The Heart of Christmas (22 page)

Eve supposed that was how Cheyenne would have to handle what had to be a trying situation. It was too late to tell Dylan now. For better or for worse, she’d made the decision and would have to keep the secret for the rest of her life.

After the first few months, maybe it would get easier. It would
have
to get easier—

“Why did you say what you did when Dylan announced the name of his son?” Rex asked as they walked from his rental car to her house.

That made her miss a step, but she acted as if the loose gravel in the drive had caused it. “I was...happy for Aaron, you know?”

“‘Oh, God’ is happy?”

“In this case.”

“How so?”

She wasn’t sure how she was going to explain her reaction, but to keep her promise to Cheyenne, she had to try. “The two brothers have an interesting history. They haven’t always gotten along.”

“What’s interesting about that? The same can be said for most brothers.”

“In this case, there’ve been some...extenuating circumstances. When they were young, their mother killed herself. Dylan’s father couldn’t handle it. He started drinking, let his business go and eventually got into a brawl at a bar in the next town, where he stabbed a guy who ended up dying.”

“This place seems far too innocent for that.”

“People are people. They make mistakes and create problems. It’s the same wherever you go.”

“So Dylan’s father wound up in prison.”

“He did. For a good long while. And that meant Dylan had to take over as head of the household when he was only eighteen, or his four younger brothers would’ve been split up and put into foster care.”

“His father was there tonight, wasn’t he? Didn’t you introduce us?”

“Yes.” She got out her keys to let them in.

“When was he released?”

“Last summer. Everyone’s been trying to adjust ever since.”

He held the door so she could pass through. “How did he meet that woman he’s with?”

“Anya?”

“I couldn’t remember her name, but she seems a bit young for him.”

“She is, and they fight like crazy. Dylan thinks she only stays for the free rent. And she claims he’s good in bed.” She grimaced to show her distaste. “Which is information we’d all rather not have, of course. Dylan and his brothers don’t know what to do with her. They’d kick her out—they’d probably like to kick their father out, too—except they feel sorry for Anya’s daughter. The poor girl doesn’t stand much of a chance with that mother dragging her down.”

He locked up and checked the house to make sure it was secure. That reminded her of the danger he was in, but it also felt protective, as if he belonged in her house and had taken responsibility for her in some way he hadn’t before.

“There isn’t always a correlation,” he said as he followed her to the bedroom. “I had a good mother.”

“You’re saying how you turned out is not her fault?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“You’re not very generous to yourself.”

“I’m honest.”

She thought he was far too hard on himself. But she was so surprised that he’d volunteered anything about his family, she focused on that instead. “Tell me about her.”

He didn’t avoid the question as he usually did. “She was tall, thin, beautiful. My father adored her. We all did.” He shook his head. “She lived with a houseful of boys, each more eager than the last to protect her.” He was silent for a second, then finished more softly. “Which is why it tears my heart out every time I think of how badly I hurt her.”

She moved closer to him. “Like I said before, everyone makes mistakes, Rex. We
all
need second chances.”

He shrugged off her hand as if he couldn’t bear her kindness. “That sounds good—in theory. But some things can’t be fixed.”

“Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves.”

He took off his shirt. “That might be true. But forgiving myself wouldn’t be quite so hard if I hadn’t caused so much damage. I can’t blame my family for how they feel toward me. I earned that—and more.”

She unbuttoned her own blouse. “But isn’t that where love comes in? Love can compensate for anything.” They hadn’t bothered to turn on the light, but she could see the gleam in his eyes from the light spilling into the room and wondered what he was thinking. But he didn’t answer her; he just walked over and slid his arms around her waist, and she rested her cheek against his chest.

“You make me feel...”

“What?” she prodded when he let his words trail off.

“Fresh hope,” he said.

She wasn’t sure how to take his response. Those words should have given her some reassurance. But he’d said it as if that was the most attractive and yet painful thing of all.

26

T
he following morning, Rex was up and working on his computer when Eve’s alarm went off. She saw him at the kitchen table when she shuffled out to pour a glass of orange juice. She could smell the coffee he’d made, and wanted a cup, but had, of course, given it up for the pregnancy.

Just as she entered the kitchen, she realized it was Sunday, her day off, and she didn’t need to get up quite so early. “Damn.”

He glanced up. “What is it?”

“It just occurred to me that I could’ve turned off my alarm last night, but I forgot to.”

“No work this morning?”

“I switched a few shifts around at the inn so I can be there for Victorian Days tonight.”

“How long does that run?”

“Four days—Thursday through Sunday. What have you been doing this morning?”

He grimaced at his computer screen. “Trying to finish restoring all my files and taking care of a few things for Marilyn.”

“She’s your assistant, right?”

“Yeah. With me gone, she’s having to backfill a job I had this week. Christmas is a busy time of year. Lots of events that require security.”

“Did you tell her you were going to close down the office and relocate?”

He had his hair pulled back with one of her ties again, which accentuated his good bone structure. “No. I can’t give her bad news during the holidays.”

“It must be hard to let your employees go.” She knew what that felt like. When she was struggling to stay afloat, she’d had to consider laying off Pam and working those additional hours herself. In the end, she hadn’t been forced to do that, but it had been a close call. “Do you think one of them might be able to buy the business?”

“No one has much money. It’s not like they could give me a down payment. But I’ve got some savings, so maybe they could just make payments.” He pursed his lips. “I’ll see if one or more of them might be interested. Marilyn’s husband has a good job, which gives her some security. Maybe she’ll do it. She certainly knows how to run the place. The only problem would be the loose threads....”

“What loose threads?”

“The money could be traced to wherever I go next.” He sat back and stretched out his legs. “And this is it, Eve. Wherever I go, this is the last time. I can’t start over again.”

The fatalistic note in his voice concerned her. “There’s got to be some way to make the arrangements.”

“I’ll check it out, see what I can do. But...I don’t want to leave anyone vulnerable. Come take a look at this.”

Nervous about what she might see, she edged around the table as he fiddled with a video on his computer. When it started, she realized immediately what it was. The Crew, trashing his house. Those few minutes had been recorded by security cameras. One hooded intruder even spun around to a camera, giving it the finger and then took a baseball bat to the walls and windows.

It was one thing to hear about what had happened, quite another to see it. “They’re filled with hate,” she murmured.

“Only my death will satisfy them.”

She couldn’t watch anymore. These images made her sick. She turned away, but he caught her hand and gave her an imploring look.

“What?” she said.

“Aren’t you going to tell me?” he asked.

She knew that he was talking about whether or not she was pregnant. She hadn’t let herself think about the baby. The realization of how much her life would change, and what those changes would involve, crept into her mind in the quiet moments—like before she fell asleep. She couldn’t ward them off forever. Sometimes she’d feel a trickle of excitement, sometimes a trickle of unease. But there was no going back now. She had to take one day at a time, and right now she was falling in love with the father of her baby, despite the fact that he was a man she couldn’t have.

Even if they could figure out a way to be together, he might not be able to love her as deeply as she wanted. She had to face the possibility that he’d been through too much, was too damaged.

There had to be someone less complicated out there. Someone who could help her build a good life without the serious challenges Rex faced.

Maybe, but her heart argued with her constantly, always taking his side.

“Are you sure you want to know?” she asked.

His eyes probed hers, searching for the answer. “It’ll be easier to move on if I’m not aware of everything I’m leaving behind.”

“Of course.”

“But you would’ve told me if you weren’t.”

She bit her lip. “Are you upset?”

Her question served as confirmation, of course. If she wasn’t pregnant, what would he have to be upset about?

Dropping his head into his hands, he began to massage his temples.

“Rex?”

“I’ll cover the cost of the delivery—the doctor and the hospital and whatever else you need. And I’ll send you money every month.”

Eve lifted her hand. “I don’t want you to do it because you feel obligated.”

“That’s not it. I want to participate in some way.”

“Why?”

“I will not leave it all on you,” he replied. Then he lowered his voice. “And I want to be a better father than I’ve been a son.”

He needed to succeed at something besides business. Eve understood that. Maybe being a father would help him heal, help him understand how a parent could still love a child who made mistakes, even serious ones.

“Okay,” she said, and bent to kiss his head.

* * *

Ted came over while Eve was making breakfast. She hesitated when she saw him at the door, wasn’t sure whether he’d be civil to Rex, but ultimately let him in. She couldn’t turn away one of her best friends. He’d just spent several days, and probably a couple thousand dollars, tracing down Harriett Hatfield’s descendants for the benefit of her B and B and the other historical buildings in town.

When he strode into the kitchen, she held her breath. She wanted to warn him that he’d better be polite, but that would probably do more harm than good.

Fortunately, Ted nodded at Rex in greeting and Rex, tentatively, did the same.

“I didn’t realize you had company,” Ted said. “Where’s the Land Rover?”

“Rex is driving a rental car,” Eve said. “He parks it down the street.”

A muscle moved in Ted’s jaw. “He’s called Rex now, is he?”

Eve felt her pulse pick up. “That’s his real name.”

“I see. And he parks down the street because...”

She could feel the tension in him, the disapproval, so she grinned, hoping to get him to lighten up. The contrast between what she was about to say and the gangbanger Rex used to be was sort of funny. “He’s a little old-fashioned.”

“I don’t want to offend your parents,” Rex clarified with a scowl.

Ted gave her a pointed look. “They don’t know he’s here?”

“Sure they do,” she said. “They’ve seen us come and go. We’ve even waved at them a couple of times and stopped to talk.”

“I’m not hiding from them,” Rex snapped. “I just don’t want to rub their noses in the fact that I’m sleeping with their little girl. To me, that’s rude.”

Ted placed his hands on his hips. “Am I supposed to be impressed by how considerate you are?”

“Ted!” Eve exclaimed.

He turned to her. “Why is this guy still here, Eve? You know he’s been lying to you. First he’s Brent. Now he’s Rex? Is
that
even his real name?”

“Yes!”

“But if he can’t marry you, be the kind of husband and father you want, why are you wasting your time with him?”

Rex shoved his chair back so hard it hit the wall. “Maybe I’m just that good in bed.”

Anger flashed in Ted’s eyes. “Or maybe you don’t care about the damage you cause, as long as you get what you want.”

Before Eve could intervene, Rex stepped right up to him. “Did anyone ask for your opinion?”

Eve had never known Ted to come up against someone who seemed as volatile as Rex did in that moment but, surprisingly, he didn’t back down. “This is bullshit. Eve’s one of my best friends.”

“Guys, come on.” Eve’s heart pounded for fear this little confrontation would get worse. “Please, don’t be assholes, either of you.”

Ted turned to appeal to her. “You’re not really going to throw your life away on this guy, are you?”

“Like I said, there are things you don’t know. Just...please, calm down and be polite,” she said, but it was too late to smooth over what had happened. Rex glared at Ted for several long seconds. Then he shut down his computer, grabbed his keys off the counter and walked out.

The slamming of the door echoed in the sudden silence.

“
Why
did you do that, Ted?” Eve started to go after Rex, then stopped. She knew it would be futile but was frightened by the thought that, even though some of his clothes were here, Rex might not return. It would be so easy for him to get into his rental car and disappear. So what if he left a few more things behind? He’d left much more in San Francisco.

How many times had he been forced to start over? He was used to it.

When he saw her distress, Ted began to pace, wearing a tortured expression. “Damn it, Eve. I don’t want to create a problem between us. I really don’t. But I let you down so badly last year. I can’t let you get involved with the wrong guy. It could ruin your life!”

“How do you
know
he’s the wrong guy?”

“You’re joking, right?” He stared at her.

“You don’t know him,” she argued. “Not like I do.”

“What I know about him is enough.” He turned to the window, watching Rex stalk down the drive.

“I’m already in love with him, Ted,” she said. “Nothing you can do is going to save me now.”

With a curse, he banged his head against the glass. “Of course,” he muttered to himself.

Eve took a deep breath. “Not only that but...I’m pregnant.”

“What?”
At this, he whipped around, pulled out a chair and sank into it. “Please tell me that isn’t true.”

“Rex isn’t what you think.”

“Exactly my point!” he cried. “He’s not what any of us think! He hasn’t told us a scrap of truth since he came here.”

Smelling smoke, Eve hurried over to the stove, where she shoved the pan in which she’d been frying sausages off to one side. She’d forgotten it, already burned them. “He’s had a shitty life, Ted. He deserves more.”

“And you think you can give him that?
You
can change him, heal him, save him, when no one else has been able to do it?”

It might sound unrealistic, but all he needed was a chance to settle down, to redeem himself. He could achieve that with some consistency and unconditional love. “Everyone needs help once in a while.” She folded her arms as she leaned against the counter. “Well, everyone except you. You’ve always done everything right. And it can be a little sickening to the rest of us.”

He scowled at her. “Don’t pull that bullshit on me. You’ve never done anything wrong in your life. Until now.”

“
Someone
has to care about him!”

“I’m sure many women have tried.”

“Don’t! He’s a good man. He may have made some mistakes, but he’s been through hell, and it’s time for that hell to stop.”

“How can
you
stop it?”

“I’m not sure, but I’d like to try.”

“You can’t do anything if he won’t tell you his real situation. Why’s he here? What’s he running from? Who’s looking for him?”

She didn’t want to tell anyone else about Rex’s reality. She understood the need for extreme secrecy. But when it came to this type of confidence, she trusted Ted’s discretion as much as Cheyenne’s. “I’m aware of all of that,” she said, and poured herself some more juice before sitting down to explain.

“What you just told me is supposed to
comfort
me?” Ted blurted out when she was done. “Learning that he’s an ex-con who’s got a dangerous prison gang after him? That you could get
killed
simply by being with him? God, Eve!”

“He was eighteen when he was put away, Ted. Eighteen! Do you remember how stupid we were at that age? And there was some...incident, something that hurt him so badly he can’t talk about it to this day. Whatever it was sent him spiraling out of control, and that’s why he turned to drugs.”

“He was a dealer!”

“He was trying to support his own habit. It was the only way to anesthetize himself against the pain.”

“Pain caused by an event you know nothing about.”

“I told you! He won’t tell me what set him off. But can you imagine how hard it would be, once you’re on that path, to put your life together again? And yet he’s managed to do it—as much as The Crew will let him.”

Ted drummed his fingers on the table as he considered what she’d told him. “Does he know you’re pregnant?” he asked.

She shifted uncomfortably. “Yes. I told him this morning, just before you walked in.”

He cursed under his breath and shook his head.

“Don’t do that,” she said. “Don’t go all muttery and disapproving. What, exactly, are you thinking?”

“You don’t want to know,” he grumbled.

“Yes, I do.”

With a sigh, he stood up. “I’m thinking it’ll be a miracle if he comes back so what the hell am I worried about.”

When she flinched, he put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. When you want to hear about my trip, and who I think killed Little Mary, give me a call,” he said. Then he walked out.