The Ivy Lessons (10 page)

‘Good morning class,’ he s
ays. ‘Some interesting performances
yesterday
and this morning
.’ He doesn’t look at me. ‘I’m feeling comfortable that I picked the right people for this course.’

The right people ...
I feel my who
le body sag in relief. Oh thank goodness
. I didn’t mess it up
too badly
. It’s okay. It’s okay.

‘However, you all have things you need to work on. I want to bring out your hidden talents. The things you’ve kept secret, even from yourselves.
You need to work on your discipline
, too
. As actors, we control our emo
tions. Hence my insistence that you follow my rules and arrive on time. If you can’t be disciplined, you have no future as an actor.’

He strolls back to his podium. ‘If I teach you anything, it’s that discipline and craft go together. Without discipline, learning the part, researching the role, getting into a character’s mindset, we have nothing. But if there is only discipline alone – if we don’t let go, and let our own instincts and feelings work with the character, we have nothing either.’

At the end of the class, Marc
announces
we’ll be
performing again in a few week
s
’
time.

Just when I thought we’d got past the stress of the first performance, already we have another one to think about.

A
ll the other pupils filter out
,
but I stay behind. I can see some of the pupils giving me odd looks and nudging each other.

I wait until the last pupil leaves the room, and then I walk around to where
Marc
is p
utting papers in his laptop
case.

He doesn’t look up, but he glances sideways at me. ‘
Can I help you, Miss
Rose
?
’

‘I hope so,’ I say, as confidently as I can manage.

‘How so?’

‘I ... I think I need some extra help. I feel so nervous at the thought of performing again. I don’t think ... I mean, I know you think I can do this. But I just
feel ... without help, my next performance will be the same as the first
.’

Marc snaps his laptop case
closed and looks up. ‘Extra help? Sophia, listen. You’re a promising actress. Very promising. But ... I’m being totally honest with you here. I’ve been thinking about your performance. I had high hopes for you, but maybe I gave you a challenge too far. Let’s just stick to the nice young lady
parts for now, and see where they take
us.’

‘But I want to challenge myself,’ I say. ‘I want to fulfil my potential. That’s why I’m here.’

‘Well.’ Marc picks up his laptop
case. ‘That’s admirable. But sometimes in life, we have to accept our limitations as well as trying to overcome them. Let’s take a step back. I have something a little easier planned for your next performance.’

‘
Wait,
’ I say. ‘I want to be challenged. I want to try again. I don’t want to be held back. I’m here to try my best.’

Marc turns to me then, a tiny smile on his lips. ‘Very good, Miss
Rose
.
It’s nice
to see
a
little passion.’
He
checks his watch. ‘I’m on campus tonight until
seven thirty. Queen’s
theatre is free all evening. Mee
t me at seven
, and we
’ll see what I can do.’

He strides out of the room, and I
’m left watching him
. Seven o’clock
tonight. I’m meeting Marc Blackwell
at seven o’clo
ck tonight. Oh good god, what have I got myself into?

Chapter 23

It’s still light when I arrive at Queen’s theatre that evening. I’m dressed in jeans and a loose cashmere jumper, and even though I can see dusk on the horizon, I’m not cold.

I see Marc strolling across the grounds towards the theatre, and suddenly I don’t know what to do with my arms. I wrap them around myself, and pretend to be studying the arched doorway intently.

‘Miss
Rose
. Nice and punctual I see. Very good.’

I manage to give a little nod.

‘Well.’ He reaches over my shoulder to push open the theatre doors. ‘Let’s go inside. After you.’

I wander into the theatre, ever aware of Marc’s sharp footsteps behind me.

‘Shall I go straight up on stage?’ I ask, risking turning my
head just a fraction. Marc has light-
brown stubble on his face that somehow
makes his eyes look even
blue
r
. He’s walking with his shoulders pulled back, like he owns the place. Actually, now I think about it, he does own the place.

‘Yes, go on up,’ says Marc. ‘
Are you ready to try again as Jennifer Jones?
’

‘
Yes
,’ I say
, walking up the theatre steps.

‘
Good.’

I clear my throat and head to the centre of the stage.
‘The same scene as before?
’

‘No,’ says Marc. ‘Your last memory of playing that scene isn’t positive. Let’s try another. I’m guessing you’re reasonably familiar with the play?’

I nod.
‘
I read the whole thing before my performance with you.’

‘Okay. So pick a scene.’

I shrug. ‘I’ll try any you say.’

‘You don’t have a pref
erence?’ says Marc, his eyebrow
raising. ‘There’s nothing about that play that grabs you?’

‘I don’t know
.
H
ow about the final scene, when she leaves the auditorium and -’

Marc cuts me off with a shake of his head. ‘Too easy. At least, for you it’s too easy. I’ve seen you do melancholy.’

‘Okay,’ I say. ‘How about the scen
e when she seduces the male ballerina
in the play.’

Marc frowns. ‘Maybe
too
much of a challenge.
Antonio
is a seductive character in his own right. Jennifer has to hold her own.
’

‘I’d like to try, I think
.’

‘
Okay.
I’ll play Antonio.’

‘
Do you have a copy of the script with you?
’
I
ask.

Marc shakes his head. ‘We’re going to adlib. Like before. You have a feeling for the character. You remember the scene. So go with your instincts. It’s much more believable that way.’

‘Is that what you do?’
I ask. ‘When you act in movies?
’

‘
A
lways,’ says Marc. ‘When I was younger and not so well known, some directors
wanted me to
follow the script
more closely
. But usually I
’d persuade
them to let me do things my way.’

‘
I really don’t know the scene too well.’

Marc looks at me, a long, hard look. ‘I’ll be acting with you. Don’t worry. You look far too tense.’
He walks towards me and
I feel myself growing even more rigid. He takes my hands, and shakes my arms.

My upper body relaxes a little, but I’m keenly
aware he’s holding my hands.
I find myself
staring into his
eyes.

He drops my hands
and looks away
. ‘Better?’

I nod. ‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t try to remember the scene,’ says Marc. ‘You don’t need to. I know it very well and I’ll lead. What I want you to do is try to
feel what it is to be Jennifer
at this moment. She’s just
found out her director beau is sleeping with another young ballerina, and that she may lose her part. She’s looking for comfort. And reassurance that her sexuality can still get her
what
she wants. What would you be feeling if you were her?’

‘
I’d be angry
,’ I say.
‘
And scared.
’

‘Okay. Good. What else?’

‘I’d feel powerless. And
I’d want to take some power back. Have some power over someone else.’

‘Very good. How would you show that in your body?’

I feel myself standing taller, looking him dead in the eye, a hand falling to my hip. My eyes narrow and my lips part a little.

‘Excellent. Let’s start.’

I nod. ‘You’re an extremely talented dancer, Antoni
o
.’ I stroke my hair and walk towards Marc, my hips swaying. ‘I imagine you’ve known a lot
of leading ladies in your time.
’

‘A few,’ says Marc, with a quirky smile. Once again, I’m amazed by how he manages to transform, just like that. I feel Antonio’s
youth and muscular energy
.

‘
Oh
?’ I say, with a smile.
‘How
well
have you known these leading ladies?’

‘Some of them
very
well,’ says Marc.

‘Perhaps you’d like to
get to
know me better too,’
I say, coming
closer. Our torsos are inches apart, and I can feel the heat from his chest. I have to admit
right now that
I’
m attracted to Marc.
It’s undeniable. I feel a pull to him, like a magnet.
But that’s not why I’
m moving closer
. I’m doing this because I
’m
Jennifer, and this is what she would do
with Antonio
.

‘Perhaps
,’
says Mar
c
.

I walk in a circle around him. Marc
– or rather, Antonio –
watches me keenly until I come to a stop in front of him.

‘Do you like what you see?’

‘Very much.’

I pause. I know what I want to do next. What I feel Jennifer would do, and, from what I remember of the script, is roughly what she
does
do. But I don’t know if I can do it. I take a deep breath.

‘Keep it going,’ Marc whispers. ‘
You’re doing well.
Don’t let it go.’

I nod, and
make myself tall again.

‘Perhaps you’d like to see more?
’ I turn around, slide my jumper
down over a shoulder, and look back at him with a little smile.

‘Very nice.’

I slide the jumper across and over the
other shoulder
.
‘
C
ould
you help me
unlace this costume?’

Marc comes to stand right behind me. He pretends t
o undo laces from my shoulders to my lower
back, and I
feel a shiver down my spine. I
pretend to climb out of my costume.

I go to him, and wrap an arm around his neck, looking fiercely into his eyes. I whisper, ‘I’m yours if you want me.’

Marc returns my gaze with equal ferocity, and puts his arms around me, leaning me backwards. ‘I do.’

I know what should happen next. The couple freeze on stage, and then br
eak apart for a scene change
.
The sexual experience between them is left to the imagination of the audience.
I remain still, his arm around me, staring into his eyes.

I’m feeling like Jennifer – seductive, powerful and confident. It’s not in the script, but Marc told me to adlib. So I lean forward and
kiss
him slowly on the
mouth, my body swaying slightly
in his arms
. A Jennifer kiss, all power and sexual energy.

I’
m about to pull away, when
Marc pulls me into his body, and
presses his lips against mine. My heart pounds
. He puts a hand behind my head, and pulls me tighter against him, using his other hand to crush my body against his chest.
Then
, he l
ets me go and we break apart.

I stare at him, not knowing what to say or think. That kiss fe
lt so
real. N
ot to Jennifer
. To me. To Sophia. I felt he was kissing
Sophia.

I want him to do it again. Over and over again. And more. But he’s walking
away, down the theatre steps
.