The Gypsy's Dream (21 page)

‘
Sorry?’ Abby looks at Stella, puzzled.

‘
I am not half gypsy, I am all gypsy. “Dirty gypsy”,’ She quotes, her lips thin, tight. ‘I went to the lawyer to see “how the land lies” with the shop and the house and he told me by accident. My Baba is not my father, a gypsy is my father’.

A silence follows until Abby says,
‘Wow, harsh. Are you ok?’ She wipes the last traces of tears from her eyes.

‘
I was very upset, but then I met some gypsies.’ Stella takes out the ouzo bottle again and has another nip and sits, legs outstretched, her hand holding the bottle, resting on her knee.

‘
What happened?’ Abby asks.

‘
They didn’t see me as a gypsy.’ Abby continues to look at her, waiting for more. Stella jolts from her stare to turn to her. ‘They are proud people the gypsies, not all rough and “bars-tards” like my family.’ She offers Abby the bottle again. Abby shakes her head but continues to look at her. ‘The woman gypsy tells me that to be a gypsy must be in your heart. So I think what is in my heart. My Baba, my real Baba, he is in my heart.’ She looks around the room and then taps her chest. ‘He is in here, and so is the shop.’ She looks at Abby, whose eyes are swimming with tears again. ‘And you are there.’ She smiles and takes her hand. ‘And I have found Mitsos is there.’

‘
Mitsos? The old farmer with one arm?’ Abby cannot keep the surprise from her voice.

‘
Yes, the old farmer with one arm,’ she says deliberately.

‘
Oh. Yes, ok, I can see it. He is very kind.’ Abby backtracks.

‘
He is kind and thoughtful and he has lovely eyes, and he is tall and broad and not all his hair is grey.’ Stella screws the top onto the mini ouzo bottle and puts it back in her pocket. ‘And if he is in my heart and part of who I am then I am not a bad person. But I will tell you who is not there - Stavros.’

Abby
’s face tenses.

‘
Do not worry, my little one. In this searching of my heart when I found Mitsos and you and Vasso, I discovered something. There is a difference between love and, how you say, when you have many thanks for something?’

‘
Gratitude?’ Abby suggests.

‘
Yes, I will learn this word,’ Stella says quite loudly. ‘A difference between love and gratitude. For Stavros I never felt anything except gratitude and maybe a little bit of “eros”, how you say “sex”, when we were younger. But not love. He has never given me reason to love him.’

‘
Gratitude for what?’ Abby has taken Stella’s hand in both of hers and is playing with her fingers.

‘
I think he stopped the teasing for me being gypsy, when I married him. But now I am not so sure. When I saw the gypsy, so proud, you could not tease her. So now I am thinking that the teasing stopped because I had pride, because I walk with my head up after I married him.’ Stella sighs and sits silently for a second. ‘I think the teasing at school was just kids, but because I let my head drop the children they did it more and it became how it was.’ She pauses. ‘From my Mama,’ she clarifies, ‘she always walked with her head dropped. She never looked anyone in the eye.’ Again she pauses. ‘Because of her family, they were not nice.’ She takes a big breath and pushes herself back on the stool to straighten her back, still holding tightly to Abby’s hand. ‘And here I was about to follow the same thing with Stavros, watching my head drop year after year with how he treats me! I thought I wanted everything to stay the same. And then you came. You came and changed everything.’ She pats Abby’s hand.

‘
Me?’ Abby swallows.

‘
Yes, you. If you had not come along none of this would have happened, it would just have continued,’ Stella says.

‘
Oh, I am so sorry …’ Abby begins. A tear forms but does not fall.

‘
Sorry? Why sorry? You are not understanding. You came and took the curtains down so I could see. I am very sorry that you have the bruises but now it is open we can all see. Now we make the changes.’ Stella disentangles her fingers from Abby’s to embrace her. As she holds her tight, her eyes glaze over with bliss. Her hold becomes more fierce until a new kind of tears fall from her eyes. They finally, gently separate.

‘
I think this is how I would feel if I had a child,’ Stella says. Her face is open and relaxed.

Abby
’s cheeks redden. She does not say anything, looking to the floor.

‘
You know what I think?’ Stella asks. Abby shakes her head. ‘I think that if I had a child things would have been so different. I mean of course they would have been different, but I think that I would have been thinking of the child and not myself. I would not have been thinking what people thought of me being gypsy. I would have held my head up with pride in my child. I think I would have talked to other mothers and forgotten my birth. I would be a mother, not a gypsy. I wonder how long I would have put up with Stavros’ way of talking if I had a child?’ She looks around the room. ‘So!’ Stella’s voice has energy. ‘What will we do?’

‘
I need my passport,’ Abby replies

‘
Oh yes, ok, we get your passport, and then?’

‘
Maybe I need to go home, I feel alone here. The only person who speaks English is you.’

‘
Ok, we can fix that now, come. Enough of this dirty shed.’

Juliet makes more tea and takes it outside on a tray with another box of tissues.

‘So Sonia met him online?’ she clarifies.

‘
Sort of, well yes. She was a friend of a friend on Facebook. Dad found her comments funny and they friended,’ Abby says. She looks at the pomegranate trees, their black trunks starkly silhouetted against the whitewashed wall, flowers planted underneath in the shade, pinks, purples and white.

Stella sits silently, her head turning to look at Juliet or Abby as they speak. Occasionally she looks up to the view of the hills beyond the garden wall. The craggy summits call out to be climbe
d.

‘
Turned out that she lived in Bradford too,’ Abby adds, looking across the patio at the plants in pots. One tall pot’s neck glistens, filled with water. A wasp hovers in the cool over the surface. One of the cats slinks towards the earthenware urn and, in one elegant move, places its front feet up on the rim and elongates its neck to drink.

‘Bradford! Is that where you come from? I grew up there.’ Juliet smiles, the sober mood held on pause.

‘
No?’ Abby’s face brightens a little and she turns to look at Juliet, re-assesses her, looking for familiar traits in her face.

‘
Yes, first seven years of my life. You don’t have an accent?’ Juliet says.

‘
Neither do you. I was born in Kent, then we went to live in Warwick. We’ve only been in Bradford since Dad got the job there, four years.’

‘
Small world. Stella, more tea? I think it will have brewed now.’

‘
Yes please Juliet, milk no sugar.’ Stella speaks carefully, forcing an English accent. Both Juliet and Abby smile, hanging on to the chance to keep the mood lighter.

They focus on the tea tray, their faces grow stern again.

‘So what’s the problem - you don’t like Sonia?’ Juliet’s voice falls back into a lower cadence.

‘
She tries to act as my mum, and then, other times, she acts like a friend, which she’s not. But mostly it’s Dad.’ Abby’s voice holds anger, her face fierce.

‘
Sugar?’ Juliet asks. Abby nods and holds up her index finger.

‘
He says it would be more useful if I stay at home to help with the baby. He says there is no point in doing A levels.’

‘
Education is never wasted.’ Juliet emphasizes her words with the baton of a delicate silver teaspoon, the residual drops of tea falling to the tiled floor, creating dark spots.

‘
But he sees
A
levels as what you do to get into university, and seeing as university is not a possibility I may as well stay at home and help Sonia look after the baby.’ Abby’s eyes are on the fallen tea-drops which widen as they soak in.

‘
Not possible because you have to pay now, you mean?’ Juliet asks. Abby nods before looking up to say, ‘That’s why I came to Greece. A friend of mine told me about this bar and I emailed the guy. I thought if I could show Dad how I could earn money in the summer to pay for my uni fees he might let me stay on to do A levels.’

‘
Ah. This is the job that you were trying to get to Saros for, but ended up here instead,’ Juliet clarifies. Both Stella and Abby nod. Juliet sits drinking her tea, her eyes not focused on anything outward.

‘
So, is your dad adamant that you will not stay at school?’ Juliet asks.

‘
It was the way he said it, that it would be better if I helped Sonia look after the baby. Like I should not think of myself any more,’ Abby says. ‘I grew up with no mum. When I was tiny Dad looked after me but as I grew it became more even. I did jobs around the house, made breakfast, washed up. I can remember, when I turned thirteen, thinking that I was a teenager and that I must learn to cook properly. So I did. That year I took on the cooking, not just the breakfast, and also the clothes washing. I even took on organising the money, paying the bills and stuff ’cause I am good at maths.’ Stella looks at Abby sharply at this comment. ‘Dad and I were very close.’ Abby stops to drink some tea. Stella opens her mouth to speak but Juliet, almost imperceptibly, purses her lips and raises her eyebrows in a Greek ‘no’. Stella closes her mouth and responds with an equally imperceptible nod of agreement.

‘
Then he started to say I should go out with my friends, find a boyfriend, have more fun. I thought I must have upset him so I worked harder at school to please him and did more at home. But it still seemed like he wasn’t pleased with me. So I worked harder still. Then he seemed to relax a little and it was like old times.’ Abby grabs for a tissue, pre-empting her next response. ‘Then I found out about Sonia and it all fitted. His relaxedness, his happiness was not from me working harder but because he had met her.’ She dabs at her eyes.

‘
And that is how it has been ever since. Sonia first, me forgotten.’ The tears come with noise, and both Juliet and Stella lay comforting hands on her back as she sobs.

‘
That is hard.’ Juliet’s voice is soft and kind. ‘It sounds as if you feel you have lost him to her.’

‘
Yes, yes, that is exactly it!’ Abby’s voice, through her tears, excited to be understood. Juliet strokes Abby’s hair until the initial tears subside to a snivel.

Juliet takes a breath and says, in a very measured tone,
‘Let’s just say you did go to uni, you would make lots of friends …’ She pauses to allow the words space to become real. ‘Even if you went to Bradford uni the chances are you would spend all your time either in lectures, in the library studying or hanging out with friends.’ She lets these thoughts dangle for a moment before adding, ‘Staying overnight with friends, now and again perhaps.’ There is a slight pause before she adds, ‘There would be a pretty good chance you would meet someone, someone special.’ Juliet waits.

Abby looks up at her, curiosity on her face.

‘Do you think that all sounds possible?’ Juliet asks her.

Abby nods.

‘If you met someone special you would probably want to spend all your free time with them. That’s usually how it goes.’ She smiles kindly.

Abby
’s wet eyes are held fixed on Juliet’s as she continues to predict the future.

‘
So with you in lectures and the library all day, and with friends, and maybe someone special, the rest of the time you may make it home just to do your washing or sleeping, unless you bunk on someone’s floor.’

‘
Bunk,’ Stella repeats, testing the word. The finality of her pronunciation indicates she has clearly understood its meaning and seems to enjoy the word.

Abby doesn
’t hear Stella, she is still staring at Juliet.

‘
If that person is special, who knows what may follow after university? But whether they are or not you could go on to do more education or you could take a job that follows on from your degree. That job could be at the other end of the country.’ She takes another sip of tea before asking, ‘Do you think that all sounds possible?’ Abby nods. Juliet puts her cup down. Stella and Abby wait for what Juliet will say next. Juliet becomes aware of both of them.

‘
Well?’ she asks and looks at them both. ‘With no Sonia, where would your dad be when you, the love of his life, are doing all this?’

Abby
’s eyes widen, her lips part.

Stella sighs her understanding and nods sagely.

Juliet drinks her tea.

The cats bump heads and one begins to lick the other.

A donkey on some distant hill hee-haws his loneliness.

‘
But he hasn’t just found Sonia as a convenience, he says he loves Sonia,’ Abby says quietly. Her voice sounds younger than her years.

‘
We find what we need in life. He may not have known it clearly but he needed to find Sonia. Sonia, and the baby, are his future. You have yours.’

Stella grabs a tissue and dabs at her eye
s.

Abby grabs a tissue and blows her nose.

Juliet picks up a cat and strokes it.

‘
When I started doing my GCSEs I got different teachers that year. It was suddenly all changed.’ Abby looks for somewhere to throw her now-scrunched tissue, but finding nowhere continues to hold it. ‘Because I began to do so much at home I related more to the teachers.’ She smiles and gives a short laugh. ‘I swapped cooking tips with my maths teacher and I even gave my drama teacher advice on how to unblock his sink. I felt different from the other kids, but different from the teachers too. Neither one nor the other.

‘
This was at the same time that Dad first got together with Sonia, and I would see him, he would act one way with her and then another way with me. I accused him of being two-faced but a part of me saw he was in the same position as I was at school.’ Abby looks out towards the far mountains. ‘But I was … too angry … or selfish perhaps, to admit it.’

With no warning she begins to cry loudly. Stella shuffles closer to
her and gathers her in her arms, rocking her, kissing her hair. Juliet puts a hand on Abby’s back and pats her.

‘
And I just left him,’ Abby blurts between sobs. ‘I told myself I was coming to Greece to prove I could work my way through uni, which is sort of true but … oh Daddy, I came to hurt him. To show him how painful it would be if he pushed me out, if I was gone.’ She sobs anew. Stella grabs some more tissues and blows her own nose while still holding Abby.

‘
I need to call him,’ Abby says, sitting upright and breaking free of Stella’s comfort.

‘
Yes, it would be a good idea,’ Juliet agrees.

Abby looks expectantly at her. Stella glances inside.

‘But … here’s a thought,’ Juliet says slowly. ‘If you call him now, of course he would be delighted to hear from you, but you are calling him upset and in a tough spot, as they say.’

Abby and Stella look at Juliet as if she is about to predict the future again.

‘What if we could sort out the tough spot, and maybe then you could call offering only good news?’

‘
You have an idea?’ Stella asks. Abby holds her breath.

‘
Oh no, no, not at all.’ Juliet’s eyes widen. She waves her hands in front of her to dispel any misunderstanding.

‘
Oh. You sounded like you had thought of something.’ Stella sounds disappointed.

‘
I don’t know.’ Juliet rubs her forehead. ‘I was kind of thinking of the whole thing. Abby needing funding, you needing something to fall back on depending on what happens with Stavros.’

Abby looks up at his name. Stella holds her protectively.
‘Let him try!’ Stella hisses. ‘Oh Juliet, listen.’ She adds, ‘I learn a new word. He is bars-tard.’

Juliet shakes her head and her eyebrows raise in the middle.
‘Well I guess it is a word used often by English people, but I wouldn’t use it if I were you.’

‘
He is bars-tard, even if I don’t say it.’ She hugs Abby to her. ‘Anyway, what you were saying?’ Stella urges Juliet on.

‘
I was thinking of your dad’s place. I am glad you have found it, by the way. You have mentioned that memory a few times so I am glad it is a real place.’

‘
What about my Baba’s place?’ Stella pushes.

‘
It was also the look that you gave Abby when she said she was good at maths and did the family bills. You were going to say something?’

‘
I was going to ask her if she would do my numbers for the shop.’

‘
Accounts,’ Juliet prompts.

‘
Yes, accounts, but now is not the time to be talking such things.’

Juliet is still frowning. She stands up and goes inside. She is gone for some minutes.

‘It’s easy, look,’ she shouts from inside.

Stella gets up and Abby follows her. Juli
et is sitting at the kitchen table with her laptop.

‘
What’s easy?’ Stella asks looking over her shoulder at the screen. ‘Oh that’s like the table for the candles up at my Baba’s
apothiki
.’

‘
”Hut”,’ Juliet corrects, but Stella does not hear her as she watches the video of a man doing what she remembers her baba doing.

‘
I love YouTube,’ Abby murmurs. The two-minute film comes to an end. Stella sniffs.

‘
Baba did that,’ she says sadly.

Juliet types and presses return, another video. They watch for a moment in s
ilence.

‘
Yes, look, he will take the frame off and cut the soap now. It used to smell so good.’ Stella is almost bouncing on the balls of her feet. Abby smiles at her animation. The film comes to an end.

‘
We should do it!’ Abby says. Juliet smiles at her.

‘
Do what?’ Stella asks. She looks from Abby to Juliet for the answer but it takes her by surprise when it comes from inside herself.