‘You did well, Elena.’
‘Huh?’ I said, snapping back to the present and looking at George in confusion.
‘I had my doubts that our training would be enough to get you through the last few days,’ he patiently repeated. ‘I thought your smart mouth would get you killed.’
‘I don’t think they were interested in my mouth,’ I explained, my hands curling into fists in my lap. ‘I’m alive because John had a further purpose for me, nothing more.’
George looked surprised by my answer. ‘I expected you to take all the credit for today’s victory.’
I bowed my head, not wanting him to see the tears that stung my eyes. ‘What victory could there be when two innocent people are dead?’
Because of me …
‘You’re alive. You killed a few vânâtors yourself, and you unselfishly tried to save the girl. You can take pride in that, Elena.’
I almost laughed. Pride? Was he kidding? ‘Yes, and I’m still alive, at the expense of others. All I can take from that is guilt, not pride. I don’t deserve any praise for surviving, especially when I know Elizabeth and Kate’s parents don’t know their daughters are dead.’
‘Elena …’
I zoned out again after that. No excuse would make me feel better. Plus, I could feel them watching me, judging me as I kept my head bowed.
I shook my head, trying to dispel the bitterness I felt. Despite suffering under the hand of such cruelty, there were positives to observe. With the Vânâtor’s secret now uncovered I could at least say Elizabeth and Kate had not died in vain.
I guess some of the change I was feeling also evolved from the unavoidable reality that this experience had forced me to start growing up. Just like life, death, and love, growing and maturing from the product of our experiences is simply inevitable, and I could no longer pretend that was passing me by. The sooner I accepted that I was no longer a child and that I was responsible for the consequences of my actions, the sooner I could accept my part in Elizabeth and Kate’s deaths. If I could free myself of the guilt I harboured and move forward, then perhaps I could also start to let people in—people like William.
My head flicked up as Susan squealed in delight, her face etched with excitement as she performed a happy dance around the table. I looked on, confused, as she danced up to me, patting my cheek, before dashing into the kitchen to assess the contents of the pantry.
‘What’s going on now?’ I said, leaning over to Lucas.
‘Mum’s just real happy about you discovering a way to destroy the Vânâtors.’
‘Still?’
‘It’s a big deal, E. Dad’s already contacted Bucharest so they can start spreading the news globally.’
‘Then why is Susan in the kitchen?’ I asked, leaning backwards on my chair and watching her pulling jelly crystals and Tabasco sauce out of the cupboard.
‘Haven’t you been listening?’ Lucas asked.
I shook my head, grimacing as I saw Susan lifting out a jar of peanut butter.
‘She’s decided takeout is all wrong for the occasion. She wants to put her culinary skills to the test and cook us all something extra-special for dinner.’
‘That sounds like a really bad idea.’
‘Quiet, you two,’ George muttered, getting up to give her hand.
It wasn’t going to help.
I cringed as I watched her rummaging through packets of out-of-date food, declaring that, ‘she could really do something with this’. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d been tortured enough in the last two days. So I left well alone, and prayed for all the electrical appliances in the kitchen to suddenly break down instead.
The look on Lucas and George’s faces said it all, as she lowered a plate of God–only-knew what onto the centre of the table forty minutes later. There weren’t enough expletives in the English language to depict just exactly what it was that we were all looking at. But the smell was definitely something—a cross between a jammed-up Port-a-Loo and spearmint-flavoured bubble gum.
It was crap-o-licious.
We talked for a good few hours, discussing every detail of my capture—including both my unwanted attraction to John and the effect that the alpha scent appeared to have on me. I was reluctant at first, mostly because talking about the experience dredged up painful memories, but I found the more I shared, the better I started to feel. We all agreed that avoidance was the best cure for circumventing such entrapment again, and avoidance meant evacuating me from the area.
Much to Lucas’s disgust, they both agreed that sending me back to headquarters for a little while was not the worst idea I’d ever had. The IMI had their faults, George had said, and they had their ulterior motives, but they were still my best chance of avoiding recapture. Ten Protectors, three vampires, and one half-breed were not enough to fend off an army of determined vânâtors should they discover I was still residing here.
The agreed upon plan at this stage was to seek advice from headquarters first and wait for instruction.
In the meantime, Susan and George were going to see how quickly both Vampires and Protectors could mobilise to track down the last remaining alphas. I would be staying put, at least until the IMI had reached a decision.
Lucas still did not look thrilled about my plans to leave.
After dinner, I nervously made my way upstairs, saying goodnight to Susan and George as they headed off to their own areas of the house. Lucas followed at my heels, no doubt hoping I would include him in my reunion with William. I made my feelings clear by shutting the bathroom door in his face, telling him, through the door, to go to bed and that I’d update him in the morning.
I brushed my teeth slowly and thoroughly, and then headed to my bedroom, wondering if my Vampire would be waiting. My heart sank when I opened the door and found that I was alone.
I switched on the light just to be sure and almost groaned in disappointment when the fluorescents illuminated my empty room. Disappointed, I grabbed a pillow off my bed, headed over to the window and threw it up onto the roof above. Without a second thought, I draped a blanket around my neck, climbed up onto my sill, and heaved myself up onto the roof.
Tonight, I wanted to feel the freedom of the breeze blowing across my face as I slept. I wanted to lie in the spot where so many of my teenage fantasies, arguments, and procrastinations had played out in my head. I didn’t want to sleep in a bed, confined to my room. I needed open space—no walls, no doors, no vânâtors. And as my future at the IMI brimmed with the possibilities of enclosed walls, uncertainty, and repressed freedom, I wanted to make the most of my liberty before it was taken away.
On the roof’s corrugated surface, I doubled the blanket over and spread it out to cushion the uneven texture of the metal under my back. I pulled the softness of my pillow underneath my head. I glanced up at the stars for the longest time, watching them with quiet contemplation and trying to avoid heavy thoughts wrought with emotion.
Cold fingers brushed through the silken strands of hair that enveloped my face, and my eyes flicked to the side in an instant to stare up at the emerald green pools looking back at me.
‘Hi,’ William said as he grazed his fingers down to my cheek and then brushed them across my lips. He settled down comfortably beside me, propping himself up on one arm.
I turned my head and just stared. ‘I thought you weren’t coming.’
‘Why would you think that?’ William breathed, as he took my hand in his. He traced small circles on the back and looked intently into my eyes. The disgust and indifference I had expected was missing from their depths. Even though Lucas had reassured me with William’s words of love and understanding, I still couldn’t believe that he would want to know me after what he’d seen.
‘I thought after all that happened with John that you wouldn’t—’
He silenced me, pressing his fingers to my lips. ‘Nothing that you ever do or say is going to change how I feel about you. Make sure that you remember that.’
‘But what I did … how I felt when he touched me … I just don’t understand why you—’
‘Why I still want to be with you?’ he answered, interrupting my mumbling.
I nodded.
He intertwined his fingers in mine and tilted my face up to look at him. ‘I love you. What more explanation did you need than that?’
I cringed. ‘How can you love me? You don’t even really know me and I know even less about you.’
‘I just do. I don’t know how else to explain. It’s definitely not something that I’d planned, but I knew from the very first moment that I laid eyes on you that I’d never be able to walk away from you. I’ve lived for over four hundred years, roaming from place to place, searching for something and never knowing what it was. I always feel empty and alone, no matter how many people I surround myself with. It wasn’t until I met you that I realised that you were the missing piece in my life.’
I turned away and stared back up at the stars. I didn’t want to look into those eyes and see truth in his words. Letting myself love him could only lead to pain. In fact, loving anyone at all was far too dangerous right now. I needed to take things very slow—that was the only way I could ever let him get close to me.
‘Elena?’ he said, pulling my face back to look at his. ‘Tell me what you are thinking.’
‘Honestly?’
‘Yes, always.’
‘Honestly, I’m thinking that I can’t give you what you want right now. I like you William, I do, but I’m not ready to feel weak and defenceless again. And I can see that if I truly let myself be close to you then you would have the power to do that to me, power that you could use to inadvertently hurt me.’
He brushed a thumb across my lips. I shivered. ‘You can’t stop your heart from wanting me, Elena.’
I closed my eyes, opened them again, taking a deep breath in. ‘You’ll be surprised what I’m capable of if I put my mind to it, William.’
‘Oh, I have no doubt about that,’ he said smiling, as he leaned forward and brushed his lips across mine.
My heart did a crazy little backflip as his scent washed over me. Sandalwood and spice—oh, how I had missed that smell. ‘Things have changed now, William,’ I said, placing a hand between our lips before things got too out of hand. ‘I may be leaving soon.’
‘I know.’
‘You do?’ I said, surprised.
He smiled and moved my hand away from his lips. ‘I hear everything, remember?’
‘Then us, this … it’s all pointless.’
He kissed me again, lightly, before leaning forward and resting his forehead against mine so our noses were touching. ‘Nothing is ever pointless,’ he breathed against my lips, his sweet scent pouring into my mouth and filling me with heat. ‘A lesson can always be learned from any experience. And my experience is telling me that I will follow you wherever you decide to go.’
‘Like a stalker?’
He smiled. ‘Yes, like a crazy, jealous stalker.’
‘I’m not sure a restraining order would make much difference to you, would it?’
He laughed lightly and wound his fingers through my hair. ‘Hmm, no.’
‘So, regardless of what I say or do, you’re going to persist on harbouring pointless feelings for me and follow me all around the world until I agree to love you back?’
‘That is correct.’
‘That is insane.’
‘But that’s also why you love me back.’
I smiled in spite of myself. His perseverance was strangely endearing. ‘You’re all kinds of crazy, you know that right?’
He laughed and pulled me closer to him. ‘I’m going to kiss you now … my love.’