The Investigator (29 page)

“Kate, please tell me what happened. Was it Darryl? Did you see him again?”

Her body looked taut enough to snap. She still refused to look at him. Riley moved closer and took hold of her elbow and gently turned her to face him.

Unshed tears glittered in her eyes and a brief nod was all she managed before her face crumpled and her shoulders heaved.

He stepped forward without thought or hesitation, knowing only that he needed to help her, hold her, offer her comfort. She collapsed against him and he folded her in his arms and drew her close. Unlike the previous times, her weeping was quiet, controlled, weary, as if she’d already spent countless hours crying—and from the look of her, she had.

He stroked her hair away from her face, his hand far from steady as it slid through the tangle of long, silky strands. The fall of Gwyneth Paltrow-blond across his fingers was as soft as a cascade of rose petals and smelled just as good.

Her sobs gentled and she pressed herself tighter against him. His breath caught. He cursed under his breath at his bulky jacket that created a barrier between them.

She seemed to understand his frustration. Easing out of his arms, she raised her hands to his chest and pushed at the offending garment. He aided her by shrugging the jacket off his shoulders and flinging it to the floor.

She came back up against him hard. Her arms went around his neck and she pulled his head down to hers. Unable to resist her unspoken invitation, Riley bent his head and kissed her.

The heat of it stole his breath. Her spicy scent of cinnamon and frangipani and freshly shampooed hair filled his senses and made his head spin. Her lips moved beneath his, warm and pliant and when his tongue pressed, seeking entry, he groaned aloud when her mouth opened.

She tasted of toothpaste and sweet, warm woman. His hands moved to cup her breasts through the thin silk of her nightdress. His fingers found her nipples and she shuddered. His thumbs stroked back and forth until they felt like little pebbles.

She moaned into his mouth. His cock pulsed with need. Christ, he was going to explode.

Pulling his mouth away from hers, he rested his forehead on the top of her head, gasping for breath as he fought for control. A pulse beat a frantic rhythm in the side of her neck. It pleased him to see her breathing was just as erratic as his.

Remembering the state he’d found her, he set her slightly away from him and caught her gaze. “Do you want to talk?”

She shook her head. Her gaze remained on his. She stepped back into the circle of his arms and once again reached for him.

“No talk,” she murmured against his mouth, her lips opening under his. This time, it was her tongue that pressed insistently against his teeth until he gave in to the overwhelming desire to let her kiss him like she wanted to.

Fire raged in his groin. He groaned again when she pressed herself against his erection and ground her hips into his. Her intention was clear and he didn’t need any further encouragement.

He bent and slipped an arm beneath her knees and lifted her. She was weightless in his arms. He took the few steps to the bed and gently lowered her onto it. Tugging impatiently at his tie, he loosened it with clumsy fingers and then went to work on the buttons of his shirt. He tossed his clothing to the floor and sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his boots. His suit pants joined the growing pile of clothes. Within moments, he lay on his side facing her in just his boxers.

Her gaze traveled over him and paused at the bulge in his underwear. He sucked in a breath. Her fingers scraped over his chest and across his navel before inching lower. He grabbed her wrist and held her hand to his mouth and captured her gaze with his.

“We don’t have to do this. I didn’t come here for this.”

She stared back at him, her eyes luminous in the lamp’s golden glow. “I want to. I’ve wanted to from the moment I saw you. Make love to me, Riley.”

His body reacted to her plea, even as he frowned. “I think we should talk about—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “
Shh
. We’ll talk later. Right now, all I want to do is feel.”

* * *

Kate slid her hand down the stubble-roughened side of Riley’s face and then onto his bronzed chest. The well-defined muscles were bare of even the faintest sprinkling of chest hair and trembled under her feather-light touch. His nipples were small, dark nubs. She flicked at them with her fingernail, reveling in his sudden intake of breath.

She’d never touched a man so intimately before and the hard planes and valleys fascinated her. He was beautiful. Beautiful enough to make her forget, if only for a short time, the horror of her realization about Hannaford and the terror of Darryl’s visit. Beautiful enough to allow her to push aside her fears and lose herself in the here and now, in her overwhelming yearning for mindless pleasure and release.

Her hand wandered lower, across his flat belly to trace the thin line of dark hair that trailed into his boxers. His erection strained against the silky fabric.

She wanted to touch it, but she was suddenly afraid. Her heart began a slow thud against her ribcage and her hand crept back upwards. She moved to align herself with his body and lifted her head up to meet his. Their lips met and melded. Desire arced through her, like an electric current, dissolving her fears.

She kissed him back with increasing desperation. Her fingers dug into his hair, holding his head in place while she ravished him with her lips. His heart hammered against her breasts and it pleased her to know he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

They were both gasping for breath when he pulled away. With his eyes on hers, he reached down to tug at the hem of her nightdress, his hands warm on her skin.

It slid up her thighs. She lifted her arms and the fabric slipped over her head and disappeared over the side of the bed. Naked to his gaze, she lay shyly before him.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice was husky and low, his eyes wide with awe. He reached out a hand and traced the soft skin of her breast and she stilled at the sensations that ran through her.

Panic nipped at the edges of her consciousness, but she refused to acknowledge it. Riley leaned forward and claimed one of her nipples with his mouth. With single-minded determination, she focused on the feelings he invoked in her.

He suckled and laved the small, hard nub with his tongue and then rolled it gently between his teeth. She gasped aloud. Warmth spread from her belly to her core and she clenched her legs together to stem the flow of molten desire. She ached for him to touch her there, but didn’t know how to ask.

Instead, she moved against him, pressing herself against the solid length of his erection, hoping he’d recognize her need.

“Not so fast, sweetheart,” he murmured against the softness of her breast.

She grabbed his head between both of her hands and tried to make him see.

“Please. Please, Riley. I need it fast.”

Something in her expression must have convinced him, because he shucked off his boxers and drew her up close against him. She gasped at the amazing feel of his nakedness flush against her bare skin and reached up to entwine her arms around his neck.

He lowered his head and kissed her. The strength of his passion overwhelmed her and the force of it brought her panic to the fore. The force of it…

Pulling away, she ducked her head and rested it against his chest, breathing hard while she battled to keep the fear at bay.

He tilted her chin up, his eyes full of concern. “Are you okay? We don’t have to take this any farther if you don’t want to.”

She drew in another deep breath and held it, her gaze on his. The warmth of his skin and the strength of his arms around her pushed the panic away and her lips wobbled on an uncertain smile.

“I want to.”

His eyes darkened and his head bent so that his mouth could claim her lips once again. “Oh, Christ, I want to, too.”

He rolled her onto her back. Leaning over the side of the bed, he tugged out his wallet from the pocket of his suit pants. He pulled out a condom and quickly rolled it over his erection. With his weight braced on his arms, he hovered over her.

The dark shape of him loomed above her… Familiar, fearful images intruded. She squeezed her eyes tight and reached for him, dragging him down hard against her. Breathing in his unique scent of forest and earth, she concentrated fiercely on the feel of his hard chest against her breasts and the glide of his tongue in her mouth.

The tip of his erection nudged at her entrance and she caught her breath, clenching her hands into fists behind his back. With fierce concentration, she focused on the sensations he’d created and pushed the painful, humiliating memories aside. She fused her mouth to his and blocked out everything but Riley.

He entered her slowly. She groaned against his mouth and thrust her hips upwards. He hesitated.

“Please.” It was a whisper of urgent need, before her courage failed her.

His body tensed. Scant seconds later, he plunged into her. She gasped from the impact, welcoming the hard length of him deep inside her. He moved slowly. She clung to him. Memories bombarded her, doing their best to sabotage her. She thrust them aside almost angrily and did her best to relax and surrender to the feelings building inside her.

Riley’s movements grew more frantic. He leaned over her, his eyes glittering with desire and the strain of holding back.

“Let go, Riley. Just let go,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “Not until you—”

She held his gaze, hoping he’d understand. “It’s okay. I want you to.”

Her words tipped him over the edge. He thrust into her again and again. Within moments, it was over. He collapsed on top of her with a groan.

Kate tightened her arms around him and listened while his breathing slowly returned to normal. She smiled, ecstatic, unable to believe she’d done it: She’d had sex with a man without running from the room screaming. And it had been more than just tolerating or allowing. She loved being close to this man she trusted.

Riley eased himself up and looked down at her. She could tell by the look on his face that he was embarrassed.

“Kate, I’m sorry—”

She pressed a finger against his lips and smiled again. “Don’t be sorry. It was great. It was wonderful. More than I ever hoped for.”

His brow knitted in confusion. “But, you didn’t come. I didn’t give you an orgasm.”

She reached up and drew him back down against her. “You gave me so much more than that. You have no idea,” she whispered against his neck. “Besides, I’m sure orgasms are way overrated.”

Riley reared back. “What, you mean you haven’t had one? Ever?”

She averted her gaze. The heat of embarrassment stole across her cheeks.

Warm fingers grasped her chin and gently turned her face to his. She had no choice but to meet his enquiring gaze.

“You’ve never had an orgasm?”

It was asked softly, gently, but all the same, she closed her eyes against her shame. He wasn’t to know. He didn’t know anything about her past. No one did. Except, Darryl and Hannaford. And now, maybe her mother.

“Kate, please talk to me. Don’t shut me out. Not after what we’ve shared.
Please
.”

His tender plea and the indefinable emotion that clouded his eyes tugged at her heart. Tears burned behind her eyes and she swallowed against the lump in her throat. Would it be such a disaster if she told him? Would it make him feel differently about her? Would he blame her?

A great weariness seeped into her bones. She was tired of carrying the weight of her secret. For over a decade, she’d borne it in silence, refusing to allow it to dominate her life. But it had always been
there
. How wonderful would it be to share the burden with someone?

Someone who might understand. Someone like Riley.

She stared at the tenderness in his eyes and fear clutched at her insides. But what if he didn’t understand? What if she ruined the only chance she might have to live a normal life, in a normal relationship with a normal man? She might never find the courage to try again.

But would that be worth it? Building a relationship on lies? Sharing a life with someone who didn’t know the deepest, darkest secret of her life? A secret that had slowly been devouring her, no matter how hard she’d tried to prevent it?

She had to tell him. She owed it to herself and she owed it to him. If he hated her for her past, so be it. Better to find out now, before too much of her heart became involved. If she didn’t tell him, it would end up destroying them.

She squirmed a little underneath him until he shifted his weight. Turning, he lay on his side and pulled her in close against him. Reaching behind them, he tugged up the covers and draped them over both of them.

Kate snuggled her head against his chest. With her eyes fixed on a point far beyond their tangled limbs, she braced herself for what she was about to tell him.

* * *

Riley drew in a deep breath, unsure if he was ready for Kate’s revelations. He’d asked her to talk to him, but now that the moment was upon him, dread weighed heavily in his gut. He wasn’t certain what she was hiding, but her friend Cally had hinted at horrors he hadn’t wanted to contemplate. Filled with a sense of foreboding, he tensed when she spoke.

“The day I turned ten was the day any chance I had for a normal life ended.”

She said it matter-of-factly, as if she’d rehearsed the words over and over until they sounded almost normal. Riley tightened his arm around her, fearing what was to come.

“Darryl came upstairs after I’d gone to bed. It had been a nice day. Cally had come around and we’d had chocolate cake and ice cream. Mom had given me a new bike. I’d ridden around the yard on it all afternoon. She’d come outside in her wheelchair to watch me.”

She paused, as if lost in her memories. Riley held his breath.

“I was nearly asleep when Darryl came into my room. He closed the door and told me he had a special present for me, one he didn’t want Mom to know about.” Her voice dropped lower. “That was the first night he raped me.”