The Hunger Moon (31 page)

Renata drove them to get the schedule anyway, to a little bus station that was nothing more than a bench under a rippled sheet-metal awning. The schedule was posted on a bulletin board: there was only one early-morning departure a day, and they had missed it.

“That gives us a whole day more,” Renata said cheerfully. “Then, bright and early tomorrow, we’ll have you on that bus.”

June had been trying to frame arguments in her mind. But
when it came to making her request, all she could do was blurt it out. “Why can’t I stay with you, Renata? I’ll get a job, too, with hours different than yours, so that one of us can be with Charlie all the time. I’m really sick of school and was thinking of taking time off, anyway. I’m already failing everything this semester, so there’s no point whatsoever in my going back.”

Renata looked at her, her mouth open with surprise. “June,” she said, “I wish you could stay with us, too. You’re wonderful company, and Charlie and I will miss you. But you can’t drop out of school; that’s just plain crazy.” Renata shook her head emphatically.

June stared at the dull green pine trees swishing by. They were headed back to a diner they had passed earlier called the Cuppa Coffee.

“Well, I’m dropping out anyway, whether I stay with you guys or not,” June said stubbornly.

“And what will you do?”

“I’ll get into a dance company somewhere,” June said airily. “And I’ll waitress.”

Renata pulled over to the side of the road with a little screech of brakes and spray of gravel. When she turned to June, she looked angry. “Don’t you dare throw away college because you had a couple of bad months,” she said. “Do you know how lucky you are to have a mother at home, and a father who at least pays your tuition bills?” Her voice had risen and was shaking. “Do you think if I had had someone to send me off to college I would have
chosen
to be a waitress?
Do
you?”

June shrank back. Charlie began fussing from his car seat. Renata leaned her forehead onto the steering wheel. After a few seconds June reached out and patted her arm awkwardly.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’ll go back.”

They sat there. A truck rumbled by. Charlie’s crying had subsided into whimpers. He seemed to be getting used to the idea that he was a prisoner in the car seat.

“Renata,” June said softly. “Why not go back, too? Your apartment’s
still there, and you can get another job. Why not just have a talk with Bryan? I’m sure he misses you.”

“He doesn’t miss me,” Renata said, her voice muffled in her arm. “He misses Charlie.”

They went to the Cuppa Coffee and pretended nothing had happened. June entertained Charlie with straws and spoons. Renata stared out the window and toyed with her eggs. June forced herself to eat some toast and part of an egg; every time she ate these days she suffered horrible stomach cramps. It was probably the shock of all the solid food she had been eating this week under Renata’s scrutiny; tomorrow she would get back to the protein drinks to get rid of the pounds she was sure she had gained. A waitress who was at least fifty years old served them. June couldn’t help but stare at her puffy ankles and the veins snaking up her calves. It had never occurred to her that Renata did not do exactly what she most wanted to in life. She seemed so free. She made waitressing look sophisticated and even glamorous, with her crisp black-and-white uniform and her fat roll of bills every night from her tips.

T
HE NEXT MORNING
, R
ENATA HUGGED HER HARD
when the bus pulled up. The sun had finally come out, making the wet trees shine. Mist rose from the road.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Renata said into her ear. Charlie was squished between them in the hug.

“How will I know where you are?” June asked, her voice squeaking with her effort to control it.

“You won’t, for a while. But I’ll be in touch. I have your mother’s address and phone number.”

June blinked hard. “I love you guys,” she said, then grabbed her bag and hopped on the bus.

“Hey, don’t you want me to put your bag underneath?” the driver called after her. June shook her head and kept walking until she reached a window seat facing Charlie and Renata. Renata was making Charlie wave, which he never did by himself until the person
he was supposed to wave at totally disappeared from view. Then he began waving like crazy.

T
EN MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD
, June made her way up the aisle to the driver, her bag bumping the back of her leg.

“Excuse me, but could you pull over at that diner up there? I need to make a phone call.”

“I can’t wait for you, and there aren’t any more buses coming today,” the driver warned.

“That’s okay. I changed my mind about going.”

“Whatever you say.” The driver pulled the bus over. June stepped off. The door wheezed shut behind her and the bus crunched across the gravel, back to the highway.

H
IS ROOMMATE
M
ELISSA WAS CALLING
outside the bathroom door. “Bryan, phone!”

“I’m in the shower,” Bryan shouted over the water. “Take a message.”

A second later she returned to the door. “It’s somebody named June. The message is that if you don’t talk to her now you’ll be sorry. You want me to hang up on her?”

But Bryan was already out of the shower, grabbing a towel to wrap around himself and running past Melissa for the phone, leaving wet puddles in the hall behind him.

Melissa said, “I hope you’re going to clean that up!” and disappeared down the stairs.

Bryan stopped to catch his breath before he spoke.

“June?”

“Yes,” June said.

“I’ve been leaving messages for you all week,” he said. “Are you with Renata and Charlie? Where are you?”

“I got your messages. I’ve been traveling with them, but Renata sent me home because it’s the end of my school vacation. I know where she is now, but by this afternoon she’ll be gone, and I don’t know where she’s headed next. You don’t have much time to catch up with her.”

“Where is she? Just a minute; do I need to write this down?” Bryan clutched his towel with one hand and cradled the phone with his ear, looking frantically around for a pencil.

“I need to ask you some things first.”

“You just said we needed to hurry.”

“We do, but I’m not telling you where she is until you answer my questions.”

He forced himself not to shout at her. “Go ahead.”

“Do you love Renata, or just Charlie?”

“What?” His voice rose incredulously. “What kind of a game is this, June?”

“I need to know. Renata thinks you don’t care about her.”

“Of course I care about her,” Bryan sputtered. “But she’s made herself a little bit difficult to like these days.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“What is this?”

“Yes or no, and don’t lie,” June warned. “Miriam told me I have a psychic nature, so I’ll be able to tell if you’re lying.”

“Who the hell is Miriam?”

“Yes or no.”

“I’ve had some dates. There’s nothing wrong with that. Those were the rules that Renata wanted—both of us free.” Bryan was getting angry and feeling chilly. There was a slippery pool of water around his feet. Melissa came up the stairs pointedly offering him a sponge. He glared at her until she retreated.

“So, do you love Renata, or not? Tell the truth.”

The truth. He had driven across the country to find out what Renata was hiding from him; he had found out, and fallen in love with his son; he had alternately been drawn to Renata and been made furious by her. At the moment he was furious. She had stolen his son from him, twice. This time he was aware of the loss; it felt like something ripped right out of his gut. Did he love Renata? He wanted to strangle her. She had treated him like dirt. He knew June wouldn’t be satisfied unless he said yes. He said yes.

“
Why
do you love Renata?”

“June, this is crazy.”

“It’s not crazy, because I
do
love Renata. She’s my friend. Do you think I want to ruin her life by letting you know where she is before I’m sure of your motives?”

“I’m Charlie’s father,” he said belligerently. “How about not ruining
my
life? And don’t forget Charlie’s.”

“I’m hanging up now,” June said. “I didn’t call you to argue.”

“Okay, okay, hang on.
Why
do I love Renata, that’s the question?”

“Yes.”

Bryan tried to remember how they were in California. The way she would stretch herself coming out of sleep and open her eyes smiling when she found him already awake, watching her. How, in the middle of the night, when he awoke with a jolt, his heart pounding, he could encircle her with his arms and go back to sleep almost immediately. He had been to bed with other women, lots of them, both before and after Renata, but she was the only one he had missed when she was gone. Hers was the only face he could recall in perfect detail. Hers and now their son’s.

“June?” When he spoke again his voice was changed. “You’re just going to have to trust me on this one. Please.”

I
T WAS SEVEN-THIRTY WHEN HE HUNG UP
. June had told him he had four, maybe four and a half hours to get to them at the motel in Maine where they had spent last night. “I’m sure they won’t check out until after Charlie’s morning nap,” she had said. “He wakes up at eleven-thirty. They’ll be gone by twelve, at the latest.”

As he threw on his jeans and sweatshirt, his mind raced. He could call ahead, speak to her. But he knew her stubbornness. Knew she’d bolt. He could call the motel manager, ask them to detain her in some way. But that would only make him seem suspicious; they’d probably warn her and she’d leave. He had no choice but to get there in four hours.

R
ENATA WATCHED
J
UNE’S BUS ROLL AWAY
and felt like some part of her was leaving with it. Now she and Charlie were adrift, but without the same sense of adventure Renata had felt last fall; now she was running. She didn’t let on, but when June was trying to persuade her to go back to Boston, she almost said yes. She would plead with Theo for her job back, and she would sit down and hash it out with Bryan. Then she remembered his voice, cold and punishing, talking about lawyers and custody. That gave her the strength she needed.

She hoped she did the right thing in sending June away. Surely she would go back to school and get over this slump. Renata had cautiously suggested that June find a counselor to talk to, maybe one at school. But June had said she was fine, in that brittle, irritated tone of hers that reminded Renata that the girl was still, after all, just a teenager, volatile and contrary. Maybe Renata should call her mother and tell her how thin June had gotten, and suggest that she be seen by a doctor. Or would her mother resent the interference?

Renata passed by the Cuppa Coffee and thought about swinging in for breakfast. But she had some muffins in her motel room; she would eat those. By the time they got to the room it was just
seven-thirty, and Charlie wouldn’t need a nap until ten. She dreaded making him sit confined in his car seat for long distances again. She decided to let him play in the room until his nap time, then load him into the car and drive while he slept. By the time he woke up they could stop somewhere for lunch and a stretch, and then she could drive again during his afternoon nap.

After packing up the car, Renata put Charlie in his stroller and wandered down to the harbor. It wasn’t warm, but with the sun out everything was brightly colored. The waves had been the color of lead; now they were a deep sapphire. She picked Charlie up and pointed out the gulls and fishing boats and orange buoys. He took it in somberly. Then he rubbed his eyes. Renata read it as a signal that they should be off. She went into the motel office to drop off the key, and the grandmotherly woman behind the desk exclaimed, “Oh, thank heavens!” when she saw her. “That girl that was with you—”

“June? She left on the bus this morning from Rum Junction.”

“She did? Well then, who was the girl who collapsed in the Cuppa Coffee ten minutes ago? They called and said she had one of our matchbooks in her pocket, and I was sure it was the girl who was with you because of the long hair.”