The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7 (29 page)

Robbie sat in the last pew of that church in Ashtonville. The reason for the silence in that church was painful when it dawned on Robbie that he wasn’t just sitting in an empty God’s house, but an empty God’s world as well. It surprised Robbie when he heard the doors to the church open. It was darker in there. The only light was what shone through the stained glass windows and Robbie knew he wasn’t seen. Maybe Frank wasn’t looking when he walked in. Frank walked straight to the altar, genuflected and blessed himself before kneeling on the kneeler in the first pew. His hands were folded and his head down. Frank praying? In Robbie’s mind the only remembrance he had of Frank talking of God was when Frank swore.

“Frank,” Robbie’s whispered--as if he’d disturb someone if he didn’t. He stood up and walked to the front with his brother.

“Robbie?” Frank turned his head over his cupped hands.

“What are you doing?” Robbie slid in the pew.

“I’m fuckin praying. What do you think I’m doing? Man.”

Robbie snickered and knelt down next to Frank. “Since when did you start praying?”

“I guess I always did.” Frank shrugged. “Maybe now I’m just a little worried about these trips we’re making. You?”

“Yeah.”

“This was my church you know.”

“I do. I remember coming to Johnny’s christening here. I used to think, I bet these are the only times Frank walks through the doors of this church.”

“They were,” Frank smiled. “I never was the big religious guy.”

“That’s because Dad used to shove it down our throats growing up. Making us get up early, get dressed, look neat, and sit in church.”

“So what happened to Jimmy and Hal? They still go to church . . . or did.” Frank’s head dropped.

“Frank? Let me ask you something. Do you blame God for all of this?”

“Not at all. I blame man for all of this. God gave us all the choice to do what we want in our lives and somewhere we fucked up.”

“That’s pretty deep coming from you.”

“Nah.” Frank shook his head. “I just reworded it. I heard Dad say something like that to Andrea last night.”

“So you think He . . .” Robbie motioned his head up to the crucifix. “You think He has the answers?”

“I think He’s giving them to us in His own way. He kept us alive. Right now, to me, that doesn’t seem like such a good thing, but I’m sure there’s a reason for it. He’s got his reasons. I have to believe that somewhere down the road, they’ll be some good again in our lives. A second chance. And I’m gonna fight real hard not to fuck it up again.”

“Dad’s words?”

“My words.” Frank gave a closed mouth smile to Robbie. “You asked me. Let me ask you. Why are you in church? You’re not the religious guy either.”

“A little peace maybe.”

“Peace? Robbie there’s not a soul around. You can get peace by walking in the supermarket down the street.”

“Inner peace, Frank.”

“Whoa.” Frank’s eye widened. “Now who’s being deep?”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as angry as I feel right now. I’m pissed. You know I worked really hard in my life to get where I was and now it means nothing. I started dating this girl and she was pretty nice. Gone. Do you realize that since I was a teenager I had wanted to be with Ellen? Talk about having to go through some drastic measures to do so . . .” He saw the corner of the eye look he got from Frank. “Sorry.”

Frank let out a slow huffing breath. “Let’s not touch that subject again. Please. We’re in the house of God. I don’t want to get pissed at you again.”

Robbie tried not to laugh. “Subject changed.”

“Good. So are you finding your inner peace?”

“No, and my back is starting to hurt. Can we sit now?”

“Yeah, mine’s hurting too.” With a grunt and a slight moan they both brought themselves into the pew to sit. “Better.” Frank twisted himself to the left. “Remember Dad used to hit us on the back of the head with the hymnals if our asses hit the pew when we knelt.”

“I remember him telling us that was the reason they made them hard backed.” Robbie brought his one leg up and close to his chest. “I watched a lot of people die, Frank. A lot. You on the other hand slept through the plague . . .”

“Hey.”

“I never want to go through that again.”

“Hopefully, Robbie, you won’t.”

A loud bang of the church door echoed in and so did Ellen’s voice. “Hey. What are you two doing in here?” She walked up.

Frank held his finger to his mouth. “Quiet El.”

“Why?” She asked.

Frank looked at Robbie then at Ellen. “Um . . . respect. What are you doing here? Are you here to pray too?”

“Who me?” Ellen held her hand to her chest. “Hell no. I’m here to get some candles.” She walked straight up to the altar. “Best place. Isn’t that why you two are here?” She looked at them and didn’t get an answer. “Wait a second.” She started to snicker. “Frank and Robbie Slagel praying? Oh wait until I tell Joe.”

Frank sprang up. “No-no. We were taking a break. We came to get candles.”

“Yeah.” Robbie stood also.

“Right,” Ellen scoffed. “You probably were having some deep, sappy conversation too, weren’t you?” She began to grab candles. “Big tough Slagels. Joe is gonna die.” She shook her head while shoving more candles in a bag.

Frank nodded his head up to Ellen. “Robbie, I think we should chase her skinny ass down and tie her hair in knots like we used to when she threatened to tell Dad.”

Ellen dropped her candle bag and looked at them, she fake snickered. “Sure.” She saw them staring at her. “Guys, that was fourteen years ago.”

Robbie motioned his head at her. “How much of a head start?”

Frank thought about it. “Ten second? Sound fair?”

“Sounds fair.” Robbie smiled. “One . ..”

“Guys.” Ellen backed off the altar and passed them. “You’re joking, right?”

Robbie continued counting. “Five, six . . .” He stopped counting when he heard a panicked ‘Shit!’ come from Ellen and she ran from the church, letting the door slam loudly as it did when she entered.

Frank walked up to the altar. “Look Robbie, she left the candles. Let’s go bitch at her for not finishing her work.”

Robbie’s mind snapped from that memory when he heard the slam of the church door where he stood. He turned around, startled to see Marty slumping in his walk in. “Where were you?” Robbie asked the ill man.

“I had to get some fresh air.” He spoke weakly. “Do you need any help?”

“No. You just rest. I need you to get strong.”

“You looked deep in thought.” Marty held on to the pew and he helped himself to sit.

“I was,” Robbie smiled.

“I take it that was a good thought?”

“It was.”

“Had to be hard to do with all that’s happening.”

Robbie wanted to tell him it wasn’t. How odd it was that such a bad situation caused and bred a good memory. How it was horrible back then, and somehow he found himself smiling on a bad day. Robbie hoped at that moment, as he returned to his work, that this horrible situation so similar to the last, would somehow, in the future, end with a smile too. For that--how ironically--Robbie actually prayed.

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It was Frank’s turn that evening and he returned to the clinic to do it. He had fed the kids, all of them, settled them down, and got them situated for Denny and Josh who would watch them until Ellen got home. That’s what they had done all day, every two hours switching duty on who would sit with Henry. Though they both wanted to, they knew they both couldn’t. Since both Frank and Ellen felt one of them should be there when he woke up, they switched turns, promising to call the other the moment Henry regained consciousness. Denny and Josh were prepared for that too.

Whistling softly, not loudly because he got bitched at the last time he did that in the corridors of the clinic, Frank made it to Henry’s room. He stopped cold when he heard voices, whispering voices. “Hey.” He smiled. “Shit, Henry.” A wider grin and Frank rushed to the bed. “You’re up. Oh my God you’re up.” His hand rested on Henry’s.

Ellen held the other hand. “Ten seconds earlier, Frank, and you would have been here. He just woke up.” She picked up his water for him and helped Henry take a drink.

Frank slid the chair closer to the bed. “How you feeling?”

Henry cleared his throat. “Sore. Really sore. I know my hand is burnt.” He held it up. “Is it bad, El?”

“Nothing that won’t heal.” She smiled and ran her hand down his face. She felt Frank’s hand stop her. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t tuck his hair. Henry, she tucks your hair behind your ear when you’re sleeping.”

Though seemingly groggy, Henry smiled. It dropped when Frank came into focus. “Frank, your face is bandaged. What happened?”

Frank fluttered his lips. “Ellen.” He waved his hand at her. “She got vicious and clawed me like a cat.” Frank clawed his hand and made a ‘hissing’ sound at Ellen.

“Don’t let him kid you Henry.” Ellen spoke to him. “Frank got hurt when he . . .”

“El,” Frank interrupted her, “no, don’t. O.K.?”

Ellen shifted her eyes from Frank to Henry. “Frank had a run in with Marcus. He got bit.”

“No shit?” Henry asked. He then tried to lift himself more to sit and moaned in pain. “God, my chest hurts. I know I got shocked. I must have fallen on my chest.” With squinting eyes he pulled out the shirt he wore and saw the bruises center his chest. Immediately his eyes rose up and over to Frank. “What happened to my chest? This is no fall.”

“They uh . . .” Frank paused in answering, “they had to do CPR on you, Henry.”

“Oh my God.” Henry looked horrified. “I got shocked that bad? I thought I only passed out.”

Frank shook his head. “Your heart stopped beating.”

“Remind me to thank Andrea or Dean or Jason when I see them.” Henry faced Ellen.

Ellen shook her head. “Don’t you dare thank them.” Ignoring Frank’s ‘El’ she continued. “Turn your head back to Frank and thank him if you want to thank anyone.”

“Frank.” Henry closed his eyes and swallowed, listening to Ellen speak.

“Henry, he went in there while the room was on fire. He broke down that door to get to you. Frank brought you back to us Henry. Frank did.”

“Frank.” Henry opened his eyes to him. “I owe you my life.”

“No you don’t.” Frank waved him off. “I’m just glad you didn’t die on me. You know I know nothing about raising an Asian kid.”

“No jokes Frank.” Henry was serious. “Thank you.”

“Just don’t try to kiss me right now.” Frank smiled. “Though I found your lips incredibly soft.”

Henry laughed and grabbed his chest. “Don’t tell Ben that. Tell me something, Frank. Why were you down at the lab? Did you get a bad feeling or something?”

“No.” Frank shook his head. “Actually I thought you were blowing off my radio call. I was chasing your ass down.”

“Why would I blow off your call?” Henry asked.

“I thought you were pissed at me for sleeping with Ellen.”

Ellen’s eyes widened. “Frank, you make it sound like . . .”

Henry stopped her. “I know what Frank meant. And no, I wasn’t mad at all that you slept with her Frank. If I was, I certainly wouldn’t be now.”

Ellen stood. “That’s too gracious of you Henry, but he cheated in a game of scrabble to do so.” She moved to the door. “And Frank, leave him alone. I know you.”

“What?” Frank tossed his hands in the air with an innocent look. “I just want to sleep with you like last night. It’s cold in my house.”

“Turn the air conditioner down. I’m not sleeping with you two nights in a row.” She walked from the room and walked directly into Dean. “Hi Dean.” She smiled but didn’t get one in return. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head at her and walked harshly away.

“Dean?” She followed him. “Wait. What’s wrong?”

Dean spun around to face her in the hall. “I walk in to see Henry while I’m at the clinic. I’m standing in the door, ready to walk in and what do I hear?”

“What? What did you hear?”

“Ellen, did you sleep with Frank last night?”

Ellen started to laugh, waving her hand at him. “We didn’t have sex, Dean. We slept in bed together.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Excuse me?” Ellen was taken aback by his tone.

“The closeness was there.”

“Dean, why are you being like this?”

“How do you want me to be Ellen?” He started walking again. “Happy to know you’re not only living at Frank’s house but sleeping in his bed as well.” He stopped again. “Tell me something. I don’t stand a fighting chance do I? I never did. How can I, when the man you married so we could be together is rooting for the man who controls you most in your life.”

“Dean.” Ellen snatched him back by his arm when he moved onward. “Don’t you think the timing is a little bad to be discussing this? I didn’t do anything with Frank. I didn’t touch him, kiss him . . .”

“Stop!” Dean pulled away. “It doesn’t matter. Did you hear me? I’m glad I’m seeing this now instead of when I really thought we had something.”