The Heartbreak Cafe (41 page)

And with
that, Jess’s beloved husband turned on his heel, and walked quietly
out the door.

Nina
spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the Dublin shops.
The bus back to Lakeview wasn’t due to leave until five-thirty so
she had plenty of time to take it easy and think about the day’s
events.

After her
conversation with Jess she felt as though a huge weight had been
lifted from her shoulders. Her friend was right; there were many
different ways of looking at all of this, and she just needed the
courage to go for it.

Having
promised Jess she’d think about everything and examine all the
options, she’d spent much of the afternoon doing so. She was lost
in thought and still thinking about the possibilities when she
realised that she was dead centre in middle of a very busy
O’Connell Street.

Having
battled through the busy Saturday crowds for a couple of hours, she
figured it was time for a break. Not to mention that it was an
all-Ireland hurling semi-final replay day and the streets were
beginning to fill up with revellers and fans on their way back from
the game at Croke Park. Although she hadn’t yet heard the result,
Nina really hoped it was Galway who had been victorious – after
all, the place had been her home for the last few years and she had
no such allegiance to their Tipperary rivals.

Walking a
little further, she spotted the Kylemore café on the corner, and
figured it would be as good a place as any to stop for a cuppa. And
maybe a slice of cake or something. Almost as soon as she’d had
that thought, her stomach growled and the baby kicked
approvingly.

‘
I get it, I get it. Don’t worry, we’re going to feed ourselves
now,’ she laughed.

Going
into the restaurant, she bought a coffee and a pastry and sought
out a quiet spot near the back.

Catching
sight of a recently vacated table by the wall, she scooted over,
eager to nab it before someone else did. The place was busy with
sports fans from the participating counties scattered throughout
the restaurant, and as Nina ate her pastry, she idly surveyed the
tables around her, trying to figure out which team had been
victorious.

Then
suddenly, she heard a voice from behind that made her heart
stop.

‘
I told you Steven. If you don’t eat something, you’ll be
starving by the time we get home,’ the male voice
scolded.

As if in
a trance, Nina turned and her gaze zeroed in to where the voice was
coming from. At the table a couple of feet away from her was a
family – two parents and three young children whose ages looked to
range from about two to seven. All were dressed in Galway sports
jerseys.

Nina was
frozen to the spot. She couldn’t believe it; couldn’t comprehend
what she was seeing. She attempted to look away, but try as she
might, couldn’t take her eyes off them. It was like some invisible
entity had a vice-grip on her body, not allowing her to
move.

‘
Daddy why is that woman staring at us?’ the little boy at the
table asked.

The
father looked up and his gaze briefly met Nina’s, before
immediately dropping to her very obviously protruding
stomach.

She
snapped her mouth shut and heat automatically rushed to her
face.

‘
Oh …’ she whispered, turning away, still rooted to the chair
for a couple of moments, unsure what to do.

Then
finally, she somehow found her feet and stood up, moving quickly
towards the door, trying to go as fast as her legs would carry
her.

Going
outside, she was conscious of rivulets of sweat running down her
back, and her heart felt like it was going to explode.

She was
only a little way down the street, when she heard someone calling
her. ‘Nina, Nina wait, please.’

She
turned to see Steve behind, trying to catch up with her.

‘
Leave me alone,’ she cried. She didn’t care if she was
attracting the curious stares of people on the street, she didn’t
care about anything except escaping from him just then.

‘
Nina hold on a second,’ he yelled. ‘Please.’ He reached out
and grabbed her arm and spun her around.

‘
Don’t touch me!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’ve done
enough.’

‘
Stop please. Um …you forgot your handbag.’ Only then did she
notice he was holding something in his hand, and she realised that
in her haste, she’d neglected to take her bag with her.

She
quickly grabbed the bag and went to walk away.

‘
Please Nina, stop for a minute. Just listen to me.’

She felt
the tears springing to her eyes. ‘What do you want
Steve?’

‘
Just, please.’ His gaze was fixated on her stomach and she
realised sadly that there was no hiding from this anymore. ‘Hell.’
He said, running a hand through his hair.

Nina
wouldn’t meet his eyes. ‘Well I guess now you know,’ she said with
a shrug.

‘
So this is why you … why you reacted so badly when
…’

‘
When I found out you were married?’ she spat.
‘Yes.’

‘
But why didn’t you say something about … this?’

‘
What did you expect me to say, Steve? That I was perfectly
fine about having a baby with you when I’d just found out you had
another family tucked away somewhere? Give me a break.’

He shook
his head. ‘I just didn’t expect…’

‘
What? Expect me to get pregnant? I didn’t expect you to be
married!’

‘
I know, I’m sorry Nina, I made a mistake.’

‘
You’re damn right you did.’

He seemed
to be at a loss. ‘Look … is there anything I can do for
you?’

‘
Except stay the hell out of my life? No.’ She knew her tone
was harsh, but she wanted to hurt him, in the same way he had hurt
her.

The way
he had devastated her all those months before when she’d learned
that the man she was in love with was not only married, but a
father of three. Nina had never suspected a thing and could hardly
comprehend that someone she’d fallen so deep and utterly in love
with had been living a lie all the time they were
together.

Although
they’d both worked in the same company for some time, she hadn’t
got to know Steve until she’d been moved to the IT department where
he worked. Back then, right from the beginning something had
clicked between them and Nina had fallen hook, line and sinker for
the attractive, but rather quiet guy who worked on the same floor.
He didn’t wear a wedding ring and at work there had been no mention
of a wife or anyone else. They’d gone out a couple of times and got
on so well that Nina had never thought to question his personal
circumstances, why would she?

She’d
only learned the truth shortly after discovering she was pregnant,
and while she hadn’t yet worked up the courage to share the news
with Steve, she had begun dropping little hints about them perhaps
moving in together.

‘
Love, that can’t happen at the moment, not for a while
anyway,’ Steve told her, and when Nina looked blankly at him, he
sat her down and took both of her hands in his. ‘Nina, I’m sorry, I
haven’t been completely honest with you,’ he said, before going on
to calmly tell her that he couldn’t move in with her because he was
married to someone else. ‘I’m sorry, I know I should have said
something about it from the outset, but there was a never a right
time, and by then I’d already fallen for you,’ he continued
sheepishly, while Nina tried to pick her jaw up off the
floor.

‘
You’re … married?’

‘
Yes, but it’s over – it’s been over for a long time, you must
know that and we’re only still going through the motions for the
sake of the kids. I would never have got involved with you
otherwise. I wanted to tell you from the beginning but I was afraid
you’d react badly –’

‘
Damn right I’d react badly! We’ve been seeing one another
since the end of last year, Steve – how could you not tell me
something like this?’

And how
could she not have known, Nina wondered, feeling unbelievably
stupid. Looking back, perhaps the signs were there, how they always
stayed at her place instead of his, how on certain weekends he
wasn’t able to see her…but at the time, he’d given what Nina had
thought were reasonable explanations, namely that his place was too
far out of town, or that he was visiting an elderly mother who
lived down the country.

It was
all such a cliché, and she’d been such a fool. And to think that
she was just about to share what she’d thought was wonderful news…
Not only that but Nina was horrified to think that she’d played a
part in taking another woman’s husband, albeit obliviously
…

Suddenly,
everything had become a nightmare.

But
unlike Trish, once Nina had discovered the truth about his
marriage, she wanted nothing more to do with Steve, baby or no
baby. Which was why – without saying a word about her newly
discovered pregnancy – she’d that night ended the relationship, and
soon after got out of Galway as fast as possible.

Now,
standing on O’Connell Street, she tried to summon all the anger and
betrayal and this time, use it as a defence mechanism.

‘
Steve, it’s absolutely none of your business.’

‘
Well of course it’s my business … I mean … it’s mine too,
isn’t it?’

Nina
rounded on him. ‘You have no right – no right to even ask about me,
or this baby. Anyway, you needn’t worry about this messing up your
happy family if that’s what you’re concerned about. I’m giving the
baby up … so I won’t have to be reminded of your face, won’t have
to be reminded of you. Ever. It will be as if you didn’t exist.’ He
winced a little and she realised her words had hit the mark. ‘I
only hope that the poor thing hasn’t inherited too much of your
DNA, so it doesn’t grow up to be a liar and a cheat.’

She
looked over his shoulder then and saw his wife and kids walking
slowly towards them. Hah, let him explain this one, she thought
sarcastically, although of course the forgotten handbag had
conveniently given him an excuse.

‘
Go back to your wife, Steve. She’s waiting for you.’ With
that, she turned on her heel and walked away. She didn’t look back
and she knew at that moment, she wouldn’t have to. She didn’t
regret what she had said to him, in fact, it merely helped her come
to a decision. She hoped her little son or daughter would forgive
her but the words were necessary.

It was as
if she was supposed to meet her baby’s father today – and seeing
him again had given her a completely new perspective.

Nina knew
now that Jess’s solution was the answer, maybe even the one she had
been searching for all along.

At the
airport, the time seemed to be creeping by.

Ruth had
tried to call Charlie several times, but kept getting his
voicemail. Then again, she thought, it would be very late in
Ireland now. She didn’t want to worry, and was sure that he would
be happy to see her. All she wanted to do was get on the plane and
get back to Ireland, back to Charlie and her family. She felt
elated that reality had finally dawned on her and she now knew her
future.

She’d
caught an quick flight to JFK so she didn’t have to wait too long
to get out of L.A., but the waiting game that she was playing now
in New York was absolutely killing her.

As soon
her overnight flight to Dublin was called, she raced to the gate
and as she waited for the other passengers to board, she
practically bounced in her seat she was so anxious. When the plane
took off, she couldn’t concentrate on anything – the movie that was
playing or the paperback novel that she had picked up at the
airport, nor could she sleep. Instead, she stared out of the
window, into the blackness of the Atlantic Ocean, thirty thousand
feet below.

She knew
she was giving it all up, everything she had worked for, all she
had fought for, just to be with the man that she should have chosen
from day one. Of course, she was also giving it all up for her son
or daughter.

But maybe
her acting career didn’t have to be completely over? Maybe she
could do something closer to home … the stage in London or perhaps
she could even fly back to the States for stuff, depending on the
role. After all, some US actresses were able to do it from London,
so as long as you were mobile, you could do anything,
right?

Regardless, it didn’t matter. She knew her priorities had
changed, and she ultimately she just wanted a happy life, both for
herself and the baby.

When
hours later she finally landed in Dublin, she flipped open her
phone, certain that Charlie would have left a message by now. He
would have definitely heard hers as he was an early riser and had
probably already been up for a couple of hours. She frowned,
surprised to find she had no messages, no texts, no emails from
anyone back home, let alone from Charlie.

That
troubled her somewhat, but Ruth didn’t have time to dwell on it for
long when she saw the other messages that had accumulated while she
was airborne.