The Jagged Heart (3 page)

"C'mere,
buddy." And he ruffled Phoenix's hair and pulled him into a big
bear hug that made Phoenix forget all his aches and pains and
misery.

Even dog-tired
after almost a whole day of driving with no sleep, Dylan was
gorgeous, with his shock of blond hair, and wide blue eyes. Sam
Hyde, the celebrity tattooist with whom Sam shared his bed and his
life was one lucky dude, Phoenix concluded.

They checked
into the motel.

"One room,"
said Dylan firmly. "Saves money and means I can keep an eye on both
of you, make sure you keep your hands off each other."

Phoenix shot a
guilty glance at Caedem. How could Dylan read his mind like
that?

Throwing
himself down on the bed next to Dylan felt so much like old times,
bringing the bad memories flooding back along with the good ones,
that Phoenix questioned his impulsive decision. But Caedem just
smiled his sad smile at him, and Phoenix knew he could see the same
thoughts crossing his mind, and it made him feel better, like he'd
done the right thing.

Dylan was
asleep instantly his head hit the pillow. Phoenix had always envied
him his ability to shut out whatever was happening in the world
outside and find oblivion whenever he wanted. It had been a
standing Mudride joke that Dylan had even once fallen asleep during
the support band, with his head a few feet from one of the
monitors, slumped in a chair at the side of the stage.

"Some things
never change," sighed Caedem, and Phoenix knew he was thinking
exactly the same thing.

The bleak motel
room held a double bed, with Dylan spreadeagled in the middle of
it, and a single, where Caedem had dumped his bag.

"We're both
used to Dylan's snoring," he said. "Do you want to share with him
or have the single? We'd better get our heads down soon. If I know
Dylan, he'll be awake by seven, keen to hit the road again."

"You can have
the single," said Phoenix, watching Caedem strip off his T-shirt
and throw it down on the floor as a makeshift yoga mat.

He couldn't
take his eyes off Caedem's toned upper body, with his snake tattoo
trailing over his shoulder, emphasizing the hard lines of his
muscles.

As Caedem
exhaled and arched his butt upward into Downward Facing Dog
position, Phoenix sighed and frowned.

"I wish you'd
stop with the yoga," he muttered. "It makes me think about Taylor,
and I don't want to do that."

Caedem glanced
up at him, irritated.

"You're gonna
have to get used to it," he mouthed, trying not to wake Dylan.

"Taylor doesn't
have a monopoly on yoga, you know. Besides, it was me who got him
into it - and it's been one of the things that's saved me. You
should give it a try some time."

Phoenix grinned
to himself. It was the first time he'd managed to get under
Caedem's skin and provoke a reaction from him.

He moved across
to the single bed so that his fidgeting didn't disturb Dylan and
pretended to watch the TV, which was running silently in the
corner. But out of the corner of his eye, he watched Caedem run
through his moves, stretching and exhaling as he held each
pose.

Even though
he'd compared Caedem to Taylor, the way they went about their yoga
routines was completely different. Taylor had been so competitive,
so hyped, that even something as relaxing as yoga turned into a
struggle, even when the only opponent was himself. In contrast,
Caedem seemed deeply at peace with himself as he breathed and
stretched. After ten minutes, Phoenix caught himself staring at
him, fascinated by his concentration and inner strength - and the
beauty of his strong, supple body.

Caedem caught
his gaze as he finished up, and blushed, a flush spreading down
over the skin of his chest.

"Not used to
someone watching me," he smiled. "Been on my own for so long."

"Couldn't help
it," said Phoenix. "Your fault for being so damn hot."

Caedem
groaned.

"I thought we
were through with all of that," he whispered, with a gesture
towards Dylan sleeping, meaning, "Don't wake him up."

"Sorry," said
Phoenix. "Just thinking aloud."

He moved up on
the single bed to make space for Caedem, who flopped down next to
him, and suddenly the heat rising off Caedem's body just inches
away from him was too much, and Phoenix reached out his hands and
stroked Caedem's face, running his hands over the short stubble of
his skull, and he couldn't resist any longer, bringing his mouth
down on Caedem's.

Caedem tried to
push him away, but Phoenix could feel his willpower crumbling with
every moment that passed, and he felt him sigh under him and his
lips parted to let in Phoenix's tongue. In the fleeting seconds, a
lifetime's desire passed between them, and by the time Caedem
finally managed to pull away from Phoenix, turning his head away
and clamping his mouth shut, Phoenix knew his heart was lost.

"I want you so
much," whispered Phoenix fiercely, pressing his body the length of
Caedem's.

And then Caedem
was on top of him, his sweat-slick muscles hard against Phoenix's
chest, sucking at his tongue and biting his lips, grinding his hips
against him before they pulled away from each other in shock at the
intensity of their feelings for each other.

Phoenix pointed
silently across the room to Dylan, questioning Caedem with his
eyes. But Caedem shook his head and Phoenix rolled away, feeling
like his balls were about to explode. He groaned involuntarily,
pointing to the hardness that was packing out the front of his
jeans.

"Fuck, Caedem,
what are you doing to me, man? I've never wanted anyone this bad
before, not even Taylor."

He knew
mentioning Taylor's name was a mistake, but it wasn't until he saw
the look of sheer misery cross Caedem's face, that he realized
exactly why.

"You still love
him," said Phoenix in disbelief, pulling away from him.

Caedem shook
his head.

"No, man, you
got that wrong. I don't feel anything for him any more. There's no
way I'd be putting myself back in that situation if I wasn't over
him. It's more than two years ago. Things have changed."

And then the
smile was back in his gentle brown eyes as he pulled Phoenix close
to him.

"Let's go to
sleep, eh? Long drive again tomorrow."

The relaxation
of his yoga session had obviously done its work: it was no more
than five minutes before Phoenix felt Caedem's breathing become
slow and regular, and he lay there feeling Caedem's chest rise and
fall while Dylan snored, oblivious, in the other bed. Sleep took a
long time coming, despite his bone-tiredness, as his mind raced
with all the conflicting thoughts rushing through it.

The next thing
he remembered was Dylan's voice, laughing in disbelief as he awoke
in the middle of the spacious double bed to see Caedem and Phoenix
curled in each other's arms, crammed into the single.

"Hey, a guy
could get a complex about no one wanting to share."

Caedem stirred
sleepily.

"Oh, man."

He felt
Phoenix's curly hair against his cheek and felt instantly guilty,
then remembered there was nothing - much - to feel guilty
about.

"Nothing
happened," he insisted, as Phoenix opened his eyes and smiled up at
Dylan.

"I know," said
Dylan. "And I'm not going to be around if and when it does, but for
chrissake just be careful with each other. Gonna hit the shower.
We're leaving in twenty minutes."

Caedem turned
to Phoenix, a wicked look in his eyes.

"What did I
tell you about Dylan and his early starts?"

Phoenix groaned
and rolled over, willing the daylight to go away.

But when Dylan
emerged from the shower, a towel wrapped decorously around his hips
which made both Caedem and Phoenix snort with laughter as they had
both seen him buck-naked so many times, Phoenix was not only out of
bed and ready to go, but sitting on the side of the double bed,
picking out the opening notes of one of the songs from the new
album that he'd co-written with Taylor, Caedem leaning forward
attentively, stopping him every so often to ask questions.

Dylan smiled at
their dark heads, one curly, one shaven, bent in concentration next
to each other, and sighed. He had a feeling he had just opened
Pandora's Box.

"Gotta hit the
road, guys. Shower if you want, but be quick."

The hire car
ate up the miles, and by the afternoon Dylan was turning up a dirt
track, towards the dark blue of the ocean.

Phoenix
realized that he didn't even know where they were going, other than
that it was in California somewhere, and he was struck by the way
Dylan seemed to know the way intimately.

"You been here
before?" he asked, and Dylan nodded.

"I couldn't
talk about it in case you told Taylor, but there was no way I'd
turn my back on Cae. I came up here whenever I could, and then when
I met Sam, I realized his beach house was just up the road, so
we've been hanging out a bit now and again."

Phoenix could
smell the ocean now, the tang of the salt in the air.

"Didn't realize
we were going to the beach," he said.

Caedem
smiled.

"It's a tiny
place, more of a shack than anything, but my folks got me to buy it
when I got my big pay-off from Mudride, and then they put it in
trust for me, so I couldn't inject it or stick it up my nose or
anything else. I've sure tried their patience over the years, but
I'm grateful they did this for me."

And then they
pulled up outside the little beach house that was to be Phoenix's
home for the next however long, and the sheer beauty of it took his
breath away.

The little
wooden house nestled behind a sand dune. It was painted pale blue
and its little garden had prayer flags and driftwood sculptures in
amongst the wild plants. The ocean crashed in the distance, and
seabirds wheeled overhead.

Tears pricked
the back of his eyes.

"I've never
seen anything as beautiful," he said, and the contrast between it
and his rented studio apartment in the grimy Idaho town made him
want to cry.

"It's a very
healing place," murmured Caedem, who was sprawled in the back of
the wagon with the guitars. "You've come home now."

Inside was more
or less one large room, with polished wood floors and a big bed
that doubled up as a sofa, with colorful patchwork quilts and wall
hangings.

Dylan flung
himself down on a cushion on the floor, while Caedem ground coffee
and Phoenix brought in all the guitars, his and Caedem's. He
arranged them against the wall, and Caedem smiled to see that he
didn't separate them into two separate groups, yours and mine, but
left them intermingled with each other.

Dylan drank his
coffee appreciatively and stood up to leave.

"Think you'll
be ready in a couple of days?" he asked Caedem. "Then we can ambush
Taylor, see if we can get this thing to work out."

His eyes said
sorry to Phoenix for mentioning Taylor's name and breaking the
spell, but Phoenix's shrug told him he was OK with it.

Caedem
nodded.

"With wonderboy
here to teach me, I'll be ready sooner than that."

His hand rested
on Phoenix's shoulder, and as Phoenix reached up from the bed to
interlace his fingers with Caedem's and leaned into him, Dylan
realized that whatever events he had started, he no longer had the
power to stop.

"OK, I'll call
you. Gotta get back to Sam before he kicks my ass. That's been
about the only good thing about you walking out, Murphy," he
teased. "More time to spend with my guy."

Then he was
gone, and as the hire car's engine faded into the distance, Phoenix
and Caedem turned to each other.

"You're not
what I expected," breathed Caedem, his palm on Phoenix's cheek, his
face so close that Phoenix felt himself melt inside those
dark-lashed eyes.

"And you're
everything I expected," murmured Phoenix, feeling the stubble of
Caedem's hair against his fingers.

Their lips met
briefly, and Phoenix felt he had waited a lifetime for that
half-second of perfection. And then Caedem was holding Phoenix's
face in his hands, and kissing him so hungrily that Phoenix thought
for a moment that he was going to come just from the kiss, as
Caedem's tongue invaded his mouth and his sharp white teeth bit
down on his lower lip so hard he thought he could taste blood.

Phoenix gasped
for air.

"Fuck, Caedem,
what's happening to me? It's like you put a spell on me."

"You're so
beautiful, man," said Caedem, and Phoenix could see his eyes fill
with tears. "You're so innocent or something..."

"You wouldn't
say that if you knew what I was thinking," grinned Phoenix, pulling
Caedem's T-shirt over his head and moving in for a long, slow kiss
that was the sweetest he had ever tasted.