The Institute (26 page)

“Sure, I
guess,” I say flatly. I feel beaten down, I don’t want to do
anything tomorrow.

“Oh, and I
forgot to tell you, Tate asked to see you tonight, if you
could.”

“Oh, when did
you see him?” I ask.

“This morning,
before I came to get you.”

“I was going to
try and see my brother tonight, patch things up with him. He’s not
happy that I was stopping him from being trained, he doesn’t see
how things really are in this place and the lies they spout in our
classes aren’t helping my case to make him see.” I do want to go
see Tate though.

“Maybe you
should take him with you, show him what he is fighting with you
over – give him some perspective,” Chad suggests. I think that
might just work.

Chapter
Sixteen

I go to
Shilah’s door and for some reason, I’m nervous. Why am I nervous?
It’s just Shilah. I hesitate before knocking but then just tell
myself to grow up and do what needs to be done. He answers the door
and I can’t tell what he’s thinking, he doesn’t look angry, doesn’t
look happy. He looks empty, hollow, like there are no feelings
there at all.

“Hey,” he says.
“Come in.”

“Come with me,
I want to show you something,” I say. He may not understand the
gravity of what he is going to have to do, but I can show him. I
lead him down the halls, down the elevator, through the maze of
corridors and buzzing doorways. When we finally reach the stairs to
the cells, he grabs my arm.

“What is this
place?” he asks.

“A place you
need to see and there’s someone I want you to meet.” I begin to
walk down the stairs and he follows.

“I thought the
guy you hooked up with was the one you were with in class and in
the cafeteria?”

I stop as I
reach the bottom of the stairs, turn and look back at him, “Hooked
up with? Who told you that? Oh, Drew I’m guessing? Why would you
believe anything he says? Actually, why would you even talk to
him?”

“Well Miss
Stress Pants, I’m not talking to Drew. Everyone knows about you and
the guy.”

Well this is a
new revelation.

“Everyone?” I
ask. Wow this really is like high school, even more small town than
Eminent Falls. Is there nothing better for them to sit around and
talk about? I can think of a ton of different things that could be
discussed – the state of our country, the divide between the
‘normals’ and the Defective, the conditions in which we are
treated. Although I guess I can’t complain about that anymore
having one of the biggest single apartments in the place. That
doesn’t excuse how they treat Tate or anyone else in the Crypt
though, or how I was treated when I was first arrested.

“I may not have
heard it from Drew, but I can guarantee it’s him spreading it. He’s
been trying to mend his sore ego ever since we got here,” Shilah
tells me.

“That doesn’t
surprise me.” I sigh, it hurts me that he would do that. I don’t
know why, I don’t want it to, but it doesn’t surprise me; this has
Drew written all over it.

We head over to
Tate’s cell, a guard lets us in and Tate and I embrace. I hear
Shilah think, ‘
So they are together?’
Tate and I laugh.

‘
Your
brother?’
Tate asks me.

“Yup, Shilah
this is Tate. I don’t know what I would have done without him while
I was down here.”

“Umm, hi.”
Shilah says awkwardly. It’s moments like this I can see the
resemblance between he and I. We both have the same awkward
greeting when we are uncomfortable, we shift our feet and look
around the room as opposed to the person we are talking to.

“Nice to put a
face to the name,” Tate responds and they shake hands. “So how was
your first day of training, darling?” he looks over to me.

“Very funny.” I
say and look at my brother. “Shilah we are not together, he’s just
teasing.” Shilah has a confused look on his face.

‘
Yeah, it’s
the same look you’ve had since you got here. I can definitely see
the family resemblance.’

“I’m choosing
to ignore that,” I say to Tate.

‘
Ignore
what?’
I hear Shilah ask himself.

“And in
response to your question whether you were being sarcastic or not –
training was hard. You’re lucky I made it down here to see you. I’d
really love to be passed out in my bed right now.”

‘
What about
Chad?’
Tate asks.

“He’s breezing
through the training, but I guess you aren’t surprised by
that.”

‘
Who
is?’
thinks Shilah.

“Sorry Shilah,
I’ll explain back upstairs. Have you seen all you needed to see?” I
ask him.

“I don’t really
know what you were meant to be showing me, but I guess so.”

“Shilah,
seriously look around this place, use your brain. Who do you think
they house down here?”

‘
The
dangerous ones, they tell us so in class. It was just a mistake
that they put you here.’
Shilah doesn’t answer me aloud, just
shrugs his shoulders.

“You really
don’t get it do you?” I’m getting angrier and angrier, how could
Shilah be so naïve?

“Allira,” Tate
speaks up. “You can’t be too hard on him, he hasn’t seen what you
have and if I’m completely honest, you were just as naïve when you
got here.” I was? “You two have some talking to do. Come and see me
whenever you can.” He turns to Shilah, “It was nice to meet you
Shilah.”

Tate and I hug
again before Shilah and I make our way back up the stairs in
silence. That definitely could have gone better, maybe bringing him
down here wasn’t such a great idea after all. It is not until we’re
walking through the hallways that he finally says something,

“So who was
that?” he asks.

“It’s a long,
tiring story. Can I come back to your apartment so I can explain a
few things? Please?”

He doesn’t
answer me, he just nods. We get back to his room and Chad wasn’t
kidding about the rooms down here being as small as a cell.

Shilah is
looking as exhausted as I feel.

“So, the guy?”
he asks.

“They tell us
our whole lives that if you’re Defective, you have to live at the
Institute because you are too dangerous to live in a normal society
but then when we get here, they turn around and train us to go out
and bring in more Defective people? If we are so dangerous why send
us back out into the world? And why keep completely innocent people
in prison cells where no one will ever find them? Do you realise
not everyone down there is even Defective? And if that is as they
say and that’s where they are keeping the most dangerous ones, why
is it so easy to come and go there?” My thoughts come out in a
jumbled rush.

“I figured it’s
because you have security clearance,” he taps my shoulder where the
stripes are on my uniform. So that’s what the stripes mean? I have
been too preoccupied to ask or even think about the stripes again.
I look at Shilah and he only has two stripes on his uniform. “But
anyway, there are dangerous ones out there, you’ve seen what they
can do,” he says.

“There are
dangerous normal people out there too, they just choose to use
knives and other weapons instead of Defective abilities. Should
every non-Defective person be punished because of them?”

He shakes his
head. “I don’t know what you want me to do. You want me to agree
with you and pull out of the training program? Move back to a
dormitory, or worse, to where they were holding you?”

“I just want
you to really understand what you will be doing when you make it
through the program. I want you to realise you can’t believe
everything they are telling you. I understand the want to get out
of here, I share that desire but I have also experienced firsthand
what I am going be forced to inflict on others.”

“And yet it is
okay for you to do so, but not for me? If I don’t do it, you know
they would just get someone else to and I would only be punishing
myself by not doing it, by taking away my own freedom by choice.”
He’s getting angry again.

“I have let you
continue with it haven’t I—“

“Let me?” he
yells. I guess that was the wrong choice of words to use.

“I just really
want you to think about it. You may get more freedom than you do in
here, but it comes at a cost. Just remember that I was housed in
the Crypt because I didn’t know what I could do. They are innocent
people and I know I couldn’t live with myself if I took someone
like Dad away from their family because I guessed wrong about their
identity and what they can do. Don’t just believe everything they
tell you okay?” I’m trying my hardest not to lose my cool, getting
angry in an argument just means that you’re losing. That’s what Dad
used to say anyway.

He’s silent
again and just nods at me. I decide to get up and leave before I
lose it at him. I just want to shake him and make him see.

I make my way
back to my room, take my shoes off and jump into bed. My normal
clothes are regularly becoming my pyjamas, someone should invent
pyjamas you can wear outside; they would make a fortune from me
alone. I can’t believe I have to do today all over again
tomorrow.

Why
am
I
doing this? I can yell at Shilah until I’m black and blue in the
face but he will still be right: Why is it okay for me to do this
but not him? At first I agreed to do it because I wanted to protect
him, but he clearly doesn’t want to be protected. I know if I try
to pull out now, they will just threaten Shilah. They have already
referred to him as my bargaining chip. Tate’s words come into my
head again. “Give them a chance.” Is that why I am still going with
this? Can I really make a difference out there?

I should try. I
have to try.

***

If I thought I
was in pain yesterday, it’s nothing compared to how I am feeling
this morning. It’s like I’ve been through electro-therapy again.
Every muscle in my body is aching. There’s a knock at the door but
I can barely move, let alone get out of bed. It’s probably just
breakfast being delivered, but then I hear Chad’s voice.

“Come on sleepy
head, time for class,” he yells out. I drag myself out of bed and
make my way to the door. When I open it, he’s leaning with his hand
against the door frame looking as casual as ever.

“You’re not
even the tiniest bit sore from yesterday?” I ask. I’m unable to
stand without my muscles screaming at me to fall over.

He responds
with a laugh. “Come on, we’ll be late.”

“Would that be
such a bad thing? It is Drew’s class after all,” I say. “I actually
wouldn’t mind a shower before I head down there. You can go without
me if you want, I’ll only be a few minutes behind you.”

“What and let
you get lost? Then have to endure your boyfriend by myself? No
thanks,” he lets himself into my apartment and sits down at the
dining table. He must be able to tell by my face that I am not
impressed with what he just said. He sighs, “Sorry, ex-boyfriend.
Just hurry up will you?”

I go into the
bathroom and run the water so it’s nice and hot, maybe the heat
will relax my muscles. As I’m showering, it occurs to me, I didn’t
bring any fresh clothes into the bathroom to change into. It’s
amazing how quickly you get used to having a place to yourself and
not have to worry about bringing clothes into the bathroom. I don’t
want to get back in my old sweaty ones from yesterday and Chad is
sitting at my dining table. Oh my god, I think I could die. I
finish showering and get out and dry myself with the towel I am now
going to have to wear. Out there. In front of Chad.

I open the door
slightly, “Uh, can you turn around for a minute?” I call out to him
through the small crack.

“Why?” he
asks.

“Because umm,
I’m wearing a towel. I, uh, forgot my clothes,” I say
sheepishly.

“Oh,” he sounds
a bit flustered. “Umm, sure.”

Okay, you
can do this,
I tell myself. I make a run for the closet where
all my clothes are kept. I get half way there when I hear another
knock at the door and see Shilah make his way into the room.

“Shilah!” I
exclaim.

Chad looks up
at Shilah, then at me and then back at Shilah when he realises I am
naked.

“Yeah, sure,”
Shilah says with a smile. “Nothing going on, hey?” He turns and
goes to walk back out of the door, “I’ll see you guys in
class.”

Damn him, he
did that on purpose. He would have known exactly what he was going
to see when he opened the door. He’s done it to make a point, or
embarrass me, or both. If I had to bet, I’d say both.

I rush into the
closet which is big enough for me to hide from Chad to get changed,
so at least I don’t have to make my way back to the bathroom naked.
I get dressed quicker than I have ever got dressed before. I’m
almost too embarrassed to go back out there but I suck it up and
tell myself to be confident. I walk out with my head held high, so
high I almost trip over my own feet.
Yeah, smooth
. I shake
it off and grab a piece of toast off the plate on the dining room
table. Breakfast must have been delivered while I was in the
shower.

“Come on, let’s
go. We don’t want to be late,” I tease.

We get to class
just in time. There’s a guest speaker today, a former agent who is
now paralysed because of an ‘incident’ with a Defective person. I
sigh, I really have to sit through this class every day? There are
only so many ways that we can be told of indiscretions of the past
before it sounds redundant. I guess this is how brain washing
works. I look at a lot of the younger kids in here – Shilah, the
boys from orientation, a few other maybe fourteen and fifteen year
olds. By the time they are ready to go out in the field, they would
have to believe this crap right?