The House of Women (27 page)

‘
How did he leave her in the lurch?’ McKenna asked. ‘Had he promised to marry her?’

‘
I don’t know what he promised, but it made her fall for his wiles. Mind you, he had charm, and a way with words to pull your heart to pieces, but words with nothing behind them aren’t worth the breath they take.’ She began stacking used crockery on the tray. ‘As soon as the chickens came home to roost, Iolo scarpered, and Edith couldn’t see him for the dust. He came whining back to me, but I told him I never wanted to set eyes on him again.’ One plump hand resting on the handle of the tray, the other on her leg, she stared at McKenna. ‘You still don’t understand what I’m talking about, do you? Edith had a baby. The middle girl with the silly name is Iolo’s daughter. She was all the proof I needed to get a divorce.’

6

He left Margaret to her peace, taking with him the secret which had broken through the weight of time as the weeds with which Harry engaged in battle ruptured the hard, parched garden soil.

The soft sea breeze had made its way further inland, ruffling the trees in Edith
’s garden, and whispering like voices from the past. He drew to a halt by the kerb, listening to a relay of other voices on the car radio passing urgent requests for personnel and dog handlers to attend the demonstration, then unclipped the seat belt, and found Phoebe crouched on the pavement, staring at him.

‘
You were wrong about cats having the sense to steer clear of traffic,’ she said, holding open the car door. ‘That stupid animal was sunbathing on the white lines in the middle of the road, so I’ve given him a rocket and shut him in the back garden. He’ll get the message, if he really
can
think.’

Side by side, they walked up the drive, she with her hands in her trouser pockets, pulling the fabric into triangular protuberances. She seemed edgy, a little ill at ease with herself.

‘Is your mother in?’ McKenna asked.

‘
She’s gone shopping.’

‘
Will she be long?’

‘
Probably not. The professor’s invited himself over for dinner, and Mama likes to cook him something nice. Solange doesn’t feed him properly, you know. She thinks we can all survive on alcohol and lettuce leaves.’

‘
Isn’t she coming, too?’

‘
She’s gone to London. She offered to take Minnie with her, but dear sister couldn’t get the day off work, so I expect we’ll suffer another sulkfest as soon as she gets home.’

‘
And where’s Annie?’ he asked, puzzled by the little knot in his innards.

‘
She’s taken Bethan to Colwyn Bay Zoo. They wanted me to go with them, but I see enough of that sort of thing here.’

‘
That’s rather a pretentious remark.’

‘
I’m given to those at times.’ She led him towards the kitchen through the pooled light in the hall. ‘Did you read my essay?’

‘
Yes, and I think it’s wonderful.’

‘
Do you really?’ She frowned. ‘You’re not just being nice, are you?’ Then she smiled. ‘No, I can tell you’re not, by your eyes. Uncle Ned said the eyes are always a give away.’

‘
Flattery would be wrong, because your writing’s too important for dishonesty.’

She took a jug of lemonade from the refrigerator,
filled two tumblers, then took a new blue glass ashtray from the cupboard. ‘Mama’s stocked up on ashtrays, and she bought two hundred cigarettes from Safeway this morning.’

‘
How is she?’

‘
Weird!’ Phoebe wrapped her hands around the tumbler. ‘Like something in a horror film, metamorphosing into something else. She’s as high as a kite, jittery as hell, falling over her own feet, dropping things, laughing like a hyena one minute and weeping buckets the next, and saying she feels better than she’s done for years.’

‘
I think Dr Ansoni should at least know she’s stopped the tablets.’

‘
So do we, but Mama said she’d be wasting her time and his, because she can’t avoid the withdrawal.’ She took a gulp of lemonade. ‘Annie and I had a chat while she was out earlier, and we’ve decided to monitor the situation, because Annie agrees with me that Mama’s been more real in the last few days than we’ve ever known.’

‘
Real?’ McKenna asked, drinking the ice-cold liquid.

‘“
Real” as in “here”, a real live person instead of a half-dead one. You can’t know what I mean because you’ve never seen her at her worst, when she was so spaced out she couldn’t even focus her eyes, let alone concentrate. She did a lot of weeping then, too, only she didn’t seem to realize. In fact, she wasn’t aware of anything much. She’d wander round the house, muttering to herself, and moving so slowly you’d swear she was wading through sludge. She said her body felt heavy and droopy and stiff at the same time, and her back and all her joints ached, so she could sympathize with Uncle Ned over that much, at least.’

‘
They were using drugs from the same chemical family, albeit for a different purpose,’ McKenna said. ‘They cause stiffness in the joints because of the way they act on the central nervous system.’

‘
I told her that, you know, and I told Uncle Ned his sleeping tablets were making him ache even more.’ She ran her finger around the edge of the glass, scowling. ‘And I absolutely hate being proved right
all
the time! It seems like I know more than I should.’

‘
So how did you know?’

‘
Asking questions, as usual,’ she replied, the scowl falling victim to humour. ‘Annie had a general anaesthetic last year to have an impacted wisdom tooth pulled, and afterwards, she ached so much she could hardly move because of the drugs she’d had to relax her muscles. So I borrowed Uncle Ned’s university library card to mug up on the drugs swilling through my family’s veins, as it were, and I could’ve saved myself the trouble, for all the notice either of them took.’

‘
Don’t judge their weaknesses too harshly,’ McKenna said. ‘You’ll despise yourself if you discover some of your own.’

‘
With our track record, it’s a case of when, not if.’ She chuckled. ‘We’re a real genetic mess.’

‘
It could skip your generation. Gladys said Bethan has the same colouring as her mother, even though Annie’s dark like you.’

‘
Bethan looks like her father. He’s tall and thin and fair. She’ll be quite tall, I imagine. Her legs and arms are long already.’

‘
I didn’t realize you knew him,’ he said, the knot retying itself in his innards.

‘
Of course we know him! He’s a teacher in Llandudno. He was engaged to Annie for yonks, and she broke it off when she found she was having Bethan.’

‘
Why?’

Phoebe shrugged.
‘I suppose it made her wonder if she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. People say a crisis concentrates the mind, don’t they?’

‘
Are they still in touch?’

She nodded.
‘It’s all very civilized. He’s gone to the zoo with them today, and he’d marry Annie tomorrow if he got the chance, but as far as she’s concerned, he’s history.’

‘
I see.’

‘
When George came on the scene last year, I told Annie I’d quite like
him
for a brother-in-law, but she said he’s a non-starter, and I don’t think it’s because he’s black, ’cos she’s not given to that sort of prejudice. I know they like each other as friends, but there’s none of that gut-wrenching stuff they’d need for marriage.’

‘
Then perhaps you could save him for yourself,’ McKenna suggested. ‘If you start his training now, he could be well to heel by the time you’re old enough to marry.’

‘
I don’t fancy him either, even though he’s so gorgeous-looking. We’d never have more than a cerebral relationship.’

‘
Aren’t you rather too young for that kind of decision-making?’

‘
Not really,’ she said airily. ‘I know what I like in a man. You must be quite fanciable, especially for someone of Annie’s age.’ Smiling broadly, she added: ‘Did you know your hair’s going a bit grey at the sides?’

‘
You’re very observant.’

‘
I’m very cheeky, too. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you. It’s because you remind me of Uncle Ned in so many ways it seems OK to say whatever comes into my head. You make my imagination work like he did, too.’ She paused, reviewing her words. ‘That doesn’t sound quite right, does it? Why won’t words ever say what you mean?’

‘
You managed very well in your essay.’

‘
That’s different.’ She drained her glass, and began making patterns in a ring of condensation on the table top. ‘Some days, I feel so miserable and scared I want to die, then on others, I feel wonderfully strong and powerful, especially when I’m writing, even though it’s such hard work.’ She looked up, eyes dark with concentration. ‘And I think everyone feels the same inside, but either they don’t understand, or being more than one person gets too frightening, so they take to drink, or drugs, or sex, or anything that’ll stop them being alone with themselves. I sometimes wonder if Mama simply let the sad Mama take over.’

‘
Whatever gifts you have came in part from her, you know.’ Lighting his first cigarette, he went on: ‘And perhaps she blotted out the reality of the world she lived in because she saw something nearer to her heart’s desire, and knew it was just out of reach, whereas you can move between the two as and when you like. For all you know, she might have similar perceptions and impulses, but not the ability to make use of them.’

‘
Uncle Ned would’ve said she couldn’t perfect the art of escape or achieve the art of revelation.’

‘
And insight can be excruciatingly painful, which is perhaps why people are so reluctant to admit to it. Drink and drugs and sex at least blur the outlines of harsh reality.’

‘
I suppose that’s what’s wrong with the professor.’ She dried the table with the cuff of her shirt, and watched McKenna despoil the pristine ashtray with a tube of grey ash. ‘I think your inner life is the one that really matters, and it’s a terrible waste not to live it, but I suppose you can’t if you’re afraid of yourself.’ She picked up his lighter, tracing her fingers over the engraved initials. ‘I watch little Bethan, wondering

what she knows
and what she’ll remember of now, because even though I’m nowhere near grown up, I can hardly remember being her age, and I don’t know how I learned all the things in my head. Uncle Ned thought we start learning by looking outwards, referring everything back to our body, and he said most people stop when they know enough to get by, because after that, you have to look inwards, and that’s the hard part. But it’s the best part, isn’t it?’

‘
It’s your inner space,’ McKenna said. ‘As infinite as outer space, but even more exciting and mysterious because you have your own sun and moon and stars.’

Her eyes gleamed.
‘But it can get scary, especially if you’re not sure you aren’t batty to start with! I wish I had an “off” switch in my head, sometimes, so I won’t drive myself completely into the ground. I got really psyched up when I realized I could sort of see sounds, or hear colours, but George said it’s not unusual if you’re trying to develop your faculties.’ She put the lighter back on the table, and sat back, folding her arms. ‘We had a really interesting discussion about whether a person’s height, or size, or whatever determines their assessment of the world. Do long-sighted people see more than short-sighted ones, for instance, but miss the small details, or do big people feel more than small ones?’ She grinned at him. ‘Your eyes are glazing over.’

‘
I’ve had a busy day, and at my age, you begin to feel it.’

‘
Annie said I can talk the hind legs off a herd of donkeys. You should tell me to shut up, you know, ’cos I’ll go on for ever if you let me.’ Unfolding her arms, she rose, and switched on the kettle. ‘I’ll make a pot of tea. Mama should be back any minute.’

‘
What time is the professor due?’

‘
About half-seven.’ She pulled a face.

‘
Will Annie be back by then?’

‘
Dunno.’ She counted four tea-bags into the pot, and felt the side of the kettle. ‘They might have a meal out. Bethan likes going to a burger bar, even though I keep telling Annie she’s running the risk of Bethan ending up like Auntie Gertrude.’

He felt what people always describe as someone walking over their grave, and shivered despite himself.

Phoebe watched him. ‘You shy away from some thoughts, don’t you?’

‘
The picture you paint isn’t very pleasant.’

‘
It’s a possibility. We never know what
might
happen.’

‘
That isn’t always exciting.’

‘
I suppose not.’ Steam began to force its way from the kettle, and brewing the tea, she added: ‘But it’s better to look on the really black side so you can recognize the other when you see it. If you’re never miserable, for instance, you’ll never know when you’re happy, and, more to the point, you won’t value the happiness when it’s there.’

Edith suddenly appeared at the back door, a dress-shop bag over one arm, the cat struggling under the other. Jumping to his feet, McKenna almost upset the lemonade glass.

She smiled vaguely at him, then dropped the fretful animal to the floor. ‘What have you done to the poor lamb?’ she demanded of her daughter. ‘He was trying to climb on to the roof.’

‘
I shut him out the back because he was lying in the road earlier.’