The Impossible Search for the Perfect Man (31 page)

‘Friday,’
I find myself whispering back. 
And oh my God.
 
I’d completely forgotten.  There’s no way we’ll be getting married
tomorrow.

‘
I’m - so – sorry - Lou
,’
whispers Marcus, even more quietly this time and the next minute, his eyes have
rolled up and disappeared into his head and his face has turned a horrible grey
colour, as his body starts convulsing violently. 

I freeze – but only for a second,
because the doctors have missed something, I just know it and terrified, I grab
the buzzer by his bed, pressing it for all I’m worth.

‘
Marcus, hold on, you’ll be okay
,’
I cry frantically, still pressing the buzzer, but nothing happens.  And
suddenly the sound on the heart monitor turns to a single, high-pitched tone,

Still, no-one comes, but I know that
tone from all the ER TV I’ve watched.  I know what it means, and already
I’m leaping up in a blind panic, running out into the corridor screaming for
help.

I wonder if I can ever go back to the
person I used to be.  I’ve discovered now how fragile happiness is, how
quickly bliss can be shattered and how life can change, in the blink of an eye,
for ever.

           
At first it felt like a waking nightmare.  While Marcus battled heroically
with the most horrific internal injuries, I stumbled through each day at a
time, sitting by his bedside,
then
in the hospital
canteen waiting for yet another operation to be over, watching as he gradually
grew weaker.  Unable to hope for the best, I dreaded that moment I was
terrified was coming.  I’ve wondered so many times just how much the human
body can take - and discovered the answer too. 

But the worst can bring out the best in
people.  I’ve found out how wonderful my friends
are,
each and every one of them.  Emma has kept my fridge stocked with her
wonderful cooking and looked after my animals when I haven’t been able
to;  Leo and Rachel between them virtually moved in with me to begin with,
to make sure I was never on my own;  Karina has kept the practice running
like clockwork so I haven’t had to worry about that.  I am eternally
grateful to her.  And Agnes, of course, has been an absolute tower of
strength.  But I’m starting to hope now, that with the worst behind me, it’s
time to try to move on.

So today is the day that I say goodbye
to that horrible, terrible part of my life and step forward to the
future.  After all, isn’t that the only thing to do?  And I know I’m
lucky that I have one. 

It’s a day to make an effort for – but
not overly so – and I’ve dried my hair and left it hanging loose on my
shoulders, before dressing with the greatest care, leaving me ten minutes to
sit.  I wanted to be alone this morning.  Just to think.

But actually, I end up with about three
minutes, because there’s an unexpected knock at my door.  It’s Emma.

‘You okay, Lou?’ she asks, an anxious
look on her face.  ‘Only, I’ve come to get you.  There isn’t time to
explain.  Let’s just say there’s been a slight change of plan.’

After months of surprises, after everything
that’s already happened, I don’t even ask what it is.  I just follow her
outside, to where Ben’s boxster at the side of the lane.

We drive in silence. 

There’s far too much going on in my head
and actually, I’m nervous beyond belief.  That something else will go
wrong, that my emotions will get the better of me.  After all, absolutely
nothing in life is certain.  And however promisingly something
starts,
you can never know how it will end.  

At last, the drive is over and we’re
here.

Carefully I climb out.  We’re at
the tiny church near Ben’s house.  I’d have sworn it should be the one in
the next village. 

‘Ready?’ asks Emma quietly.

Just inside the door, there’s a tiny
bunch of roses tied with ribbon, with a little card with my name on it next to
them.  Obviously they’re intended for me, so I pick them up and hold them
to my nose. They smell divine.  Then Emma opens the door.  My stomach
is lurching horribly.

And suddenly I’m not sure I can do this.

Inside, the church is packed with
people, so many
people,
they’re standing crammed in at
the back.  I didn’t expect this.  Gosh, they all look so smart…but
then I suppose they would for an occasion like this.  The flowers are
beautiful and it’s lit with dozens of candles, so that there’s a warm glow
everywhere I look. 

Emma nudges me.  ‘Go on…’

I start my walk down the aisle. 
This isn’t how I’d planned it at all.  I’m overwhelmed -  more than
anything by the sight of my future husband, still battered and only just out of
his wheelchair, but standing there in his posh suit and his pink tie, a huge
smile on his scarred face as he waits for me to reach him.  He’s been
through hell and back and his face will forever be marked from that hideous
encounter with Zac’s stepfather, but to me he’s the most handsome man in the
world.  And he’s looking at me as though I’m the only girl in the world
for him.  Well, I hope I am, because I’m marrying him.

And after the ceremony is over, and
months later than planned, at last I’m Louisa Fitzpatrick.   And as I
walk slowly out of the church arm in arm with Marcus, like the sun from behind
the biggest, blackest cloud, the happiness I nearly lost comes bursting out of
nowhere.  A manic smile plants itself on my face and my blood zings round
my body, as I want to jump with the joy of both of us being alive. 

‘So much for a secret wedding,’ whispers
Marcus in my ear, when no-one else is listening.  ‘But I wouldn’t change
this for the world…’

And actually, nor would I.  We
wander across the road over to Ben’s, slowly, because Marcus can’t go much
faster, but also to take in every magical second of this day.  There’s a
huge marquee in his garden waiting just for us and if I know our friends, quite
a party.  But just inside the gate, I stop.  I’ve just remembered
something I have to do.

‘What is it now?’ asks Marcus,
surprised.

‘Just something, darling Marcus…’ I tell
him. ‘It’ll only take a second...’

Hitching up my fairy dress in all its
ethereal glory, I kick off my shoes and throw them into the hedge. 
Barefoot in the cool, soft grass, just as I always dreamed of. 
 Reaching up on tiptoes, I kiss his gorgeous face.

‘Okay,’ I tell him, grinning from ear to
ear, wanting to dance and twirl forever. ‘Now, everything is perfect…’

‘You do realise that Marcus has raised
the bar about proposals don’t you?  I mean how can anyone beat that?’ Ben
asks me, after at least five glasses of champagne.

Golly. But I’m not altogether surprised
that Ben is thinking about such things as proposals.  I think Marcus’s
dice with death was a wake-up call for all of us.

‘Hmmm...’ I say in wondrous
agreement.  No-one found out about the torrential rain and the
thunderstorm.  They all think we went on a fabulous picnic.  ‘It was
very lovely and romantic…Awfully clever of him…  Um, when are you going to
ask her then?’

‘Will’s moving in with us,’ beams
Karina, before she hugs me.  ‘Oh, I just can’t believe this is happening!’
She hugs me again.  I must remember to thank Arian for introducing
us.    

Hmmm, another wedding
on the cards.
  I can just see it…. And at
the Amberley Stud no less…. Should be out of this world…

‘
Your
wedding,’
I say to a hyper-excited Emma.  ‘Are you absolutely sure you want me to be
your maid of honour, after all, you don’t want me to upstage you…’

‘Hey Zac, how’s it hanging?’ Marcus is
surprised to see Zac looking so down in the mouth, today of all days.

‘S’alright s’pose.’

‘Something wrong?’
 
Marcus stands there, leaning on a walking stick, which he still needs,
especially when he’s been on his feet for a while.

‘It’s
all my
bleedin’ fault. 
‘Bout that fuckin’ wanker that beat you
up.
  If I wasn’t ‘ere, it wouldn’t ‘ave
 
‘appened
.’

‘Do you know Zac,’ says Marcus, looking
serious for a moment.  ‘Firstly it certainly wasn’t your fault, and
secondly, that fucking wanker bastard, I am delighted to say, has been jailed
for attempted murder.   So all in all, there is definitely justice in
that.  And I am going to be fine. Now cheer up and come and have a beer.’

‘Hi Rachel.
 
Have you met anyone who’s not too intense and not too frivolous yet?  Only
I might know just the person,’ I say to her cautiously, conscious of my
husband’s eyes on me, drawing me back to his side. 

Husband… Hmmm, I already love saying
that.

‘Oh.  Thanks Lou, but actually,
well,
it’s
early days but you know, I might
have…’  Rachel’s ears are pink.  Mine prick up with interest as I
start to edge back towards Marcus. ‘I met him at a party.  He’s been
through the mill, he’s divorced and all that, but he’s so good looking and such
a nice guy…  Funnily enough, his name’s Arian…’