The Jalna Saga – Deluxe Edition: All Sixteen Books of the Enduring Classic Series & The Biography of Mazo de la Roche (307 page)

“How splendid,” said Alayne, trying to feel excited. Her voice was drowned in the enthusiasm of Pheasant and Wakefield.

Was it a filly? Was it like the dam or the sire? A filly. The very image of Cora. Up on its legs. A very grenadier of a foal. They talked all at once, their eyes shining. Mooey’s jersey dropped to the floor.

Renny disengaged himself from Alayne and Wakefield and stood in the middle of the room making quick gestures as he talked, his highly coloured face alight. He repeated to them the story of Cora’s sagacity, of her greeting to him after her labour, imitated that whinny so fraught with meaning.

Alayne watched him, scarcely hearing what he said, preoccupied by her love for him, by the fascination his presence had for her. She waited impatiently for him to finish his recital, eager to draw him away upstairs, where she might have him to herself, away from these others who seemed always coming between them. She held a pinch of his tweed coat in her fingers and, when the opportunity came, she drew
him towards the door. “Come upstairs,” she said, “I have something in my room I want to show you.”

“Can’t we see it later?” he asked. “Won’t it be cold up there for you?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“I’ll come, too!” Wakefield clasped Renny’s arm.

“No,” said Alayne sharply. “It’s much too cold for you up there.”

But he walked doggedly behind them into the hall and followed them up the stairs. Renny hesitated at the door of his room. “Is it in here you want me to go?” He spoke like an obedient but slightly unwilling child.

“No; in my room.”

She stood with her hand on the doorknob letting him go past her into the room, but, as Wakefield attempted to pass, she gave him a look so forbidding that he drew back and leaned across the banister pretending to gaze at something in the hall below to hide his chagrin.

She closed the door behind her and looked at Renny with a sudden feeling of wry amusement. She was like a gaoler, she thought.

This room had been his sister’s before her marriage. It now bore little evidence of the padded, curtained, frilled comfort that had been Meg’s delight. It was almost austere, the cretonne of mauve and cream, the few pictures in a small group together. In the summer, when she had furnished it with furniture that had been her mother’s and stood a single porcelain vase on the mantelpiece with a spray of delphinium in it, the effect had been charming. The window had been open and the drawn-back curtains had discovered the warm beauty of the garden. But now, in the chill of winter, with the February snow furring the pane, the room looked
aloof and colourless, even to her. To Renny, it struck a chill to the heart. She realised that she should not have brought him here, at this hour, in this temperature.

“Well,” he asked, looking restively about, “what is it you want to show me?”

“This.” She indicated an embroidered mauve bedspread she had been making and had that afternoon laid in its graceful simplicity on the bed.

He frowned, looking at it. “It looks like a stage bed. The whole room has a stagey effect to me. It’s unreal. It’s not comfortable. There’s nothing inviting about it. Of course, I know it’s in frightfully good taste and all that, but—” he gave the grin that was so like his grandmother’s—“it’s lucky I usually come in here in the dark or I might get depressed!”

Her eyes met his with a commanding look, saying—“Go no farther,” but her lower lip quivered, saying—“Go as far as you like.”

He sat down on the side of the bed and drew her on to his knee. He hid his face against her neck. She would have relaxed in his arms, but she remembered the new embroidered bedspread and sprang up. She took him by the lapels of his coat and gave him a little tug.

“You must not sit there!” she exclaimed. “You are crushing it dreadfully.”

He got to his feet and looked on ruefully while she stroked the heavy silk. He always admired the grace of her wrists when she performed any quick and capable act with her hands. She had good hands on the rein too. That was one of the things that had attracted him to her.

She straightened herself and looked at him with a half-tender, half-reproving wrinkling of the nose. “Darling, I’m sorry! But I really
can’t
let you sit there... And, don’t you
think you had better change your things? You smell... quite, quite a little of the stable.”

He gave a noisy sniff at himself. “Do I? But 1 always do. It’s a part of me. Do you mind so much?”

“This time there’s a smell of disinfectant mixed with it.”

“I scrubbed my hands in the office.”

“Oh, my dear! Why will you do that? Icy water and a coarse towel! No wonder your hands look scraped!” She took one in hers and examined it. “And such shapely hands, too!”

“Well,” he spoke with resignation, “if I must, I must! Come along with me while I do it.”

As they went toward his room she remembered their first day at home after the return from their honeymoon. They had gone over the house, linked together, seeing it in the new light of their union. Each room they had entered had thrust forward its crowd of old memories to greet them. “Here we are!” memories had cried in the drawing-room; and there was Grandmother at her game of backgammon, her purple velvet tea gown rich in the firelight, her rings flashing on her strong old hands. There were family gatherings, family bickerings, and last, Grandmother, nobly extended in her coffin, with Uncle Ernest weeping at her feet. “Here we are!” memories had cried in the sitting-room; and there was Eden, pale and subdued, lying on the sofa, as he had looked when they had brought him home ill from New York. And again, there was the scene of the reading of the will, one not to be dwelt on. She had not been present at that scene, but she had heard about it and she knew it would be long before the room would surrender the memory of it. Memories had shouted—“Here we are”—in the dining room. Never, never could she change the dining room. She
felt as impotent before it, its massive furniture, its heavy curtains, its family portraits, as a querulous mouse might feel nibbling at the base of a colossal cheese. There, was and always would be, the stronghold of the Whiteoak tradition. There, was and always would be, the shade of old Adeline vexed by any delay of the dinner, most forward of all in the sending back of her plate for renewals of food, her fiery brown eyes under their rust-red brows gleaming with satisfaction. There, were the unconquerable memories of heavy meals, eaten with all the more gusto because of dissension. And in old Adeline’s bedroom across the hall, where her parrot Boney still perched on the headboard of her painted bed, feeding on his memories of her, Renny had said, hesitatingly—“I have sometimes thought I should like to sleep here. She left me the bed in her will, you know. God, what extraordinary dreams one might have!”

Upstairs, from every bedroom, memories had crowded out to them. They had begun their new life hampered by far too many memories. They had passed the room that had been hers and Eden’s, with averted eyes, and had gone with relief to the open door of Renny’s room. Looking about she had wondered how she would ever make herself at home in it, what could be done to ameliorate the uncompromising masculinity of it. Luckily it was large and airy. Two new walnut beds with straight lines there must be to take the place of the ugly light oak bed that sagged in the middle from his weight. Those hideous curtains that must surely have been his sister’s choice, and that he usually kept tied in knots that they might not obscure the air and light, must give place to soft-toned casement-cloth, of mauve perhaps—no, not of mauve. Mauve would fade from the very atmosphere there before the sun had touched it. Mulberry would be better, or
green... And the wallpaper... And the pictures on the wallpaper...

He had broken in on her thoughts by saying in a somewhat constrained voice:

“I wonder if you would mind very much taking Meggie’s room for yourself. It’s next door, and it would leave me free to look after Wake. He has always slept with me, you know.”

She had been startled, even angered by the request. Yet withal a subtle sense of relief had entered into her feelings after the first moment. The idea of a retreat of her own, a harbour for her tastes and her reserves, had not been unpleasant. But to give up the shelter, the provocation of his presence... even more, to think that he was suggesting, almost laconically suggesting, the giving up of her presence in his room. After what they had been to each other for three months! After all he had confessed to her of his fevered longings for her when she had been in that house as Eden’s wife! Had his longings developed into no desire for sweet companionship?

“Well?” he had asked, with a sidelong look at her.

Something stubborn in her made her say:

“I think Wakefield would be much better sleeping alone. You must often disturb him coming in late. And your habit of smoking while you undress.”

“I don’t disturb him nearly as often as he disturbs me.”

“All children—especially delicate ones—are better sleeping alone.”

“Not Wake. Not with his nerves and heart!”

“It’s quite all right, Renny, but—why do you only tell me now?” She had felt both irritation and mortification, unhappy feelings that he always had had, and always would have, the power to rouse in her, by a tone in his voice, by his silence.

“I didn’t want to.” He had spoken like a wayward child, and yet with a taciturnity that put him out of her reach.

That was all over now, but the recollection of it often returned to her, for it had seemed to show her quite definitely that her coming could change nothing of Jalna, that Renny had taken possession of her life, but that she could never do more than enter into his as a fresh stream into the salt sea.

Now, as they went together to his room, they passed Wakefield, still leaning against the banister in an attitude of dejection. He kept his eyes averted from them, and Renny did not glance at him. Alayne was conscious of the child’s jealousy of her and she suspected that Renny also was conscious of it. She had a feeling that Wakefield grudged her the freedom of Renny’s room, that he would have liked to give her such a forbidding look as she had given him, even reduce her to the condition of lolling disconsolately against the banister.

She closed the door with decision. Renny sat down and began to unlace his boots, the metal tips of the laces making small hurried sounds and, at last, the heavy soles two distinct thuds on the floor. She liked to watch him doing things, however commonplace. He was a delight to her and she wanted him all for her own, in tenderness, and in completeness. She said:

“Why can’t we see more of each other, alone? I was for two hours this afternoon in the drawing-room! I hoped you would come.”

Eagerly he began to explain, but she stopped him. “Oh, I know about the colt. It was beautiful having it come along so well. But there were others there. Surely you didn’t have to stay with her all the time.”

He looked about, with a troubled expression, for his shoes, as though, once in them, he would be impervious to her onslaught. She continued, love and peevishness making her voice tremble:

“You may not believe it, but I’m lonely sometimes. When I think of our honeymoon in England—travelling about—the voyage home—it all seems so lovely! And now you’re so absorbed by things!” She sat down on the side of the bed with a disconsolate look. “And it isn’t as though you were like many American husbands, absorbed by big enterprises that demand concentration—”

She was stopped by the outraged expression of his face. Egotism, hurt pride flamed there. She had thought his lean face could be no more red, but it was more red. And, deep in his eyes, was a look of sorrow.

“But—but—” he expostulated, “can’t you understand?”

“No, I can’t,” she answered relentlessly. “Why, I really believe that if I were going to have a baby you wouldn’t make a bit more fuss!”

“You’re jealous!” he exclaimed. “Jealous of a mare! I never heard of such a thing.”

Her womanhood was submerged by a desire to be petted. She said, with the whining intonation of a five-year-old—“I don’t care. It’s perfectly true! If I were having a baby this minute you couldn’t do anything more for me than you did for her!”

“Yes, I could! I’d take to the woods, blizzard and all, and never come out again until it was all over!”

He came to her and sat down beside her on the bed.

“Do you know,” he said, drawing her against him, “that for a sensible woman, an intellectual, almost high-brow woman, you can be sillier than any woman I’ve ever known.”

She knew that what he said was true. She knew that he was both surprised and amused by her silliness, but she had worked herself up into this state and she did not care. She pressed closer to him pushing her shoulder under his arm. The room was grey and cold. He disengaged one hand and extracted a cigarette from his case. He lighted it, throwing the match on the floor. The smoke curled about their heads, fragrant in their nostrils. They held each other close, rocking together gently in the twilight. He said:

“Isn’t it nice that there’s one floor we can throw matches on, and one bedspread we can rumple?”

Downstairs in the drawing-room Pheasant waited for Piers to bring young Maurice to her. It was time the child was put to bed, but she was in no hurry to leave the pleasant warmth of the fire. She sat very upright on a beaded ottoman before it, thinking of Alayne and Renny. Were they happy? Was their marriage going to be a success? Speculation on the relations between men and women was the frequent subject of her thoughts. She had known too much of the suspense, the cruelty of these relations in her short life. There had been no mother to throw a protective shadow between her and her father. The two had been alone together—he unhappy, thwarted, his affection for her, when it was not negligible, half a sneer. Hers, for him, half deprecating, half defiant. He had let her run wild... and she had run wild—straight into her marriage with Piers. They too had had their own troubles. And when she had time to spare from their affairs, she had watched the complications hinging on the diverse personalities about her. She felt herself old in the wisdom of life. She felt maternal towards Alayne, who was ten years her senior, even though Alayne had been married and divorced, and was married again. And to
Whiteoaks each time! Ah, there lay the trouble! The Whiteoaks! Alayne never would—never could understand them. She was an alien, not so much in country as in soul. Pheasant had been brought up next door to the family at Jalna. She had been familiar with Renny since she could toddle. She wondered sagaciously if she might not come to the point one day of giving some good advice to Alayne. She laid her knitting in her lap, and her eyes became large as she pictured herself giving it. But still she could not imagine what the advice would be.