The Last Days of Rabbit Hayes (28 page)

‘Thanks.’

‘Have any of these people ever seen a black person before?’ she asked, when the third person double-took as they passed her.

‘It’s your bald head. The visitors think you have cancer and they pity you, and the dying think you have cancer and wonder how the fuck you manage to look so good.’

She laughed a little.

‘You don’t have to stay here, you know,’ he said.

‘I didn’t fly all this way to sit in a hotel.’ Her phone rang. She looked at it and handed it to Davey. ‘It’s for you.’

He took it and answered: ‘Hey, Casey.’

‘It’s good to hear your voice.’

‘Yours too.’

‘How are you?’

‘Better for seeing Mabel.’

‘If I could cancel, you know I would.’

‘I do.’

‘I miss you. We all do.’ There was a whoop and a cheer from the busload of men and women she was travelling with.

‘Tell them I miss them too.’

He passed the phone back to Mabel, who walked off and spoke in a hushed tone. He sat alone outside his sister’s room, wondering what was going on behind the closed door, and daydreamed of the many days and nights he’d spent with road moving under his feet, a set direction and destination, and no real worries of his own.
Nothing will ever be the same again, Rabbit. How could it be when you’re gone?

Rabbit was alone and sleeping. Juliet crept in towards her mother, slowly and carefully, afraid to wake her but more afraid of what would happen when she did. She settled on the chair by the bed, and for the first time since Rabbit had entered the hospice, Juliet allowed herself not just to look at her mother but to really see her. She examined her poor ma’s bloated face, the discolouring around her dry, chapped lips, her battered and bruised arms and hands, and she heard the loud, laboured breathing that emerged in spurts from her open, dry mouth. She didn’t look anything like her old self. Her hair and cheekbones were gone, and when she was awake the colour seemed washed out of her swollen eyes. Lying mostly in the foetal position, her once long, lean body seemed shorter and puffier. Even her fingers were fluid-filled, knotted and unrecognizable. She looked like a broken someone else from one of those hard-to-watch films that the boys loved. There was blood around the fresh cannula in her arm. The swelling in her hand had gone down but the tiniest droplets of fluid still leaked from the puncture hole.

The breakfast tray was untouched. On her locker there were swab lemon and glycerine lollipops. She was holding the cuddly rabbit close to her chest. She looked like a lost little girl, and in that moment, Juliet experienced such overwhelming warmth, love and tenderness she felt as though she was the mother in the room. She touched Rabbit’s arm lightly; her skin was still soft. She unwrapped a swab lollipop and gently rubbed it on her mother’s cracked lips. She went to the bathroom, dampened a cloth and ever-so-tenderly cleaned away the caked blood from around her cannula.

‘I love you, Ma,’ she whispered.

Her mother’s eyes opened slightly. ‘Juliet?’

‘If I could have chosen anyone in the world to be my ma, I would have chosen you. You’ve been amazing. You are amazing.’

Tears slid down mother and child’s faces.

‘You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Juliet Hayes.’ Rabbit was trying to open her eyes wide so that she could really see her little girl.

‘I know, Ma,’ Juliet said, wiping away her mother’s tears with a tissue.

‘I’m so tired, Juliet,’ Rabbit said.

‘So sleep.’

‘Jump up, baby.’ Rabbit attempted to pat the bed.

‘OK.’ Juliet walked around to the other side, got in and spooned her ma, who cuddled her rabbit. Within ten minutes they were both sound asleep.

Jack spotted Mabel sitting with his son before she noticed him. He was immediately struck by her kindness.
She came all this way for Davey
. It was easy to forget that although Davey didn’t have a traditional family in the States he wasn’t alone. Now he saw his parents approach and stood up.

‘Ma, this is my friend Mabel.’

‘Howya, love,’ Molly said, and shook her hand. ‘Jack’s always banging on about how great you are.’

‘He’s great himself,’ Mabel said, and embraced Jack. ‘It’s good to see you, old man.’

‘Hah, that’s what I call him,’ Molly said.

‘It’s lovely that you came,’ Jack told Mabel.

‘Wouldn’t be anywhere else.’

Over the years Jack had travelled to see Davey play with Casey numerous times. Sometimes he joined Francie, Jay and Kev – they made a boys’ weekend of it; other times he was with Grace and Rabbit, Rabbit and Juliet, or Grace, Lenny and the kids. Molly was a more reserved traveller: she liked Blackpool and Wales and everywhere else could fuck off. The first time Davey had broached the subject of her spending time in Nash-ville she had laughed in his face. ‘As if,’ she’d said, chuckling away to herself, ‘and why don’t I fly to the moon while I’m at it? I hear the atmosphere is out of this world.’

Whenever Jack went, and sometimes he went alone, Casey and Mabel made such a fuss of him that he felt teary going home. He’d even travelled on the tour bus, which was exciting for about a day and a half, then a little tiresome, but worth it. He loved driving from city to city, watching the never-ending road meet the blue, red, orange and black skylines, then land in massive venues. He’d watch the band sound-check in empty arenas and he was welcomed on those incredible stages. He’d kept every backstage pass he’d ever worn, from Kitchen Sink to the Sound to Casey, and every one of them held a memory he’d cherish for ever. Seeing Mabel made him want to cry. It reminded him of the time he and Rabbit had taken Juliet to join the tour when it hit Las Vegas for ten shows. Juliet had been only five, so it was during her ‘I’m an alien’ period. They had spent an incredibly happy five days together, Mabel and Casey fussing over and spoiling Juliet as if she were their own. Rabbit had been healthy then, well able to run around after the alien, but the girls had insisted on taking her to the top shows and the best pools, the coolest kids’ restaurants. They’d bought her clothes, shoes and dolls until Rabbit had to put her foot down because the extra luggage would cost a fortune. With the girls taking care of Juliet, Rabbit got to hang around with her da and Davey a lot over those five days. It was like when she had been Davey’s sound engineer and her da was head of the band’s fan club.

Johnny’s death had pulled Rabbit and Davey apart; it had destroyed the closeness they had built without even knowing it. They had disappeared into their own grief and guilt. Those hot days and nights spent pottering in the shops, hanging out by the pool and talking in bars till late at night had rebuilt their broken bridge. At the venue, Davey had shown Rabbit off to the band and crew, his baby sister, sound engineer
extraordinaire
. She had stood behind the big desk and marvelled. When Eddie, the head sound guy, asked her if she wanted to have a go, she told him she wouldn’t even know how to turn it on. Jack had felt her brother’s pride when he said, ‘But if you gave her an hour she’d take your job.’ Mabel and Casey knew the story of Davey, Rabbit and Johnny; they knew that brother and sister were both still grieving and they had played their part in the healing. Jack would always be grateful to them for that.

Molly, Jack, Davey and Mabel sat on the chairs in a straight line, watching the door. It was imperative that they gave Juliet and Rabbit all the time they needed, but door-watching is hard, especially under such circumstances. Molly reached into her bag and pulled out a bag of lemon bonbons. She passed them to Jack, who passed them to Davey, who passed them to Mabel.

‘Lemon and toffee. Very nice, but you need strong fillings,’ Molly said to Mabel, who took one and passed them back up the line.

‘I don’t think we have these in America.’

‘Shame,’ Molly said.

Jack asked after Casey and the kids, and Mabel talked about how fantastic they all were, except for six-year-old Emmet’s insistence on licking his twin brother Hopper’s face. ‘It’s like he can’t help himself, every damn day. Hopper loses it and lashes out. Then the crying begins, followed by one or both of them having a tantrum. Oh, God, it’s insane.’

‘Vaseline,’ Molly said.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Rub a little on Hopper’s face. When Emmet licks him, it will coat his tongue. He won’t do it again.’

‘The shrink said he’d grow out of it.’

‘He’ll grow out of it a lot quicker if his brother’s face tastes like shite.’

Mabel thought about it and nodded. ‘That shrink cost nearly five hundred dollars an hour.’

‘Next time call me. I’ll charge half for an actual solution,’ Molly said.

Mabel agreed she would. ‘She’s just as incredible as you described, Jack.’

‘Oh she’s incredible, all right,’ he agreed proudly.

Jack Hayes loved his wife more than he loved his life. During the worst of times she had sat on that chair with her head held high, comforting everyone by being herself.
If there is a God I’d thank Him for you, Molly Hayes. Of course, I’d give Him a kick in the hole for everything else.

Time moves very slowly when you’re sitting in a hospital corridor. Jack needed to stretch his legs and Mabel offered to go with him. He took her to the garden and they walked around it slowly, arm in arm. Light rain fell on them – Jack didn’t notice at first, and Mabel enjoyed it.

‘It’s not Ireland unless it’s raining,’ she said.

‘I suppose not.’

‘Did I ever tell you about my mother?’

‘No.’

‘She died when I was twenty-one. She was a single mother too.’

‘I’m really sorry.’

‘She was hit by a car, some speed freak asshole. She died at the scene. There were no goodbyes.’

‘I suppose we’re lucky because we get to say goodbye,’ he said.

‘Hell, no, it’s not saying goodbye that I miss, it’s her.’

‘How did you deal with it?’

‘At first really badly. I was alone and young, and I was scared about who and what I was. It was dark and I made a lot of mistakes, but then I cleaned up my act, started working, got focused, became driven. Slowly I became comfortable in my own skin, and it was still hard but life went on.’

‘I’m really glad Davey has you, Casey and the kids.’

‘He’s family to us, you know that.’

‘I’d forgotten. I won’t forget again.’

Davey appeared, running towards them. ‘Da, come quick! Something’s wrong with Ma.’ He was already racing back, Jack and Mabel chasing after him from the gardens into the reception area and from there to a treatment room. Molly was lying on a trolley and Mr Dunne was attending to her.

‘Molly,’ Jack said, terror in his voice.

‘I’m all right! I’m fine, do you hear me? I’m perfectly fine.’ She had spoken without raising her head.

Mr Dunne pushed Jack and Davey out of the room, then closed the door behind him. Mabel hung back, not wanting to intrude.

‘What’s going on?’ Jack gasped.

‘She dropped her bonbons, grabbed her chest and nearly fell off the chair,’ Davey said.

Mr Dunne reappeared. ‘Does Molly suffer with angina?’ he asked.

‘No.’

‘Well, she’s stable and we need to get her an ECG.’

‘Here?’ Jack said.

‘Afraid not.’

‘She won’t leave,’ Jack said.

‘She has no choice. The ambulance is on its way.’

‘Oh, my God,’ Jack murmured.

Mr Dunne insisted he sat down. ‘Jack, this was a mild event. She will be diagnosed and treated and she will be fine.’

‘I can’t lose her too.’ He buried his head in his hands.

‘You won’t.’

Mr Dunne went back to Molly. Davey, Jack and Mabel heard her complain bitterly about leaving. Two ambulance men passed them and walked into the room.

When Jack raised his head, Davey was pacing and talking on the phone to his elder sister. ‘Grace, are you on the way? Well, turn around and head for the hospital. It’s Ma – they think she’s had a heart attack.’

Molly appeared in the hallway, strapped to a trolley, covered with a navy-blue blanket. ‘It wasn’t a heart attack. Don’t exaggerate to your sister.’ She insisted on stopping to talk to her husband. She told him to find her hand so he moved the blanket and held it.

‘I’m fine. It’s nothing. I’d know if it was. I always know, and you know I know.’

‘I do.’

‘I’ll get this stupid ECG and I’ll be back.’

‘I’m coming.’

‘No. Stay with Rabbit.’

‘Davey, stay with Rabbit and Juliet. Grace and I will be with your mammy.’

‘OK,’ Davey said.

‘Mabel, take care of him.’

‘I will.’

‘I’m not leaving you, Molly,’ Jack said. She didn’t argue because it was clear that he meant it.

Jack sat in the ambulance beside his wife, and although it didn’t occur to him to pray, he focused on repeating one mantra.
This time it’s going to be OK
. Rabbit was dying and the terrible truth was that her father would survive her. Guilt-ridden, Jack would grieve for the rest of his days, but he was wise enough to accept that he would live on, he would smile and laugh again. He would endure because he had Molly. She was his right side and bright side. Molly made him tick. Jack Hayes adored his children and would willingly have sacrificed himself to save each and every one of them, but he couldn’t live without his wife.

Grace nearly crashed the car, narrowly avoiding driving into the back of a truck. Lenny yelled, ‘Christ almighty!’ She braked hard and Jeffrey smashed his nose on the back of his father’s headrest. He shrieked.

Lenny turned to see blood pouring from his youngest son’s nose. ‘Oh, for fu—’

Grace looked in the rear-view mirror. ‘Where the hell is your seatbelt?’

‘Sorry, Ma.’

‘You could have gone straight through the fucking windscreen. Does everybody in this family have some kind of death wish?’

‘The belt’s uncomfortable.’

‘That’s because of your size, Jeffrey.’

‘Not cool, Grace,’ Lenny muttered.

‘You’re right, Lenny, it’s not cool. The pre-diabetic nearly dived through a car windscreen.’

Jeffrey did up his belt with one hand and held his bleeding nose with the other.