The Iceman Cometh (11 page)

He gives her a rough hug
.

Dat’s on de level, Baby.

He kisses her
.

CORA

Kissing him
.

Aw, yuh big tramp!

ROCKY

Shakes his head with profound disgust
.

Can yuh tie it? I’ll buy a drink. I’ll do anything.

He gets up
.

CORA

No, dis round’s on me. I run into luck. Dat’s why I dragged Chuck outa bed to celebrate. It was a sailor. I rolled him.

She giggles
.

Listen, it was a scream. I’ve run into some nutty souses, but dis guy was de nuttiest. De booze dey dish out around de Brooklyn Navy Yard must be as turrible bug-juice as Harry’s. My dogs was givin’ out when I seen dis guy holdin’ up a lamppost, so I hurried to get him before a cop did. I says, “Hello, Handsome, wanta have a good time?” Jees, he was paralyzed! One of dem polite jags. He tries to bow to me, imagine, and I had to prop him up or he’d fell on his nose. And what d’yuh tink he said? “Lady,” he says, “can yuh kindly tell me de nearest way to de Museum of Natural History?”

They all
la
ugh
.

Can yuh imagine! At two
A.M
. As if I’d know where de dump was anyway. But I says, “Sure ting, Honey Boy, I’ll be only too glad.” So I steered him into a side street where it was dark and propped him against a wall and give him a frisk.

She giggles
.

And what d’yuh tink he does? Jees, I ain’t lyin’, he begins to laugh, de big sap! He says, “Quit ticklin’ me.” While I was friskin’ him for his roll! I near died! Den I toined him ’round and give him a push to start him. “Just keep goin’,” I told him. “It’s a big white building on your right. You can’t miss it.” He must be swimmin’ in de North River yet!

They all
la
ugh
.

CHUCK

Ain’t Uncle Sam de sap to trust guys like dat wid dough!

CORA

With a business-like air
.

I picked twelve bucks offa him. Come on, Rocky. Set ’em up.

ROCKY
goes
back to the bar
. cora
looks around the room
.

Say, Chuck’s kiddin’ about de iceman a minute ago reminds me.

Where de hell’s Hickey?

ROCKY

Dat’s what we’re all wonderin’.

CORA

He oughta be here. Me and Chuck seen him.

ROCKY

Excited, comes back from the bar, forgetting the drinks
.

You seen Hickey?

He nudges
HOPE
.

Hey, Boss, come to! Cora’s seen Hickey.

hope is
instantly wide awake and everyone in the place, except
hugo and
PARRITT
,
begins to rouse up hopefully, as if a mysterious wireless message had gone round
.

HOPE

Where’d you see him, Cora?

CORA

Right on de next corner. He was standin’ dere. We said, “Welcome to our city. De gang is expectin’ yuh wid deir tongues hangin’ out a yard long.” And I kidded him, “How’s de iceman, Hickey? How’s he doin’ at your house?” He laughs and says, “Fine.” And he says, “Tell de gang I’ll be along in a minute. I’m just finishin’ figurin’ out de best way to save dem and bring dem peace.”

HOPE

Chuckles
.

Bejees, he’s thought up a new gag! It’s a wonder he didn’t borry a

Salvation Army uniform and show up in that! Go out and get him, Rocky. Tell him we’re waitin’ to be saved!

ROCKY
goes out, grinning
.

CORA

Yeah, Harry, he was only kiddin’. But he was funny, too, somehow. He was different, or somethin’.

CHUCK

Sure, he was sober, Baby. Dat’s what made him different. We ain’t

never seen him when he wasn’t on a drunk, or had de willies gettin’ over it.

CORA

Sure! Gee, ain’t I dumb?

HOPE

With conviction
.

The dumbest broad I ever seen!

Then puzzledly
.

Sober? That’s funny. He’s always lapped up a good starter on his way here. Well, bejees, he won’t be sober long! He’ll be good and ripe for my birthday party tonight at twelve.

He chuckles with excited anticipation
—
addressing all of them
. Listen! He’s fixed some new gag to pull on us. We’ll pretend to let him kid us, see? And we’ll kid the pants off him.

They all say laughingly
, “
Sure, Harry
,” “
Righto
,” “
That’s the stuff
,” “
We’ll fix him
,”
etc., etc., their faces excited with the same eager anticipation
. rocky
appears in the doorway at the end of the bar with
hickey,
his arm around
hickey’s
shoulders
.

ROCKY

With an affectionate grin
.

Here’s the old son of a bitch!

They all stand up and greet him with affectionate acc
la
im
, “
Hello
,
Hickey!
”
etc. Even
hugo
comes out of his coma to raise his head and blink through his thick spectacles with a welcoming giggle
.

HICKEY

Jovially
.

Hello, Gang!

He stands a moment, beaming around at all of them affectionately. He is about fifty, a little under medium height, with a stout, roly-poly figure. His face is round and smooth and big-boyish with bright blue eyes, a button nose, a small, pursed mouth. His head is bald except for a fringe of hair around his temples and the back of his head. His expression is fixed in a salesman’s winning smile of self-confident affability and hearty good fellowship. His eyes have the twinkle of a humor which delights in kidding others but can also enjoy equally a joke on himself. He exudes a friendly, generous personality that makes everyone like him on sight. You get the impression, too, that he must have real ability in his line. There is an efficient, business-like approach in his manner, and his eyes can take you in shrewdly at a glance. He has the salesman’s mannerisms of speech, an easy flow of glib, persuasive convincingness. His clothes are those of a successful drummer whose territory consists of minor cities and small towns
—
not flashy but conspicuously spic and span. He immediately puts on an entrance act, places a hand affectedly on his chest, throws back his head, and sings in a falsetto tenor
.

“It’s always fair weather, when good fellows get together!”
Changing to a comic bass and another tune
. “And another little drink won’t do us any harm!”
They all roar with laughter at this burlesque which his personality makes really funny. He waves his hand in a lordly manner to
rocky.
Do your duty, Brother Rocky. Bring on the rat poison! rocky
grins and goes behind the bar to get drinks amid an approving cheer from the crowd
.
HICKEY
comes forward to shake hands with
HOPE—
with affectionate heartiness
.

How goes it, Governor?

HOPE

Enthusiastically
.

Bejees, Hickey, you old bastard, it’s good to see you!
HICKEY
shakes hands with
MOSHER
and
MCGLOIN;
leans right to shake hands with
MARGIE
and
PEARL;
moves to the middle table to shake hands with
lewis, joe mott, wejoen and
JIMMY;
waves
to
willie, larry and
HUGO.
He greets each by name with the same affectionate heartiness and there is an interchange of
“
How’s the kid?
” “
How’s the old scout?
” “
How’s the boy?
” “
How’s everything?
”
etc., etc
.
ROCKY
begins setting out drinks, whiskey glasses with chasers, and a bottle for each table, starting with
LARRY’s
table. hope says
.

Sit down, Hickey. Sit down.

HICKY
takes the chair, facing front, at the front of the table in the second row which is half between
HOPE’s
table and the one where
JIMMY TOMORROW
is. hope goes on with excited pleasure
. Bejees, Hickey, it seems natural to see your ugly, grinning map.

With a scornful nod to
CORA
.

This dumb broad was tryin’ to tell us you’d changed, but you ain’t a damned bit. Tell us about yourself. How’ve you been doin’? Bejees, you look like a million dollars.

ROCKY

Coming
to
HICKEY’s
table, puts a bottle of whiskey, a glass and a chaser on it
—
then hands
HICKEY
a
key
.

Here’s your key, Hickey Same old room.

HICKEY

Shoves the key in his pocket
.

Thanks, Rocky. I’m going up in a little while and grab a snooze. Haven’t been able to sleep lately and I’m tired as hell. A couple of hours good kip will fix me.

HOPE

As
ROCKY
puts drinks on his table
.

First time I ever heard you worry about sleep. Bejees, you never would go to bed.

He raises his glass, and all the others except
PARRITT
do likewise
.

Get a few slugs under your belt and you’ll forget sleeping. Here’s

mud in your eye, Hickey.

They all join in with the usual humorous toasts
.

HICKEY

Heartily
.

Drink hearty, boys and girls!

They all drink, but
HICKEY
drinks only his chaser
.

HOPE

Bejees, is that a new stunt, drinking your chaser first?

HICKEY

No, I forgot to tell Rocky—You’ll have to excuse me, boys and girls, but I’m off the stuff. For keeps.

They stare at him in amazed incredulity
.

HOPE

What the hell—

Then with a wink at the others, kiddingly
.

Sure! Joined the Salvation Army, ain’t you? Been elected President of the W.C.T.U.? Take that bottle away from him, Rocky. We don’t want to tempt him into sin.

He chuckles and the others laugh
.

HICKEY

Earnestly
.

No, honest, Harry. I know it’s hard to believe but—

He pauses
—
then adds simply
.

CORA
was right, Harry. I have changed. I mean, about booze. I don’t

need it any more.

They all stare, hoping it’s a gag, but impressed and disappointed and made vaguely uneasy by the change they now sense in him
.

HOPE

His kidding a bit forced
.

Yeah, go ahead, kid the pants off us! Bejees, Cora said you was coming to save us! Well, go on. Get this joke off your chest! Start the service! Sing a God-damned hymn if you like. We’ll all join in the chorus. “No drunkard can enter this beautiful home.” That’s a good one.

He forces a cackle
.

HICKEY

Grinning
.

Oh, hell, Governor! You don’t think I’d come around here peddling some brand of temperance bunk, do you? You know me better than that! Just because I’m through with the stuff don’t mean I’m going Prohibition. Hell, I’m not that ungrateful! It’s given me too many good times. I feel exactly the same as I always did. If anyone wants to get drunk, if that’s the only way they can be happy, and feel at peace with themselves, why the hell shouldn’t they? They have my full and entire sympathy. I know all about that game from soup to nuts. I’m the guy that wrote the book. The only reason I’ve quit is—Well, I finally had the guts to face myself and throw overboard the damned lying pipe dream that’d been making me miserable, and do what I had to do for the happiness of all concerned—and then all at once I found I was at peace with myself and I didn’t need booze any more. That’s all there was to it.

He pauses. They are starting at him, uneasy and beginning to feel defensive
.
HICKEY
looks round and grins affectionately
—
apologetically
. But what the hell! Don’t let me be a wet blanket, making fool speeches about myself. Set ’em up again, Rocky. Here.

He pulls a big roll from his pocket and peels off a ten-do
ll
ar bill. The faces of all brighten
. Keep the balls coming until this is killed. Then ask for more.

ROCKY

Jees, a roll dat’d choke a hippopotamus! Fill up, youse guys.