The Language Inside (11 page)

by Wednesday I’m so glad

to get on a bus to the Newall Center

grateful to go someplace different

from school and YiaYia’s house

on the bridge over the river

I check the No Stopping sign

in case of blindness—

but auras never seem to happen

when you’re ready

Sam is there

by the entrance

just like last week

and he stares at me

checking, it seems

to see if I’m okay

it’s nice

to be able to see all of him

this time

where to?
I say

and he smiles, leads me inside

where we sign in at the main desk

go down a corridor

up an elevator onto a ward

to a nurses’ station

this is the new volunteer

Emma . . . 

Sam says and looks at me

Karas

I say

then spell it

I hand in my doctor’s report

results of my TB test

permission slip from my mother

and receive an ID card

to hang around my neck

soon we’re following a woman named Lin

who says she’s the rec director

who helps the poet who runs the writing program

the poet who comes from the university

for a workshop once a month

the workshop that patients

               participate in

that we, too, are encouraged

               to participate in

if we can

Lin says she also runs the music and art programs

even some dance because

that’s what a rec director does

she makes a joke about the wrecks she directs

and she and Sam are laughing

but it takes me a while to catch on

she and Sam chat

as we walk through the ward

he says something about a Mr. Sock

and I swear she then asks about Mr. Shoe

and then they go on about a Mr. Pen

and Mr. Pencil

and it’s like they’re speaking

another language

even though the words

are English

all the while I’m looking around the ward

checking to see if I’ll be able to handle this

               tubes and needles stress me

               I have to lie down

               when I get shots

but so far

as I follow Sam and Lin

down corridors

peeking into rooms

I’m not seeing people hooked up

to lots of tubes

finally we stop at room 427

and Sam steps inside ahead of Lin

and puts his hands together to greet two men

               one in a bed

               one in a chair

and this time

I know it’s not English

that I’m not understanding

and I look at the names on the wall—

               Leap Sok

               and Chea Pen

Sam Nang’s patient, Leap Sok

Lin says gesturing

and that’s Chea Pen

who sometimes joins in

and now Pen sounds like Pine

Sam Nang works with them

in Khmer and English

she adds

then she turns

to lead me away

from the men

from Sam

wait!

I say

and Sam looks at me

and Lin looks at me

the two men look at me

and I feel my face

heat up

can I talk to you?
I say

looking straight at Sam

ask you some questions?

at the end, I mean?

and Sam nods

sure, I’ll come by Zena’s room at 5:00

Zena’s room?
I say

your patient
he says

and Lin leads me

away from Sam

and we are off

we go down another hall

and Lin is saying

Zena’s a sweetie

she’s got spunk, too

you’ll love working with her

when her eyes go up, that’s yes

that’s all you have to know

oh, and that a slash means

the end of a line in a poem

usually she’s in her chair

but that’s being fixed today