The Hills of Singapore (9 page)

“I do what I want, as you do.” She whispered it, looking up into his face. “As you do with your white whore.”

Zhen could not believe her boldness; she had no shame. That she should compare her actions, a woman, with his. To call Xia Lou a whore! Momentarily he could find no words.

Lilin looked into his eyes and her gaze held them. Her tone changed, her face softened.

“But I will stop. I will stop if you will be my lover. I will obey you, worship you.” She sank to her knees and wrapped her arms around his legs.

“Please, Zhen.”

Zhen felt such a confusion in his brain that he could not think how to respond, what to do. This woman, this sister-in-law, this wife of Ah Teo, was proposing that, in return for her obedience, he should sleep with her. She must be deranged. He was still at a loss, his mind racing, when suddenly her hands moved between his legs and she put her mouth against him. He jerked backwards quickly, away from her.

“Get up Lilin and stop this. You bring shame on your parents, your husband and your sister.”

He went to the door but before he could open it, she said very quietly, “You think your dear wife, my dear sister, is so pure, eh?”

Zhen rounded on her. “What?” he hissed.

“Before you demand obedience from your sister-in-law, you should perhaps first see if your wife is so very obedient and compliant.”

Zhen could not fully grasp what she was saying. His Baba Malay was much improved, but some things he did not follow. However, he understood she was accusing Noan of something.

He gripped her arms and shook her. Then he saw the look of sexual longing in the droop of her eyes and let her go. Lilin picked up her embroidered bag from the floor and straightened up.

“Ask Noan why she is not pregnant after three months. Ask her what the herbs are in the old
kamcheng
pot in the kitchen,” she said as she pushed past him.

He let her go. He would have to deal with her tomorrow. And he would speak to Ah Teo, this man who could not control his wife. He felt a leaden resentment towards Ah Teo for putting him in this position. Zhen had no desire to be the ruler of this house, though he knew it was his duty. What bad luck had struck him, to have such a fiend under his roof.

And now Noan. Could it be true, that she was deceiving him? He felt a small pain in his mind. He would have sworn on all the gods that Noan was incapable of deception, of such a dereliction of her duty to bear children, to give him a son, to give her father posterity. These months in her bed, his own wishes put to one side. His bad temper became worse as he thought of it, and he left the room and took the stairs two at a time, back to their bedroom.

She was still sleeping quietly when he entered the room. He lit a candle and went to the bed. She was curled up towards the wooden wall of the back of the bed and he could not see her face. He knelt next to her and shook her, and she woke suddenly, alarmed and frightened, and looked about her. When she saw him, she laughed in uncomprehending, nervous relief. He could see she was trembling. He had scared her. Zhen felt a cold calmness descend on him.

“Noan, three months and still no pregnancy. Tell me about the herbs in the
kamcheng
pot.”

Noan looked at him, her eyes wide and filled with fear. Her lip began to tremble. “How …?” she stuttered and began to cry.

“It's true, eh, you have been deceiving me. Not just me but your father and mother too, to whom you owe everything, every duty.” He put the candle on a small table.

“I …” she began. He waited. She wanted to tell him of her love for him, this endless desire for his presence, for the passion she had for him. She wanted to tell him that there would be a son, many sons, if only she could have him for a bit longer for herself. She wanted to tell him how she longed to share his life, his secrets, his pain, his desires. She wanted to be his wife in every way. But there were no words. She hung her head.

He looked down at her. “I will go now. You will destroy these herbs, stop taking them. I will come back in one week, for three nights. If you are not pregnant by the end of this month I will not come again. I will suppose you barren and must think of taking a second wife. Do you understand?”

Zhen did not wait for her reply. He turned and left, anxious to be gone, away from this house. He felt a moment of sorrow at treating Noan in such a way. She was a sweet, timid woman and he liked her, but he could not put up with this deception. It was impossible. He guessed her reasons. He was well aware of her passion for him. He could not return it nor had he any need to. These were not the requirements of his marriage. He forgave her but he had to scare her. His threat to take a second wife was hollow, for the last thing he wanted was another woman, but he hoped it would shock her.

Noan turned and buried her face into the bolster. She began to cry. To lose him? The thought was unbearable. He had been so severe. How had he found out? Then she forgot this question as her body shook with sobs. She was guilty—what did it matter how he knew? He was right. She would destroy the herbs. He would come back; he would come back, but only for three nights. She began to tremble. A second wife! Her greatest fear. She must have a son. She turned on her side and pulled her knees to her chest and scratched her arms, which felt suddenly as if they were on fire.

9

Lilin looked at her sister over the kitchen table. She could see that Noan was quite miserable this morning. Usually, after a night and morning with Zhen, she was radiant. When she knew Zhen was in the bedroom Lilin listened in the robing room, heard them talking, heard Noan's moans. It made her half-crazed with desire. She had grown to hate Noan. Lilin could not understand how this plain little toad had got Zhen. Lilin was the beauty; he should always have been hers.

She rose and went to her sister, patting her on the arm. “What is the matter big sister? You look unwell.”

Noan did not raise her head. She had, after furious thought and bouts of crying, come to the conclusion that only Lilin could have told Zhen. Only she would dare address Zhen in such a straightforward and bold way. Lilin was out of control; everyone knew it. Noan had been told that Zhen was coming to dinner tonight expressly to speak to Ah Teo.

Noan was pounding lemongrass, shallots and chillies in a large stone pestle and mortar, and the smell of bruised and pungent spices filled the air. She was making a favourite of Zhen's:
belachan
clams. She would add galangal, blue ginger and much less
belachan
shrimp paste than for her father, for Zhen liked it less sour. Both sisters should be enjoying this time together, cooking for their husbands. Lilin was supposed to make a favourite dish of Ah Teo's, but she had not bothered with any of this for years. Occasionally Lilin supervised the maids as they cooked dishes she liked, but other than that she rarely set foot in the kitchen. She liked to be out of the house and would disappear for hours to the market. The maid often came home with the shopping alone, though, and Noan had long since stopped thinking about what her sister could be up to. But now Lilin had interfered in Noan's business, in her husband's.

“Leave me alone,” she said and continued pounding. This morning she had burnt the herbs in the
kamcheng
pot.

Lilin sat down again. “What is the matter, what have I done?”

Noan looked up from her task, stopped pounding and gripped the pestle. She threw a look of such dislike at Lilin that Lilin was taken aback and rose quickly and left the kitchen. Noan returned to pounding, taking her anger out on the chillies.

Lilin went through the central courtyard and glanced into the pond where goldfish were flitting. The mid-morning sun was slanting into the open-air well. She loved this place, with its cool tiles and great pots of bamboo and plum. She had been born in this house, her father's, confined here at twelve to prepare herself for a husband. She had studied the cooking, the beading and embroidery just like Noan. Everyone had remarked on her sewing skills. Everyone had said how lovely she was. She had made herself ready and then she had seen Zhen go not to her but to her drab sister. And she had been served up with Ah Teo, clever and thin. His legs were like spindles, his shoulders bony, his chin sharp and pointy. He had terrible skin and was useless in bed. Every day Zhen was before her eyes, tall, muscled and handsome, prodigious, she knew, sexually prodigious.

Ah Teo had produced a pillow book. Even now she could find delight in the ridiculous sight of him in his nightgown with his stick legs emerging, clutching a book of sexual positions which, she supposed, she was meant to assume. Unfortunately, his member was not up to the task and she had laughed until tears streamed down her face. He had not returned for many weeks. Eventually, she knew, they must do it, and she had let him plant his disgusting seed inside her. She had become pregnant. For months she had found a great and unexpected happiness. And she had given birth to a son, the first grandson of the Tan family. She had outdone her sister, who had only been able to manage two girls. This boy, this son and grandson, what happiness had this event caused. She had been feted, praised and adored. She had even found a momentary affection for Ah Teo.

And then, at three months, he had fallen ill, this tiny boy, and died. The world of the household came crashing down. A pall had lain over the family for a long time. In the wake of her grief, Lilin had simply thrown caution to the wind.

Ah Teo had ceased to come to her and soon she had met the English trader in the market place. One day she had sent the maid home with the shopping and gone with him to his house. She couldn't speak a word of English nor he a word of Chinese, but he was big, well-built and knew what he was doing—speech was unnecessary. He treated her like a whore, and she liked it, couldn't wait for the feel of his rough hands on her skin, holding her, making her do things she hardly knew she liked. Threats and money had kept her maid silent, and she had met him on and off until he left Singapore. She had had one abortion and had got a disease from him,
lin bing
, a yellow pus disease. She had been terrified, but her maid had got herbs from the medicine shop, and it had gone away eventually. She knew she was probably scarred inside and there would never be any children.

Through the trader and others after him, she had learned English. This knowledge she kept secret, but she could easily understand when Zhen and Ah Teo spoke together in English which they sometimes did.

The lack of sons had been a subject of enormous discussion. Noan seemed to have difficulty conceiving and Lilin knew the reason. Her father had recently proposed adoption of a boy for both Zhen and Ah Teo, so anxious was he for the matter of posterity to be settled. That or take on new wives. There was no need for Noan to be so annoyed. She was breaking all the rules. She well knew her only job was to bring forth sons. As for Ah Teo, if he wanted a second wife, good luck to him.

Lilin looked at herself in the mirror. She was just twenty-one years old but she felt, sometimes, like an old woman. She was still lovely, her skin fine and fair as a candle, for which she had been nicknamed. She applied the faintest touch of rouge. Last night she had been with the Frenchman who was, she could see, rather in love with her. He was a romantic, this Gaston, old and wealthy. When she was available, she sent a note with her maid and they walked to Commercial Square, where he had a covered carriage waiting to take her over into the European town, to his hotel, The London Hotel, which stood on the corner of High Street and the Plain.

Mrs Gaston and his children were in France for a year at least, if they returned at all. Lilin knew that some European women could not stand the sun and heat and left. At the hotel she had her own room furnished in French style. Gaston gave her European gowns, make-up and jewellery, and she was his jewel. She could speak English and nobody in the Chinese town, least of all her father, suspected her of being there. Gaston had no inkling whose daughter she was. Her father and mother were far away on River Valley road. Usually, Ah Teo and Zhen came to the house in Market Street only to eat.

She had quickly discovered the separation of the two towns. Chinese merchants might meet up occasionally with English merchants at balls and dinners but otherwise never came to this side of the river. All Gaston's staff were Indian or Malay, even the cooks. If Gaston expected Mr Whampoa or a party of Chinese, she simply did not come. She knew everyone there thought she was a common whore, like the other Chinese girls who came to the men at the hotel, but she did not mind in the least. After all, in most senses she was. But Gaston knew she was not like them, attached to an
ah ku
house. He knew she was different, but he asked no questions and protected her.

With Gaston she was free. She learned to drink French wine and smoke a cigarette. She could do what she wanted. His body on hers later was a small price to pay, for she liked him. He was a tender man. He had been an actor, sang French songs and made her laugh.

Now she was idle. She was slightly anxious at Zhen's discovery of her last night. But, after all, what could Zhen and Ah Teo do? What possible course of action was open to them? She speculated that they would try to bully and intimidate her, but what did she care? Ah Teo was never at home to watch what she did. It would be horribly inconvenient for him when he'd rather be with his whore. Zhen too could not watch her every moment. Would they lock her up? The idea was ludicrous. Lilin knew that her father and mother would not want her in the house at River Valley Road, where there would be bad feeling and arguments. Her father was busy with his new concubine and second family. No, they would do better just to leave her alone. She rather wished now that she had not told Zhen. What did she care if Noan never got pregnant? It had been impulsive—but she had done it to get revenge on him, to shock him. And she had. She shook her head and smiled. No, there was nothing they could do.