The Husband Recipe (13 page)

The fact that he had condoms at all had taken some planning. Talk about optimism. Slipping them into the cart at the drugstore had been an impulse, one he was very glad he’d listened to.

He’d been in Lauren’s bed for hours, longer than he’d planned, longer than he should’ve been. But every time he’d thought about leaving, one thing had led to another and he’d gotten sidetracked. Seriously and completely sidetracked.

“Where did you come from?” Lauren whispered as she settled against his side and cuddled there.

He ignored the question, since he knew it wasn’t literal—and he didn’t have a proper answer to the real meaning of the question. She’d blindsided him. Had he done the same to her?

After five long years, he felt like he was coming out of a fog, shaking off the dust. Where the hell had
she
come from?

If he’d thought all they had was sex, the warning bells in his head wouldn’t be going off. If he believed for one minute that their attraction was strictly physical, his satisfaction wouldn’t be tempered with a healthy dose of caution.

Lauren had been upfront about what this was to her. Just sex, she’d said. She didn’t need anything more from this new relationship than he did. His life would be so much easier if he could make himself believe that.

“I need to go,” he said, but he didn’t move.

“I know.” She didn’t move, either. Not a muscle.

“I might’ve come prepared, but apparently I wasn’t prepared enough for you.”

Lauren laughed, her breath warm against his side, her body shaking slightly. He loved her body. It was soft and giving and tight. She gave and took with total abandon, and made love with no holds barred.

Dangerous woman, this one.

He ran his hand along her hip, never tiring of the feel of her soft skin. He kissed her throat, loving the way she smelled and tasted. This woman could so easily become an addiction. Now that he knew what she felt like, smelled like, how could he not have her? Every day wouldn’t be often enough. And dammit, this wasn’t just sex. There was something more here, something special.

He pushed his hand between her thighs, teased her with his fingers until she gasped and asked for more. He was so tempted to take a chance. Just one chance… But he knew better. As much as he wanted to be inside her again, he couldn’t. So he made her come with his hands and his mouth, watching her, amazed by her response. She called his name.

Cole dragged himself out of Lauren’s bed. The single night-light was enough for him to see by as he grabbed his clothes and began to dress. He wasn’t in any hurry. A part of him really wanted to say to hell with it and fall back into bed and stay there all night.

But he didn’t. As he dressed he wondered if Lauren was a luxury he could afford. He also wondered if he dared to give her up when he’d just found her. Even as ordered and freakishly organized as she was, he had a feeling slow was not her thing when it came to romance. If not for the kids he wouldn’t care for it himself, but he didn’t dare bring a woman into their lives when losing her would hurt them more than it would hurt him.

Very nicely exhausted, Lauren grabbed her pillow, sighed, asked him to lock the door when he left, and then she drifted off to sleep. By the time he was completely dressed she was breathing evenly and deeply. He was so tempted to just crawl back into that bed and hold her for a while longer.

But he didn’t. Cole grabbed the baby monitor and walked out of the room, wondering if this was a one-time thing or if Lauren Russell was about to become a very important part of his life. He didn’t see how they could handle anything in-between.

He left her house by the back door, locking it behind him as she’d asked him to. At this time of night the neighborhood was quiet. There was the occasional chirp of insects, the rustle of leaves as a pleasant breeze kicked up…and that was it. No voices, no laughter, no crying or screams or demands.

When he reached his own back door he stood there for a moment, back to the wall, eyes on the darkness. He drank in the quiet the same way he’d drunk in Lauren, with relish, with relief and with more than a little guilt.

His days were usually hectic from start to finish. Hank liked to stay up late; Meredith was awake at the crack of dawn, with Justin not far behind her. Cole didn’t have any time to himself, not even half an hour to enjoy his coffee in silence. A short shower was usually the only quiet time he got, during a normal day.

The rare quiet moments had been the best part of working and going to school in the past few years. Fifteen minutes alone in the car; half an hour in front of a computer; five minutes in a break room with a cup of coffee. But since school had let out and he’d become a full-time dad, moving to Huntsville, he hadn’t even had that. Parenting was a stressful job, and being a single parent should come with battle pay. He was pretty sure he was going to end up with post-traumatic stress syndrome.

His poor mother. She’d been a single parent, and he hadn’t always been the best kid in the world. He wished he could apologize to her, tell her he understood now. What sacrifices had she made for him? Was he the reason she’d never remarried? God, he hoped not.

“Sorry, Mom,” he whispered to the night, wondering if she could hear, hoping that she could.

Some days the hectic pace of Cole’s life didn’t bother him at all. Other days he wondered if he’d done the right thing, if he would’ve been better off letting Janet raise his kids while he continued to play ball. The money certainly would’ve been better. His life would’ve been centered around the sport he loved instead of around the kids.

But the truth was, he loved his kids more than he loved baseball. What decent father wouldn’t? They’d needed him; they still did. That didn’t mean he didn’t sometimes wonder what his life would be like if he’d made other decisions five years ago.

The kids were older, he was about to start a new job. It was time he gave serious thought to a life for himself. Maybe Lauren would be a part of that life; maybe she was just a temporary player in his transition. But whatever part she might play…Cole had a feeling his life was about to take a serious shift, far beyond a new job, a new house, a new town and getting the last of the kids in school.

But he didn’t know if that shift was a good thing or if it would only lead to trouble. Trouble for him and, more important, for his children.

Cole closed his eyes; he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Morning would come too soon, and with morning would come his usual hectic pace. But tomorrow would be different from every other hectic day, he knew it to the pit of his soul. Even if he only had a couple hours of sleep to go on, even if he didn’t have a moment of the day to himself…his life had just taken a sharp turn. No matter what happened, there would be no turning back.

Talk about an effective ungrumpy potion…

Chapter Nine

L
auren found herself humming as she cleaned the kitchen after preparing and eating her poached egg and whole-wheat toast. She’d never felt so good after a
very
short night’s sleep.

Even more than—okay, perhaps as much as—the physical satisfaction that still hummed through her body, she found herself surprisingly content. She’d tried to convince herself what she and Cole had was nothing deeper than sex, but her mind wasn’t behaving this morning. Maybe Cole Donovan would turn out to be the one, maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe his visits would become a regular thing. Maybe not. Lauren was a woman with a plan. Always. She didn’t like anyone or anything to throw a monkey wrench into her schedule. But Cole was such a nice monkey wrench, she decided she should adjust accordingly.

Go with the flow had sounded great in the heat of the moment, but it was so
not
her style.

One night together, and she was already wondering where they would go next. Just sex sounded great, in theory; it was such a clean, simple plan. But could she stick to it?

Everything else was very much on track. The book would be out in a few months. Her career was certainly headed in the right direction. Fall was right around the corner, and with it would come cooler weather, college football and pumpkin recipes. Her mind took a turn, veering away from career. She wondered if Cole could dance, if he would attend The Gardens’ Labor Day event as her—wait for it—date.

It wasn’t long before she heard the now-familiar sounds of the Donovan children at play. Instead of being annoyed, she found herself smiling. There was joy in those screams. Children playing outside on a beautiful summer day was a happy part of life. She’d been so closeted in her own little world, so isolated, that she’d forgotten that. As a child she’d been known to romp herself, after all. On a morning where her body hummed in contentment, all was right with the world.

There had been a short-lived but hard rain around dawn that morning, so the ground in her garden would be soft. Perfect for pulling weeds.

After changing into proper gardening clothes—an old pair of shorts, older tennis shoes, thick gloves and a soft T-shirt—Lauren stepped through the kitchen door and into her backyard to pull a few of those weeds and maybe pick some bell peppers and tomatoes, if she deemed them ready upon closer inspection. She couldn’t help but glance into the Donovan yard. Just the boys were out this morning. The water hose had already been put to use. Since the ground had been soaked to begin with, their play left puddles and muddy patches here and there. Hank took a running jump at one of those puddles, landed on his backside and slid. Justin copied his older brother, and they both laughed. The kids were so caught up in their games they didn’t even see her. Meredith wasn’t playing with her brothers this morning. Of course, she was a little old to be jumping into mud puddles for the hell of it. Cole was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was sleeping late. The man really should be completely exhausted. And wasn’t that lovely.

Lauren sat down beside her bell pepper plants and started to gently but firmly pull the few weeds there out by the root. The ground was so soft, the sometimes difficult chore was easy. Her house was always immaculately clean, she took great care with her own hygiene and clothing…but she loved digging in her garden. She loved the feel of her fingers in the dirt, even if she did wear gloves to keep the dirt from getting packed under her fingernails. As she weeded the garden she cast occasional glances toward the house next door. Checking on the kids, she told herself, even though her gaze very often cut to the back door and she wondered if Cole would appear there.

She had the strangest urge to walk to that back door, knock, and ask if Cole could come out to play….

It wasn’t long before Justin saw her. He elbowed his brother in the side and they both ran toward her. The way they ran was unexpectedly beautiful, their little legs pumping, their heads held high. And they smiled. At her.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Whatcha doin’?” Justin asked as he skidded to a stop just a couple of feet away.

“Pulling weeds.” Lauren demonstrated, grabbing a pesky weed at the base and pulling so it came up smoothly, root and all.

Hank looked at the small pile of weeds Lauren had already pulled. “Hey, are any of those poisonous?”

Surprised, Lauren looked him in the eye. “No, but they’re not meant for eating, either. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering,” he said.

It was Justin who explained. “Hank makes magic potions. Sometimes they even work.”

“Magic potions,” Lauren responded, hiding her amusement. Judging by the expression on Hank’s face, the potions were serious business, not something to be made light of. “You know, that’s very much like cooking. You have to have a recipe and all the right ingredients, and it takes just the right touch to produce the desired results. Maybe one day you’ll be a great chef.”

Hank looked horrified. “Uh-uh. Cooking is only for
girls.
”

“No, cooking is not only for girls. Some of the best chefs in the world are men.”

“Not in our family,” Justin said, his voice sounding strangely grown-up, at the moment.

Lauren smiled. It sounded like Cole could use some help in the kitchen.

When the back door to the Donovan house opened the movement caught her eye. Cole stepped outside. He was looking for the boys and had found her. Man, had he ever found her. He looked straight at her, unsmiling, big and strong and sexy as she’d ever imagined a man could be. In blue jeans and a very plain shirt, he looked…delicious. How could she not look at him and think about last night?

She was thinking, quite vividly, about last night when something cool and sticky smacked her in the jaw and neck.

Justin stood at the other end of one of her bell pepper plants, one of the younger ones she’d planted so she’d have a continuous crop of peppers until the first freeze. The cool and sticky sensation was a muddy root ball. Mud ran down her neck, under her shirt, into her bra. She had a little bit of it on her lower lip. She tried to dislodge the mud on her lip, but ended up tasting it.

Justin smiled. “I’m helping, see? I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but it’s a really big weed.”

Hank—realizing exactly what his brother had done—laughed so hard he fell to the ground. Cole was running in her direction at full speed, and for the first time since she’d gotten out of bed this morning, Lauren wondered what the hell she might be getting herself into.

Great. Just great. He begins to think that maybe he can actually have a life of his own, and then he’s reminded why that’s not nearly as easy as it sounds.

“I’m so sorry,” Cole said. Sorry wasn’t enough, but it was all he had at the moment. One cheek, one side of Lauren’s neck and a good portion of her shirt were splattered with mud. Justin was at the one end of a plant. The other end was still dripping mud on Lauren—though the worst of the damage had already been done. “Justin, put that down.” He glared at his middle child. “Hank, stop laughing.” When Hank didn’t immediately do as he’d been told, Cole added, “Now.”

Hank pressed his lips together and fought the laughter. Justin finally dropped the plant to the ground.

“Y’all go get cleaned up. Hose off before you go inside.” They were both muddy from head to toe.

As they ran off, Hank started laughing again.

Cole dropped to his haunches and reached out to wipe his fingers across Lauren’s face, scraping mud away from her mouth. “I’m sorry.”

Lauren had been so calm last night, when milk had run across her table, when Meredith had been purposely unfriendly. She’d handled the kids so well. Now, however, she was apparently at a loss for words. She sputtered, trying to dislodge the last bit of mud from her lip. Being whacked in the face with a root ball wasn’t quite the same as cleaning up spilled milk.

Opposites attracted, he’d heard. But realistically, did he and Lauren have even a ghost of a chance? Her life was so well-ordered; his was constant chaos. Mud stains weren’t an everyday part of her life; he lived with them daily.

She had only herself to consider; he came with a ready-made family. Any woman who took him on would get the kids as part of the package. Looking at Lauren now, he figured she’d just realized she’d be getting the short end of the stick in that deal.

He wouldn’t be doing her any favors if he tried to make her a part of his life.

“Hey, Dad, get out of the way!”

Cole turned. Hank and Justin stood a few feet away—as far as the hose from the back of the house would reach. Justin still held the nozzle in his hand. They were both dripping wet, but most of the mud had been washed away. “That’s good enough,” he said. “Y’all head in…”

Before he could finish, Justin lifted the nozzle and pulled the trigger, sending a stream of water directly into Lauren’s face. She was unprepared as water went up her nose and into her mouth and down her T-shirt. Cole threw himself into the path of the stream of water, taking the burst to the chest. He was grateful that the kids hadn’t been able to get any closer. If the water pressure had been any stronger, they might’ve knocked Lauren to the ground.

“Stop it!” he shouted.

The spray of water died to a trickle. Justin said, “I was just trying to wash the mud off Miss Lauren.” Hank laughed. Meredith opened the back door and stood there for a moment before she figured out what had happened, and then she started laughing, too.

Last night he’d thought he and Lauren were at the beginning of something potentially big. It had just been washed away in a sea of mud and water from the hose. She wouldn’t ever want to see him again, he figured. No matter how great the sex was…no matter how great she looked even now, sitting on the ground with her T-shirt soaked and her hair plastered to her head.

The boys ran for the house, realizing they needed to escape while they still could.

Lauren looked shell-shocked. She sat there on the ground, soaked to the skin, eyes wide. And then she looked at him and he saw the terror. No, terror was too strong a word. What he saw there, in those warm hazel eyes, was the sad acceptance of the truth.

“This is my life,” he said. “Not every day, and it’s not always mud and water. Sometimes it’s gum and spaghetti. Apple juice and permanent marker. If you’re looking for neat and orderly, that’s not me.”

“I know,” she said, her first words since he’d come out here to rescue her.

“Do you still want to give it a try?” he asked. “I won’t blame you if you run for the hills, tell me never to darken your door again, kick my ass to the curb….” It wasn’t what he wanted, but why should he expect anything more?

Cole really, really wanted Lauren to tell him to quit overthinking, like she had last night. He wanted her to shake off the mud, laugh, tell him it was no big deal. She didn’t.

“I can’t make a decision right now,” she said. “I just…can’t.”

He was tempted to make the decision for her, to tell her they were finished. Finished before they’d even started. But he couldn’t make himself say the words. He wasn’t what she needed, the odds that they could make it work were slim, but he didn’t want to let her go. Not so soon, not after last night.

Last night she’d helped him to discover that even though he’d dedicated himself to his children, he was still a man—still a person—and he wanted more from life. He’d walked away from her with so much hope in his heart. He’d left her house looking at the future as more than being Dad, coach, teacher. Was all that gone now? So soon?