The Iron Knight (41 page)

SURVIVAL GUIDE TO THE NEVERNEVER
DISCLAIMER

 

This guide is intended to give intrepid travelers into the realm of the fey a minimal chance at surviving the creatures and denizens that dwell within. Please note, the author of this guide is in no way responsible for lost or damaged souls, ensnarement, or accidental or intentional death. Entering the realms of fey can, and likely will, be hazardous to your health and is not recommended. You have been warned.

Preparations

One can never prepare adequately for entry into the Nevernever. There are, however, a few rules that one can follow to help increase the chances of surviving.

What Should I Wear?

Dressing for the Nevernever means blending utility with comfort. If you have questions about whether or not an item is appropriate, ask yourself the following: If running for my life, would this slow me down? And: If caught while running for my life, would this protect me? If the answer to the first question
is yes, and the second question is no, then the item is inappropriate. Here are a few suggested items to wear to help you make it out of the Nevernever alive.

• A light pack (either a backpack or large satchel) can be helpful for storing necessary items. Make sure to avoid large, bulky, or heavy packs, as they will slow you down when (not
if
) you need to run for your life.

• Comfortable clothing that covers the arms and legs (the Briars have thorns, after all). Be sure to wear muted colors, as bright or flashy colors will attract the fey. Layers are also strongly recommended, as the temperature can vary quite drastically from one part of the Nevernever to the next.

• A protective charm may reduce the chances of being eaten. Cold iron blessed by the druids during a new moon works best, but if that is not available, a twist of St. John’s Wort, a four-leaf clover, or a rabbit’s foot might help. If you have none of the above, wearing your clothing inside out may work in a pinch.

• A high-quality pair of cross-trainers or running shoes. Remember, buying the shoes is not enough. A strong cardio program is highly recommended before crossing into the Nevernever.

What Should I Pack?

It is a common mistake to take a large amount of gadgetry (cameras, cell phones, portable computers, etc…. ) into the Nevernever. The second problem with these devices is that they will not work well (if at all) in Faery. The first and larger problem is that any fey you chance across will not take kindly
to the presence of so much mortal technology, which, in turn, could lead to a situation where the running shoes mentioned above are needed. Better to stick with a few simple items.

• Food. Any type of small, high-caloric, portable food items will suffice. Energy bars, candy bars, trail mix, dehydrated foods, etc., will extend the amount of time you can spend in the Nevernever. (Note: Extending the amount of time spent in the Nevernever is not recommended.) It
is
recommended that you do not eat anything you find or are offered while in the Nevernever. Side effects of faery food include but are not limited to: mood swings, inebriation, memory loss, shape changing, obsession, coma, inability to leave the Nevernever, and death.

• Weapon of steel or cold iron. Modern steel (e.g., a knife, sword, or other implement of death) is serviceable in this regard, but cold iron (e.g., a spike from a wrought-iron fence, a length of pig iron, etc…. ) is preferable as it has a more direct impact on the fey. Before entering Faery, an intense training program with your chosen weapon is strongly encouraged. Several years of training should be enough to adequately protect yourself from the weakest fey. If you wish to protect yourself from the strongest fey, you will need several mortal lifetimes.

• Gifts for the fey. If you encounter creatures of the Nevernever, many can be won over by offering gifts, free of obligation. Suggested items include jars of honey, bags of candy, bronze weapons and young children. Please check with the laws of your home country before procuring any of these items.

• Water. While most of the water in the Nevernever is drinkable without direct side effects, it is also the home of many aquatic fey of the nastier variety, and drinking it or venturing too near it may result in numerous indirect side effects: nausea, vomiting, sudden blood loss, inexplicable need to flee and death.

Entering the Nevernever

This guide will not lay out explicit directions on how to enter the Nevernever. The publishers consulted with their legal teams and determined that the associated liability of such an act was, as one attorney put it, “Certain to lead to financial ruin for this company, reprisals from the Summer and Winter courts, and, quite possibly, the end of the world as we know it.” Suffice it to say, one enters Faery through trods, paths between the mortal realm and the realm of the fey. Finding those trods is, per Legal, up to you.

The Geography of the Nevernever

The Nevernever is a diverse and wild realm populated by strange creatures and ancient powers. The land itself is said to have a consciousness and a sometimes malicious will. When traveling through the Nevernever, there are four primary realms with which one may have to contend.

• Arcadia, the Summer/Seelie Court. Thick forests, ancient hills, and flowering grasslands dominate Arcadia, home of the Summer fey. Newcomers to the land of the Summer King might falsely believe that Seelie territory is not as dangerous as the rest of the Nevernever, but do not be deceived. Arcadia is sunny and beautiful year round, but it is not safe. Satyrs, dryads and trolls
roam the forests of Arcadia, and the lakes teem with mermaids and nixies. The Seelie Court rests beneath an enormous faery mound, where King Oberon and Queen Titania rule without opposition.

• Tir Na Nog, the Winter/Unseelie Court. The territory of Mab, the Winter Queen, is as hostile and icy as the fey that dwell there. Snow covers everything, and the frozen woods, fields, streams and lakes all rest beneath several inches of ice. All sorts of vicious creatures call the Winter Court home, from goblins and redcaps to bogeymen and ogres. The Winter palace lies beneath an enormous cavern, home of the terrible Winter Queen. Few mortals who set eyes on the Unseelie Court and Mab ever live to tell of it.

• The wyldwood. The dark, tangled forest called the wyldwood is the largest territory in the Nevernever, completely encircling both courts and extending into the Deep Wyld. It is neutral territory; neither Summer nor Winter hold sway here, and the wyldwood denizens owe allegiance to no one. The wood is vast and endless, and the creatures that roam there come from every corner of the imagination. Not only does this make the wyldwood one of the most dangerous places in the Nevernever, but one of the most mysterious as well.

• The Iron Court. Until recently, not much was known about the mysterious emergence of a new court within the bounds of Faery. One would think that a realm called the Iron Kingdom, born from the very substance most harmful to the fey, would be a rumor at best and quickly exterminated at worst. But such a court does exist, and is now ruled by a young faery queen called
Meghan Chase. The Iron Queen is said to be half faery and half human, and it is within her realm that you will find the strange and wondrous species known as the Iron fey. These faeries—for they are indeed true fey—are thought to have evolved from mankind’s love of technology and progress. Currently, however, not much information is known about them.

Encountering Denizens of the Nevernever

If you are wise, you will do as little as possible to draw the attention of the fey. Sometimes, even if you are a quiet observer, the fey will find you. If this occurs, there are a few steps you can follow that may allow you to escape with your free will and, if you are lucky, your life.

• Always be polite. Discourtesy is a deep insult to the fey and will not be well received, no matter how cool you think it will make you look.

• Do not be deceived by the politeness of the fey. Fey are almost always polite. This does not mean they will not happily remove your head. They will, however, be grateful for the entertainment you provided. Or, if you are very unlucky, the sustenance.

• There is no such thing as a free lunch. In the Nevernever, there is no “free.” Accept no gifts, no matter how sure you are that there are no strings attached. There are always enough strings attached to tie you up in a pretty bow and deliver you to someone who will be grateful for the sustenance.

• Give gifts freely. The fey will either think you are a masterful manipulator and respect you more, or be

• completely befuddled by the notion of a gift with no obligations.

• Never, ever, under any circumstances, enter into a contract with the fey. It always ends badly and often fatally. In the rare cases where it does not end badly, that is because it does not end. You will be bound for eternity.

• If you have to run, zig and zag. Many faeries carry bows and arrows.

• If you chance upon a big, gray cat, you probably owe him a favor. Even if you do not remember the favor, do it anyway. In the long run, you will do it, but it will be far less painful if you do it up front.

How Do I Leave Faery?

The best answer to this question is, quickly. Spending a lot of time within the realms of the Nevernever can lead to many strange effects. A few minutes in Faery may be years in the mortal realm, or the reverse may be true. If you leave by a different trod than you entered, even one only a few feet away, you may find yourself on the other side of the world, or at the bottom of the ocean. Here are a few things to remember when attempting to leave the Nevernever.

• Always keep track of how to return to the trod from which you entered.

• Never, ever ask for directions or a way out. Most fey will help you, but they will charge a steep price, most commonly your tongue, as they do not want you to share this information. Note: If they ever catch on to texting, they may start asking for thumbs, as well.

• If you cannot find your way back to your original trod, purchase a way out by using the gifts mentioned earlier in this guide. If you enter into this type of bargain, make sure to phrase things appropriately. “I’m lost and can’t get home,” is sure to lead to trouble. Try something different, like, “I’ll pay two jars of honey to a fey who will take me to the mortal realm, alive and whole, with my mind and soul intact, neither physically nor mentally harmed, to be placed on solid ground at an altitude and in an environment that can readily sustain human life, no farther than a mile from a human settlement, at a time not more than thirty minutes from now.” Even then, be careful.

Conclusion

The above procedures should afford you the barest chance at survival in the Nevernever. There are, of course, no guarantees and any and all interactions with the denizens of Faery must be handled with the greatest of care. If, however, you proceed according to the above, you will have a leg up on the other mortals who wander from time to time through the Briars and into the heart of Faery. You have been warned. Proceed at your own risk.