The Journal Keeper (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (13 page)

“You know, I was a lot like you when I first found Hosym,” Carme smiled warmly.

“Is that your mate?” Rianne asked, leaning forward.

“Yes. He is the greatest man I know and the biggest pain in my ass,” Carme chuckled, pouring them both a glass of wine.

Rianne couldn’t help but give a surprised laugh, eager to hear more about her friend’s mate.

“We met when I was just over 900 years old, still young for our world. Hosym had celebrated his 1,100 birth year two years prior. As soon as we set eyes on each other, we were lost. The mating bond was instantaneous, and within a week, we had our mating ceremony. Everyone thought it was because we were so in love, even my family. I didn’t have the heart to tell them Hosym forced the ceremony on me,” Carme sighed sadly.

“He raped you?” Rianne asked, shocked beyond belief.

“Oh, no. The mating ceremony has nothing to do with sex. No, Hosym knew there was another fox from my village who I had been seeing for nearly a century. We knew we weren’t mates, of course, but we were very close. Because Hosym is a lemming, we didn’t meet until we both came to work in the castle. Hosym took me from my family and refused to return me until I agreed to the mating ceremony. He worried I would leave him to be with my friend. Although I knew I would never leave him, I realized he needed the reassurance, so I agreed to the ceremony. Still, even after the ceremony, I was very reluctant to spend time with him. For three months I avoided him. He was miserable, of course, and so was I, but I couldn’t forgive him for forcing me into the mating,” Carme explained.

“What changed?” Rianne asked, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“He slept outside my room every night and never complained. When I yelled at him to go away, he just said he couldn’t bear to leave me alone. He was always there, a silent presence I couldn’t shake. Then, one day, he wasn’t there when I opened my door. I instantly knew something had happened to him, that something was wrong. He had promised over and over that he would never leave me alone. He wouldn’t just disappear without warning,” Carme said passionately.

“What happened to him?” Rianne asked.

“He’d been called to accompany the king on a trip quite suddenly. He hadn’t had time to tell me good-bye, but some of the other servants told me where he’d gone. When he returned two days later, I yelled at him for leaving so unexpectedly, and the fool simply smiled,” Carme chuckled, shaking her head.

“Why would he smile if you were yelling at him?” Rianne asked, completely confused.

“He said, ‘I knew you loved me,’ and that was it. The fear I’d felt from his disappearance melted away the anger over the forced ceremony. To this day, we haven’t spent a single night apart. Even when I get angry and rail at him, he sleeps right outside the door, keeping close and keeping me safe,” Carme smiled dreamily.

“Slick,” Rianne smirked.

“Oh, yes, he’s incredibly smooth when he wants to be. His easy lemming nature balances out my ‘fox fury,’ as he calls it,” Carme giggled.

Rianne laughed with her, the heavy weight of the day lifting from her shoulders.

“So, exactly how old are you?” Rianne asked after she’d gained her composure.

“I’m 3,487 years old,” Carme answered with a sly grin.

“Holy shit.”

“I know. You’re just a little baby compared to us,” Carme laughed.

“How does that work, exactly?” Rianne asked, her curiosity coming back full force.

“We age as normally as humans do, but the years are spread apart. We reach full maturity at five hundred years old. After that, everything sort of slows down. The king is almost 11,000 years old and the queen is over 9,000 years old,” Carme explained.

“How old are Dorin and Nikolas?” Rianne asked, a little afraid to hear the answer.

“The prince just celebrated his 2,200 birthday two years ago, and Nikolas is going to be celebrating his 2,500 birthday in another three years,” Carme told her.

“Holy shit,” Rianne repeated, unable to come up with a more intelligent response.

“I know it’s a shock, but you’ll find that most of the shifters in the castle are at least 1,500 years old. Very few are younger than 1,000,” Carme shrugged.

“I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around that,” Rianne muttered, falling back into her chair.

“You’ll get used to it,” Carme grinned.

“I don’t think so,” Rianne huffed humorlessly.

“You still plan on leaving?” Carme asked, frowning.

“I can’t stay here. When I came with Dorin and Nikolas, I thought they were a couple of crazy people who had escaped from the mental institution. I had no idea they were actually going to bring me here. I left a life behind and a job that I love. I worked hard to get my position and I’m good at what I do. Dr. Cull depends on me to oversee the interns, to make sure everything is done in the proper way. He gave me the job when no one else in the field would, all because I was too young and too inexperienced. I owe him everything. How can I just walk away?” Rianne groaned, frustrated.

“Do you really think being with Dorin and Nikolas would be that bad?” Carme asked softly.

Rianne felt her entire body deflate at the suggestion, an unexpected tired feeling taking over her body.

“No. I know being with them would be amazing, but I don’t know if I can do it. I mean, Dorin is going to be king one day. I am definitely not queen material. Would the people even accept me as a queen? I’m not a shifter,” Rianne reminded her.

“I’m well aware, my lady. The people will accept you because it is our way, just as they will accept Nikolas as king,” Carme assured her, smiling softly.

“I can’t be queen, Carme,” Rianne insisted.

“Could you be Dorin and Nikolas’s mate?” Carme countered.

Her question caused Rianne to pause, unsure of her answer. While it was true she felt an unprecedented link to both men, the idea of committing to them both when she’d only known them for less than a week wasn’t something she was sure she could do. It was the stories she’d grown up with. Girl meets guy, gets married too quick, ends up a divorced single mom for the rest of her life, and while she knew mating to be different, she couldn’t erase her mother’s voice in her head telling her not to “screw up her life on some fling.” Her mother had been all for an arranged marriage, prenup included, to make sure her daughter never “disgraced the family name.” She often thought her mother might have fit in quite well with the eighteenth-century aristocrats, so strict were her values.

“I don’t know,” Rianne answered honestly.

Carme’s disappointment was obvious as her shoulders sagged and she let out a heavy breath. Patting her skirt out, she stood up and looked down at Rianne.

“Let me tell you something my mama told me. To go through life without love is not really living. If you think you can find the kind of love you could have with Dorin and Nikolas in your world, then I think you would be better to go back. But if you’re insistent upon going back to your world just because you’re scared to fall in love…” Carme trailed off with a sad shake of her head.

Rianne said nothing as the woman walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. She knew she wasn’t ready to take a look at why she was so adamant about returning to her world, other than the fact that it was all she’d ever known.

Leaving the forgotten food in front of the fire, Rianne got up and returned to her seat by the window, watching as the sky turned dark and the strange world she found herself in went to sleep.

* * * *

Dorin knew Rianne was likely still upset with him and Nikolas the next morning and stopped Carme on her way upstairs to take Rianne her breakfast.

“I’ll take it to her, Carme,” Dorin offered, taking the tray.

“Be gentle with her, Highness. She had a rough night,” Carme told him.

Dorin stopped and looked at the tiny fox shifter, a small smile on his face as he realized she truly cared for his mate.

“Thank you for taking such good care of her, Carme.”

“Of course, Highness,” Carme replied, as if she would do anything else.

Dorin chuckled softly as he made his way up the stairs toward Rianne’s room. Balancing the tray on one hand, he knocked gently on the door.

“Come in,” Rianne called from within.

Dorin opened the door, expecting to see her sitting in front of the fire. Instead, she was at the window seat, her knees pulled up to her chest. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw it was him and not Carme, dropping her feet to the floor.

“Dorin. I thought you were Carme,” Rianne murmured, avoiding meeting his eyes.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Dorin said, setting the tray by the fire.

He focused his attention on fixing the tray for her, listening as she moved from the window seat and walked toward him.

“What about?” Rianne asked, taking a seat.

“I wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday. You have to understand, in our world, mating is what we wait our whole lives for. To have you act so blasé about it is difficult for Nikolas and me to accept,” Dorin explained, standing nervously beside the other chair.

Rianne sighed heavily, casting her eyes down to where her hands sat in her lap.

“Rianne, do you even want to be with us?” Dorin asked.

“I…I don’t know,” Rianne admitted softly.

Dorin felt as if he’d been thrown off the highest tower of the castle. He knew he wasn’t hiding his shock or his hurt when she reached for him, but he quickly backed away.

“Dorin, please. You have to understand,” Rianne tried to say, her big blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

“No. Please. We never should have taken you from your home. If I’d realized how unhappy you would be…” Dorin trailed off gruffly, looking anywhere but where she sat.

“Dorin,” Rianne breathed regretfully.

“I’ll leave you to your breakfast.” Dorin bowed formally before exiting the bedroom.

As soon as the door shut behind him, he allowed his agony to take over. His chest felt tight, making it difficult to breathe, and he just knew he was dying. He barely made it to his room before he collapsed. His chest felt as though it was going to implode. The pain of knowing his mate would rather return to her home than be with him was too much to bear.

“Dorin!”

From his kneeling position on the floor, Dorin looked up to see Nikolas in the doorway. His friend was instantly beside him, pulling Dorin to his feet.

“What happened?” Nikolas demanded, looking the prince over.

“She’s not staying,” Dorin gasped.

“What are you talking about?” Nikolas frowned, helping him into a chair.

“She doesn’t want to stay with us,” Dorin told him, allowing his head to fall into his hands.

“Rianne? Are you talking about Rianne?” Nikolas asked.

Dorin nodded into his hands, unable to do much more.

“What happened, Dorin? What did she say?” Nikolas asked, his voice turning into a low growl.

“I asked her if she wanted to be with us. She said she didn’t know. We never should have brought her here, Nik. She’s miserable. I promised I’d find a way to return her home,” Dorin answered miserably.

“You’ll do no such thing!” Nikolas snapped, baring his teeth.

“We can’t keep her here, Nik. She’ll hate us forever,” Dorin moaned.

“What the hell is wrong with you? She’s our mate! Do you realize what we would be giving up by letting her leave? What
you
would be giving up?” Nikolas snarled, shaking the smaller man.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dorin insisted somberly.

“Damn it, Dorin. Snap out of this. We are not letting her walk away from us. I don’t care if she hates us for the rest of our lives, she’s not leaving,” Nikolas vowed.

* * * *

Rianne wasn’t sure which was worse, the horrible sounds Dorin was making or the furious shouting Nikolas was doing. She knew they didn’t realize she was listening in on their conversation, but their words cut her deep.

She knew she shouldn’t have answered Dorin the way she had, but she didn’t want to lie to him. In all honestly, she didn’t know whether or not she wanted to stay with them. While part of her was quickly growing to enjoy being with them, another part of her shied away from staying in a place where she was basically an outsider. She wondered how the women in her books had done it, handled being taken from their homes and brought into a world where everything was different. Even her erotica had females giving up everything to be with the men they loved.

Could she honestly give up everything she’d worked for to stay in Laurasia with Dorin and Nikolas? Would they one day come to regret their decision to take her as a mate if she did decide to stay?

There were so many things that could go wrong in a relationship. Even though they continually told her that shifters mated for life, there was no guarantee. Anything could happen to take them away from her. The bond between Nikolas and Dorin could break, as could the bond between her and the two of them. It happened all the time in the human realm. Why couldn’t it happen in the shifter and magical realm?

Still, she knew any attempt on her part to try to argue that point to Dorin and Nikolas would be met with a stubborn refusal. Their faith in the bond between the three of them far outweighed her own, but then they had grown up with the knowledge of what mating was. Even after talking to Visess and Carme, she was still unsure about what mating involved. Was it like a marriage, or was it something different entirely? She knew from Carme that it wasn’t all sexual, but sex had to be involved on some level.

She noticed the other room had gotten incredibly quiet and quickly backed away from the door. Seconds later, Nikolas came barreling into her room, all power and fury as he filled the doorway.

“Do not move,
capora
,” Nikolas snarled, storming toward her.

Rianne froze where she stood by the end of the bed, staring up into his icy blue eyes as he towered over her. His hands grabbed her upper arms, lifting her easily and carrying her into Dorin’s room. Her eyes took in the darkness of the room, catching a glimpse of forest green curtains and brown accents before Nikolas deposited her in Dorin’s lap.