The Knight and the Dove (53 page)

“I am sorry for the loss of your child.”

“You do not hate me, Roland; I know this to be true. Why then, why have you done this terrible thing?”

Roland turned his face away in shame. “There are times when love drives a man to foolishness. I am just such a fool.”

“Marigold,” Megan stated, and Roland turned back to see her shudder.

“She will bother you no longer.”

Megan took in the grief in his face, and her heart sank. She was terrified of her sister, but she did not hate her or wish to see her dead. However, the look in Roland’s eyes told her that what she had not wished had come about.

Bracken, seeing the alarm on his wife’s face, lifted her a little closer
to his chest and moved to the door. Megan spotted her father in passing, and although he gave her a tender look, she also read the mourning in his eyes.

“Bracken?”

“Hush, Megan,” he told her. “Until you are home and safe, I refuse to discuss it.”

Megan had little choice but to comply, but the sky was swiftly growing light, and there was no missing the covered form at the bottom of the great stone stairway that led to the keep. Megan’s hands fisted in Bracken’s coat as she saw the wisps of blonde hair at the edge. Bracken turned her away as soon as he was able, but Megan had already begun to tremble all over.

“How is Arik?” Megan asked some 30 minutes into their journey.

“He will be fine. He wanted to join us, but for once I had my way.”

Megan didn’t comment, but Bracken could see that she was well pleased.

“We are moving very slowly,” Megan then said.

“Yes.”

It was fully daylight now, and although Megan felt bruised, cold, and achy, she was anxious to be home.

“Why?”

“Because you are not well.”

Megan did not answer for a time. “It’s very cold for June.”

“It is not cold at all; Megan, you are ill.”

Megan stared up at him in surprise, and for the first time noticed the perspiration beaded on his forehead.

“Why don’t you remove your coat?”

Bracken finally looked tenderly down at her where she lay wrapped in his arms and coat, but didn’t answer. Megan suddenly realized she was shivering against him and felt foolish.

“Try to sleep,” Bracken told her softly, his look loving.

“I am not sleepy.”

“All right.” Bracken’s manner was indescribably congenial. “Then tell me how often you dress as an old woman and go a-wandering.”

Megan heard the laughter in his voice but was afraid to believe
her ears. She lay staring up at him in wonder until he glanced down. Megan watched one lid drop as he winked at her and still felt amazed. She lay contemplating the change in him until she remembered her child.

“I am sorry, Bracken, that I lost our baby.”

“There will be other children, but there is only one Megan.” Megan’s mouth opened in surprise at his compassionate tone as well as his words, and when he looked down and smiled at her in complete tenderness, Megan came undone.

She turned her face into Bracken’s chest and sobbed. He did not try to hush or calm her but left her to her grief. Less than an hour later, she fell fast asleep.

Bracken, so certain that arriving home would fix everything, knew deep pain when Megan remained unwell. Her body burned with fever, and although Bracken had expected delirium, he was disappointed. Disappointed because anything would have been better than her stillness. She was sleeping round the clock, and there were times when her breathing was so quiet that Bracken was certain he had lost her.

He was rarely gone from her side. When he did leave, the only one he trusted in his absence was Helga. He’d never seen a woman so upset, yet able to cope, as Helga was. She had come to love her mistress unreservedly and Bracken trusted her above all other servants.

The physician had come several times, and although he’d been very solemn, each time he seemed content. However, not until the third day, when Louisa unexpectedly arrived, did Bracken begin to feel hope. There was a slight stir at the door and suddenly Lyndon was there beckoning to him with an anxious hand. Bracken moved into the passageway and immediately took his aunt into his arms.

“How did you hear?”

“I didn’t—” Louisa admitted, “not until I arrived. But for some reason I felt compelled to come. May I see her?”

“Certainly, Louisa, and then I must speak with you.”

The woman studied his haggard face for a moment and then nodded. A minute later they stood by Megan’s bed.

“Megan.” Bracken’s voice was a caress. “Aunt Louisa is here to see you. Please wake up.”

Megan’s hand moved slightly on the counterpane, but she did not waken.

“Megan,” Louisa tried.

Still nothing. The two stood by her side a moment longer, and then Bracken led his aunt from Megan’s room to her small salon.

Louisa studied him as he closed the door, understanding his need to be near Megan without disturbing her, but when the job was done he did not speak. Louisa continued to watch as Bracken paced the room like a caged animal. It took some time for him to speak, and when he did, Louisa had to hide her astonishment.

“I need God, Lou. I need Him now.”

“What do you mean, Bracken?”

“I mean, I need His help, and I don’t know how to ask.”

Louisa took a deep breath and then slowly made her way to a chair. She took a minute to think and pray before asking Bracken to join her. He sat across from her, his desperate eyes pinned to her face.

“If you want God right now because you want Him to do something for you, then I am afraid I can’t help you.”

Bracken’s shoulders slumped. “Then you don’t think He can heal Megan?”

“Oh, Bracken,” Louisa spoke with a surety. “I
know
He can heal Megan, but it may not be His will to do so.”

Bracken frowned at her.

“Dear,” Louisa continued patiently, “God is not like some magical stone we can pull out of our pocket to use when we have a want or need. You can call out to God right now, and He will save you, but that does not guarantee that Megan will live.”

The large man’s hands clenched in pain. His eyes closed for an instant. When he spoke, Louisa heard the desperation.

“The thought of her dying destroys me, Louisa, but even if she lives, I don’t think it will fill this emptiness I feel inside. I want to be changed—I want to be a better man—but I continue to make the same mistakes over and over.”

Louisa smiled gently. “The changes God makes are very real, my dear nephew, but you will still sin again and again. However, the hopelessness will be gone. For every sin there is forgiveness, and fellowship so sweet that I cannot find the words to describe it to you.

“But, Bracken,” Louisa warned him again. “I mean it when I say
there are no guarantees. You must come to God His way, through His Son, Jesus Christ. You cannot come with the intention of bargaining on your own terms.”

Louisa had never seen Bracken’s eyes so impassioned as he looked at her, his upper cheeks were flushed with the intensity of it. She had prayed for just this time every day since she’d understood her own need, but never did she dream that she herself would be involved.

“Show me the way,” Bracken pleaded with a low voice. Louisa did so with joy. She explained the way of salvation to her nephew and then asked if he wanted to be alone. To her surprise, he wanted her there and he wanted to pray out loud.

Tears poured down Louisa’s face as she listened to Bracken’s confession. The words were humble, but she heard the confidence in his voice as he prayed, knowing he was being heard. When he raised his head, he did not smile, but his broad chest lifted in a great sigh of relief. Neither one could speak, and for just a short time they sat in silence.

“I’d best return to Megan,” Bracken said at last.

He stood to go, but paused. “Louisa, is it wrong to ask God to heal Megan?”

“No, Bracken, as long as you are ready for His answer, yes or no.”

Bracken nodded. He started away again, but paused once more. This time he returned and pulled Louisa from her chair. He gave her a hug so tender that her tears began again.

“As I sat by Megan’s bed I literally begged God to spare Megan so she could tell me of Him. Then He sent you. I do not know if this is a sign that I shall lose my wife, but you are here, and for that I thank you, Louisa.”

Bracken did leave then, but his aunt couldn’t follow. She sank back down in her chair and had a long cry. She cried with joy over Bracken’s conversion and also petitioned God on Megan’s behalf.

Thirty-Eight

A
NOTHER WEEK PASSED BEFORE MEGAN
opened her eyes, but by that time the entire castle was aware of the change in Bracken. He had never been a cruel lord, but the serenity that now surrounded him was unmistakable to all who had contact with him.

Bracken had known the most amazing peace since his conversion. He had not even entreated God concerning Megan’s recovery, but prayed, “Thy will be done; Thy will be done,” each and every time he knew anxiety over her condition.

Just minutes before Megan awoke and called his name, the physician had finished checking her. He had been most thorough in his examination, and upon leaving he’d given Bracken a very hopeful report. The young duke’s heart was near to bursting as he sat back beside the bed and watched Megan stir.