The Kingdom Land (20 page)

“
You can always tell when Barb's
lost a fight, she'll come up and give you a big hug.”

Evelyn's eyes sparkled as a mischievous child's. And
the day went on.

There were customers who laughed at bad jokes, and
customers who looked like they had never smiled.There was a small
leak from the produce sprinkler that Barbara said had been there
for years, and there were young stock boys who were absent when
work needed to be done.

In other words, life was normal at the WinRight, and
Laura felt stronger with every normal act. Here she didn't need to
make excuses for the job. Here she didn't have to firmly discourage
men from following her home.

Here the nightmares of the past faded and once again
Laura could feel the hand of God's soft touch.

 

Evelyn and Barbara and Ann, the woman working the
registers next to her, were as gracious as Gracie, and they were
all quick to playfully joke with one another. Soon Laura found
herself included.

“
Laura, you better watch Matt, that
stock boy who helps bag after school. He's been staring at you
since the first time he saw you. He hasn't seen any one as pretty
as you since the last movie he watched. Now, granted he's only a
freshman in high school, but if you're willing to wait for eight
years, he'll be a heck of a catch,” and all the other checkers
laughed as Matt was an awkward boy whose voice squeaked.

“
Yeah, and in eight years I'll be
old and grey and no one will want anything to do with me.” Laura
replied to deflect the compliment.

“
Girl, you're so pretty you'll have
men staring at you when you're 80 let alone eight years from now
when you're, what, eighteen?” Evelyn showed in the wrinkles on her
face the tough years of the plains in her advanced years, but she
still carried a constant smile.

It had been a long time since Laura had felt
beautiful. In those few days she began to feel it again. Things
felt like they did before, and the nightmare of events didn't
follow her like a shadow.

It was good, and at that point in her life, good was
a giant step forward.

It was important for Laura to work that two days for
the money. She would get a check, a small check, the next pay two
weeks later, she would have enough money to get a few essential;
Top Noodle soap, some panty hose that were required at WinRight and
not at the Mint, and an extra white shirt. She could even splurge
on some chocolate ice cream bars she would carefully ration for
moments of pleasure.

And in all this she saw the soft hand of God.

 

 

***

 

She woke up earlier than she wanted on Sunday
morning. She had already made the transition from graveyard to day
shift, which was good unless she wanted to sleep in on her day off.
She found herself making coffee at 7:30 that morning, unable to go
back to sleep and with no plans for the day. She remember after her
shower that she hadn't cleaned the cotton dress she wore to the
interview. The only other dress she had was her barmaid dress from
the Mint. She ran some water on the cotton dress to get it clean.
It didn't work. Her only choice was the Mint Bar dress. She changed
from jeans to dress to dress from jeans for thirty minutes. Finally
she pulled on the Mint dress for good.

Well, am I going to go to church, or just sit around
here all day? I could go and sit in the back unnoticed and just see
how it feels. It's been a long time.

She never answered the question, but she finally
chose the dress and started to curl her hair. Erik had talked to
her about a church, so it would be easy to find.

The service started at 9:30 so she pulled into the
gravel parking lot exactly at 9:30. Laura waited for several
minutes until she saw the greeters leave the open front doors. She
had been around churches enough to know the routine. If she had
walked in earlier the greeters would have recognized her as a
guest, and given her guest status. She wanted to be a face and that
was all.

About fifty cars were parked in the lot; a small
church, but still large enough for her to remain anonymous if she
worked things right. She noticed the neatly groomed flowerbeds and
a handmade wreath made from wheat on the front door.

The front doors had remained open to allow any breeze
to make its way to the congregation, and Laura could hear singing
long before she entered. Once in the main doors there was a short
hallway to the left and she could see several people in the very
back clapping their hands in worship as the first song started and
all eyes shifted to the front. As she walking into the sanctuary, a
greeter waiting for those latecomers handed her a bulletin with a
softly whispered, “Welcome.”

She quietly took a chair on the right aisle behind
the last filled row. The sanctuary had no pews but folding chairs
set in a half circle. It was so unlike the church in Billings she
felt good at her first glance of it.

A curtained raised stage filled the front, but the
organist and one guitarist didn't use the stage. A simple wooden
podium acted as the pulpit. The most prominent feature of the
church was a finely carved wooden banner shaped as a scroll that
declared, “Jesus Christ, the same Yesterday, Today, and Forever.”
Other than that, the interior was as simple as the exterior.

Laura wasn't surprised to see Barbara from WinRight
standing next to her husband and two sons. Barbara had mentioned
the need to be off on Sunday so she could attend church. Laura
would change the subject every time it came up.

Her thoughts went to Gracie, and she mouthed a short
prayer. Laura was so tired she found it hard to focus on the
service.

She thought of the WinRight and how fortunate she
felt to happen on to such a good job with such good people.

“
Please be seated and prepared for
the offering,” the worship leader directed. She was caught in
mid-thought and left standing by herself. Fortunately, no one
noticed her back row presence. The announcements started with the
news of a Labor Day All-Church picnic.

 

The pastor wasn't the one leading the worship nor had
he been standing in front. He had been sitting with his family with
the rest of the congregation so Laura hadn't noticed him. Except
for the sports jacket he looked like many of the men in Fairfield;
mid-40's, shoulders slumping with too many hours of work, hair cut
short but neatly combed

The microphone squealed as the pastor attached it to
his lapel. The pastor didn't wear a tie in the summer heat, and
with sweat on his brow, Laura wished he would lose the brown blazer
as well. A microphone didn't seem necessary in that small of a
room, but his soft voice made it a requirement.

Now as he rose and took his position and began his
sermon, Laura felt as if she was sitting in a living room with a
pastor casually chit-chatting. His tone was so soft she had
problems staying awake as the usual announcements were made and her
head began to drop then jerk up. At one point she was starting to
realize what the pastor was talking about. Laura sat straight up
with her hands on her barmaid dress.

“
Today, I would like to talk about
God's holiness. Holiness means purity, but purity needs to be
viewed in its full context.

“
Many times we think of holiness as
not drinking or smoking or cursing, all those things that are
observed by us. We see holiness as a state of ‘not doing' but
holiness is really a state of ‘doing'. Holiness is doing the right
thing. The right thing goes well beyond the laws of the Old
Testament. The right thing is to love your neighbor and yourself.
The right thing is to trust in His love, and His peace and His
forgiveness. God is holy because these things are a part of His
very nature.

“
God is holy because there is no
variance in His life or nature. He doesn't love us one day and then
disown us the next. He doesn't provide forgiveness one day and take
it away the next. He never changes and His view of us never
changes. There are no shadows of grey in His life. He is Light and
there is no darkness. He is consistent.

“
If you could see a perfectly pure
white cloth with no marks or stains that covered as far as you
could see, you would see the consistency of that pure white. That
would represent the consistency of God's actions toward you. If
there were any flaw in that white sheet it would be obvious since
it would be so unlike the pure white. If you could see God's nature
you would see the obvious pureness that carries no flaws, His
pureness, and His holiness would be obvious because there is no
inconsistency in the fiber of His being. Every thought and every
action He has for you is consistently out of Love and
Mercy.

“
Then we look at our own lives. We
aren't always loving and patient. We see our flaws and wonder how
someone so flawed could be with Him who is so perfect.”

Laura shifted in her seat wondering how she could
have picked such a Sunday with such a topic to come to church. Her
thoughts took her away from the pastor's words.

“
We can easily come to the
conclusion that He doesn't want anything to do with our stained
lives. And what is His response to our flaws? He doesn't change. He
still loves. He still is patient with us. He still desires our
presence. As long as we don't walk away from Him, He won't walk
away from us, and He sent His son who died for us so that our
stains are washed away.

“
When God looks at you all He sees
is the love He has for you, and the desire to be your
Father.

“
By nature we have flaws and we do
sin. We haven't arrived yet. In the midst of our inconsistency we
must remember His consistency.

“
Just imagine if every room and
every square foot of your house was covered by a perfectly white
carpet. You have just come home from the county fair and you forget
to take off your shoes. Even if you had taken off your shoes, you
feet would still be soiled with the dust and sweat of the day. Just
imagine what would happen when you stepped on that perfectly white
carpet. That carpet would no longer be perfectly white. It would
carry the marks of your day at the fair.

“
You could try as hard as possible
to keep that carpet white, but as hard as you tried the soil of the
day would dirty that rug. The carpet would no longer be pure
white.

“
Now I can see all the wives
shuddering at the thoughts of a white carpet and what it would take
to keep it white. You wives know it isn't possible for you to keep
that carpet perfectly white. Sooner or later some accident of some
idiot, excuse me men, would bring a stain to that rug, and wives
you could spend your whole day trying to keep it pure and white. It
still would drive you crazy after a while.

“
The stain of sin will and has
touched all of our lives. We need to know that is our nature, but
it is the nature of our Saviour to love us and by His blood to wash
the stains away. We need to know the consistency of God's holiness
and Christ's sacrifice to consistently wash that sin pure white. We
can't do it. His pure love for us, and forgiveness of us, and hope
for us can.”

At that point Laura's attention was drawn from the
church to her memory of the room where she had lost her child. That
room in her mind was now covered with a white carpet but it was
covered red with the child's innocent blood. She looked down in
disgust and could only see the dress that reminded her she was just
a common barmaid. She still heard the pastor talking, but only a
phrase here and there that she never fully understood.

His words continued, but unheard by Laura: “The Word
states in Romans 10:19-23

“
Therefore, brothers and sisters,
since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood
of Jesus, by a new and living way opened up for us through the
curtain, that is his body, and since we have a great high priest
over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart
with full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to
cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed
with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we professed
for he who promised is faithful.

“
We don't have to stand back
separated from Him because of our stains. We don't have to be
followed by guilt because He is holy and His love and forgiveness
is sufficient for all times. He has broken down the barriers. We're
urged to draw close to him with a sincere heart, not to sit back in
guilt. His sacrifice of blood for us gives us full assurance that
His love will never end, for He is holy.”

Laura's vision of that room swirled in her head until
she felt herself physically sick. She turn her head as if to avoid
the sight of her child.

That white carpet and her stain was all she could
see.

It has to be my fault. I have stained my life and
His love, and taken my child's life with my sin.

Pastor Hodgson continued to call the congregation to
embrace His forgiveness, but Laura didn't hear.

No tears came to Laura's eyes. She did not cry. She
held her head between her hands, hard.

Suddenly, a baby began to cry in the first row. The
cry seemed to echo off the walls and Laura thought she heard the
cry of her own child, and she became sick in her stomach at such a
thought. Laura had to get out and quickly. She didn't recognize
that at the same time the mother was carrying her child to the
nursery. The mother and child and Laura bumped hard in the aisle as
Laura sprang from her chair, and Laura reached out to prevent them
from falling.