The Ivy: Scandal (11 page)

“Of course he does,” said Callie, still giggling.

Vanessa drew her lips into a pout. “Don’t make fun of me while I’m wearing suspenders—it’s too cruel.”

Callie smiled. “Can I make fun of his poem, though?”

“Why?” asked Vanessa. “Didn’t you like it? I thought it was very…sexy.”

“Um, okay,” said Callie. “Hey, maybe you should write a poem asking him out!”

“Keep your voice down!” Vanessa cried, glancing wildly at the door to the reading room. Then, digging her nails into Callie’s arm, she dragged her to the end of the hall and down the stairs. They came to a halt in the building’s empty foyer in front of a wall covered with posters and flyers for various campus events.

“Seriously,” said Callie, “you should just ask. But maybe not until after you change back into your normal clothes.”

Vanessa sighed. “What if he says no?”

“Then you’ll probably be totally bummed for a while, but at least you’ll
know
so you can stop obsessing and move on to the next…goatee-sporting, granola-breath graduate student that catches your eye? Either way, it’s better to put yourself out there and keep trying instead of just giving up like a ginormous loser.”

Callie stared at the flyers on the wall, for plays at A.R.T., more readings at bookstores around the square, and an open
invitation reminding students that there was still another month left before the deadline for spring submissions for the
Advocate
. Maybe I should take my own advice, it dawned on her. Yes, she had been burned, first by
FM
and then by the
Crimson
—but that didn’t mean that she should stop writing and give up entirely. On the contrary…

“How about this?” said Callie. “If you agree to ask him out, then I’ll try to write a short story and submit it to the
Advocate
.”

Vanessa’s panicked expression slowly gave way to a smile. “How very devious of you! Challenge accepted!
If
you promise to buy me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s when he says no and listen to me bawl my eyes out.”

“Deal,” said Callie, extending her hand so Vanessa could shake it. “
If
he says no, then we can eat as much ice cream as you want and I’ll be right there to cry with you when the
Advocate
rejects my story.”

“
If
they reject it,” Vanessa corrected, throwing an arm around Callie’s shoulders.

Callie sighed. Given all of her failed attempts at journalism, she highly doubted her foray into fiction would fare any better. But of one thing she was certain: that Vanessa’s journey to Eat (with the hipster), Party (with the hipster), and Love (the hipster) was sure to provide an excellent source of material.

“Shall we?” said Vanessa, starting for the door.

“Sure, let’s…Hey, hang on just a second.” One of the flyers on the wall that Callie hadn’t noticed before caught her eye.

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO SIGN UP

For

INTRAMURAL ATHLETICS!!!

The spring season for the following IM sports

starts April 15:

Basketball

Volleyball

Soccer

E-mail froshIMsports@fas for schedules and to sign up!

“You coming?” asked Vanessa.

“Just a sec!” Callie called, flexing her knee. Then, with a smile, she pulled out a pen and copied down the e-mail address at the bottom of the flyer.

“What were you doing back there?” Vanessa asked when Callie caught up with her.

“Just taking your advice,” said Callie, walking out onto South Street.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep,” said Callie. “I think I may have found another extracurricular activity.”

“Something new?” asked Vanessa.

“Actually,” said Callie, grinning, “something old.”

FIVE

I Love You, Grace Lee

The Harvard Crimson

NEWS
OPINION
FM
MAGAZINE SPORTS ARTS MEDIA
FLYBY
*

Administration to Cancel Introductory Latin

Students organize a campus-wide protest even as enrollment in the (former?) “Universal language of academia” reaches record lows

By
GRACE LEE
, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER

Published: Thursday, April 14

Latin enrollment has reached a record low on campus, according to a recent report from the Department of the Classics. The subject that was once a requirement and, up until 1961, was the language in which all undergraduate diplomas were written, continues to attract fewer and fewer students every year.

In response, the administration has elected to cancel all introductory Latin courses starting in the fall of the next academic year. Advanced offerings will still exist for those who have enjoyed the opportunity to engage in previous study of the language.

And now a look back on some of the most famous Latin
phrases that have shaped both the community at this university and our society at large.

VERITAS:
Truth

If you learn only one thing in Latin, learn this. It’s Harvard’s motto and appears on the school’s crest.

DIVIDE ET IMPERA:
Divide and rule/conquer

Niccolo Machiavelli famously proposed this military strategy in
The Art of War
, still a popular read among Harvard students, though perhaps today the theory is more relevant to cutthroat social situations than to combat.

ALEA IACTA EST:
The die is cast

Just like Julius Caesar, so you can use this phrase, perhaps when deciding to go out on Thursday night instead of finishing a problem set. (
Veni vidi vici
, another of Caesar’s phrases, means
I came, I saw, I conquered
—useful if you
did
stay home with that problem set, went to class, and then aced the exam.)

COGITO ERGO SUM:
I think, therefore I am

How do you
know
that you exist? This was the answer of René Descartes, the father of Western Philosophy.

CARPE DIEM:
Seize the day

Life is short, and you shouldn’t waste a single minute of it.

DEUS EX MACHINA:
God out of a machine

In ancient Greek plays when a plot grew too twisted or complicated, the author would often drop (literally, using a crane machine) an actor playing a god onto the stage to solve everything in the final act.

Curious to learn more? Then join fellow students in a protest on the afternoon of Friday, April 15, outside the Science Center to
Salvum Latinae
(that’s
Save Latin
).

“G
race, Grace, Grace!” Callie exploded suddenly over salad at the Science Center’s Greenhouse Café. “Do you ever talk about anything else?”

Matt’s face turned bright red from where he was seated across the table. Callie instantly regretted her outburst, staring down at her lettuce. “Uh, sorry,” she mumbled, prodding a tomato with her fork. “I know I’m not one to talk about obsessing,” she confessed. “But don’t you think it’s time to admit your feelings? If not to Grace then to yourself at least?”

Matt sputtered. “I’m not—I mean—I was just saying that she seems to be—relying—on me a lot more—at the
Crimson
, I mean, now that, you know…she needs me…I mean, needs my—”

Callie placed her hand over his. “You’re right. It definitely sounds like she’s developed a great amount of professional respect for you. The truth is,” she said, spearing a crouton and popping it into her mouth, “that I’m only being bitchy because I’m jealous. Of the way Grace respects you and your work!” she added quickly. “She totally hates me now.” Frowning, Callie took a sip of her triple-shot latte, hoping it would reinvigorate her after a particularly grueling hour of Science B-29, The Evolution of Human Nature.

“Hate is such a strong word,” Matt said. “I’m sure she’ll come around. You were her favorite COMPer, after all, and her mood seems to be improving these days now that she’s publishing again.
Granted, she’s still on probation and Alexis is assigning her the last pick of all the articles.”

“Ugh,” Callie groaned at the sound of the name. “If there’s one reason I’m grateful for my suspension from the paper, it’s that I’m able to avoid Lexi’s Reign of Terror.”

Matt chuckled. “No one’s been beheaded—yet. But there’s definitely been a huge shift in focus regarding the types of stories we’re encouraged to pursue. You hear a lot of whispering among the older staff members: that pretty soon the paper is going to look more like the magazine. That Alexis ran a tight ship at
FM
, but now she’s in over her head. That sort of thing.”

“Dissention among the ranks,” Callie murmured. “Excellent. Maybe her ‘interim’ as managing editor is going to come to an end sooner rather than later.”

“Let’s hope so,” said Matt. “Though it doesn’t seem likely while she has Dean Benedict’s ear, and this Insider matter is unresolved—”

Callie groaned again. “Sorry,” she apologized.

“No progress?” Matt asked, his brown eyes earnest with concern.

“None whatsoever,” Callie replied.

“I’ve been keeping my ears open at the paper like you asked,” he said, lowering his voice. “But I haven’t noticed anyone acting strangely.” He tilted his head. “Or at least no one person is behaving any weirder than anyone else right now, given the administrative changes and the whole…thing.”

Callie scanned the room, but most of the nearby tables were empty. “Does everyone think I did it?” she whispered, leaning in.

Matt cringed. “Let’s just say that your sudden absence hasn’t gone unnoticed. But the official position is that you quit, and neither Lexi nor Grace seems to be contradicting it. Plus, the administration made it clear that we are not to pursue any stories speculating about the Insider until they’ve personally identified and disciplined the individual responsible.”

“Well, I suppose that’s something,” Callie muttered. “How ironic that the person who’s really responsible is still hiding in their midst, if she isn’t actually
running
the paper as we speak—oh, um, hey, OK!”

Matt’s roommate, who had just rounded the corner where the cash registers were, recoiled in surprise, nearly spilling the two coffee cups he carried in his hands. “Er, hi there, you two,” he said, approaching slowly.

“Hey, man,” called Matt, turning. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing!” OK cried, glancing over his shoulder. “I mean, nothing except getting coffee.”

“Are you meeting someone?” Callie asked.

“Why would you—oh.” He stopped, glancing down at the second cup. “Yes. Kind of. Well, no, not really. It’s complicated, see. These are both…for me,” he finished lamely, setting the coffee on a nearby table.

Matt raised his eyebrows at Callie. “We won’t bother you if you need some privacy,” she said, kicking Matt, who had probably also overheard OK’s nighttime visitor.

“Privacy?” OK repeated, hovering above Matt’s chair. “Well, I’m not sure that will be necessar—Mimi!”

Callie’s roommate had just exited Science Center C, heading for the café.

“What are
you
doing here?” OK demanded once she’d approached.

Yawning, Mimi rubbed her eyes. “It seems that I have fallen asleep during the class.”

“No!” Callie cried, feigning shock. “Really?”

“I am afraid it is so,” Mimi affirmed, smirking. “Is that for me?” she added, pointing at the extra coffee on OK’s table.

Eyes wide, OK shook his head. “No. It’s for…me.”

Matt stared at him. “Dude. Why are you acting so weird?”