The Heart Has Reasons (21 page)

What
a freaking idiot she’d been.  Once again, she’d let fear control her.

Shadows
lengthened as the candles began guttering.  His eyes had returned to hers,
and he was watching her intently.  “What’s going on in that head of
yours?”

He
mustn’t know she knew he was lying.  “Most of the time you seem to be a
decent human being and yet, conversely, you’re capable of killing a policeman
in cold blood.  Did killing people in Afghanistan harden you to taking
lives?”

“It’s
easier to kill a person who’s trying to kill you, but one
never
becomes
inured to taking human life.  I did
not
want to kill him and, had
you’d forced me to, we
both
would’ve had to endure that guilt for the
rest of our lives.”

Eyelids
growing heavy, she covered her mouth and yawned.  “I guess I would have
been the lucky one then, since the rest of my life can be counted in hours.”

“Goddamn
it, how many times have I’ve  told you to drop that fucking bullshit!”

Flipping
him the bird, she closed her eyes and allowed sleep to pull her into its
welcoming embrace. 

* * * * *

It was still dark when a dream-induced
spike of desire caused Larissa to stir.  Her lower belly felt tight with
want and anticipation, her breasts full.  Only half awake, she pressed
herself tighter to him.  Nuzzling her face to his shoulder, she caressed
his chest, trailed a hand across the rippling firmness of his stomach, then
slipped lower yet, to run along the pajama-covered length of his erect penis. 
It responded to her touch with a jerk, causing a rush of heat to flutter
through her stomach.

She
was fumbling with the drawstring to his pajamas when she came fully awake.

What
the freaking hell?

Outside,
rain pattered softly against the window.  Not daring to breathe, she
lifted her hand and started to ease slowly away from him.

Voice
tinged with amusement, he said, “Don’t stop now.”

“I’m
so sorry!” she blurted as heat flamed into her cheeks.  “How long have you
been awake?”

“Longer
than you.”  Low and husky, his voice seemed to strum her body, making it
hum like a tuning fork.  “That must have been some dream you were having.”

She
rolled away from him, all hot and fluttery.  “I’m so embarrassed. 
It’s those freaking pills you force me to take.”

“Do
you mean the pills I forced you take
once
?  The ones that you now
constantly beg for?”

“Shut
up.  I despise you.”

“I
could tell that by the way you were fondling me.”

“Screw
you!”

The
amusement in his voice was obvious as he said to the back of her head, “Don’t
blame it on the pills, don’t apologize, and don’t be embarrassed.  We’re
both healthy adults, and sleeping in the same bed has been tough on both of
us.  Besides, I can think of no better way to be awakened.”

Her
face flamed hotter.  He was right though.  Having to sharing a bed
was extremely trying.  She could only imagine how rough it had been for
him.

He
rolled toward her.  “Raise your head and shoulders.”  Without
thinking, she obediently complied.  He shifted his arm beneath her, so
that their handcuffed arms wrapped around her torso.  Gently pressing her
back down, he snuggled up against her, his hard-sculpted muscles pressing
warmly against her back.  He circled his free arm about her waist and
pulled her tight against him, so that his erection pressed into the cleft of
her buttocks.

A
surge of electric heat contracted her nipples, and she jerked away. 
“Don’t!”

He
hauled her to him again.  “So, it’s okay for you to fondle me, but not
okay for me to simply hold you?  That’s a very sexist attitude.”

“Don’t
make jokes, it’s not funny.”  Tension settled deep in her pelvis, while a
trembling born of equal parts fear and desire invaded her body.  She hated
him — she
did!
— even though her body refuted this.  “Let go of
me!”

“Shut
up and be still,” he whispered, his lips brushing against her neck.  “We
discussed this earlier.  I wouldn’t do anything even if you wanted me to.”

“
As
if
.”

“To
be honest, when you fondled me, I thought you’d finally decided to seduce me.”

“
Finally
decided?” she spluttered.  “You’re freaking delusional.  Why the hell
would I do such a thing?”

“To
persuade me to let you go.  Don’t tell me you haven’t considered it.”

Could
the man read her mind?  “I certainly have not.”

“Liar. 
You hesitated before answering.”

“All
right, I
briefly
considered the idea
,
before realizing it’d be a
waste of time and effort.  You wouldn’t let me go.”

“I’m
glad we both agree on that.”

“Besides,
the very idea disgusts me.”

“I
find the word ‘disgust’ to be rather severe, not to mention insulting.”  He
leaned into her and bit the back of her neck, his teeth scraping across her
skin.

A
shudder that was just shy of orgasm rippled the length her body.  “Don’t
do
that!”

He
chuckled.  “Too disgusting?”

“Shut
up.  You’re such an asshole.”  She stiffened as he pulled her even
closer.  The steady beat of his heart pulsed warmly against her
back.  “Do you really expect me to believe that you’d refuse to have sex
with me?”

“It’s
the truth.”

“Now
who’s the liar?” she asked, slightly miffed.  “If you’re trying to use
reverse psychology, it won’t work.”

“That’s
not my intention.  Under the circumstances, it would be reprehensible for
me to have sex with you.  You wouldn’t be doing it because you
wanted
to, but because you felt you
had
to, and I’d never make love to a woman
under those conditions.  A man has to hold himself to a certain code of
conduct.”

“Oh.”

“Although
I have noticed you eyeing my body.”

“Yeah,
too bad I can’t be more like you and keep my eyes to myself.”

“I
freely admit to looking at you.  Were the situation different, I’d do more
than just look.  A
lot
more.”

The
thought of
what
exactly he might do caused her breath to catch in her
throat.  “Move over!”

“No.” 
When she tried to break free from his embrace, his arms tightened about
her.  “If we get into another wrestling match, I’m not sure how much
self-control I’ll have.  Actually, that’s not quite true.  After
having been so provocatively fondled, I can pretty much guarantee I won’t have
any.”

“You’re
such an asshole.”

“Surprisingly,
you’re not the first woman to tell me that.”  He shifted, forming his body
to fit tighter to her curves.  “I’m simply trying to keep us both
warm.  Go back to sleep.”

The
storm had brought cooler air with it and, sometime during the night, the power
had been restored.  With the air conditioner running again, it
was
cool
in the room.  She decided to make one last pro forma protest.  “If
you’re cold, then get up and turn off the air conditioner.”

“This
is so much nicer.”

Realizing
the futility of further argument, she finally relaxed and eased back into his
warmth, yielding to the need for physical comfort.  His arm tightened
about her and their chests rose and fell in unison as she concentrated on
trying to slow the rapid beating of her heart.

Despite
the disquieting annoyance of his erection pressed against her buttocks, the
bastard was right.  This
was
much nicer.  There was a
rightness to the feel of his embrace, as if it were meant to be.

His
hand rested lightly against her breast, making her nipple strain for
attention.  She interlaced her fingers with his and shifted the hand
slightly away.  His warm breath stirred the hair on the back of her neck
and set off little charges along her nerve endings as he whispered, “Larissa?”

“Yes?”

“I
wish we could have met under different circumstances.”

As
she drifted back into sleep, she unconsciously molded her body to him further,
thinking,
I wish we had, too
.

CHAPTER
13

That morning, while Larissa showered, it
occurred to her that she had no memory of him ever refueling the van. 
That meant he was stopping soon after leaving the motels, while she was still
asleep in the back.  There’d be people at gas stations, and he never
gagged her while they were on the road.

Her
heart was thumping in her chest when she exited the bathroom.  As she ate
her usual bowl of cereal, she concentrated on keeping her eyelids at half-mast
and making her movements slow and lethargic.  When she finished her
cereal, she pushed the bowl away, folded her arms on the table, and dropped her
head onto them, feigning sleep.

He
left her that way as he quickly loaded the van, and then he was shaking her
gently.  “Larissa, it’s time to go.”

Deliberately
moving like a zombie, she allowed him to lead her out the door and into the
van.  She crawled inside and collapsed onto her stomach, face turned away
from the door as she concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply.

When
he had finished securing her, he draped the cotton blanket over her. 
“Larissa?”  Her heart was racing so fast that, if he checked her pulse
he’d know she was faking.  He repeated her name, a little louder this
time.  Apparently satisfied, he backed out of the van, slid the door
closed, and locked it.

* * * * *

Although mist cloaked the parking lot,
Chase was grateful the rain had finally abated.  To the east, a thin red
line divided the black of the horizon from the dark gray of the sky.  The
windows of the motel office glowed with light, but the door was locked and
there was no sign of the clerk.  He dropped the key through the mail slot
in the door, and climbed into the driver’s seat.

After
Larissa had awakened in the middle of the night, he’d assumed she was building
a tolerance for the sleeping pills.  Apparently this assumption was
incorrect because, as usual, she was sound asleep.  Jesus, after she’d
fondled him, it had tested every ounce of willpower he possessed not to ravish
her.

On
a lonely stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere, he pulled into a truck
stop.  Dawn was just breaking, giving the sky a thin blue translucence as
the surrounding landscape slowly emerged from the night.  Very gently so
as not to wake her, he eased the vehicle to a halt at the gas pump farthest
from the glass-and-concrete cashier’s booth.  The only other vehicle,
presumably the cashier’s, was parked in a far corner.  He got out and
pushed the door closed with a soft
click
.

He
fit the nozzle into the gas tank and, as gas pumped into the tank, stood with
hands on hips, enjoying the rain-freshened air.  The morning was quiet,
save for the occasional splat of rain droplets falling from the edge of the
sheltering roof high overhead and the ticking of the cooling engine. 
Somewhere beyond the bright artificial lights of the gas station, a songbird
warbled a greeting to the coming dawn.

Far
down the highway, he spotted a pair of approaching headlights.  Soon he
could see that it was a semi tractor-trailer.  Just as he was hoping the
driver would keep going down the road, the right turn signal came on.

Although
Chase held his breath as it made a wide, rumbling turn onto the lot, he wasn’t
overly worried.  Larissa had slept through much noisier fuel stops.

And
then the piercing scream erupted from the van.

Jolting
into motion, he wrenched open the driver’s door, and the decibel level of the
screams seemed to increase tenfold, reverberating inside the enclosed
vehicle.  Slamming the door closed behind him, he grabbed the ski mask and
yanked it on as  the screaming continued, high, shrill, and nerve rending,
making every hair on his body stand on end.  The semi driver was circling
around to the diesel pumps and luckily his windows were up.

Launching
himself between the seats, he clapped a hand over Larissa’s mouth.  The
ensuing silence was so profound he felt as if he had gone deaf.  She
thrashed about wildly, trying to sink her teeth into his hand as he frantically
groped for the gag.

He
finally managed to shove it into her mouth and fasten the Velcro behind her
neck.  “Until now I’ve gone easy on you, but this is the last fucking
straw.  I’m taking my belt to your ass for this.”  After
double-checking her bindings, he climbed back between the seats, removed the
ski mask, and exited the van.

His
heart was rattling crazily inside his chest.  Drawing upon years of
training and experience, he shoved his fear down, forcing it to congeal into an
icy calm.  The semi driver was standing beside his vehicle as diesel
pumped into his tank.  His calm demeanor suggested he was aware of nothing
amiss, so he’d apparently heard nothing over the rumble of his own engine.