The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7 (44 page)

“Nope.” Ellen raised her eyes.

“What!?” Dean was so shocked that his one word reached a high pitch. He graveled in anger when he received an ‘I don’t care’ expression from her and she turned her back to him. “You know what Ellen, forget what I said about you being typically female. You’re not. You’re being typically Ellen. But if I were Frank, I could say, do, act, treat you any way I wanted to and all I would have to do is give you some half ass, lame, pathetic apology and you would run to me at the snap of my fingers. Why are you like that with him and not me?”

Ellen spun to him. “Because you’re not Frank! And you will never be Frank! Don’t even flatter yourself by putting your name in the same sentence as his.”

Dean’s breath escaped him as fast as his heart beat from her words. Through his anger and frustration, his hand slammed down hard upon the counter. “I can’t believe you would even talk to me like that. Me of all people.”

“This argument with you is over, Dean. Drop it.”

“I will not drop it.” He charged to her. “I was ready to end this shit and put it behind us.”

“You’re ready to end it only because you need me.”

“Well I don’t need you anymore! I don’t want your help. If you were the last person on this earth I wouldn’t come to you.”

“It’s funny how you can say this all now, like I’m the bad guy, when you were the one who started this war without any basis for confrontation.” Ellen backed up from him, “This is over. I’m not arguing anymore.”

“It’s not over.” He stepped to her. “What you said . . .”

“Over!” She threw her hands up.

“It’s not . . .” Stepping forward Dean swayed some, his hand reached to the side for support of the counter when he felt the blood rushing, filling his head, and everything went immediately black. “El.”

Ellen saw the expression and demeanor totally change from angry to scared. Instinctively she stepped to him, but stopped. In silence and debate she stood for a second, her jaws twitching. She swallowed so harshly the lump in her throat barely moved. “You were saying it’s not over. I think it is.” She stepped back even further watching as Dean swayed his head back and forth, gripping one hand so tightly to the counter’s edge his knuckles were red. He reached to his side, trying to find his stool, trying to find something to sit on. Ellen closed her eyes tightly then stepped to him. “Dean.” She spoke softly and grabbed hold of his arm. “Here.” She led him to sit.

With his eyes still forward, Dean sat down. “Thank you.”

Ellen leaned closer to behind him. “This isn’t getting us anywhere Dean. Nowhere. I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t.” She stood upright.

“El . . .”

“Jenny?” Ellen said the name with an odd tone.

“What?”

“Jenny Matoose is here.”

“Where?”

Ellen moved to the window. “Aren’t you the lucky one right now, Dean. She’s wearing an awful shade of blue. She looks like something out of a comic book. Where is Henry now?” She pulled up a chair and picked up the radio.

Despite Ellen’s off-the-wall reference to Dean’s blindness, he wished he could see what she was talking about. But then something hit him, a thought as he heard Ellen talk in the radio. Where was Henry?

<><><><>

“I feel really awful, Joe.” Henry walked with Joe part way toward the mobile lab. “I don’t mean to be like this, but I am.”

“Is it like you have a break from her and you are going to seize the opportunity.”

“Oh no Joe, I don’t think.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Henry stopped walking, placed his hands in the pockets of is blue work pants and looked up to the sky.

“Henry? Are you trying to pull back from her?”

“Not intentionally.”

“But you are.”

“I know,” Henry said sadly.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Joe was wise. He had been around the block once too many times. By the look of him, Joe knew Henry wasn’t as confused about things as he appeared to be. All Joe had to do was get him to start talking and he knew Henry would open up like a bad wound. “I think you do. You thought you two were married, you aren’t. You’re upset maybe because she doesn’t want to make it legit now?”

“A little, yeah.”

“But Henry, you both told me there were reasons other than to end the Frank and Dean thing.”

“True.”

“So the reasons weren’t ‘real’ marriage reasons.”

“No, Joe, they weren’t.”

Joe nodded. “So how can you be upset if she doesn’t want to continue the facade?”

“Because she doesn’t want to end the façade,” Henry said. “She wants me to play this whole wedding thing out, if need be, all the way to the altar. It’s a mock wedding that is making a mockery of all that we were.”

“Your marriage was a mockery.”

Henry gasped. “That’s not true, Joe. We still were friends. We still got along. We were great companions.”

“Were?”

“Were.” Henry stated. “I can’t explain, Joe, but even though we weren’t husband and wife in the physical sense, we were in all other ways.”

Joe nodded. “Makes sense. Maybe you need to tell her this. Maybe you need to explain how you feel instead of avoiding her until she forgets about you all together.”

“And she will.”

“Yep.” Joe pulled out a cigarette. “Not that she doesn’t have a child to remind her, but … she’ll move on, that’s Ellen.”

“I know.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Henry, I like the way you two get along.”

“Really?”

“Yep, you’re annoying as shit, but she’s happy and doesn’t fight.”

Henry’s head lowered.

“What is it, Henry? What is it you aren’t saying?”

“I wish I could say.”

“Then if you can’t say it to me, say it to Ellen.”

“I can’t. Just like I can’t tell her I really want to be married to her the way we were, I can’t tell her that because more I think about it, the more I don’t deserve it.”

Joe almost laughed. “Don’t deserve it? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Things, Joe … just things. I didn’t do things right, I know it. I …” Henry tossed out his hand. “I know it.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would swear you feel guilty.”

Henry went from looking down to making eye contact with Joe.

“What do you feel guilty about, Henry?”

“I deceived my best friend, and despite how he acts now, the deception is there. It’ll never be the same. I Deceived him Joe and I still am by wanting Ellen.”

“They broke up long before you and Ellen snuck off and thought you got married.”

“I deceived him before that,” Henry said.

“Are you talking about Nick?” Joe stepped to him. “Henry? Are you talking about Nick’s conception. My daughter swears up and down that she hasn’t a clue how that happened? Is she lying?”

“No, Joe, she’s not.”

Joe hit his cigarette and slowly released the smoke as he nodded. “Then how can you feel guilty? How can you feel as if you deceived Frank if the conception is a mystery or a product of a ripple you haven’t figured out?”

On that, Henry only shrugged.

“I see. Well, I feel like I can’t help you. You know what you want to do. I can only advise you. If you don’t want to help Ellen get close to Jenny by doing this mock wedding … and it won’t make it to the altar, then don’t do it. Tell her. If it’s something else … you tell her.” Joe started to walk away, but stopped. “And Henry, let me advise you of one other thing. I believe Ellen doesn’t know how Nick was conceived. But please, do not let me find out … that you do.”

Joe only looked at Henry one more time and, with cigarette still in hand, he parted ways, leaving Henry facing the direction of the mobile lab.

<><><><>

“Jenny, I must say that I am touched you stopped by for this.” Ellen huddled toward the window in her talk with Jenny.

“It wouldn’t be very fair Ellen. You’re part of our meetings now. If you have something that needs brought up, then it will be brought up.”

“Tell me, Jenny.” Ellen spoke in a whisper. “You aren’t going to do that special craft tonight, are you?”

Jenny giggled. “Now I remembered that you wanted to do that. No, two weeks Ellen. We’ll wait two or three weeks. You know what you have to bring, right?”

“Oh sure.”

“Good. So you haven’t any ideas you need told?” Jenny watched Ellen shake her head. “Anything for the forum, problems, or such?”

Ellen’s eyes lifted and her head motioned back. “How about something about him?” She indicated to Dean.

“Oh.” Jenny nodded. “I read your entry for the game. Is he still being like that?”

“Terrible Jenny, just terrible.” Ellen heard Dean’s gasp, but she was sure Jenny didn’t. “Throw that in your open forum.”

“Well, I can give you my opinion right now. Dean needs to grow up.” A loud ‘hey!’ came through Jenny’s radio. “Yes, grow up, Dean. Be a big boy and share your toys.”

Dean had enough of Ellen’s snickering at Jenny’s comment. He stood from his seat, marched with intimidation over to the window, and reached for the radio. “Give me that and get back to work.”

“Hey.” Ellen smacked his hand. “I’m speaking to my new friend. See Jenny, see how he is with me. You’re seeing first hand. All because I slept, slept mind you, in the same bed as Frank. How immature.”

“And childish,” Jenny added. “You should have had sex with him and that would have shown Dean.”

Ellen, still struggling with the radio, depressed the button. “I would have Jenny, but I had that after-baby thing happening with my body.”

Dean grunted and let go of the radio. “Fine, go talk to Jenny.” He took a step back. “Faker.”

Ellen giggled. “What was that? Faker. Oh Dean, bad word. I’m telling Henry how mean you’re being to me.”

Dean stopped walking and moved to her. “Oh yeah. Well tell him, if you ever see him again.”

“What’s that supposed to mean.”

Jenny tried to interject. “Ignore him. He’s playing mind games with you because he knows you’re stuck here.”

Ellen held out her hand. “Explain Dean. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Where is he El? Your extra limb? I think he’s avoiding you. Where is he, El?”

Ellen grinned widely and stood up. “Right there. Henry!” She waved like an excited child.

Dean tossed his hands in the air. “I spoke too soon.” He went back to his work, bitching under his breath at the ‘gang up on Dean’ hour that wasn’t going to end now.

Jenny turned around to see Henry stepping from the jeep. “I’ll let you two alone. I’ll stop by tomorrow to let you know about the meeting.”

“Thanks, Jenny. Sorry I’m missing it. I really am. I liked it last week.” She watched Henry near. “Great shade of blue you’re wearing.”

Jenny smiled and turned her radio off. She stopped at Henry before walking by him. “Here’s our groom.”

“Your what?”

“Groom.” She tapped him on the cheek then kissed him there. “Cute.”

Henry’s mouth dropped open in disgust and he immediately ran his hand over the spot she touched. “God.”

“Bye Henry.”

“Uh!” Henry raised his shirt up to wipe the water from his eyes. “Where did you get that color?”

“Ben.” She wiggled her fingers, knowing she irked him and kept on walking.

Still open mouthed, Henry walked in a cringing hunch to the mobile window. He looked back one more time at Jenny, shuddered then turned to Ellen. “She kissed me, El.”

“She knows you don’t like her.”

“God, it was sweaty.” He wiped his face again. “Tell her not to do it again or I’ll have to be rude.”

“I’ll tell her, Henry.” She stood close to the window. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’m sorry that I’ve been so busy. I was wrong.”

“That’s O.K.”

“No, it’s not. I want you to know I wish I could be in there with you.”

“You can Henry.” Ellen grinned. “Come on in. Stay with me.”

“I can’t, El.”

“I know.” She sulked. “But you’re here now. I’m glad.”

“You know what? I promise you’re gonna see me all the time now. Every spare moment I have, I’ll be here. O.K.?”

Ellen smiled at him. “O.K. Thank you. I was beginning to think you didn’t like me anymore or didn’t want to be my friend.”

“Never El.” Henry shook his head. “But if you keep letting Jenny kiss me, I’m going to have to do something drastic. I’ll . . . I’ll . . . kiss her back . . .”

“No!”

“Yes El. And then . . . .”

“No Henry, don’t say it.” She pulled the radio away.

“ . . . I’ll kiss you.”

Ellen let out a loud shriek of disgust. After laughing, she pulled her chair up to sit and talk to Henry. She missed that. She smiled as she talked to him, joked with him, and she more glad he was there than Henry could ever realize.