The Heart (26 page)

Jack stopped his feet. I stumbled forward into his chest and kept my head buried there.

“Rose?” He’d felt it. He’d seen it. He knew.

I kept my eyes tightly shut as he again addressed me with patience. “Rose.”

I opened my eyes to see his wide smile, and that smile undid me.

“I have to use the restroom.” I leaned in, gave him a light kiss, escaping his arm just as he reached to keep me with him. I raced through the crowd, tears coming fast and hard as I pushed past people and saw the line. Panicking, I pushed again through the same offended crowd and out the front door. “Oh shit,” I said as I ran away from the never-ending crowd of people. “Oh shit,” I mouthed into my palm as I found refuge in between buildings shrouded in darkness and away from the noise.

I made quick work of gathering myself, knowing Jack would come looking for me sooner rather than later.

“Don’t do this to me,” I begged the pumping vessel that betrayed me. “I can’t do this again!”

I put my hands against the brick wall and took several calming breaths. I was running out of time and was still visibly shaking. My connection with Jack was natural. It was always going to happen.

Taking one last calming breath, I wiped my face and rounded the corner to go back.

I froze when I saw Jack at the entrance of the bar. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and he was clearly looking for me. I put on my game face as I moved toward him. I stopped dead in my tracks as a beautiful brunette approached him. Not stopping my stride, I watched their exchange. Jack, clearly irritated, searched around her, looking toward the street for me.

My fear morphed in to jealousy at seeing another woman so close to him. I stopped just short of him, his back angled toward me as I listened to the conversation he wasn’t interested in having.

“You lose your dance partner? I’d be happy to save one for you.” She really was beautiful, but by the way she looked at him, she was definitely interested in more than dancing.

“I’m all set,” he said, clipped and clearly finished with her. “Have a good night.”

I watched her face fall, but she remained where she was. “How about a drink, then?”

“Actually, I was hoping you would come over and give me a chance to talk to you.” I reared my head back in shock, as did she. Anger coursed through my veins as his next words struck me in the chest one by one.

“I can see you’ve got a body full of sin.”

Her eyes widened as she leaned in closer, clearly turned on by the Cajun accent. He was laying it on thick. She scanned his body, hanging on his every word as I stood motionless and furious, waiting on his next words.

“And I speak now on behalf of Jesus Christ to let you know you can be forgiven. God loves all his children no matter the amount of sins. Would you care to pray for your soul right here on the street?”

For the second time, I clamped a hand over my mouth but couldn’t control the laughter that escaped me as she looked at Jack with confusion before stuttering her reply.

“I... I... I’m all set, thanks.”

“Jesus loves you,” he called out after her as she fled from him like she’d been lit on fire. Jack’s hand shot out behind him, making it obvious he knew I was listening, and he pulled me into him as I laughed hysterically. After a solid minute of nonstop belly laughter, I looked up to see the same smile I’d just fled from.

“Nothing like a little religion to scare people away,” he said with a chuckle as I shook my head. “Why are people so afraid of Jesus? He was the best of all humans.”

“He was,” I agreed as I wrapped myself tightly around him, my laughter slowly fading.

“It’s not right to run from something that’s good for you,” he said in a whisper as he wrapped his arms around my waist then looked down at me. I nodded without a good response.

“Beb, don’t disappear from me like that, okay?”

“The line was too long, I had to find—”

Gray eyes pierced me as my lie died on my lips. “Okay.”

“Let’s go home.” He made quick work of fusing our hands and pulled me across the street to our parked car. After he’d shut my door and joined me in the front seat, we smiled at each other.

“Do you do that often?”

“Often enough.”

“You are wicked,” I said with a conspiratorial smile before asking the question on the tip of my tongue. “What do you believe, Jack?”

“No, no way, not tonight,” he said, cutting the air between us with his hand.

“And why is that?” I asked as I closed the space between us and planted a suggestive tongue-filled kiss on his neck. Jack let me explore him but stopped my hand just as it reached the hard bulge in his pants. He wrapped my sweat-dampened hair in his hand and pulled it tightly, forcing my lips from his neck.

With heat in his eyes and lust in his voice, he gave me the only answer I could want. “Because you’ve got a body full of sin, beb, and tonight I want to be your only redeemer.”

“Earth to Rose,” Jules spouted as I sat with my sneaker in my lap, replaying the marathon of breath-stealing moments that followed that night.

“I hate you.” She sighed as she took a seat next to me on the bench. “But I’m happy for you.”

“Me too,” Jamie said as she eyed me from her open locker. “Even though
we
are the ones actively
looking
for a man while you hide in this hospital. Even though
he
practically fell in your lap while
we
suffer awkward dates. Even though
we
have to deal with the SPAM eaters of the wor—”

“Shut up, Jamie. Don’t be jealous. It’s bad karma,” Jules snapped. “And we need good Juju for tonight.”

I looked between them with a smile. “What’s tonight?”

“Want to come?” Jamie asked, taking the bench opposite of us. I smirked at her polka dot covered scrubs. The girl refused to wear anything without color. “We’re going to the Stockyards. Jules is ready to find a new cowboy.”

My grin broadened as I declined. “No, I was just there, actually. Jack took me dancing.”

Jules looked heavenward as she scrubbed her face. “Of course he did.”

“Now
you
sound jealous,” I said as I scowled at her while I laced my shoe.

“I am, and so in punishment, we’re Ubering it to your place when we strike out tonight so you can share in our agony. So have Advil and something greasy ready for consumption. I’m exhausted from adulting and need to be free of these shackles.”

“Fine,” I said with a laugh and then scanned them both with hopeful eyes. “But what if you don’t strike out?” I dodged Jamie’s bra as she threw it at me, followed by Jules’ heavy brush.

Warding off the assault of toiletries being hurled at me, I waved my white flag. “Fine, I’ll be ready, but do me the honor of warning me ladies, okay? I may not be alone.”

“I thought Jack was in Lubbock?”

“He is—” I sighed “—but he’s supposed to be back tonight or tomorrow, job permitting.”

“I guess,” Jules said, approaching me and looking ten feet tall though she barely cleared my chin, “we should be flattered you would push him aside for a night ender with us.”

“Yes, you should be,” I said, recalling the nights I’ve missed with my sister since Dean became her priority, “but you were here first.”

“See this, this right here is why I like her,” Jules said pointedly at Jamie.

“I was on a date,” Jamie defended as they resumed an argument I wasn’t familiar with. I left them to their squawking as a text came through.

Jennifer: I’m pregnant again! I hate him!

I laughed hard as I made my way to the break room to down some last minute coffee. I sat back in the empty room as I replied.

Rose: Congrats ☺

Jennifer: I can see your evil smile from California, jerk. Think you might find time to meet one of them before I have a litter and can’t distinguish names?

I felt a wave of guilt cross over me as I thought of how much time had passed since I’d seen her. I’d almost missed her wedding several months after Grant’s death in a bout of pure selfishness. I’d pushed through, and was thankful for it, because Jennifer had been there for me the majority of my adult life. I doubt she would have forgiven me.

Rose: A weekend after we open the center. I promise.

Jennifer: Please. I still need to know you. I love you, bitch.

Rose: Love you too.

I held my fingers over the keys, tempted to tell her about Jack. I typed a paragraph to let her know I was doing what she’d been praying for the last few years, but I deleted it word by word. I ignored the opening door of the break room until I saw Dean walk in.

“Dean,” I said, looking at him with a smile. He looked down at me, softness in his eyes. The same look he’d given me when I first met him almost twenty years ago. “Going into surgery?”

“Hysterectomy,” he said. “You?”

“Assist on gallbladder, and I’ll need this,” I said, shifting my eyes down to my coffee cup as I took a sip.

“It feels totally different when you’re in charge,” he assured me, pouring his own cup before he sat down next to me. I sensed Dean’s brief hesitation and already knew his question before he spoke. “Tell me about Jack.”

“I’ll kick her ass and then yours if you tell my father,” I said without hesitation. “She just can’t keep anything from you, can she? God, it’s like when you two got married I lost secrecy.”

“I’m persuasive,” he said with a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes. “And I’m sure I’ll get another niece or nephew out of it so I’m not griping.”

Dean sat back in his chair as smooth as ever as he looked at me with a devilish grin. “Tell me.”

I let out a harsh breath as my brother-in-law grilled me about Jack. I trusted Dean with my life and had no issue with the truth. Dallas knew that so I forgave her for telling Dean. He’d always been a bit protective over me. I looked to him after a few minutes of telling him enough of what he would want to know: that Jack treated me well, that he was truly the good guy he portrayed himself to be. I leaned in, knowing my next question may tell him more than anything else.

“Dean?”

I felt my chest tighten as I walked over to the coffee pot so he couldn’t read my nervous posture.

“If you hadn’t come back for Dallas, or if she’d been married to Josh when you got here and you were forced to move on—” I turned to meet his eyes, not wanting to miss a second of his reaction “—do you think you could have loved again? I mean, really loved? Like you love her?”

I saw the answer immediately and felt my lip tremble despite my best effort. Everything in me sank as he remained quiet for a long moment. My brother, who I loved more than anything in the world, refused to lie to me, and though I respected him for it, I felt my anger flare.

“Rose—”

“Don’t. Don’t worry about it. I need to go scrub in.”

Dean stood and blocked the door, a helpless expression on his face.

“It’s a different situation,” he offered in poor excuse.

“Bullshit,” I said, no longer able to mask my hurt. “The only difference is mine died and yours is alive—thank God for that—but how can you expect me to believe it, too? You two have pushed me so damned hard to move on, but if you couldn’t, how can you expect me to?”

“Rose,” he said again, his voice pained as he let me pass to open the door. I paused with my hand on the knob, feeling guilty for making him feel like shit for simply being honest. There was no other love for him than Dallas and never would be.

“I’m sorry I asked,” I said sincerely and plastered a forced smile on my face. “But you know what? You gave me the next best thing: Grant and Anna. I love them so much Dean. You gave me that.” I walked out just as the rest of the pain surfaced and burst through my chest.

Later that night, I sat on my deck, wrapped in the quilt we’d made love on, replaying my time with Jack. I pulled it firmly around me as I thought of Dean’s words or lack thereof. He was convinced he could never love again the way he did Dallas. And that had been the truth for my parents as well. If this was the case, how in the hell was I expected to do it?

Was I capable? It sure had felt like love on that dance floor and every time I was in his arms. When Jack was near, I had tunnel vision. He was my sole focus and more than enough to keep me sated both in mind and body. But my heart?

My fucking heart?

Minutes later, as I pondered the ability of the muscle in my chest, it leaped as I heard the rumble of Jack’s bike. I looked up to see him flying down the path. I’d been waiting on the two Js to arrive, drunk and jilted, and had a mess of food ready as promised. I just wanted a bit of girl talk but it was getting late.

Jack took off his helmet, unaware I was watching him, and looked up to the house. The inside was lit, and I knew he was looking for movement. And though I felt my chest stretch at the sight of him, I remained quiet as he surveyed my home. He stood for several minutes just watching, the look on his face unmistakable. There was something in there he wanted and that something was me.