The Interview (14 page)

“What'd you think?”

“It was good. Weird names. I couldn't decide if it was Ma,
Maude, or Mal.”

“I had the same problem.”

“What do you think the end means?”

I told her as we ran down the beach. She disagreed with my
assessment, and that was OK. We touched the pier and started back.
When we reached the lifeguard tower where my stuff was stashed at, I
peeled off. She followed me.

“What's up?”

“You doing anything tonight?” she asked while she
continued to jog in place. I was leaning over, trying to catch my
breath. A month after we started running together, Kim had asked me
why I never asked her out. I told her I knew a good thing when I had
it and I didn't want to screw it up. She had responded with the
observation that I was gay. I countered with having a girlfriend,
which was true in some ways.

“What's up?”

“Nothing. I just . . . I'm having a problem with this guy.”

“The really good sex guy?”

“No. Kind of. No.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Can you meet me at Rudy's around seven?”

Her ponytail was bopping all over the place as she ran in place. I
had nothing going on tonight. Still, this was too much like the last
three days. Course, I had spent the entire drive down here thinking
about The Triple Six. Tristan had planted a seed in my mind and it
was blossoming whether I wanted it to or not. I had already decided
that I was going to swing by there, it was just a matter of when.
Kim's offer sounded less troublesome so I said, “Sure.”

“Sweet. I'll see you tonight.”

And off she bounced.

The sky was thick with gray clouds. The water looked like it was
about as close to freezing as it could get without icebergs forming.
I skipped my morning swim, grabbed some breakfast at a Carl's Jr.
drive-thru, and got to work at 7:30.

I don't really have moods. What I have are thought hurricanes. I
think about every single decision I've made in my life, then rip them
apart in the name of being wrong. My simple, uncomplicated life had
become very complicated over the last couple days. I questioned
everything in my life as I began to put up the mail. Forty would be
upon me in a couple weeks. I was single. Frankie doesn't count
because, well, she just doesn't. I didn't own a home. My cars and
motorcycle were paid for, but that didn't count for anything. I spent
a week in Tahoe every winter, skiing my brains out all day long then
drinking myself into oblivion at the casinos while I blew large sums
of money. Then another week in Utah doing the same thing minus the
gambling. I took two weeks off in the summer, one to visit my parents
up in Washington and the other to wander aimlessly on tiny back
roads. I watched movies, read books, played video games, and played a
lot of softball. Kids were not an option.

Basically I was stuck at 21 years of age. Forty years had rumbled by
and I had absolutely zilch to show for it. The USPS was in free fall
as a viable business entity, and when it went, I would go right along
with it. I lived with an eighty-year-old woman who would probably
outlive me.

I was pathetic.

I dialed up some
Korn
and let the hurricane rage.

The mail was up, my parcels were sorted and I was ready to pull down
at 9:00. Then the Queen Bitch of Placentia got to work and my day
went from blah to awful in the amount of time it took Graciella to
say, “Jimmy’s here today. In my office, Kelly.”

Casey poked her head out and gave me a sad look. “Good luck.”

“If I'm lucky she'll fire me. I'm not that lucky.”

I trooped into the supervisor’s office but Graciella wasn't
there. I plopped down in a chair and waited for Her Highness to show
up. Ten minutes went by and I was still by myself. I heard the click
of the intercom followed by, “Kelly, please come to the
postmaster's office.”

I lugged myself out of the chair and walked to the other side of the
building. The best part were the random calls of “Busted.”
Or, “Ooh, Kelly's in trouble.” It was like fourth grade
all over again.

I found Graciella in the postmaster's office but there was no sign of
Lucinda.

“You said your office. I've been sitting back there for ten
minutes.”

“I'm sorry.”

“You don't sound sorry. You sound disingenuous.”

“Excuse me?”

“Perverted, twisted, insincere. Lying, in other words.”

“I'm going to enjoy this.” She smiled. “Do I still
sound disin-whatever?”

“You sound like a typical uneducated postal employee.”
And she looked like Tammy Faye Baker in her glory years. I didn't
know they still made purple eye shadow, and I couldn't fathom how she
could keep her eyes open with ten pounds of the stuff slathered over
both eyes. Her cheeks looked like Raggedy Anne had applied the blush.

“Sucks that I'm going to be your boss, doesn't it.”

I rolled my eyes. “You have no idea.”

There was a knock on the door. I turned and found Jimmy Hawkenshift
standing there. Jimmy was our union steward. He was the worst carrier
in the office. Maybe in the entire country. And in my opinion, one of
the most apathetic men I had ever met.

Graciella stood when she saw him. I almost gagged. Her slacks were
too tight. Somewhere in the world there was a camel missing a toe.

“Good morning, Jim.”

“Morning, Graciella.” Jim's eyes were big and round and
unable to look away from the missing toe. Graciella smiled as if she
found his look flattering. I retched.

She sat back down and said, “Now we can get started.”
She slid a piece of paper across Lucinda's desk. “Sign it.”

“Can I read it?”

“You missed a scan point yesterday. You also failed to scan the
Pennysaver barcode upon returning to the office. You were also
fifty-six minutes over on your street time on Tuesday.”

“I didn't go into overtime.”

“Doesn't matter. You exceeded your EST”

“So I'm in trouble because I did my job in eight hours like I'm
supposed to?”

“You should have done it in seven hours.”

“And, then what? Clock out early? Watch TV in the break
room?”

“Either of those would have been acceptable.”

I chose not to respond to that. As a regular carrier, I'm guaranteed
by our contract to get paid for eight hours a day, forty a week. The
mail volume was down, so now the higher-ups were pushing for an
accounting of every single click. Lucinda was a good postmaster. She
understood what was going on, and knew how to play the game.
Graciella was an illiterate, stone cold bitch who had it in for me.

I read the paper and it said exactly what she had just told me. Fine.
I signed it.

“I’m sorry, Kelly,” said Jimmy.

I ignored him.

“We also received a complaint that you failed to deliver the
mail to 614 and 620 Rockaway yesterday. Do you have anything to say
to that?”

“I didn’t deliver the mail. The guy had his car parked in
front of the mailbox. I felt like my safety was jeopardized. So I
brought the mail back.”

“Your safety was jeopardized?”

“Definitely.” I turned to Jimmy. “Correct?”

“That is his decision, Graciella.”

“Fine. I didn’t need it anyway. I have enough.”

I had a thought. I knew what was coming next, so I thought I would
have a little fun before Graciella played her last card.

“Jimmy, I need to report a serious case of personal
misconduct.”

“What are you talking about?” Graciella demanded.

Jimmy looked like he wanted to run and hide. “Maybe I should
get someone from the branch office to come down.”

“Oh no, Jimmy. I think you can handle this. This is right up
your alley. You see, Supervisor Gomez brought me in here without a
union representative present. She told me she was going to write me
up and suspend me. Then she proceeded to tell me that if I was
willing to bend her over the desk and give it to her like the bitch
she is, she would consider tearing up the paperwork.”

“I did no such thing!” She stood up to emphasize her
point.

Jimmy turned green and put his hand to his mouth.

“Don't deny it, Ms. Gomez. It's not the first time you've made
sexual advances towards me. I can no longer stand back and let you
rule my life with fear.”

This was partly true. She had made some pretty sick suggestions
involving the back of my mail truck when she had first joined our
happy little office. I had conjured up my most amused expression and
laughed out loud to her face. She doesn't rule my life in fear,
however. She picks on me because I rejected her. Which would have
been fine, but now she was taking over Lucinda's job before Lucinda
had even been removed. That was totally unacceptable.

“You are a lying sack of-”

“Graciella!” Jimmy was beside himself. It was one thing
for carriers to talk like heathens, but Graciella attended the same
church as he did. Graciella was a Republican like he was. They were
cut from the same cloth, almost.

“I cannot believe what I'm hearing. If there is any shred of
truth to what Kelly just told me . . . .Well, I can't even begin to
imagine the consequences.”

“I have never made any kind of sexual advance towards this
man.”

“Disingenuous, Graciella,” I said just to keep her
steaming.

“Dis-in-what?” Jimmy asked.

“Amen to that, brother.”

Jimmy looked like he was going to pass out. Graciella looked like her
head might explode. We sat in anticipation for a few seconds before I
let out a chuckle and said, “Just fucking with you, Jimmy.”

His mouth dropped open. “Why?”

“Felt like it. Moving on.”

Graciella took a moment to compose herself. She was still mad, but
she would have the last laugh as far as she knew. She handed another
piece of paper to me. “That was your third written warning. Now
sign this one.”

“Can I read it?”

“You're being suspended, one week with pay.”

“Sweet.” I signed. I hopped up and walked out of the
office. Suspended with pay, what a beautiful thing. I didn't have to
work and still got paid. It was like an extra week of vacation.

Casey asked me what happened when I got to my case.

“I'm suspended with pay.”

“Sweet!”

“I know, right! This is exactly what I needed. Little time
off. Hang out. It's perfect. I almost wish I could say I planned it.”

“Hey. You can run out to my house and kill that snake.”

“I could totally do that for you. I'm getting paid, so I won't
even charge you.”

“This is so cool.” We high-fived. Casey pulled out her
keys. “I'll give you my house key. That way you can get
something to drink, or eat, or whatever while you're there. You
remember how to get there?”

“Yeah.”

My thought hurricane had blown itself out. I felt great.

“Ummm, Kelly?”

I turned and found Jimmy standing there.

“Hey, Jimmy. Sorry ‘bout that in there. She was bugging
me. But hey, I'm suspended. With pay! I'll see you in a week. You
keep up the good work. I take back everything negative I've ever said
about you and the rest of the slackers down at the union. You guys
totally rock!”

“Ummm, Kelly, we need to go back to Graciella's office.”

“Jimmy, that's Lucinda's office, and I don't have to do
anything because I'm suspended.”

“Ummm, there's something you need to know about that.”

“What's that, Jimmy?”

“The suspension is only on paper.”

Huh?

“And what exactly does that mean, Jimmy?”

Casey suddenly had to go do something far away from me. Other
carriers poked their heads out to see what would happen, but none of
them were within my reach. Jimmy shifted from one foot to the other.
He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and blew his nose. He
looked everywhere but into my eyes.

“It means that you don't actually serve the suspension. It just
gets put in your,” he cleared his throat, “in your
personnel file. You still have to work.”

It happened so fast. I didn’t even I know I was going to do it.
But I did. I hit him square in the nose.

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, PROBABLY NOT my brightest move. Jimmy
squealed. Blood spurted. I said, “Shit.” There was a
long moment of nothing. Then somebody knocked me to the floor and sat
on me.

I lay there motionless. Ruiz was on top of me. We play ball together.
He said, “Don’t move, Kelly.”

“I won’t.” The floor was hard. Dirty. I could feel
tiny grains of dirt pressing into my cheek. There was a drop of
Jimmy’s blood six inches from my face.

Jimmy cried, “He broke my nose.”

Big boots walked towards me. I followed long legs upward and found
Fred looking down on me. “Hey, Fred.”

“They called the cops. We’re going to put you in the old
supervisor’s office till they get here.”

“OK.”

Ruiz got off me. I regained my feet. “Could have knocked me
down before I hit him.”

“I didn’t think you were going to hit him.” He
started laughing. “Shit, Kelly. That was nuts.”

I rolled my eyes turned to Fred. “Lead the way.”

I followed him. “How’d the game turn out last night?”

“We won. Mike pitched. No big thing. Those two girls were
something, huh? Someday you’ll have to tell me where you met
them.”

“Yeah, probably not now though.”

“No. Probably not.”

BACK IN THE DAY WHEN the USPS was flush with money, our office had a
supervisor that handled the clerks. Giant waste of money to pay
someone $50,000 a year to supervise ten clerks, but those were the
good old days. The USPS had money to burn and they did.

That was then. This was now. The surplus of cash was all gone. The
Postal Service was running in the red and the Clerk Supervisor
position was no more. The office was still there. It was currently a
storage room for other things that the Post Office no longer needed.
I fit right in.