The Illusion of Annabella (25 page)

I lower my pant leg over the ankle bracelet. “Sometimes I am.”

“Not with me, though.” He laces his fingers through mine, startling me, not just from his touch, but from the truth of his words. “Now, come on. Let’s go open presents before Bria throws a fit.”

“It sounds like she’s already throwing one.” I want to jerk my hand away from his, yet I don’t. Do. Don’t. Can’t. Can. Have. Want. Need. What do I want? Him. So stinking badly
.
“And my hair doesn’t look like grape bubble gum. I can’t believe she said that.”

“Me either. It’s like grape Skittles, not gum. Speaking of which,” he stuffs his hand into his shirt pocket and pulls out a baggie filled with yellow, red, orange, and green skittles. “These are for you, for eating your delicious brownie the other day.”

For unknown reasons, my skin turns lukewarm. “Where’s all the purple ones?” I ask, taking the bag from him.

Grinning, he retrieves another bag from his pocket. That one filled with all purple. “Those are for me.” He opens the bag and pops a handful into his mouth. “I don’t care what you say. Purple tastes the best.”

My skin goes from lukewarm to flaming hot. Feeling way out of my element—way too much like the old gets-easily-embarrassed Anna—I slip my hand from his and limp into the living room.

I hear him chuckle from behind me but don’t look back, mostly because I’m afraid I’ll want him to hold my hand again.

We spend the rest of the morning sitting in a circle around the Christmas tree, opening presents and eating the cake Easton made. It’d be just like old times, except my mom and dad aren’t here, Jessamine is in London, and Alexis refuses to join us. A huge chunk of the life I once had—the family I once knew—is gone, and celebrating feels wrong.

How are you supposed to be happy after you lose someone?

Like Zhara who’s handing out presents with a huge smile on her face. Whether it’s fake happy or not, she hasn’t sunk into a bottomless pit of self-destruction like I have. And Loki seems pretty content eating his cake and cracking jokes with Luca’s dad. Even Nikoli doesn’t seem so sulky as he opens the present Zhara got him.

Watching them without a veil over my eyes makes me sick to my stomach, and guilt gnaws at me from the inside as I think of all the shit I’ve put them through. I should make it up to them somehow, try to do something nice.

For the day, I decide that I’m going to try and act like a normal person who isn’t burdened by loss and secrets. I don’t need to be the old Anna to do so, just a nicer version of whoever the hell I am now.

“And this one’s from me and Jack,” Tammy says as she picks up a small box beside her feet and hands it to Loki.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Loki looks happily surprised as he plucks the glittering red bow off and sticks it on Zhara’s head. Then he rips off the silver and gold wrapping paper and lifts the lid off the box. His expression warms as he reaches in and removes a navy blue tie. “Thanks, you guys.” He clutches the tie in his hand, one step away from tearing up.

Tammy leans over and gently pats his knee. “I remember the other day how you said you didn’t have any that weren’t your dad’s. We thought having your own would come in handy for . . .” She glances at Nikoli, Zhara, and me. “Stuff.”

Loki nods his head up and down. “Thanks.” He clears his throat then quickly stands up. “I just remembered I forgot to turn the stove off.” He ducks out of the room with his head down, gripping the life out of the tie.

Zhara starts to get up to go after him, but I grip onto her knee and shake my head. “Give him a minute, okay?”

Reluctantly, she nods and takes a seat back down on the floor. 

The room grows quiet until Bria jumps up. “I want to go outside and play with my bubbles!” she exclaims, fist pumping her bubble wand into the air. She does a strange little dance that looks like a mix between disco, tap dancing, and a chicken running around.

We all exchange a look and then bust up laughing. It’s not even that funny, yet it is. Just like laughing feels wrong, yet it doesn’t. Nothing really makes sense at the moment, other than I don’t feel so heavy, so maybe I’ll stop trying to figure it all out.

“Our Bria,” Tammy sighs with a content smile. “She’s always loved to dance. That’s why we put her in dance lessons.”

“My mom and dad did the same thing with Anna.” Zhara peeks over at me to assess my reaction.

“Yeah, I heard Anna was quite the dancer. One of Stella’s most promising students . . .” Tammy presses her lips together, worriedly glancing at me.

Stella is my former dance instructor, and I can almost hear her saying,
The girl that used to have so much potential, if only her leg wouldn’t have gotten messed up
. . .

“She’ll like it,” I say, glancing at Bria bouncing up and down. “And it’ll be a great way for her to get her energy out.”

Tammy smiles, glancing at her granddaughter. “Bria’s always been a really wound up girl. Her mother was like that, too, when she was younger.”

My gaze darts to Luca who’s sitting on the step in front of the fireplace with his legs bent and a plate balanced on his knees.

He rolls his tongue in his mouth, containing a smile, but I’m sure he’s relieved his mom decided not to go with the whole I-suddenly-have-a-daughter story.

“Bubbles! Bubbles!” Bria chants, tugging on Tammy’s arm. “Come on, Grandma.”

If Tammy didn’t just out it herself, Bria would’ve just done it for her.

“All right, I’m getting up.” Tammy gets Bria bundled up in a coat before the two of them and Jack head outside, saying they’ll be back in a bit to help clean up the scraps of wrapping paper laying around the living room.

“I’m going to go watch the game,” Nikoli announces, pushing to his feet. “You want to come?” he asks Luca.

I observe Luca’s reaction, wondering if he’s a football kind of guy. In fact, I wonder a lot of things about him, what he likes other than candy and teasing me.

He doesn’t seem that eager, but still says, “Yeah, give me a bit. I need to give Anna her present first.”

Nikoli gives me a perplexed look. “You can come, too, if you want,” he tells me, tossing and catching the football Loki just gave him.

Ever since he came into my room, asking me to do our family a favor, we haven’t spoken. And since we hardly talked before that, his offer catches me off guard.

“Maybe I will.” I shrug, scraping up the frosting on my plate. “In fact, I probably will.”

Some of Nikoli’s anxiousness alleviates, and he heads for the stairway with a bounce in his walk.

Zhara goes right into cleaning mode, jumping up and picking up pieces of wrapping paper.

“Just leave it for a while.” I snatch hold of her hand when she reaches for a bow near my foot.

She shakes her head anxiously. “I need to clean. This place is a mess.”

“Mom never cleaned on Christmas,” I remind her. When she looks torn, I press, “Just let it go for today, and I’ll help you clean it up tomorrow.”

She tucks one of her curls behind her ear, her cat eyes boring into me. “Why are you being so nice?”

I shrug, flicking a few stray pine needles off my legs. “Call it an act of insanity due to too much cake and candy today.”

She sneaks a glance in Luca’s direction, and I can see her wheels turning. I want to demand that she stop overanalyzing my behavior change, but I’m not about to do that in front of Luca.

“Fine. I’ll leave it until tomorrow, but only if you’ll watch a movie with me tonight. A happy one.” She cringes, but sticks out her hand to shake on it. “None of that blood and guts stuff you’ve been watching lately.”

I run my thumb along the leather-studded watch on my wrist that she just gave me. Clearly, she took into account the things I like. “Fine.” I shake her hand and seal the deal despite how much I don’t want to watch a happy movie

“Thank you, Anna.” Her smile goes
poof
. “I have no idea what to do with myself now.”

“You can stay here and watch Anna open her present,” Luca suggests, scooting down onto the floor beside me with a gift in his hand. “Maybe if you’re lucky, she’ll share one of them with you.” He sets the box on my lap then rests back on his hands, looking totally entertained by my befuddlement.

I tentatively shake the box wrapped in purple wrapping paper, and it rattles. “Hmmm . . . Let me guess. A huge ass box of candy.”

“You’ll have to open it up and see.” His eyes sparkle mischievously.

I pick at a crease in the paper, but finally grow inpatient and just tear into it. “It’s . . . Sparklers.”

Like the Fourth of July sparklers my dad used to give me for my birthday. I glance up at him, grasping the box in my hand, and he smiles, but I can tell he’s nervous by the way he keeps wiping his palms on his pant legs.

“I just wanted to get you something fun,” he explains, sitting up straight. “I thought maybe we could go out and light them up in the driveway.”

I want to toss the box into the fireplace and run away as it explodes. Forget about Christmas and presents and Fourth of Julys, but then what the hell would I do? Sit up in my room and feel every emotion, all alone.

“Okay?” It sounds like a question.

“We don’t have to,” he says quickly. “We can just hang out and watch the game if you want.”

“Didn’t peg you for a football fan,” I mock with a grin.

He lifts his shoulders, giving a
eh
shrug. “I’m not.” He flicks the box in my hand. “I’m more of a let’s-do-something-adventurous kind of guy, but I’m always up for anything.”

I stare at the box. What do I want to do?

What do I want?

I have no damn clue.

“We can light a couple,” I say with a shrug, pretending to be more composed than I really am.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” I stumble to my feet, just to prove that I’m completely and totally sure.

“Awesome. Let’s do this, then.” Luca picks up the box of sparklers and follows me to the foyer.

I slip on my boots while Luca zips up his hoodie then we head outside to the driveway.

“Where’s your mom, dad, and Bria?” I ask, glancing at his empty yard next door.

“Who knows? Maybe they took off to the park for a while, like Bria wanted to,” he answers, kicking the tip of his sneaker against the concrete.

“She’s a lively one,” I remark, buttoning up my leather jacket.

He sighs, lifting his gaze to mine, seeming uneasy. “She’s been running around, jumping on everything since she got here the other night. I think she might be starved for attention or something.”

“It’s good that your mom decided to say she was her granddaughter, though, right?”

He nods, loosening up. “That was probably the best present I could get from her.”

“Speaking of presents. What’s up with your mom giving Loki a tie? And when did they get so close? I don’t get it. They act like they’ve been hanging out or something.”

“Maybe they have.” He fiddles with his zipper, dragging it up and down.

 “You know something, don’t you?” When he refuses to meet my gaze, I inch to the side and step in his line of vision, forcing him to look at me.

He sighs. “I can’t tell you.”

I put my hands on my hips. “Why not?”

“Because I promised I wouldn’t.”

I should just back off, let it go, but with all the secrecy, I’m getting worried. Just like on my birthday with my mom, I can tell something’s up, but unlike my birthday, I’m not going to look the other way.

Stepping closer to him, I place my hands on Luca’s shoulders. “Please tell me. I need to know; otherwise, it’s gonna drive me crazy.”

“I don’t know if I should.” He stares at my lips, and his fingers shake as his palms mold around my waist.

“Please.” I jut out my lip, using a move Cece used to do all the time when she wanted to get her way. I honestly don’t expect it to work—I’ve never been all suave and perfect like Cece—but Luca seems fixated with my mouth, and slowly, he caves.