The Hurt Patrol (14 page)

“Because! It's nuts! It's so crazy I forgot to laugh! People get told to go kill everyone
all
the time! And have slaves! The Bible is totally crawling with slaves! And everyone is fine with it—Jesus and the apostles and everybody! Totally fine! Like—what the hell?”

Pete and Jewels looked at each other.

“Yeah, see . . .” Pete shook his head. “It's easier to just read the assignment.”

“Yeah, Beau,” Jewels added, dizzy from a spin, “never read ahead. You'll get to the wrong part.”

“Why are we doing it, then?”

“Doing what?”

“Studying a book that's wrong?”

They glanced at each other, and shrugged. Nobody knew that answer. Then Pete remembered. “It's a test!” he almost yelled, like in a game show. He beamed in feigned relief. Whew, that was close!

“A test?” Beau was dubious.

“Yes! It's God's way of testing our belief.
We
know it's the true word of the Lord and so nobody can mess with our faith. The Bible's got all kind of tests in it.”

“So what you're telling me is that God is
testing
us?”

“Yeah! Like fossils. And dinosaurs. They're a test too. That's a total test.”

When Beau looked over to see how Jewels was responding to this communiqué, he saw her pinching the bridge on her nose in an unintended face-palm. When he noticed, she looked up.

“I told you it's crazy. You have to persevere, your whole life!”

Beau's expression was outraged. “But, you guys, there is tons more! Like they say you can just rape and murder people! Like you can kill little kids! Like a lot!”

“It does?” Pete was perturbed. “Where?”

“All over the place! Also, you can get killed for
shaving!
”

“What?!”

“Totally! I'm not making it up! Also, if you cook a goat wrong, it's like bad! Like really bad . . .”

He could see they were both baffled by that. He offered his explanation.

“Okay, here's my theory: I do think that maybe the other parts are a test! Like, the really crazy stuff in there? It's a true/false quiz. You kept thinking it was all true and we just didn't get it, like it was an essay test, but all the time it wasn't, it was true/false! Some of that stuff
is
made up, trying to fake you out!”

They all stared at each other for a second—then Pete grinned at Beau like he just figured out that Beau was punking them. “Oh. I see! O-kay . . . Well, that's awesome, Beau! Thanks for sharing; we didn't know that! Did you also get to the part about how Heaven is full of zombies? No? Yup! Fast
and
slow! Crawling with 'em! Like—‘No Vacancy'!” Pete chortled. He totally amused himself. He was hilarious!

Beau scowled at Pete, suspiciously. Pretty sure that was a nope, but still. “Nuh-uh,” he said, dubiously, though he
had
heard that guys did come back from the dead.

Pete and Jewels cracked up. It was too hard to resist sometimes.

“No,” Pete said, reaching over and rumpling his hair, roughly affectionate. “No zombies are allowed in Heaven! I was just messing with you.”

“Dude! That's good”—Beau smoothed his hair—“but that other stuff
is
in there.”

When Beau's mom decided to take her trip, Beau was given the choice of coming along or staying with his dad. He didn't think much of either option.

Beau chose to stay alone at the house till she got back. Staying alone was not an option, it turned out, so he then opted to stay at his dad's house. But not all the time. He'd go over when it got dark and just stay there at night. It turned into a really fun week. His dad was very chill and treated him like a roommate. He could stay out till he felt like coming in. He ate with Pete and Jewels's family most nights. Their mom, Barb, was a good cook.

Barb really wanted Beau to feel at home and welcome at their house, and so she treated him wonderfully, very kind, but a little nervous, like he was from an orphanage and she thought he might have ringworm. Beau did an impression of her as he said this to Jewels. He pitched up his eyebrows so they met like a wedge on his forehead and leaned forward, cocking his head, and smiling apprehensively. “Can I bring you something, Beau? Maybe a fruit wrap?”

Jewels doubled over. “Omg! That is
exactly
her expression—like, ‘oh, poor, dear, sweet, clueless, hell-bound Beau' . . . so,
so
damned!” She cackled, and then grinned at him. “She's pretty sure you are a bad influence.”

And so all summer they hung out, all the teens getting taller and tanner and ready for school. In fact, Beau actually needed to get pants two inches longer when he and Gina went shopping for school clothes. The jeans were stiff and unbending that fall, or rather, late August, as they returned to school.

Beau got out of the car on that first day back at school. His mom got out too, and stretched. Beau had driven, so she walked around to the driver's side, though she knew better than to make any move to hug him. Beau opened the back driver's side door and got his backpack. He turned back.

“Okay, Mom, thanks. I got this.”

“Okay, sweetheart, then I'll scoot. Wow, look how grownup everyone looks! I can't believe you are a sophomore already! Okay, I'm outta here. Smooch!” That was the random way she'd invented to kiss him good-bye, by just saying it, reducing attendant mortification. Beau glanced around.

“ 'K, Mom, don't worry about picking me up. I'll get a ride with Pete and Jewels. Have a good day . . .
smooch
.” The last word was almost inaudible. She got in the car, and they waved, just as Beau heard his name called. It was Pete, signaling, standing beside Bonnie on leg braces with a walker. He was carrying a bunch of stuff for her. Beau ran over.

“How's it going, guys! Happy first day of school!” Everybody hugged, the guys whacking each other on the back, and Beau embracing Bonnie very gently.

She still had to put a lot of reliance on the walker, but she was
elongated!
Her legs were still set in splints and her face set in pain, but she was there . . . and she was almost the prized size of a “normal” girl! Beau wanted to know if she was still twisting the screws to grow her legs, but he wasn't sure if he should ask about it or if she even wanted to think about it. Plus, the notion still horrified him.

Babbling as fast as they could to catch up, they headed to first period before the bell rang so Bonnie could have plenty of time without rushing. The grass was damp from dew, and Pete was very solicitous. He hovered hypervigilantly. Bonnie slowly “walked” a few steps, Beau and Pete on either side, and then Pete opened her little folded wheelchair he'd been carrying on a strap over his shoulder. Beau hadn't really noticed it because of all the other crap that he was carrying. Very carefully, Pete guided her while she plopped gently backward, her legs scaffolded straight. He put her foot rails down and lifted her braced feet so she could rest while her new bones set. Then he expertly folded her aluminum walker till it was about the size of a briefcase, pulled its strap, and slung it over his shoulder with the other stuff.

He nodded at Bonnie, and they smiled at each other proudly. Bonnie could barely stand, but she had wanted to make it for the first day of school. And she had.

Beau watched, impressed. He liked the way Pete looked out for Bonnie. That was the kind of helping he could relate to. He heard his mom call nurses and doctors “the caring profession.” He liked that. He might not want to save the world, but he could care. One person at a time. Not so much fuss and drama.

After everything was converted and exchanged and in situ, Pete looked up and grinned at Beau.

“Ta-da!” he proclaimed.

Beau couldn't believe how cleverly everything reduced into itself for travel.

“You guys look like a
Transformers
movie.”

“So then it worked out for Bonnie, the operation?” I ask with interest.
So
weird!

“Yeah, I guess, pretty much. I moved here before I saw them take the braces off her legs. She was getting better though. Healing and stuff. She didn't use a walker after a little while. I dunno.” He frowns.

“Do you think it was worth it?” I ask him, as he frowns.

“Uh . . . It was the way she wanted it, so yeah.”

“How's she doing now? Are she and Pete still together? He seems awesome.”

Beau sighs. Heavily.

“I don't know.”

“Why? How can you not know? What does it say on her page?”

“We aren't friends.”

“What about Pete's page?”

“We aren't friends.”

“What?!”

Beau doesn't answer right away. He is quiet and looks out the window, then turns and glances at me. “Nope.”

“Why?” I asked. “I'm totally listening!”

“It's all just crap from here. Let's just say things got weird and then got worse.”

“Beau . . . I kind of need to know the whole story.”

“Oh, okay. I'll go fast and give you just the short version, okay?” He looks over at me, grimly. “So strap yourself in for a horrible ride.”

Beau had been walking the halls all sophomore year holding hands with Jewels. And because she was younger than him by over a year, they
only
held hands. He managed to get out of it no matter how many times Jewels put the move on him. He'd tried to go for it once, and it was so bad he refused any more attempts.

The time he tried to kiss back, all he could feel was this huge alarm verging on terror. She was so fragrant and warm and soft and smooth. Her hair fell forward, glossy and twining around them, just like it was supposed to. As he kissed her, desperately, he scrunched his face up like he was taking medicine, as Jewels sat on his lap and smooched him. Because that's what you do. She had seen
Breaking Dawn
about eleven billion times, and read all the books, and even though Beau wasn't a vampire, she knew she
had
this. She kissed him correctly, like in the movies . . . then took his hand and planted it over her heart, right on her boob—