The Hidden Years (77 page)

She started to shake with fear, with anguish. No, she
couldn't allow it to happen. If Edward did that she would leave him,
take David and her precious baby and make a new life somewhere for them
all. Nothing, no one, was more important to her than this baby, Lewis's
baby. She was more important to her than life itself… She
would do everything in her power to protect her, even if that meant
denying herself the bitter-sweet right of showing the world how very
precious she was to her.

That night Edward said resentfully, 'That child was crying
all night again. I think you should get someone else to take care of
her. She's taking up too much of your time.'

She was already half prepared for it. Hiding her anger and
fear, her pain, she kept her head bowed over her plate and said
levelly, 'If you think that's best, Edward…'

'I do,' he told her curtly.

As she finished reading the page Sage discovered that she
was weeping.

'Oh, my God, oh, my God…' she repeated the
words, mindlessly burying her head in her hands as she let the tears
come… All these years and she hadn't known, hadn't
realised… All these years when her mother had protected her,
cared for her, loved her… all these years when she had
carried the burden of her own knowledge…

Even after Edward's death, when she could have told
her… could have acquitted herself.

She picked up the diary and raced towards the door,
flinging it open and crying, 'Faye! Faye!'

Sage
prowled the room restlessly, pausing every now and then to see how much
more Faye had to read.

When her sister-in-law had come hurrying in, in answer to
her frantic call, she had been too emotionally overwhelmed to do much
more than thrust the diary at her and demand chokily, 'Here…
read this last section… Quickly, Faye, please…'

Now, as Faye turned the last page and put down the diary,
they stared at one another in silence.

'You never knew, never had any idea?' Faye asked slowly.

Sage shook her head. 'No… Did you?'

Faye sighed. 'No…no, I didn't… What
an awful burden for your mother to have to carry. And when I think how
selfishly I added my own burdens to hers. No wonder your
father…' She caught herself up and added, 'Edward was so
devastated when David was killed.'

'Yes,' Sage agreed sadly. 'I can understand everything so
much better now. My mother dared not show me too much love in case
my… in case Edward resented it. And then, just when she must
have been thinking she could start to relax, just when I was almost
adult, I had to go and fall in love with my own brother… My
twin brother…' Sage closed her eyes. 'No wonder I always
felt so close to him… I wonder if he knows, if
he… Lewis McLaren…'

She couldn't bring herself to refer to him as her father.
That knowledge was too new, too sharply painful. That time when she had
gone to see Scott… He must have known then,
must
have known, and yet he had made no attempt to see her.

'We'll have to tell him,' Faye told her briskly. 'He has a
right to know.'

Sage stared at her. 'But he might not
want
to know. He could have married someone else.'

Faye frowned and then said softly, 'Not Lewis, Sage. I
meant Scott.
He
has a right to know about your
mother's condition. As much right as either of us.'

Sage tensed, her eyes widening slightly, the pupils
suddenly enormous, giving her an unfamiliar air of vulnerability.

'Yes. Yes. You're right,' she agreed shakily. 'Of course
he has a right… She's his mother too. Oh, my God…
Faye… It's such a shock… I can't
believe… God, what she must have gone through when I brought
Scott home that time and she realised…'

Looking at the downbent russet head, Faye wondered if Sage
realised how betraying it was that her concern, her compassion was all
for her mother and not for herself.

'I think perhaps Scott does know,' Faye told her
thoughtfully. 'Perhaps it was only by telling him that Lewis McLaren
could ensure that he made no attempts to get in touch with you.'

'Maybe, I don't know. I don't feel as though I know
anything any more. All these years when I thought she didn't care,
didn't really want me, didn't love me as she did David, when all the
time…'

'All the time
you
were the child she
treasured,' Faye finished for her. 'That must have been so dreadful for
her… wanting to show you how much she cared and yet at the
same time being forced to protect you from Edward's jealousy. Having to
keep her love for you hidden for your own sake. It comes across so
clearly from her diaries how terrified she was in those early years
that Edward would change his mind about allowing her to keep you.'

'Yes,' Sage agreed in a low voice, 'and I didn't help
matters either, did I? Do you really think we should tell Scott?' she
asked Faye.

'Yes… But I'm not sure how we're going to do
it… A letter, I suppose.'

'Or a telephone call,' Sage suggested.

'Yes, even better, but we don't have the number.'

There was a small silence and then Sage said huskily, 'I
have the number!'

'Do you still love him?' Faye asked her compassionately,
sensitively aware of all that the words cloaked.

Sage shook her head. 'Not in the way you mean—as
a potential lover—but the memory of him still causes me pain.
I've…' she hesitated, groping for the right words
'…I've missed him, felt as though I've been missing a part
of myself. I've always put that down to the fact that I had such a bad
relationship with my… with Edward, that his rejection
followed by Scott's was responsible for the fact that I've been left
with this residue of aloneness, of loss. After reading Mother's
diaries, I wonder if there isn't a different and more simple
explanation—if it's just that a part of me subconsciously
recognised the blood bond we shared, and that it's because we're twins
that I've been so aware of a sense of loss. And yet I never knew. No
one ever said.'

'Yes, your mother writes in her diary that it was decided
to announce that Scott—Nicholas, as she'd called him, Lewis
McLaren understandably must have renamed him—that Scott had
died, and that because she couldn't endure to be reminded of his death
the subject simply wasn't to be mentioned.'

'And it hasn't been. When you think of how easily I could
have found out, if not that Scott was my twin then at least that there
had been another child… all these years and I never knew.'

Faye shrugged. 'Well, I suppose most people must have
assumed that you did know and that, like your mother, you didn't want
to be reminded of the subject.'

'Chivers would have known, of course, but he was loyal to
both of my parents and wouldn't have discussed family matters with me.
I was too immature anyway, and he died, peacefully, I understand, when
I was twenty-three. Well, I'll go upstairs and get that number. I hope
that Scott
does
know, otherwise all this is going
to come as a terrible shock to him.'

She paused, looking hesitant and uncertain. 'Do you
think—?'

'I think your mother needs all the help she can get to
pull through this operation… And I think that when she comes
round and finds you and Scott both there…'

'Yes,' Sage agreed shakily. 'Yes, you're right…'

She found the number in the old address book she had kept
without really knowing why she should give in to such sentimentality.
As she looked at it, she remembered the last time she had used it and
been told that Mr Scott McLaren wasn't accepting calls from her.

How that had hurt. She closed her eyes, remembering,
shivering a little as she reflected on how close she had been to
disaster. Thank goodness she and Scott had never been lovers. Even
unknowingly, to have made love with her own brother, her twin, would
have caused her such deep inner revulsion that she didn't think she
could have borne such hurt… not even now with so many years
to distance her from it… Something else for which she had to
thank her mother's vigilance… and Lewis
McLaren's—her father!

For the first time she wondered what his reaction must
have been when he had heard from her mother after all those years.
Heard from her to learn that his son and her daughter… their
children were on the brink of becoming lovers.

Another shiver chilled her skin. She could feel the sharp
pain in her throat which heralded tears. This was not the time to start
crying. There was too much to be done.

She hurried downstairs with her address book and handed it
to Faye.

'I'm afraid
you're
going to have to
make the call,' she told her sister-in-law. 'I don't think—'

She broke off as Camilla suddenly came into the room, and
then stopped as though she had come up against some physical barrier.
Sage smiled grimly to herself. The emotions let loose in this room in
the last hour were strong enough to permeate the atmosphere for days.
It was no wonder that Camilla was looking so apprehensive, so
fearful…

'What is it?' she demanded sharply. 'Is it Gran, has
something—?'

'No, no, it's nothing,' Faye reassured her. 'Why don't you
go upstairs and get changed and—?'

'No…' Sage interrupted huskily. 'No, I think
we should tell her. I'm beginning to think there have been too many
secrets in this family. All of them for the best of motives
but—'

'Tell me what?' Camilla demanded, plainly bewildered.

Quickly, and as detachedly as she could, Sage explained to
her what she had discovered.

'You have a twin brother?' Camilla stared at her and then
flopped down into one of the chairs. 'Goodness… Does he
know? What's he like? I—'

'No questions, please, Camilla,' Faye interrupted firmly.
'Sage has had rather a shock, and the last thing she wants right now is
to be pestered by you. I'll make that call now, shall I?' she asked
Sage.

Shakily Sage nodded her head, while Camilla begged
urgently, 'What call, Ma… will someone
please
tell me what's going on? I—'

'Don't be so impatient, Cam… We'll use this
phone, shall we, Sage?' Faye appealed. 'It seems more appropriate
somehow to make the call here from Liz's own personal room.'

'Yes,' Sage agreed, smiling at her. 'Yes—this
phone.'

Half of her wanted desperately to be the one to make the
call, the other half… the other half wanted to get up and
run as fast and as far. from this room as she could do. She was quite
frankly terrified of what Scott's reaction was going to be. What if he
didn't know—what if he didn't
want
to
know? And what about his father…her father?

She turned her back while Faye made the call, her mouth
suddenly going dry, while sickness churned acidly through her stomach.
She heard Faye clearing her throat as though she too was nervous, and
then she heard her sister-in-law asking firmly, 'Yes… I'd
like to speak with Mr Scott McLaren, please. My name's Faye
Danvers— I doubt if that will mean anything to
him… Yes… yes, I'll hold.'

Covering the mouthpiece, she turned to Sage and said
quickly, 'The housekeeper's gone to find him, she said she thought he
was in the office.'

'Mmm… From what Scott told me the homestead, as
they call it, is a vast complex of buildings.'

She stopped speaking as Faye suddenly frowned and removed
her hand from the receiver. As clearly as though she had been holding
the phone herself, Sage heard a crisp, mature male voice saying,
'McLaren speaking.'

McLaren. Not Scott. She was sure of that, and so it seemed
was Faye.

'Mr Lewis McLaren…?' she heard Faye saying
hesitantly. 'I actually wished to speak with Scott McLaren.'

There was a small pause, and then to her shock Sage heard
Faye saying huskily, 'Mr McLaren, you don't know me, but I'm sure you
recognise my surname. My mother-in-law is Liz Danvers. Liz was knocked
down and injured in a traffic accident some time ago. She's in hospital
at the moment awaiting surgery.'

Faye hesitated, and then her voice softened as she said
reassuringly, 'No… no… she is holding her own,
but the operation is a major one. For a while after the accident Liz
was conscious, and she instructed us—that is myself, and
Sage, her daughter—to read the diaries which she had kept
ever since she was a teenager. To cut a long story short, Mr McLaren,
Sage and I have just discovered, that… that Scott and Sage
are twins. We thought… that is to say
I
thought, that if Scott is aware that Liz is his mother that he would
want to know…'

'Yes… yes, the surgeon has assured us that Liz
is well enough to undergo the operation. They've been keeping her
heavily sedated while they waited to see if the blood clot would
disperse of its own accord…'

'Which hospital? Well, it's St Giles's in London. Yes, it
has a very good reputation. Both Sage and I have every confidence in
the surgeon. The operation? We…
well
, it's scheduled for tomorrow… Delay it for
another twenty-four hours? Well, I don't think—'

She frowned suddenly, holding the receiver away from her
ear, and said to Sage, 'He wants to speak with you.'

With
her
… Sage found
suddenly that she was frozen where she stood, unable to move, unable to
speak… literally petrified.

It took Camilla's gentle push to urge her towards the
receiver. She took it from Faye like someone in a trance, lifting it
slowly to her ear, her eyes dark, the pupils dilated, her skin devoid
of colour, her breathing erratic and tense.

As she pressed the receiver to her ear she heard the
unfamiliar male voice demanding, 'Sage, are you there?'

'Yes, I'm here.' Her voice was a croak, a husky, uncertain
thread of sound she barely recognised.

'This is Lewis McLaren here.' There was a pause, and then
the harsh, emotional admission she had never thought to hear. 'Your
father… Your brother and I will be on the first flight we
can get—you are not to let them operate until we get
there… Do you understand that, Sage? They
must
wait until we're there… God, Liz… I can't believe
it… Sage, are you listening to me?'