his attentions. With his mouth still surrounding that sensitive spot, the arm that had been anchoring her to the bed slid up to caress her breast. His other hand disappeared underneath him until Sara felt a gentle prodding at the entrance to her body and he pushed a finger inside of her.

She arched her back, lifting her body off the bed. Good heavens!

The tension from the other night had returned with a vengeance and he was controlling it with practiced ease. One flick of his tongue or one stroke of his finger and she would be spiraling close to the edge, only for him to change movements to draw her back. It was torturous and she suspected he knew that.

“Nathan, please,” she gasped as he pulled her away from her climax yet again.

He pulled back and looked up at her face, thrilling in the passion he saw there. He slid a second finger into her, stretching her, and pressed his thumb to where his mouth had been. “What do you want?” he rasped out.

Sara shook her head against the pillow, unable to voice it.

“Say it Sara. Are my attentions unwanted?”

“No,” she managed.

“Do you like it when I do this?” He made quick circles with this thumb.

Her back arched again. “Yes.”

“And this?” He thrust his fingers in and out without halting his thumb.

“Yes.” A guttural groan.

His own breath was coming more raggedly. “What more do you want?”

“Kiss me,” she demanded.

“Where? On the mouth?”

She shook her head.

“Say it Sara.”

“Down there.”

He complied, his mouth eager to taste her once more. He licked her juices, the sweet tang filling his senses. “Christ, Sara,” he groaned against her. “You taste so good. Like fresh strawberries.”

Her hand grasped his hair again, holding him against her, muffling all of his words. His tongue and fingers worked their magic and the tension building inside of her burst, setting forth the desired pulses up through her veins, saturating her body. Sara gasped with each throb until she lay back against the bed again, replete.