The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero (19 page)

She slid him a sideways glance that was an oddly appealing mix of defiance and guilt. Rick recognised something in that glance from way back. Teenage stuff. When you were doing something you simply had to do
but knew damn well you would get into trouble if you got caught. Again, Rick wasn’t going to be distracted and certainly not by some misguided feeling of empathy for this woman.

‘Is this some kind of game? You think I’m going to change my mind about telling him I’m his father just because we’re face-to-face?’

Sarah turned her head this time. He could see the movement of muscles in her throat as she swallowed. ‘You don’t have to change your mind. Josh already knows.’

Rick made an incredulous sound. ‘You
told
him? After I specifically said that I didn’t want—’

‘No,’ Sarah interrupted fiercely. ‘I didn’t tell him. I thought he had a right to know but I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to know that you didn’t want to acknowledge him. Josh told
me
and I couldn’t lie about it.’

Something cold was folding itself around Rick. Fear? Or maybe it was actually something hot. Like fury.

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Your prerogative.’ Sarah’s tone was clipped. ‘But for what it’s worth, Josh wanted to meet you. This was his idea.’

‘It’s a very
bad
idea.’ Rick’s words were just as clipped as hers had been. ‘I don’t like being pushed around.’

‘No. I don’t suppose you do.’

Another glance and he had the impression there was a spark of…what, sympathy in her eyes? It
could
be amusement. Rick’s anger strained at the leash.

‘Did it not occur to you the risk you were taking? I’m not exactly happy about this, Sarah. What if I back out of this whole donor thing?’

‘You wouldn’t do that.’

Her calm assumption only pushed him further.

‘How can you be so sure of that?’

His menacing tone did the trick. He saw the flash of fear in her face. Oddly, getting the upper hand wasn’t as satisfying as it could have been.

‘I’m trusting my instinct,’ Sarah admitted. ‘I don’t think you’re someone who’d break a promise.’

She wasn’t talking about an offer to give a kid a ride around the block on the back of a bike here and they both knew it. Of course he wouldn’t back out of being a donor when a life was at stake but this had just become a lot more complicated.

Messy.

Full of emotional fishhooks that Rick could already feel catching in his gut. And he was angry. Angry at having his life disrupted by having to think about any of this at all. At being manipulated by a woman and a kid who were making assumptions when they didn’t know him at all. He didn’t want them to know him, he realised. That was what this was all about. If he let them into his life, nothing would ever be the same.

He was fighting for his life here. Life as he knew it, anyway. And he had the horrible feeling that he wasn’t going to win this battle. He folded his arms and stared down at Sarah. The anger was still fierce.

‘Bit of a gamble, though, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah…’ Sarah’s tone hardened, as though she was catching his anger. Or maybe because she was
disappointed in what he was revealing about his character. ‘I’m gambling on you being a decent human being.’

He’d used those words himself to assure her that Josh’s father, if he was located, wouldn’t be able to refuse to do the right thing. Sarah’s tone suggested that she was prepared to find out she’d been mistaken in believing him. That he was about to break her trust.

The car was making a partial obstacle on the road. A motorist made a point of coming to a halt and leaning on his horn to advertise the inconvenience. Rick was still stinging from Sarah’s tone. He turned to glare at the driver and the man shook his head and pulled out to go around them.

‘If you back out,’ Sarah told him, ‘Josh will die. I’ll be working at Queen Mary’s and you’ll be reminded of him—and what you didn’t do—every time you see me.’

‘I could go somewhere else.’ Rick knew he sounded immature. Petulant almost but there was something close to desperation hovering over him. There was a small boy on his doorstep right now who knew that Rick was his biological father. When he went back up that driveway, he would
be
a father, whether he wanted to be or not.

Sarah’s gaze had softened. There was definitely sympathy in her eyes. ‘You’ll still remember,’ she said quietly. ‘Probably every time you see a kid.’

Another car went around them. Sarah was fiddling with her gear stick. Putting the car in neutral. Preparing to start it again and drive away?

‘What on earth do you think you’ll achieve by
leaving him
here?
Just how long were you planning to abandon him?’

Sarah answered his second query first. ‘Josh was going to text me. I would have come back very soon if he wasn’t happy. What did I think I might achieve?’

Sarah’s gaze was locked on his and Rick couldn’t break the contact. ‘Josh has the right to know what kind of person his father is.
You
need to know what you’re missing out on if you don’t know what kind of person your son is.’ She gave a heavy sigh. ‘You’re already involved in this, Rick. I think you need to be invested in it as well.’

‘Why? He’s got you. That’s been enough so far. It’s still enough.’

‘No. It isn’t.’ Sarah’s voice rose. ‘Not for Josh
or
for me.’ Her voice shook now and her eyes flashed. ‘Have you any idea how much I’ve been ripped apart by all this? No, of course you don’t. You’d rather not even think about it. Keep it all at a nice, safe distance. Well, let me tell you something…’

She sucked in a quick, shaky breath. ‘This sucks. You said you don’t like being pushed into things. Newsflash, Rick—none of us do. And what did I get pushed into? Not only being a parent but having to deal with the kind of things that no one wants to face. It’s not that I don’t love Josh. He’s a loveable kid and I adore him but it
hurts
like hell watching him go through all this. Knowing he might die in the end in spite of it.’

Sarah had tears on her face. She scrubbed at them angrily. ‘I’m only his aunty,’ she said, her voice raw. ‘You’re his
father.’

Still, there was no way Rick could break that eye contact. Spare himself the accusation in her face.

‘Grow up and take some responsibility,’ Sarah snapped, turning the key and revving the engine of her car. ‘You owe this much to Josh. Hey…maybe you owe it to me, too, for doing
your
job for so long.’

It was Sarah who broke the eye contact. The car was moving now and all Rick could think to do was to step back and let it go.

And when it had gone, he had a clear view up his driveway.

To where a small boy was sitting on his doorstep.

Sarah had to pull off the road just as soon as she could find a space that would be out of sight.

She could barely see with the tears flooding her eyes and her hands were shaking so hard she couldn’t steer the car safely.

Having come to a halt, she sat there, gripping the wheel with both hands together at the top, her forehead resting on them.

What she’d just done—leaving Josh alone with Rick—was the hardest thing ever and she wasn’t even sure she should have done it.

The thought of Josh being given a ride on Rick’s motorbike was bad enough. Terrifying. His body was so fragile and would be far too easy to break. But leaving him with a man who could break his heart was infinitely worse.

She couldn’t even stay and watch because if she had, the whole point of this exercise would have been negated.

So she couldn’t know what was happening and all she could do was wait.

She had to have faith, she told herself.

And she did. She had the utmost faith in Josh. In his intelligence and courage and maturity.

As her sobs subsided and she got her breathing under control again, Sarah was aware of something else.

For some unknown reason, she also had faith in Rick.

T
HE
confidence had vanished from Josh’s face.

He couldn’t have overheard anything that had been said down at the end of the driveway and he couldn’t have even seen any facial expressions because Rick had been bending down on the far side of the vehicle and Sarah had turned in his direction, but he must have sensed the tension and he would have seen the car driving away. Had he noticed that Sarah hadn’t given him a backward glance?

It might explain why he was looking so bereft.

Rick felt an odd pang in his chest that morphed into a kind of squeeze. He took in how pale Josh was. How he had less hair than he’d had even a few days ago. This kid was sick. There was a real possibility that he could die in the not-too-distant future and he was, essentially, an orphan. You’d have to have a pretty black heart not to respond to that package. And he might look a bit lost and vulnerable right now but he still looked determined.

Rick felt his lips twist into a lopsided grin. He had to admire the kid’s guts. Not to mention his enterprise. If he could apply the same tactics to beating his disease
as he must have to get something he wanted—like the bike ride—he might have a good show of succeeding.

The car had taken Sarah away physically. Rick was making a supreme effort, as he walked back up the driveway, to push her out of the considerable mental space she was still occupying. This was about him and Josh. It would be totally unacceptable to take out any of his anger for Sarah on this child.

This was no big deal, really. It wouldn’t even take that long. He’d give him what he wanted and then Josh could text his aunt and get taken home.

‘A bike ride, then?’ he offered.

OK, maybe he was sidestepping the major issue here but he could hardly jump right in and talk about their biological relationship. Josh wasn’t to know that
he
knew Josh knew the truth and at least he could sound casual about a bike ride. Friendly, even.

‘Yeah…’ That lost look was wiped from Josh’s face as he grinned. ‘That’d be awesome.’

‘You’d better come inside, then, and dump your bag.’

The loft apartment was a warehouse conversion and the door led into a massive living area with a wall of glass that looked straight down on a busy wharf. Container ships were being loaded and unloaded. Trucks and cranes and forklifts and people wearing hard hats and bright orange high-visibility vests made the scene a hive of activity. Josh walked over to the windows and his jaw dropped. Rick was happy to let him stand there and take it in.

He needed a moment himself. He walked to the kitchen that was part of the open-plan area and eyed
the bottle of beer he’d uncapped just before the doorbell had sounded. With a sigh of regret he screwed the cap back on and put it back in the fridge. It would have to wait until after the joy ride and by then he might need something a good deal stronger. He took a sideways glance at the small boy, who was still staring at the view with rapt attention.

A small boy’s dream, having something like this to watch on tap. Was that why he loved it? Had he never really grown up? Sarah’s stinging words were still sounding in his head.

Grow up and take some responsibility.

Maybe she had a point.

With an inward sigh this time, Rick pushed himself to walk closer to Josh. It felt incredibly awkward, which was weird because he was good with kids, but this was different. Hugely different. Unprecedented. It became slightly easier when he wasn’t looking directly at Josh. They stood side by side to admire the view.

‘Pretty cool, huh?’

‘What’s that little boat doing?’

‘That one’s a tug. It’ll be going out to the heads to guide another big ship in. The one over there is the coastguard boat. They go out for rescues sometimes in really rough weather. That’s fun to watch.’

Josh nodded but was busy watching massive logs being taken off the back of a truck. A crane was attached to chains in the middle of the logs and they tipped like a seesaw. ‘What happens if they drop them?’

‘It could cause a nasty accident, I guess. But they
know what they’re doing. I’ve never seen them drop any yet.’

Josh looked as though he could happily stand there for a long time but Rick was feeling edgy. Too aware of this small person standing so close. Of the fact that they were alone together. That he might have to talk about the fact that he was Josh’s father.

‘How ‘bout that ride, then?’

‘OK. But I don’t mind waiting. If you’re busy or something.’

‘Nah. We can’t go too far, though. It’ll be getting dark before too long and I don’t want you getting too cold or anything.’

‘Where’s your bike?’

‘There’s a garage space underneath here. The stairs are over by the kitchen bit.’

‘Do you live here by yourself?’

‘At the moment, I do.’ Rick led the way to the internal stairwell. ‘Max used to live with me and so did Jet.’

‘Who’s Jet?’

‘You sat beside him at Max and Ellie’s wedding. He was holding the baby.’ The memory cheered Rick up but it also reminded him of the moment he’d set eyes on Sarah. Still being mad at her didn’t seem to diminish his appreciation of the way she looked. She was gorgeous. Her sister had probably been gorgeous as well but to his shame Rick had no concrete memory of her. As he’d had to concede she would have been one of many in that period of his life he had no desire to remember in too much detail.

‘Where is he now?’

‘He had to go back to the army. He works as a doctor for the soldiers sometimes. Rides around in helicopters and rescues people and stuff.’

‘Wow. That’d be cool.’

‘Bikes are cool, too. See?’ Rick stepped into the garage. This was another big space. His SUV for routine travel was parked on one side and on the other his bike stood in solitary, gleaming black glory. ‘It’s a Ducati,’ he told Josh. ‘Sportclassic GT1000. Not bad, huh?’ He stroked the seat. ‘Jet’s got a Superbike, which is over there under the tarp while he’s away. It’s a bit more powerful but this is my baby.’ He pulled his hand away from the machine with a final pat and then looked up to find Josh looking at him rather intently. Curiously.

As though he was behaving in an unexpected way. Was it possible Sarah had told him that she thought Rick had a lot of growing up to do?

‘We’ll need to give you a jacket and helmet,’ he went on hurriedly. ‘We’ll use Jet’s, he won’t mind. They’ll be miles too big for you but we can pad up the helmet and that’s the most important bit of protection.’

Josh looked like a little kid playing dress-up by the time Rick had him kitted out to his satisfaction. His hands were lost in leather mittens and barely emerged from the sleeves of the jacket. His head was equally lost in the helmet and all Rick could really see was a pair of dark eyes staring at him as he rolled the bike out of the garage.

‘Sarah says that motorbikes are horrible, dangerous things,’ he informed Rick.

‘Sarah’s not a boy,’ Rick responded, as though that excused her.

She wasn’t a girl, either, he thought as he helped Josh climb onto the back of the bike. She was all woman, was Sarah. He was still puzzled as to why she was allowing this ride to go ahead. She’d be terrified that Josh would get hurt. The fact that she could put her own fears to one side to let Josh do something he wanted to do said a lot about her strength of character.

That she was letting him be the one to give Josh the ride said a lot about how much she was trusting him. Rick wasn’t about to let her down.

‘Put both arms around my waist and hang on tight,’ he instructed Josh. ‘Don’t let go for any reason, OK?’

‘OK.’

‘We’re not going very far. We’ll get a bit closer to the wharf so you can see the ships and then we’ll go up the hill but that’s all. And we’re not racing anything. Got it?’

‘Yep.’ Josh’s skinny arms came around Rick’s waist and the grip was reassuringly strong. ‘Let’s go.’

They went.

Sarah wasn’t any closer to getting home.

She was still sitting in her car in the lay-by but she wasn’t crying any more. Staring out at the choppy, grey water of the harbour was soothing. Knowing that she was still close enough to Rick’s apartment to go and rescue Josh in a matter of minutes was even more comforting.

Besides, she had a lot to think about. She could make a mental list of everything she needed to get done in the
next couple of days. Washing and ironing so that Josh could pack everything he would need to move into the bone-marrow unit. Sorting the games and books and DVDs he’d want for the next few weeks. Shopping for treats. Arranging schoolwork, perhaps. And then there were all the other things that were a level away from Josh but still vital. Stuff that needed doing around the apartment. Going to the bank to try and arrange another loan. Paying the bills that were mounting up by the day.

She had to go back to work soon. A lot sooner than she might have chosen to but they weren’t going to survive financially if she didn’t. The trip to the States and then staying in Auckland had virtually wiped out her savings. If Josh settled well enough in the unit she might be able to start doing some shifts at night while he was asleep. It could be the ideal time in some ways, because he would have expert care when she wasn’t around.

That wouldn’t be on tap when he came out. Even if the bone marrow took successfully, he wouldn’t be able to attend school normally for months yet. Paying someone to be with him while Sarah worked might take so much out of what she’d be earning that it would be pointless.

One day at a time.

The mantra arrived automatically these days, when the spiral of thoughts and worries threatened to overwhelm her. All that mattered right now was tackling this next, huge hurdle. When they were through it would be the time to worry about what was going to happen next. Sarah was practised in reversing the
time telescope. She shrank it from the months ahead to weeks. Then into days and finally only hours.

Josh was with Rick. He was probably on the back of some horribly big motorbike while she was sitting here watching seagulls bobbing on tiny waves. She hoped he was hanging on tight.
She
certainly would be.

In fact, she could imagine it. Pressing against the solid back of Rick’s body, her arms around his waist and the hum of a powerful engine beneath them. Bizarrely, the notion wasn’t nearly as alarming as it should be. Instead, it had an appeal strong enough to quicken her pulse and send a curious warmth into her limbs.

A huff of laughter escaped Sarah. If she went any further down that track, it would be her begging for a ride next. But at least the awful tension was easing and she felt better. Not relaxed enough to want to drive the fifteen kilometres or so to her apartment in the city but more than enough to start wondering if she’d been a bit too hard on Rick.

Had she really told him he needed to grow up?

That he owed her something because she’d been doing his job as the sole parent figure for Josh?

That was unfair, given that he hadn’t known of his child’s existence.

He was a bachelor. One with a demanding job and probably precious little free time to enjoy other things like his bike. Or his home. Sarah hadn’t taken much notice of her surroundings in finding Rick’s address but now she found herself curious. Why did he choose to live out here? In what looked, from the outside, like an old warehouse? The whole area had given an
impression of being old. Kind of rundown, which didn’t quite gel with the image she had of Rick being a glitzy, playboy type.

It wouldn’t hurt to go back, would it? To drive around and see if she’d missed something? She might find a café somewhere that could provide a good cup of coffee and, heaven knew, she could do with a caffeine boost. It would distract her for a while, too. If she hadn’t received a ‘come and get me’ text from Josh within the next hour or so, she could assume that the visit was going well and then she would drive home and throw herself into some housework or something.

Sarah checked the road in both directions, put on her indicator and did a U-turn.

For the first time ever, Rick was feeling nervous about riding his beloved bike.

Good grief…even when he’d had his first solo ride when he’d been fifteen he hadn’t felt like this. So aware of the unforgiving tarmac laid out beneath the speeding wheels. Padded leather could only do so much to protect skin and flesh and wasn’t much protection at all when it came to broken bones. And how many head injuries had he dealt with over the years resulting from accidents involving motorbikes?

If Jet could see him riding this cautiously, he’d be grinning from ear to ear. Making some smart remark about him trading in the Ducati for a walking frame. But Jet had never taken a kid as a pillion, had he?

It felt weird. Nothing like any of the girls Rick had taken for a ride. Weightwise, he could have been alone so it made no difference to cornering or anything. He
was acutely aware of the arms around his waist. A sensation that had always been a bonus with a pretty girl on the back, but this was a kid.

His
kid.

Those tiny arms felt like prison walls. Starting to close in and trap something that was unrecognisable but important and Rick had the sinking feeling that it could be a big ask to ensure its freedom. The sooner this was over with the better.

They went as close to the wharf as they could get and went past acres of stored containers. He took them along the coast road for a mile or two after that, heading for Carey’s Bay. Traffic was light and the road conditions were good and Rick found himself relaxing a bit. If they had more time, he thought, they could have gone a lot further. There were some fabulous beaches out this way, like Long Beach and Warrington and Murdering Beach. Surf and huge sand dunes that you could bodysurf down.

What was he thinking? Josh was nowhere near well enough to go swimming or play in sand dunes and he didn’t want to spend hours in his company anyway. He turned them around and headed up a hill to give them a good view of the harbour and the bush-clad hills and crowded streets of Port Chalmers and then headed back.

The seaport was really a suburb of the city of Dunedin but it was more like a quirky little township in its own right. Industrial, thanks to the busy port, but it was also trendy for those wanting a slightly alternative lifestyle. It attracted artists and musicians. Very close
to all the city amenities but most definitely outside its limits. On the edge, and Rick loved it.