The Interruption of Everything (23 page)

“But where can we go?” Paulette asks.

“Any place that’s cheap,” Bunny throws in.

“Somewhere outside of the U.S.,” I say.

“But not Mexico! I’ve had enough of Mexico,” Paulette says.

“We’re getting off the subject,” Bunny says.

“Wait a minute, Bunny,” Paulette says. “I don’t think we should wait until August. That’s when I go to Vegas for the Magic Convention and you guys know I can’t miss that. If I had nothing but time, I’d kill to go to Greece for the Olympics.”

“Me, too,” I say. “I’ve got a Greek Isles calendar that’s so unbelievably pretty it doesn’t even look real. Hey, why don’t we go to a swank spa or something?”

“I wouldn’t mind going on that black cruise,” Bunny says.

“No way,” Paulette says. “I did it once and that was enough. Too many horny and ugly men trying to get laid and there’s no place to hide unless you jump off the damn ship. And do I look Puerto Rican? I don’t think so. They can’t have any more of my money.”

“Okay, we’ll figure out somewhere to go but for right now, let’s forget about it! Anyway, Marilyn, back to the subject?”

“No, we’re finished! I’ll give all of this some thought.”

“Are we ready?”

“One last thing and this is really important.”

“We’ve heard enough! Are we going shopping or not?”

“I forgot what I came over here to look for,” Paulette says.

“I just need a good pair of running shoes.”

“To do what in?” Bunny asks.

“Don’t let it worry you. Now whose turn is it to pay?”

“You really need to stop asking such silly questions when you already know the answer,” she says, and walks off. Paulette has the nerve to follow her.

Chapter 22

Y
ou always know when you’re in Berkeley, that’s all I have to say. What did you think of it?” Paulette says, waving to everybody in the room like she’s on a float in a parade.

“I liked it.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “I didn’t like that oily flower smell in the room and I didn’t like that creepy swaying-in-the-wind music they played, and the sound of that water oozing through those little rocks got on my damn nerves. And I don’t like walking on nobody’s floor without something on my feet, and I certainly didn’t like Luna touching my ass. All in all: it’s just too slow. I’ll stick with Jane.”

“Did you know that Jane gave up aerobics for yoga?”

“She did not.”

“She did so. Anyway, to hell with you and Jane. I liked it and I’m going to do it again.”

“Knock yourself right on out. The next thing I know you’ll be burning incense and candles and eating tofu and drinking soy milk and wearing gauze and those flat sandals with no heel and no socks even when it’s cold as hell outside. Watch.”

“Shut up, Paulette. I can’t help it if you don’t know how to be still and quiet at the same time.”

“And I’m going to keep it like that. I could sure use a cappuccino. There’s gotta be a Starbucks on one of these corners and yes I’m a sucker so don’t start in. All this inhaling and exhaling mess doesn’t work half as fast as caffeine. Plus I’ve got too much on my mind to be squirming around on a hard-ass floor.”

“Is this about Mookie?”

“Girl, one of his ex-girlfriends, who’s got two kids she swears are his has been calling the house all hours of the night looking for him since he’s been out, even after I’ve told the girl ten times that he doesn’t live here. Cleopatra is a dope-fiend, just like all of his other women. But when she told me I need to stop lying to her, I finally cussed the bitch out.”

“You did say Cleopatra, didn’t you?”

“I did. And she looks just like Mike Tyson. Even built like him. Except she’s only five-two.”

I’m laughing, trying to picture her. “So you cussed her out, now forget about it.”

“But this child is crazy. She ran her car into this dude’s Lexus while he was in his house sleeping after she found out he’d been dealing with somebody else. This is when Mookie was still locked up of course.”

“Did she get hurt?”

“Not a scratch. I’m not exaggerating, Marilyn. Roscoe told me to give the phone to him the next time she calls.”

“I would do just that. Can’t you block her number?”

“She doesn’t have one. She calls from a pay phone.”

“Then I’d talk to Mookie. Make him set her straight.”

“It’s on my list of things to do today. What’s on yours?”

“It’s fitness day for me. I had that evaluation already.”

“From Bunny?”

“No. I can’t deal with Bunny under these circumstances. She agrees. Anyway, I almost had a stroke doing all the stuff they made me do to figure out my fitness level.”

“And what was it?”

“Low. Very very low.”

“What did they really say, Marilyn? Is there any hope for your old ass?”

“My body fat is like thirty percent. Which is high. They said eighteen would be ideal and I said yeah, but twenty-two makes a whole lot more sense.”

“What percentage do you think mine is?”

“I don’t know. They have this thing they squeeze all over you and then do some math and that’s how they figure it out.”

“What do you think mine might be? Look at me.”

“I can’t guess, Paulette.”

“Guess, bitch.”

“Okay. Twenty-two.”

“I knew I was in better shape than you. It’s Jane. I’m telling you.”

“Bunny’s is probably ten or twelve.”

“Speaking of bunnies. What are you doing for Easter?”

“I’m actually going to church with Mr. and Mrs. Goodenough. You will not believe this but Arthurine went and eloped with Prezelle in Reno! I love it! Leon’s probably going to have a stroke when he finds out! Anyway, I got them matching jogging suits as a wedding gift: chocolate brown and beige no less. And, Paulette, I meant to get that girl’s number that braided your hair.”

“I’ll leave it on your machine. But let me warn you right now. She’s a talker, as nice as can be, but strictly ghetto. And her duplex isn’t in the greatest neighborhood, but it’s safe. She’s fast, too.”

“Okay. So what are you doing?”

“Probably taking my grandkids to Sunday school because they can’t sit still long enough to stay in church and then we’ll take them on an Easter egg hunt.”

I can tell Trudy’s been waiting for me to walk through the door. “Here you go,” she says, and hands me Bunny’s necklace. It’s finished. The ends are done perfectly, hidden inside the same silver cones I was looking at in
Bead & Button
.

“Thanks, Trudy. Don’t tell me you did this?”

“I did indeed. I have branched out, sister.”

“But this is
real
jewelry.”

“Don’t I know it? You were right about glass, but there’s lots of folks out there who still love plastic! You should check out my Web site or log on eBay if you want to see some of my handiwork. If it keeps up, at the rate I’m going, I’ll be opening up Trudy’s Treasure Box a year or so from now.”

I give her a bear hug and tell her how proud I am of her. And I am. She suggests we sign up for some craft fairs and if we’re lucky, we can get booths side by side. I might take her up on it.

After work I go to the gym to meet with my new trainer. I ask the guy checking our membership cards if he would see to it that Bunny gets the box I give him. He tells me that he has to check it first. It’s the rule. Since 9/11. No worries, I tell him. He holds it up in front of the scanner. “Nice,” he says. He’ll put it in her office on her desk. It’s safe, he says.

My trainer’s name is Ming. She is six foot three. She is Malaysian. She is also a lesbian and an ex-Olympic volleyball player. She has on a yellow polo shirt with the club’s logo on it and black warm-ups. I can tell that her hair was short but it looks like she’s letting it grow out. Her smile is warm. I like her immediately when she extends her long arm out to shake my hand. “So,” she sings, “you are ready to get into the best shape possible, then?”

“I am.”

“I read over your application. I read your goals—your fitness evaluation. I know everything. You said you are hoping to make a lifestyle change, and this is true?”

“This is true.”

“Then let’s go sit and talk and I can tell you what my feelings are for achieving these goals and you can tell me if you want to try. That sound good?”

“It does.”

“Follow me,” she says, using her head.

This place is awesome. Stainless steel is everywhere: corrugated pipes snake their way throughout the ceiling; the rails that lead to the second level are smooth and sleek. Most of the equipment is silver and white. The walls: purple. Mustard yellow. Orange. The sound system pumps and thumps Top 40 hip-hop music while at least sixty people ride, pedal, walk, glide, and run on various cardiovascular machines as they listen with headphones to their own music or to one or all of the six TVs on six different channels that hang from the ceiling.

There are very few fat people in here. But I do see quite a few out-of-shape folks so I don’t feel so bad by the time Ming and I sit down. She basically tells me the same thing Bunny told me at lunch last week. She’s just more specific. She says that I need to concentrate on getting at least four or five days of cardio in a week if I want to burn fat and calories. That she’ll start me out easy—just thirty minutes—but the goal is to get up to an hour in my target heart-rate zone five or six days a week.

“Are you serious?” I say.

“Yes. It’s not hard. Wait to see how much energy you have. How good you feel. You won’t be mad at me.”

“But what kind of cardiovascular exercise are we talking about?”

“Do you like to run?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s be safe and start you walking on the treadmill. Do you know the treadmill?”

“Not personally.”

She doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t get it.

“I actually have one at home, but I couldn’t tell you how to turn it on.”

This she laughs at. “Well, it’s just one machine. But it’s the easiest for most peoples to start out on. Later, we can make it harder and you will appreciate it. But if you don’t like, there are other machines you can try. And we can change them so you don’t get bored.”

“What if they all bore me?”

“That’s too bad. You said you are making the lifestyle change, so you won’t be bored. You will benefit. Besides, every twelve weeks we change your program. How boring could that be?”

“Good point.”

“Anyways, I will show you how to use the treadmills and then you will arrive at the club for about forty-five minutes before we begin the strength training.”

“So you’re not going to stand there while I do my cardio?”

“No. You would be wasting your money. And I would be bored watching you walk walk walk, get it?” She laughs.

“I see.”

“We divide the body into sections. One day we will do work on the back. Then the chest and arms. And day third is lower body.”

“Okay.”

“But not so fast. All of these days we will do abs.”

“Can’t wait.”

“You will love it. We will use those balls up there,” she says, pointing to at least three different sizes of rubber balls that look like they belong on the beach.

“I don’t get it,” I say.

“You will see how good they are soon enough. You will want one to have for home. It will be a good idea. But not today.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Now, you will promise to eat a good breakfast like something on the sheet we gave you?”

“I’ll try.”

“You don’t want to work out on empty stomach. It’s not good. And breakfast is very important.”

“I know, I’ve heard.”

“Bunny gave you the spiel, huh?”

“Yes she did.”

“She’s a smart woman and good boss. Anyways, shall we go to start?”

“You mean right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“I thought we were just going to talk today.”

“We talked. But you came here to exercise and get into the best shape, right?”

“Right.”

“Then today is the day of your new lifestyle. Let us go.”

I do everything she shows me. As soon as I start to sweat I worry that I might be having a heart attack, but Ming checks my heart rate and assures me that I’m not. I push and pull on the arms of these machines and lift the handheld weights like I’m Miss Olympia. I’m much stronger than Ming thought I was. But she isn’t the only one surprised. I slide and slip off two of those big balls, but Ming promises that I’ll catch on. By the time I walk out of here, I wipe my face dry and toss my towel into the basket and just stand here for a few minutes looking around. I feel good. Because I’ve finally done something I’ve been meaning to.

Arthurine has been here again. I think she deliberately comes when she knows I’m not at home. I also know she’s trying to get everything out of here before Leon gets back. As if he might reprimand her and make her put everything back if she weren’t quite finished. It’s amazing how our roles change as we get older.

Dinner is broiled chicken breasts, steamed broccoli, and a salad. I read the mail, flipping through at least four catalogs of no interest. I look up at the clock. It’s after nine. I’ve waited as long as I can. I want to know what that doctor had to say about our mother. Joy could’ve called to say something. Bitch. I grab the phone and dial the number with far too much hostility. “Joy?”

“I was planning on calling you tonight. As soon as I got the kids in the bed.”

“You want to call me back?”

“They’re in the tub. They can soak a few more minutes.”

“So how did everything go?”

“Everything went just fine.”

“Just tell me what happened at the doctor’s office.”

“Okay. She was very nice.”

“Who was?”

“The doctor. Lovey was a different story. But anyway, she gave her some mental test that she didn’t do so hot on. But she got a few answers right.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, anyway, the doctor…did you know she was black?”

“Yes, I did. Keep talking.”

“Okay. Anyway, she said she couldn’t say right on the spot if Lovey had Alzheimer’s or not. But she might not have it.”

“Did she actually say that?”

“Not in those exact words, no.”

“Then why are you saying it?”

“She said she couldn’t come right out and say she had it ’cause she needed to take maybe one or two more tests first.”

“That’s different than saying she doesn’t have it, Joy.”

“Whatever. Anyway, she had me walk Lovey across that hot-ass parking lot and get her a MRI.”

“So you took her?”

“I just said I did, didn’t I? It was a bitch trying to get Lovey to lay down inside that thing. She thought she was going into space. I musta spent twenty minutes trying to convince her that she wasn’t going nowhere. That they needed her to be still so they could take some pictures of her brain.”

“And did she?”

“Only after I promised to take her to McDonald’s and get her a Big Mac with large fries.”

“She has to stop with the French fries. Her cholesterol is too high.”

“You know good and well she ain’t eating her Big Mac without no fries.”

“When will the results be back?”

“Not for a week. But the problem is the doctor is going on vacation tomorrow for two weeks.”

“And? Does that mean we have to wait until she gets back to get the results?”

“That’s about the size of it.”

“Did she say anything about her having a PET scan?”

“She said a lot of shit that was kinda over my head, to be honest. But I do remember her saying that after she looks at that MRI, if something looks shaky then Lovey won’t need to have no PET scan. Plus Medicare don’t pay for that test and it’s expensive as hell.”

“How much?”

“Three thousand dollars. I’m serious.”

“So now we just have to wait. Okay. How’s Lovey?”

“The same.”

“And you?”