The Lady's Maid (32 page)

Kate’s hands flew to cover her mouth and her eyes filled with tears but she did not answer.

‘Why do you look at me like that, Kate Coggins? You’ve always known that Sam and I love each other.’

‘I – I didn’t know. I mean, I know you care for Sam, but I’ve never heard you speak of him in such a passionate way. I know he loves you, but you treat him so badly …’

‘Yes, I do. And why do you think that is? Because if I allow my true feelings to show, if he ever knew how much I want him, it would destroy us both. Our situations in life are too different – we can never be together. But Sam and I are one and the same being. I’m afraid that parting from him forever will kill me.’

‘And yet you are prepared to marry a man whom you don’t love, just for the sake of position and wealth? How could you, Josie? How could you even think of deceiving a man like Harry into thinking that you love him and want to be his wife?’

‘Don’t be such a little hypocrite. You’d fall at his feet if he looked twice at you.’

‘Yes, you’re right, but more than anything I want him to be happy. If you really loved him I would wish you well.’

Josie stared at her in amazement. ‘I didn’t know you felt so strongly, Kate,’ she said slowly. ‘Maybe I
would
have acted differently if I’d realised how much you care for him.’

Tears spilled unchecked down Kate’s cheeks. ‘I know that he’s not for me and never could be. We’re worlds apart, and even if he had any feelings at all for me, he wouldn’t sully the Challenor name by marrying so far beneath him.’

‘Merciful heaven! What have we come to?’ Josie laid a tentative hand on Kate’s shoulder. ‘What have we become?’

‘We’ve grown up, Josie. We aren’t children any longer and we have to face what life has in store for us.’

Josie absorbed this in silence. She was seeing herself in a new and unfavourable light and she was truly shocked. She knew that she had been spoilt from birth by doting parents, who had given her everything she desired. She had gone her own merry way, taking love and friendship for granted. She could not mend Kate’s broken heart, but Sam was different. He was and always would be a part of her – the better part. She met Kate’s sad gaze with a determined lift of her chin. ‘I must see him, Kate. It will be for the last time, I promise you, but I have to talk to Sam, setting things straight between us.’

‘You must not let him hope.’

‘I need to speak to him while I have enough resolve to end it.’

‘Shall I send him to you?’

‘No. We mustn’t be seen together. Go now, please.
Tell
him to meet me in the summerhouse by the lake. I’ll be waiting for him.’

Kate hugged her. ‘Be kind to him, Josie. He’s a good man and I love him like a brother.’

Ten minutes later, Josie was in the summerhouse, waiting anxiously. How long could it take for Kate to find Sam and pass on her message? Perhaps he had taken umbrage at the way in which she had treated him earlier? He might be punishing her by refusing to come. She spun round as she heard a muffled footfall on the lichen-covered steps outside, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw his outline through the dusty windowpanes. The door opened and he entered on a gust of cool air. He held out his arms and she walked into his embrace without stopping to consider whether it was right or wrong. He brushed her forehead with the softest of butterfly kisses, whispering her name over and over again. His lips caressed her eyelids and the tip of her nose, and when her knees were threatening to give way beneath her he claimed her mouth in a passionate kiss. She wound her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair and returning his embrace with an almost savage intensity.

When at last they drew apart, Sam’s eyes were dark with desire. ‘Josie, my love. My little love.’

Her eyelashes were wet with tears but she smiled up at him, losing herself in the depths of his gaze. ‘Oh, Sam. Don’t make this harder for me.’

He answered her with another kiss, blotting out time and reason. The musky scent of him filled her
nostrils
and the taste of him only made her hungry for more. The smell of the farmyard was still on him, but now it was sweeter to Josie than all the perfumes of Araby. She could feel his hard muscular body pressed against hers and her treacherous limbs gave way beneath her. They sank to the floor and the cold, bare boards were as soft to Josie as the finest feather bed. She lay beneath him and her blood roiled with passion. Until this moment, she had never experienced the physical need for a man, but now her desire matched his and it ran like fire through her veins. He was undoing the buttons of her bodice. His lips caressed the slim column of her neck, travelling down to the hollow at the base of her throat. She did not feel the cold as his hands found and cupped her breasts. She uttered a soft moan of pleasure as his tongue teased her nipples and his gentle fingers sought the seat of his desire. He stopped, quite suddenly, raising his head and staring at her with dark, unfocused eyes. ‘I want you, but it cannot be. You are my beautiful maidy and always will be, but I cannot take you here, like a common serving girl.’

‘I don’t care,’ Josie cried in a hoarse whisper. ‘I want to be that common serving girl. I don’t care if the world ends here, this minute, Sam.’ She pulled his head down until their lips met, tongue caressed tongue and she arched her body against him.

‘You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, maidy.’

‘I know that and I love you, Sam. I always have and always will, God help me.’ She closed her eyes, giving
herself
up to the powerful sensations that set her whole body aflame.

He kissed her tenderly on the lips, but the sound of the door opening and a screech of horror made them pull apart. Hickson stood in the doorway, her black shape silhouetted against the cold morning light. She stared at them with contempt. ‘You little whore. I might have known you’d end up like this. Get off her, Loveday, you swine. Have you any idea what you’ve done?’

Sam scrambled to his feet. ‘We love each other, Miss Hickson. I want to make her my wife.’

Hickson’s shout of laughter echoed off the rafters and rattled the window glass. ‘You’re a common farm labourer and you want to marry a baronet’s daughter. You’re dreaming, boy. She’s not for you and you know it.’

Josie’s heart was thudding against her ribs and the blood was drumming in her ears, almost deafening her. She buttoned her dress with trembling fingers, getting up slowly and with as much dignity as she could muster. ‘It’s not how it appears, Hickson. Go away and leave us alone.’

‘Not how it appears? You were whoring in the summerhouse and your father barely cold in his grave. What would he think if he could see you now?’

‘Don’t speak to her like that,’ Sam cried angrily. ‘Leave Josie alone. This was all my fault.’

Hickson regarded him with a curled lip. ‘I know that, you gypsy bastard. You haven’t heard the last of this. I’ve a good mind to report you to Sir Joseph.’

Josie clutched her arm. ‘No. I forbid you to do any such thing, Hickson. Think how it would upset my mother if this were to become servants’ gossip.’

‘Maybe you should have thought of that before you arranged an assignation, Miss Josephine.’ Hickson folded her arms across her flat chest. ‘Get yourself back to the house this instant and we’ll keep this between ourselves.’ She moved swiftly to open the door. ‘And go straight to your room. You’re all dusty and dirty from lying on the floor. Dirty inside and out, that’s you, my girl.’

‘That’s enough, Hickson.’ Josie reached for Sam’s hand, clutching it and taking comfort from its warmth. ‘I won’t allow you to talk to me like that.’

‘Nor I neither,’ Sam said, scowling. ‘Who do you think you are to speak to Miss Damerell in that tone of voice?’

‘Keep out of this, Sam Loveday, or it will be the worse for you. You mustn’t be seen together, so you’d best leave now.’

Josie squeezed his hand. ‘Hickson’s right. You should leave here at once. Don’t go anywhere near the house.’

‘I’m sorry, maidy. I never meant this to happen.’

‘It’s too late for that,’ Hickson said angrily. ‘A horsewhipping is too good for you, Loveday.’

Sam turned his back on her. Taking Josie’s hands in his, he looked deeply into her eyes. ‘I’ll never desert you, Josie. Marry me and I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life.’

Hickson uttered a derisive snort. ‘And have her
living
in a hovel on twelve shillings a week, with a new mouth to feed every year. Is that the bright future you plan for Miss Josephine Damerell?’

‘It wouldn’t be like that.’ Sam’s fingers tightened their grip on Josie’s hands until she winced. ‘I’ll make something of myself so that I am worthy of you, Josie. Life is nothing to me without you. You belong to me, body and soul.’

The moment of madness had passed and Hickson’s harsh words had brought Josie back to stark reality. ‘It’s no use, Sam,’ she said softly. ‘What she says is true.’

‘I love you, Josie. And I know you love me. Nothing else matters.’

‘No, Sam. You’re wrong. I’ve been brought up to be a lady. You can’t expect me to give up everything I’ve always known and live in poverty. We would end up hating each other.’

‘It wouldn’t be like that.’

‘Yes, it would. And that was what I came here to say. We have to end it here and now.’

The stricken look in Sam’s eyes went straight to the core of her being, and Josie had to steel herself not to throw her arms around him. She wrenched her hands free from his grasp. ‘Go now, Sam.’

He stared at her with a dazed look in his dark eyes. ‘But you want me just as much as I want you.’

‘How dare you speak to a lady in that way?’ Hickson’s shrill voice made them move apart. ‘Do as Miss Josie says and leave here at once, or I’ll have you thrown out.’

‘Look at me, Josie,’ Sam said urgently. ‘Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t love me.’

He reached out to her, but she drew away from him. Summoning all her willpower, she eyed him coldly. Kate had been right. She must not allow him to hope. ‘I don’t love you. I was just amusing myself, pretending to be in love with you. It’s the done thing in London society. Ladies of quality take common men as their lovers so that they can boast about their conquests.’

‘No.’ His expression was bleak and his eyes filled with pain. ‘I don’t believe you.’

‘I came here this morning to tell you that I’m going to marry Harry Challenor, the master of Copperstone Castle.’

If she had slapped his face, Sam could not have looked more shocked. He stared at her in disbelief. ‘Why are you doing this, Josie? It isn’t true.’

She tossed her head. ‘I can assure you that it is. Our engagement will be announced in
The Times
. Oh, I forgot. You don’t take it, do you, Sam? It’s not exactly the reading material of a country bumpkin.’ Turning on her heel, Josie ignored the smirk on Hickson’s face and she marched out of the summerhouse with her head held high. She dared not look back as she crossed the dew-covered grass, heading towards the house. She wanted to run, but she was determined not to show the smallest sign of weakness or distress. Sam must believe her cruel words. He must never know how much it had hurt her to utter them, or that her heart had shattered into shards inside her breast. She entered the house and made her way slowly to her
room
, intent on changing out of her soiled and crumpled gown. She would never wear that dress again as long as she lived. As she mounted the staircase, she came face to face with Kate.

‘Josie, you look awful. What’s wrong?’

‘Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about it.’

Kate caught her by the sleeve. ‘You look as though you’ve seen a ghost. Did Sam say something to upset you?’

‘I don’t want to hear his name mentioned ever again. Do you understand me, Kate? He is dead to me. Dead and gone.’ Picking up her skirts, Josie raced up the stairs to lock herself in her room, where she collapsed on her bed in a storm of grief that racked her whole body.

Chapter Nineteen

AFTER A DISTURBED
night’s sleep when dreams of Harry had turned into nightmares, Kate rose from her uncomfortable bed before dawn. The rest of the house was in silence as she made her way downstairs to the kitchen. She was home, but it was no longer the happy place it had once been. Honoria’s presence had soured the atmosphere in the farmhouse. The shadows seemed darker and the whole building seemed to be sighing. Chiding herself for her silly notions, she picked up the hod and was about to go outside to fetch coal for the fire when Molly burst into the kitchen. Kate opened her mouth to greet her but the words stilled on her lips. ‘Molly, my dear, what’s wrong?’

‘It’s Sam,’ Molly sobbed. ‘He’s going away. He’s leaving us, Kate.’

‘I don’t believe it. Sam wouldn’t abandon you.’

Molly’s dark eyes swam with tears. ‘He says he can’t stay any longer. He’s going to sea, Kate. He says he wants to get as far away from here as he can.’

Kate’s worst fears were suddenly realised. If Sam was leaving she knew who was to blame. She made an effort to sound positive. ‘He won’t do it. He’s just saying that because he’s upset.’

‘He’s going away forever. He said so last night.’

‘We’ll see about that.’ Kate gave her a reassuring hug. ‘I’ll go and speak to him. You’d better make breakfast. You know how Pa creates if he hasn’t got a cup of tea waiting for him when he comes downstairs.’ She took her shawl from its peg near the door. ‘I won’t be long, Molly.’

A cool green light in the sky was rapidly giving way to an orange glow as the sun rose in the east. Birds were singing their spring song and Kate could hear the soft lowing of the cows as she picked her way across the muddy farmyard towards a beam of light emanating from the open barn door. She found Sam inside, and to her relief he was on his own. He was sitting on a three-legged stool, leaning against the haunches of the cow that he was milking. The rhythmic sound of the warm, sweet-smelling milk hissing against the side of the wooden bucket seemed to have a soothing effect on him, and, for once, he appeared to be calm and relaxed. He looked up and grinned.