The Gumshoe Diaries (12 page)

“Nope, it’s you and me till dawn Dr. Looney,
just the two of us,” Ernie replied with a shit eating grin.

“
Swell,”
Judy replied, suddenly
wishing she had packed the sports bra in her bag.

****

(“You’re my blue sky you’re my sunny day. Lord you
know it makes me high when you turn me on this way…”)…Allman
Brothers Band…1972

Chapter Fifteen

Nanjing, China, 2001

Rainy days are the same around world over,
wet
. I happen to like them, they inspire me. They compel me
to turn inward and embrace the true me. It’s not that way of the
masses however, I am aware. Weaklings merely tolerate a rainy day.
Everything must be so perfect for them, so, what is the word, oh
yes, comfortable (weak). To my mind a chill breeze, some mid-day
darkness courtesy a sky full of dark foreboding cumuli nimbus
clouds is bliss. To the others those attributes are a recipe for
gloom that drains the joy from even the cheeriest of souls. Still,
we do share a common thread, the weaklings and I. That is to say
that we all enjoy the peace of a warm fire and the comfort some hot
soup or cocoa brings to either turn accentuate or compensate for
such a day, like today.

The steam from my bowl of soup envelopes my
face with warmth and an aroma from Nirvana itself. Through the
pleasant mist I watch the rain fall steadily, the fat drops
bouncing so hard off the pavement that they seem to race back to
the cloud they came from. The little café is crowded with workers
eating a morning meal before they trudge onto work in the downpour.
It is loud with the chatter of people in a hurry but I am oblivious
to it all as I watch the steady stream of people exiting the
apartment complex across the street. I am waiting as has become my
practice lately, for my charge to come out of that building and
bounce down the steps on her way to school. She has grown so much
since when last I saw her, almost two years ago. Since then her
family has moved up in station thanks to their benefactor, an
unknown uncle of means. Young Mai Li is beginning to blossom and is
on a course toward a more proper future now, one that will
eventually suit my needs.

She appears at the top of the steps and then
walks down with a group of her mates. As they reach the bottom and
turn to continue onto school Mai Li stops abruptly. She pauses a
moment and tilts her head slightly as if she is listening hard for
something? She turns suddenly and looks back across the street in
my general direction. Her eyes search the crowd eating their meals.
She isn’t sure what she is looking for, how does one look for a
queer feeling anyway? It doesn’t matter, I could stand and waive to
her and she would not notice me. That is my strength, it is why I
am what I am and do what I do. I am always unnoticed,
unrecognizable. Still, I am pleased to see this strong instinct for
survival. It will be a future pleasure I think. I smile and return
to my soup as she turns and runs to catch up with her friends as
they splash their way to school in the pouring rain…like I
said…
bliss
…

--

Beverly Arms Apartment Homes,
Westwood…Saturday, Feb 21, 2009…10pm

--

I parked my old wreck up the street from
Judy’s place for a couple of reasons. Number one, the car was a
beat up old wreck and I didn’t want to embarrass her or me. Number
two, I figured I had a better chance of her opening the door if I
snuck up stealth-like rather than announcing my arrival with a
backfire or two from my old jalopy. I was already pushing my luck
with a drop in visit, no use tempting fate. I reached the walkway
that led to her front door about the same time as Judy did, how’s
that for luck, huh?

“Hey, who says prayers aren’t answered,” I
said, laying it on a little thick.

“What,
oh,
Whitey, sorry, you startled
me,” Judy replied fumbling with her keys.

“No problem doll, you didn’t take a swing at
me.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I should have? Actually
I’m glad you’re here.”

“Really,” I said trying not to look too
happy.

“Yeah, come on in, I’ve got something to show
you,” she said, leading me up the walk to her ground floor
apartment.

“Okay,” I replied, grinning like the Cheshire
cat in Alice’s wonderland.

I followed Judy into the apartment and
quickly surveyed her digs. It was a studio apartment so everything
but the bathroom was open to inspection by anyone who walked
inside. I was surprised how small it was and amazed how clean it
was. Hell, my dinky place at the Alexandria is bigger which makes
this place tiny! In fact, if it were any smaller she’d need to be a
midget to live here! Probably should’ve said
“little
person,”
sorry Wally
.
He’s my
vertically challenged
poker buddy…more about him later.
Be that as it may her flat
was squeaky clean, I mean spotless! I had originally pegged the
woman as an absent minded professor and half expected to see a
group of roaches playing hearts at her kitchen table. This spoke
volumes of the girl because I know that she spends very little time
here. Clearly there was a side of Judy Looney that I was unaware
of? Be still my heart!

“Make yourself at home Whitey, do you want a
drink?”

“Okay, um, sure, what do you have,” I asked
sitting on the sofa that likely doubled as her bed?

“I’ve got scotch and I’ve got scotch, what’ll
it be?”

“Tough choice, I’ll have the scotch,” I
replied sarcastically.

“Good choice wise guy, I like a man with a
sense of humor,” she said grinning.

“What can I say, when you’ve got it, flaunt
it, right,” I said leaning back, lacing my fingers behind my
head.

Judy walked over to the sofa-bed, handed me
my drink and sat down beside me. She took a quick sip of her scotch
then fumbled around in her bag looking for something. Setting her
drink down on the table in front of us she buried her hands and
arms up to her elbows into a large canvass bag on her lap.

“Ah, here it is! Okay, before I show you this
I need to ask a couple of questions,” she said, removing a thick
manila envelope and placing into her lap. She turned to look at me
and waited for my reply.

“Alright,” I answered taking another sip.

“Shoot.”

“Can you remember exactly what time it was
that you collected these threads?”

“Not exactly, no, but it was after midnight
and before 2am, I’m certain of that.”

“Interesting, why do you say that?”

“Because I waited exactly 4 hours after the
last of the cops left the crime scene, and, I made it to Casey’s
for last call on my way home, how’s that for certainty?”

“
Really?
That’s the best you can do? I
thought you gumshoes were always writing stuff down in your mini
steno pads? Let me guess, if you whip yours out right now all I’m
going to find is a short grocery list, a phone number or two, one
of which is likely to be mine you dreamer, and some less that
tasteful doodles of the fairer sex, right?”

“Who’s the detective now? Maybe you missed
your calling Judy. Oh, and if I whip
“mine”
out right now
you may be pleasantly surprised!”

“Not likely ace, I know all your dirty little
secrets, I’m dating your ex remember?”

“Sour grapes Judy, its all hearsay. First day
in detective school they teach you to never listen to angry
women.”

“Well Rhonda is Ronnie now so there goes the
angry female angle. And by the way, the first day in common sense
school is never listen to a bragging male, especially when they are
on the hunt.”

She got me with that one and my pregnant
pause seemed as if it were going to go full term. A bragging male,
was I really that obvious? Judy just grinned and took another sip
of scotch. Chuckling she put on her reading glasses and stared at
the pages in front of her. I braced myself for a second salvo but
it didn’t come.

“I’m kidding Whitey, don’t get defensive,”
she said with a cheerful smile. I didn’t reply.

“Alright, I guess I can work with that time
frame. Question two; did you handle the fibers with your fingers at
any time?”

“Give me some credit Dr. Looney, I know how
to work a crime scene.”

“I am giving you some credit Whitey, I’m
asking and not assuming.”

“Oh, ah okay, in that case, no, I used a pair
of tweezers.”

“Were they yours?”

“No, I got em off of the sink in the master
bath, why?”

“I guess you missed that day in cop school,
you know the one where they teach you about
preserving the crime
scene
,
sheesh!
”

“Alright, are your asking questions here or
just roasting me?”

“I’m just trying to make a theory stick but I
need to know all the random elements.”

“
Random elements?”

“Yeah, basically I need to allow for errors
by CSI, which in your case stands for criminally sloppy
investigator!”

“Are you gonna keep busting my balls here,
cause if you are I’m gonna need more scotch!”

“No, I’m through unless you can think of
anything else that may have touched those fibers once they were in
your pocket? Thank goodness you had enough focus to place them in a
baggie to minimize the contamination.”

“Finally, a little praise, thank you!”

“Don’t let it go to your head Whitey, I
haven’t told you the bad news yet.”

“What do you mean?

“You were right; those threads were off a
cop’s uniform, an LAPD cop specifically.”

“Outstanding! Any chance you can narrow it
down through DNA mumbo jumbo?”

“Actually, I already did that, twice, at a
cost that I’ll take to my grave thank you,” she replied leaning
back and draining the scotch from her glass.

“Alright, spill it doll, who’s our worm,” I
asked impatiently?

“You are Einstein; those threads came from a
uniform worn by you. Congratulations, you caught yourself,” Judy
answered with a shit eating grin!

“WHAT? That’s impossible, I haven’t been in
uniform in years, there has to be a mistake,” I exclaimed.

“I thought about that, even asked your ex
about it. Want to know what Ronnie said?”

“Not particularly.”

“She laughed herself silly and said she was
going to have to find another poker game because you were going to
the big house,” Judy said, hardly containing her amusement.

“What part of not particularly didn’t you
understand,” said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry slick; I couldn’t resist rubbing
your nose in it a little bit. If it’s any consolation, I did find
one other interesting fact NOT tied to you personally,” she
added.

“Ha-ha-ha,
don’t tell me
, you found
Jimmy Hoffa’s DNA as well. Now I’ll have to dodge the LAPD and the
Mob,
right?
”

“Good one Whitey, no, it’s nothing that
dramatic. I found trace elements of your sweet little Asian friend,
Jai Lai as well. I would have missed it except for the fact that I
had done some support work for the Coroner on the Rong/Lai murder
suicide investigation.”

That surprised me, Jai and I weren’t that
close? Lu and I were friends, Jai and I were acquaintances at best,
well, to be fair that was from my perspective only. He was always
friendly toward me and he was definitely the more gregarious of the
two,
and
, he was a notorious hugger. Could his cooties have
rubbed off onto my patrol duds on one of my regular stops at the
deli? I ran our history through my mind trying to remember when I
first started hanging out at their place? I’d been in plain clothes
as a detective for more years than I had been in uniform. But if
memory served I was still walking a beat when I started hitting the
SHO-M-U-LYKE-M
for free corned beef on rye twice a week.
Whatever the circumstances were I had a problem here. It wasn’t
going to take Lt. Dingle-berry long to connect the same dots that
Judy did. I figured I had about a two day head start on either
clearing my name or clearing out of LA, whichever it were to be I
needed to get busy. There wasn’t any time to waste being cute with
Dr. Looney.

“Thanks for going the extra mile Judy, I
appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome gumshoe; it’s the least I can
do for the guy who introduced me to my intended.”

“
Intended
, what, are you talking about
you and Rhonda?”

“It’s Ronnie now, and yes, that’s exactly who
I’m talking about.”

“Intended?”

“Yes, intended, well, as soon as the great
State of California gets their priorities straight, no pun
intended.”

“Oh brother!”

“No, we wouldn’t be siblings Whitey. Actually
we were considering adopting you. Ronnie’s has been talking about
getting a pet anyway,” Judy said getting up.

“Swell,” I replied draining my scotch glass
and handing it too her.

“Thanks for the news and the booze doll,” I
said as I walked out of her apartment.

Note to self, when this is all over I need to
seriously evaluate my circle of friends. Suddenly hermitage was
sounding pretty inviting! Maybe stir wouldn’t be so bad?

--

Through the looking glass…metaphorically
speaking…

--

This is very much like watching mice in a
maze. The silly rodents have no idea where they are going, only
that they must get there. These two together are interesting if not
amusing. Pity that they are not meant to be. I do so love being a
fly on their wall so to speak, delicious…

****

(So she went down, down to Tangie town. People down
there really like to get it on…”)…The Doors…1968

Chapter Sixteen

Carney’s, Sunset Blvd. LA, Sunday, Feb 22,
2009…midnight

The joint was packed tonight! There was even
a line to get into the small set of converted rail cars painted
mustard yellow and caboose red. The tall black and white Carney’s
sign glowed overhead in sharp contrast to the brilliant colors of
the Sunset Strip. Nevertheless the dull sign beckoned a hodgepodge
Saturday night crowd to come on in and eat up, drink up or sober up
with a combo meal from the diner’s infamous menu of chili dogs,
chili burgers, chili tacos, and chili fries, basically all things
chili. Sure, there were less radioactive items to choose from but
to do so labeled you either a Beverly Hills
silver spooner
or an uber eclectic
Nancy boy
from WeHo (West Hollywood) or
San Fran-swish-co. I was driving past this place heading north on
Sunset when I spotted him, Ray Ray. The same cop I saw with Jai the
other day at the Shabu Shabu joint. There he was sitting at a
window seat in Carney’s right now. He looked to be in a heated
discussion with some thug who was busy stuffing a chili and
sauerkraut hotdog into his bearded beak. How did I know what kind
of dog he was devouring you ask? If you knew me you wouldn’t have
to ask that. Hot dogs are my kryptonite.