The Healer: First Touch

by Amy C. Clapp

For my husband Jim: You are my soul.
You are my breath.
It is for you that I live,
I exist...My Protector.

I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air to fill my aching lungs. I looked back into pitch darkness. I couldn't see anything, but I knew it was chasing me. I could hear its labored breathing as it followed me. My heart hammered, and fear and anxiety coursed through my body, awakening all my nerves. It was getting closer. I could feel it. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. My throat was so dry that only a low gurgle escaped.

Desperately, I searched for help, but no one was there. There were rows and rows of thick dark trees. I was terrified to look behind me because I knew it was so close and I was afraid to see it. A vicious snarl escaped its lips as it advanced. I was slowing. I urged my legs to move faster, but I felt like I was carrying heavy weights. I tried to scream, but only a squeak came out. Fear gripped my heart and panic held my brain in a vise.

I thought about Oma Clare.
Will she be okay when I am gone? How will she take my death?
I vaguely registered the thought that I knew I was going to die. It was just a matter of seconds before the thing chasing me grabbed me and ripped me to shreds. I could feel its hot breath on the back of my neck.

Since I couldn't run from it any longer and I couldn't scream for help, I turned to look at my pursuer. My heart pounded hard and fast in my chest. Tears streamed down my cheeks as the fear became stifling. I gasped for air but could not scream.

There was only blackness. I squinted my eyes to see into the darkness. I could hear it breathing, deep and noisy. I realized I was shaking. "What do you want from me?"

A low, sinister chuckle emanated from the darkness before me. And then it spoke. "You...dead," it snarled.

"Why?" I sobbed, "Why me?"

It began to laugh. The laughter became louder and even more sinister as a dark figure emerged from the shadows. At first, all I could make out was a black mass with what appeared to be two yellow eyes staring at me. Although the rest of its shape was blurred, the creature's eyes were clear. Yellow, hard and filled with hatred. The blurry mass had no real shape. It seemed to drift toward me like dark smoke. Although I was terrified, I was also curious. Tears still trickled down my cheeks, but I was no longer sobbing.

As the figure moved toward me, it began to shift and quiver. It gurgled and snarled and took shape in front of me. It grew taller and wider, forming two legs and two arms. A long tattered, black cloak shrouded the creature, covering it from the top of its head down over its legs and feet. Its piercing yellow eyes shone in the darkness of its shadowed faced. It floated closer to me and I realized it was much bigger then me.

"Run! Now!"
The creature was terrifying. The hair on the back of my neck prickled, warning me to take flight far away from the creature. But, I couldn't move. I was frozen. My feet felt as though they were cemented to the ground. The only part of my body moving was my rapidly beating heart.

The creature hissed. "Ahhhh, I hear your heart, young healer. Beating so strong, so fast." It tilted its shrouded head to the side as if it were contemplating me. "But not for long." It chuckled menacingly. The sharp, yellow eyes pierced my soul. I closed my eyes to escape them.

It spoke again. "And where is your protector, young one? Not here to stop me?"

"Protector?" I stammered. "I don't know what you're talking about." The creature just snarled. "Why do you want me dead?" I was sobbing and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears.

"So naïve," it said. "Because you're so powerful. And I need that power." The creature shrieked.

I covered my ears to block out its shrieking. "Stop it!"

The creature raised one of its shrouded arms. The tattered sleeve fell back to expose a pale, bony hand. Sharp, black nails protruded from each bony finger. Its hand pointed at me, palm down. The creature slowly turned its hand, palm up and the hand began to shake. The creature snarled and gurgled.

The choking sensation I was experiencing before worsened. I was suffocating. I grabbed a hold of my own neck as I desperately tried to stop whatever was strangling me. Panic overtook my brain as I gasped and gagged. The creature's shrieks became louder and more maniacal as the choking sensation intensified. My mind, desperate to find an escape, thought of Jamie. He always seemed to come to my rescue. My eyes frantically searched for his familiar face. The creature began to chuckle again. I glanced at its feet and there lay an all too familiar body. Although I could not see his face, I recognized the blonde hair pulled back into a low ponytail.

It had somehow gotten Jamie, although I didn't remember Jamie being here earlier. A sob escaped my throat. "No." And the choking sensation worsened again.

Just when I thought I would succumb to the dark creature's grip, a calm swelled deep in my chest. It emanated through my torso and down each limb. The sensation strengthened and I no longer felt that I was choking. My throat was no longer dry and scratchy. I could still feel the creature's grip on me, but it was not so suffocating.

Whatever I was feeling, the creature felt too. "No!" it shrieked. "I have her. You will not protect her this time!"

And then I felt strong, warm arms envelope me. It was like being pulled into a sturdy, safe shelter. Instantly, I could breathe and I knew the creature no longer had a grip on me. As I settled into safety, I let a soft sigh of relief escape my lips. I could feel my heart begin to slow to a normal pace. I could hear the creature pacing and snarling on the other side of my strong barrier. I knew it was desperately trying to find a weakness to the fortress keeping me safe. Then I smelled a wonderfully familiar scent - cool and musky. My mind became fuzzy. I tried to focus on the scent which reminded me vaguely of an autumn day. As I searched my foggy, sleepy mind for the source of the familiarity, he spoke.

"You are safe Jacey. I will not let that thing get to you. I will always protect you."

My eyes flew open. I expected to see his face, close to mine. But instead, I stared at my bedroom ceiling. It had been a dream. He wasn't here. I was alone in my bedroom.

I sat up in bed placing my hand over my heart. It was still racing from the dream and I was sweating. I rubbed my forehead with my palm.
Some dream. It was so real.
I could still feel his warmth. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around myself wanting to feel him for as long as I could.

When the warmth faded from my arms, I fell back on my bed. The early morning sunlight streamed through my bedroom window shining across my face. I squeezed my eyes tighter, trying to keep the light out. But the sunlight was bright, too bright.
Ugh.
Is it morning already?
I cursed myself for not closing my blinds before going to bed. Throwing my arm over my eyes, I squeezed my eyes tighter, desperately trying to go back to sleep. I wanted to return to the dream I was having before sunlight so rudely interrupted.

The dream. I tried to remember, to again feel the safety I felt in his arms. I wanted to go back to the shelter he provided. Shelter from what, I didn't really know. I just wanted to feel it again. Sighing, I knew it was no use. I was awake.

With my eyes still closed, I let my mind wander and thought about the dream. I had experienced it many times before and it was always the same: something or someone chasing me. Sometimes it was an animal: a large, black dog, teeth bared and growling. Sometimes it was a faceless creature whose long, black cloak dragged silently behind him. The image of my pursuer changed, but the fear I felt at being pursued was always the same: heart pounding panic. I could never run fast enough. I could never scream loud enough. The creature just kept coming for me. Even now, lying awake in bed, I could feel the fear creeping into my mind and heart again.

Then I thought about him. My shelter. My safety. As I tried to remember him, I could feel my heartbeat slowing to a normal pace. I didn't even know who he was. I never saw his face. I only felt his presence. His warm arms would cradle me, keeping me safe and preventing my pursuer from catching and hurting me.

Opening my eyes, I stared up at the ceiling in my bedroom. I knew I should get up. I heard Oma Clare downstairs in the kitchen preparing for the day, brewing the strong Columbian coffee that she would drink all day long. She was humming one of her favorite hymns. The tune was familiar, but I struggled to remember the song's name.

I grabbed the covers of my bed and yanked them over my head.
Ugh!
I just wasn't ready to start another mundane day in the life of me: Jacey Brindle. Thankfully, it was Saturday. At least I wouldn't have to go to school today. High school was painful, a prison filled with social rejection and mindless frivolity. I couldn't think of a worse waste of time than sitting in class barely paying attention to another mind-numbing lecture about stuff I would never use. I mean, when would calculus derivatives or the lytic life cycle of a bacteriophage ever be vital to my existence? I abhorred attending school, but did so with the comforting notion that my sentence would soon be over.

I slowly pulled down the covers, allowing my eyes to peek out from beneath them. The bright light made me squint until my eyes adjusted. The sunshine promised a beautiful spring day ahead. It was early May and graduation day was fast approaching. Groaning again, I thought about graduation and all that would accompany that teenage right of passage. There would be the ceremony itself, with all the phony pomp and circumstance. And Oma had insisted on a party to celebrate. I remembered Oma's excitement about planning the affair, all the details she'd rattled off to me none of which I'd heard. I really just wanted to take my diploma and get on with my life - start college and find a job. But I knew, Oma wanted to celebrate and I would allow all of the fuss for her. At least graduation would surely bring change in my life. Maybe, just maybe something new would finally happen to me.

I pulled the covers all the way off and sat up, rubbing my face briskly to chase away the final remnants of sleep. Taking the rubber band from around my wrist, I pulled my long, brown hair into a quick pony tail. I went to the small bathroom across the hall from my bedroom and splashed cold water on my face. With water still dripping off my chin and nose, I stared at the reflection in the mirror in front of me. An ordinary teenage girl stared back. Nothing special or exotic, just ordinary. Round face, dimpled chin, square nose that turned up slightly at the end, freckles dotting the nose and cheeks and two large brown. Yep. Just ordinary. Nothing special about her. About me.

I quickly brushed my teeth, wondering if I should go for a run. It was a beautiful morning and had already begun to warm up a little. The weather had been unseasonably warm for early May. Today promised to be no different. A good, long run was exactly what I needed to clear the dream from my head.

I went back into my bedroom to change. Oma Clare had begun to fry eggs and their smell mixed with the others floating up the stairs. She was humming a different hymn now. I pulled on some leggings and a tank top and grabbed my favorite Michigan State University sweatshirt off the floor pulling it over my head. I sat on the edge of the bed, tying up my running shoes one at a time. When I was finished, I stood up and looked at my reflection in the full length mirror on my closet door one last time before heading downstairs. Yep. Just ordinary. Nothing special. Certainly not worth protecting. Not worth being pursued like my dream.

I bounded down the stairs and headed into the kitchen. Kissing Oma Clare quickly on the cheek I said, "I'm going for a run."

"Good morning to you too," Oma quipped. "Don't you want any breakfast first? It's all ready," she continued, holding out a plate with two fried eggs, several slices of bacon, and two toasted pieces of bread.

The food looked delicious and I could feel my mouth watering. "Oma, you know I can't eat before I run. It makes me sick."