The Heavenward Path (13 page)

    "No, blind, deaf, and impervious to the antics of silly creatures like you," she replied.

    "I slept very well," I said, careful not to say anything Goranu could make a joke on.

    "Good," said Goranu. "No spirits haunted your dreams, then?"

    "Not Lord Chomigoto. There was a woman in old-fashioned clothing whom I did not recognize. She sang and danced, waving sakaki branches, but I don't know why I dreamed of her."

    "Hmmm," said Goranu, rubbing his chin. "We tengu normally don't interpret mortal dreams. They are too strange for us. But I would guess that this woman might be some sort of ancestral spirit protecting you."

    Somehow Goranu's guess did not feel right, but I did not choose to contradict him.

    "But what do I know?" Goranu went on. "I'm just a silly tengu, after all. Now to this morning's tasks. You, Kuroihane, will take Suzume-san and teach her those things I discussed with you last night."

    "Must I suffer more of her company, Highness?"

    "You must. It is your just punishment for being rude to Great Lady Mitsuko yesterday."

    "But I'm a tengu. I'm supposed to be rude to pompous nobility. And she was behaving pompously, Highness."

    "That doesn't matter," said Goranu. "In the future, be more careful about whom you choose to annoy. Now go."

    "You did not ask me," said Suzume, "as to whether I would agree to be taught by Kuroihane."

    "No," said Goranu, smiling. "I did not."

    For a moment, they stared at one another, and then Suzume said, "Hmpf!" and left the hut with Kuroihane.

    "Are you finished with your meal?" Goranu asked me. "Good. Will you come walk with me?"

    "Of course," I said. We left the hut and strolled down the main path of the village. All was quiet and peaceful. The air smelled of cool, wet grasses and pine, and birds chirped pleasantly in the distance.

    "Now that you have practiced thinking like a tengu," said Goranu, "have you applied it to your own problem? Have you considered what you must do next?"

    "I have tried to think on it," I said, "but it is like ice on a warm day, slippery and hard to grasp."

    "Sometimes there are reasons why a thought eludes one. Sometimes it is fear. What is it that you fear most? What is the worst that Lord Chomigoto could do to you?"

    "He could deliver me to the demons of Lord Emma-O."

    "Very well. Now you must step back from the fear, for to think like a tengu, you must take nothing seriously. What is Lord Emma-O?"

    "He… he is a Great Kami. A god."

    "That is taking him too seriously. Try again."

    "He is Judge of the Dead."

    "He is what?"

    I sighed, losing patience. "I said he is Judge-"

    "That's enough! Think about what you just said."

    "That he is a judge?"

    "If someone in your city is likely to bring an unjust suit against you, what do you do?"

    "I… I am not sure. If it is an ordinary judge, my family would doubtless speak to him on my behalf to explain my side."

    "Alas, your family cannot speak for you this time. But wouldn't you say Lord Chomigoto's claim against you is unjust?"

    "Of course!"

    "Do you not deserve to be heard, then, by the judge who would hear his claim?"

    I stopped. "You are saying I must go speak to Lord Emma-O myself. Before Lord Chomigoto does."

    Goranu turned and looked at me. "You are showing promise."

    I began to protest. "But-"

    Goranu raised his brows.

    I sighed again. "You are right. If I tried to appease Lord Chomigoto, he might only demand more of me or my family. Nothing will be solved unless I can deflect the sword he points at me."

    Goranu smiled. "There is the brave Mitsuko I know."

    I looked down at the ragged hems of my kimonos. "No, I am not brave. I must tell you that I am very frightened by all of this, even if I know it is what I must do."

    "That shows you are not a complete fool. Do you know how warriors deal with their fear?"

    "How could I? I have never been a warrior."

    "They banish their fear of death by accepting it. They assume that death will be their fate, and they resolve to die in the best way possible. If they should happen to live through their battle"-Goranu shrugged-"they resolve to continue doing their best, for death will surely come sometime."

    "I see," I said, not feeling reassured.

    "Mind you," Goranu continued, "a tengu would never be so cold-blooded. When we fight, we know we will win. If we don't think we're going to win, we run away. That's because we're more sensible than mortals."

    "But I don't know that I will win."

    "Is your cause not just?"

    "Well, yes, but-"

    "Is Lord Emma-O not just?"

    "It is said he is, but-"

    "Then how can you fail?"

    

    I realized I had no answer to that. "Very well. You are right. Let us go to your Esteemed Ancestor, Susano-wo, so that he may again deliver me to the court of Lord Emma-O."

    Goranu began to laugh, holding his sides.

    "What is so funny?"

    Between laughing and gasping, he said, "You are. I am. I should be angry at you for your arrogance, and yet… and yet… it is so like a tengu."

    I did not know what to say. "Forgive me then if it seems arrogant, but it is the only way, neh?"

    Goranu fell on his rear end onto the ground, still chuckling. "I am sorry, Most Noble and Beauteous Mitsuko, but what you ask is not possible. My Esteemed Ancestor is not beneath the island of Eno right now."

    "Why…oh. Now I remember. All the kami, it is said, go to Izumo this month for their conference."

    "Smart girl. Now you understand."

    "But, then it is simple. You must fly me to Izumo, and I will speak to Susano-wo there instead."

    Goranu again roared with laughter until I felt quite at a loss. "Now what is funny?"

    "Hoo, hoo, hoo, think about it! All the Great Kami in one place! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!"

    "You mean… oh, I see! If all the kami are there, then Lord Emma-O will be, too, and I won't need the help of your Esteemed Ancestor!"

    Goranu nodded and pointed at me, his face red as bean paste from laughing.

    "But still I must get to Izumo, somehow. So you must fly me there. Is it not right that I get there as soon as possible to plead my case?"

    With deep gasps, Goranu labored to control his laughing. "Think of it. All the Great Kami. Izunami and Izunagi. Amaterasu herself. All there. And a little mortal girl. Comes

    flying in. On the back of a tengu. And says, 'I would like to speak to Lord Emma-O, if you please.' " Laughter overtook him once more, and Goranu curled up on his side on the ground.

    I watched him some moments, trying to fight back my anger. "This is just like the last time, isn't it? When I wanted to pound on the gates of Hiei-zan and demand that the warrior priests properly bury Yugiri. You showed me then that I would only be making a fool of myself and that I would fail."

    Goranu sat up. "Ah. You
are
learning."

    "But I still do not understand! You will not be harmed by flying into Izumo. If you, a prince of the tengu, introduced me to the kami, surely they would listen."

    Goranu sighed and shook his head, resting his cheek in his hand. "It warms my heart that you think so highly of me. But again, you must reduce the scene to understand it. If you were to request audience with a high official at the Imperial Court in Heian Kyo, would you ride up to the gate on a large dog? You would be laughed away, would you not? For that is how the Great Kami view us lesser demons, as you view dogs or worse. No." Goranu stood and dusted himself off. "You are a Great Lady, and you ought to be received as such."

    "I see. It is as the head nun, Tadashi, said at the temple. A lady is known by what she surrounds herself with."

    "Surprising wisdom, for a nun."

    "Stop that. Very well. I should travel to Izumo by something more… impressive. But a fine carriage would be too slow, even if I could get one. Could we do an illusion of an imperial ox-carriage?"

    "Don't you think the Great Kami could see right through a tengu illusion?"

    "Oh. Yes. I suppose they could."

    "I would suggest something far more likely to gain their attention." Goranu turned his head and gazed toward the cloud-shrouded mountain that overlooked the village.

    "You… you mean the dragon Kai-Lung? Do you think he would do that?"

    "I don't know. You will have to ask him."

    I fiddled with my sleeves anxiously. "Well, but he is angry at me. But, then, if
you
ask, surely he will listen to you-"

    "Haven't you heard anything I've been saying?" Goranu shouted at me. "Awk! Sometimes I think I have taught you nothing!" Feathers began to sprout from his head and hands. "So. Very well. This shall be the test of whether you have mastered Tengu-Do. You alone must go up the mountain. And you will speak to Kai-Lung. And you will convince him to fly you to Izumo. If you return, having failed to do this, none of us will speak to you again, for you will be unworthy of the company of tengu. This is your task, Mitsuko-san. Go."

    I stepped back, stunned. "Goranu?"

    He turned his back to me. "Speak no more. Go!"

    Astonished, angry, and hurt all at once, I lifted the hems of my kimonos and trudged toward the mountain path.

    

    

    
Lovely butterfly flits to and fro, but always just out of my reach.

    

    I stomped up the mountainside, hardly able to see the path for the tears blurring my sight. Why was everyone being so unfair to me? First my father, demanding that I marry a child- prince. Then Lord Chomigoto. And now Goranu, whom I trusted more than anyone else in the world.

    Perhaps, said a small voice inside me, Goranu has sent you to do this because he trusts that you will not fail. He has said he loves you, after all. Or perhaps, said a different voice within, he was so discouraged by my poor abilities in Tengu-Do, that he no longer cares, and if I fail to get Kai-Lung's help-or worse, I am killed by the dragon-Goranu will be rid of my troubling presence.

    Alas, the thought that Goranu might no longer care was more painful than all the rest. Indeed, so sad was the thought that it stopped my tears. A change blew over me like an icy wind, and I felt myself become cold inside. My feet moved of themselves, and I put no thought to my steps, as if I were merely a rider inside my body. I took little notice of the mist closing in around me, or the wet grasses slapping at my ankles. I no longer cared what Kai-Lung might do to me.

    

    
Is this what it means

    
to have a warrior's heart

    
that cannot fear death?

    

    But even numb as I was, there came a point when I could walk no further, and I sank down onto a low stone.

    It was an extraordinary experience, to feel so empty of cares. There was freedom in it. The gray mist around me seemed friendly. I welcomed its dampness and chill.

    I do not know how long I sat there, contemplating not- feeling, when I saw flickering orange lights within the mist, and the kirin emerged on the path in front of me.

    "Oh!" it said in its piping voice. "It is you. Hello again."

    I bowed where I sat. "Good day to you. I have returned to speak once more with Kai-Lung."

    "Oh, dear, dear," said the kirin, dipping its horned head in a bow. "Forgive me, but I must tell you that is impossible. After the disturbance yesterday, Kai-Lung declared that he wished to see no more mortals for a very long time. I would advise you not to wait."

    I stared at the kirin, surprised at the dismay-that-I-did-not- feel. A strange mood swept over me then, as if another spirit had suddenly lodged within me. I stepped forward and then flung myself to the ground in front of the kirin. "But that is the very reason I am here!" I wailed, nearly convincing myself of my despair. "I have come to offer apologies for my abominable behavior yesterday. I have not slept this past night, I was so filled with guilt and sorrow. You must let me abase myself to Kai-Lung. I will offer him anything; I will be his servant-offer my whole family as servants-to pay for the insult I have done him. If I cannot see him, I do not think I can live with my shame."

    I sat up and took a twig from the ground. I held it against my neck as if it were a knife. "If I cannot see Kai-Lung, my only recourse will be to take my own life in dishonor."

    "Oh, dear, dear, dear," muttered the kirin, dancing nervously on its little hooves. "Please do not do that, you mustn't. That would be a terrible thing. I am sure Kai-Lung will be reasonable and understanding when I tell him what you have come for. Please wait right here. Don't move. I will be right back. Oh, dear, dear, dear…" The kirin turned around and delicately trotted up the mountain into the mist.

    When it had gone, I felt… giddy. I wanted to bubble into laughter, even though I felt no happiness inside.
Is this part of tengu nature?
I wondered. But I sat still and let no emotion show in case someone might be watching.

    Presently, the kirin returned, nearly bouncing on its tiny hooves. "I bring good news! Kai-Lung has agreed to speak with you, seeing that it's only you and not your spiteful servant. Come along, then! Make haste! Who knows how long he will be in this forbearing mood? Come, come. Hurry along."

    I followed the kirin up the hillside, stepping carefully over the stones-that-might-be-scales, until again I stood in the fog- shrouded clearing where I had spoken to Kai-Lung before. Again I waited, not caring how long I had to stand.