The Last Mortal Bond (9 page)

Recently, however, she had stopped huddling. Instead of cringing against the steel floor, she sat cross-legged in the very center of her cage, hands folded in her lap, eyes fixed on the bars before her. Kaden recognized the pose from his years of meditation among the Shin, but where Triste had learned it, or why she had decided to adopt it, he had no idea. She didn't look like a prisoner; she looked like a queen.

And like a queen, she seemed barely to notice him during his most recent visits. An effect of the adamanth, according to Simit, of so much adamanth administered over so many months. Necessary, if they were to block all access to her well. Today, however, Triste raised her eyes slowly, as though considering Kaden's dangling, slippered feet, then his chest, and only after a very long time, his face. He tried to read that gaze, to translate the planes and surfaces of the flesh into thought and emotion. As usual, he failed. The Shin were great ones for observing nature, but a life among the monks had given him scant opportunity for the study of humanity.

“I counted ten thousand lights last night,” she said, her voice low and rough, like something almost worn out. “Out there.” She inclined her chin ever so slightly, the gesture intended to encompass, he supposed, the whole of the world beyond the grim ambit of her cage, beyond the clear walls of the Spear. “There were lanterns hung from bamboo poles. Cook fires burning in the kitchens of the rich, in the fish stalls of the markets, on the streets of the Perfumed Quarter. There were fires of sacrifice on the rooftops of a thousand temples, and above those fires there were the stars.”

Kaden shook his head. “Why are you counting lights?”

Triste looked down at her hands, then over at the steel walls of her cage. “It gets harder and harder to believe,” she said quietly.

“What does?”

“That it's a real world. That each of those fires has someone tending it, cooking or chanting or just warming her hands.” She glanced up toward the sky. “Not the stars, of course. Or maybe the stars. Do you think the stars are on fire?”

“I wouldn't want to speculate.”

Triste laughed, a limp, helpless sound. “Of course you wouldn't.”

Though Kaden had come to expect the rambling, disjointed thoughts, Triste's incoherence still left him struggling to keep up with the conversation. It was like seeing a mind in the slow process of disintegration. As though she were a woman of packed sand thrown into a great, invisible river.

“How are you, Triste?” he asked softly.

She laughed again. “Why ask the question when you don't care about the answer?”

“I care about the answer.”

For a moment she seemed to look at him, to actually
see
him. For just a fraction of a heartbeat, her eyes went wide. She started to smile. Then it was gone.

“No,” she said, shaking her head slowly. The exaggerated movement, back and forth, back and forth, reminded him of some half-tamed creature testing the range of a collar and leash. “No, no. No. What you care about is
her
. Your precious goddess.”

The other cells were dozens of paces away, well out of earshot, but Kaden glanced over his shoulder reflexively. The other prisoners, even if they
could
hear, weren't likely to understand the conversation, and if they understood it, weren't likely to believe that a goddess was trapped inside the young woman imprisoned in a nearby cage. The price of discovery, on the other hand, was disaster. Kaden lowered his voice.

“Ciena is your goddess, Triste. Not mine. That is why she chose you.”

The girl stared at him. “Is that why you keep coming up here? Are you having little chats with her while I'm drugged into oblivion?”

Kaden shook his head. “She hasn't spoken. Hasn't … emerged since that time in the Crane, when you put the knife to your stomach.”

For the first time Triste raised a hand, the movement slow, groping, like the searching of some blind creature as she probed the flesh beneath her shift, searching out the old wound.

“I should have finished it then,” she said finally, voice low but hard.

Kaden watched her in silence. It seemed a lifetime ago that Tarik Adiv had arrived on the ledges of Ashk'lan with a hundred Aedolians at his back, with the death of an emperor on his tongue, with Triste. She had been a girl then. She was a girl no longer.

He'd known her barely a year, and in that year there hadn't been a single day in which she wasn't running or fighting, lying in a cell or screaming beneath an Ishien knife. Not one day. Kaden's own struggle had worn him, hardened him, and yet his own struggle had been nothing beside hers. A year of pain and terror could change a person, change her forever. Triste was no longer the wide-eyed daughter of a
leina
caught up in currents she could neither swim nor escape. That much was obvious. What she had become, however, what the pain and fear had made of her, what she had made of herself … Kaden had no idea.

“If you had continued driving the knife, you would have killed more than yourself and your goddess. You would have severed her touch from this world. You would have killed our capacity for pleasure, for joy.”

“At least, that's the story your Csestriim tells you,” Triste spat. “The story he tells me.”

Kaden shook his head. “I've gone beyond Kiel's account. Well beyond. The Dawn Palace has the most complete chronicles in the world—both human and Csestriim. I've been down in the libraries almost every moment I haven't been struggling with the council. Kiel's account fits with what I've read, with the histories of the gods and the Csestriim wars.”

“I thought he
wanted
to kill me,” she said. “It's the only way to set his goddess free, right?”

“She is your goddess,” Kaden said again.

“Not anymore, she's not. She stopped being my goddess when she forced her way into my head.”

“She chose you,” Kaden countered, “because of your devotion.”

“That
can't
be true. There are scores of
leinas
in the temple, all of them more adept in Ciena's arts than I'll ever be, all of them utterly committed to the service of their goddess.” She grimaced. “I was … a mischance. Some minister's by-blow.”

“Tarik Adiv had the burning eyes,” Kaden pointed out. “Your father was related, however distantly, to my own. Which means that you, too, are descended from Intarra.”

The notion still surprised him. For hundreds of years the Malkeenians had staked their imperial claim on that lineage, on those eyes, on the claim that there was only
one
divine family. Forking branches of the tree could lead to civil war, to the ruin of Annur.

Triste shook her head. “It doesn't make sense.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Kaden replied. “It is the only thing that makes sense. According to the legend, Intarra bore the first Malkeenian millennia ago. The family would have ramified. My branch cannot be the only one.”

“I don't have the eyes,” she countered.

“Neither does Valyn.”

Triste bared her teeth. “Even if it's true, what does it mean? What is it
worth
? What does it have to do with this bitch lodged inside my skull?”

Kaden could only shake his head. Even Kiel's insights extended only so far. Even the Csestriim, it seemed, could not peer into the minds of the gods.

“We don't know everything,” he said quietly. “I don't know everything.”

“But you still want to kill me.”

The words weren't angry, not anymore. Something had snuffed her anger, quick and sure as a fist clamped over a candle's flame. She sounded exhausted. Kaden himself felt exhausted, exhausted from the long climb and from the fear that someone had broken into the dungeon, found Triste, hurt her.

“No,” he said quietly, searching for another word, some phrase adequate to convey his worry. The Shin had taught him nothing, unfortunately, of human consolation. If he could have, he would have put a silent hand on her shoulder, but he could not reach through the bars. There was only that single syllable, and so he said it again, helplessly, “No.”

“I'm sorry,” she replied. “I misspoke. You want me to kill
myself
.”

“The
obviate
isn't suicide. There is a ceremony to be observed. A ritual. Without it, the goddess can't escape. She cannot ascend.” He paused. “And this is not something I
want
.”

“Cannot ascend,” Triste said, ignoring his last comment. “Cannot
ascend
.” Her laugh was sudden and bright as a bell. Then gone.

“Why is that funny?”

Triste shook her head, then gestured to the bars of her cage. “It's a good problem to have. That's all. Forget about ascending—I'd be happy to get out of this cage for the night.”

For a while they were both silent.

“Has she … spoken to you?” Kaden asked finally.

“How would I know? I never remember the times when she's in control.” She fixed him with that bright, undeniable gaze. “For all I know, you're making the whole thing up, everything about the goddess. Maybe I'm just insane.”

“You saw what happened in the Jasmine Court,” Kaden said gravely. “What you did. What Ciena did through you.”

Triste drew a long, shuddering breath, opened her mouth to respond, then shut it and turned away. The memory of the slaughter sat between them—the ravaged bodies, shattered skulls—invisible, immovable.

“I won't do it,” she said finally. “Your ritual.”

“It isn't my ritual, and I didn't come here to ask you to take part in it.”

“But you want me to.” She still didn't look at him. “You're hoping—or whatever monks do that's like hoping—that I'll accept it, that I'll embrace it. Well, I won't. You'll have to carve her out of me.”

Kaden shook his head. “It doesn't work like that, as I've explained before. The
obviate,
were we to attempt it, seems to require your consent, your active participation.”

“Well, you can't
have
it,” she snarled, turning on him in a sudden fury. “You can't fucking
have it
! My mother gave me up to my father, my father gave me up to you. This 'Shael-spawned
goddess
is inside my skull, she forced her way in without ever even
asking
me, and now
you
want to sacrifice me. And you
can
. Obviously. All of you can give me up, can trade me from one person to the next, pass me along as long as you want.

“You can hit me, and you have. You can hurt me, and you have. You can lock me in one prison or the next”—she waved a hand around her—“and you have. You can give me to Rampuri fucking Tan or to the Ishien or to your council.” She glared at him, the late sun's light reflected in her eyes. “I'm used to being given up by now. I
expect
it. But I'll tell you what I won't do—I won't
accept
it. I won't play along. For a while, a tiny little while, I thought you were different, Kaden. I thought we might actually…” She broke off, tears in her eyes, shaking her head angrily. When she spoke again, her voice was low, furious. “Everyone trades me away like a stone on the board, but I will not trade away myself.”

Kaden nodded. “I know.”

She stared at him, teeth slightly bared, breath rasping in her throat. “Then why are you here?”

He hesitated, but could think of no reason to skirt the truth. “To check on you. There was an attack.”

She stared. “Here? In the Dawn Palace?”

“In Intarra's Spear.” He pointed down through the dizzying emptiness toward the human floors thousands of feet below.

“And you needed to tell me?”

“I needed,” Kaden replied carefully, “to see that you were all right.”

Triste looked moved for half a heartbeat, then the expression melted off her face. “To be sure
she
is all right,” she said again. “You think it was il Tornja, trying to get at the goddess.”

Kaden nodded. “I think it is a possibility.”

She glared at him. “Well, since you asked, I am
not
all right, Kaden. I haven't been all right in a very long time.” Her eyes had gone wide, vacant. She wasn't focusing on him anymore. “I don't even know what
all right
would be anymore. We're all going to die, right? Probably horribly, most of us. Maybe all you can do is die where you want to die, end things on your own terms.”

“Few of us have the luxury to act only on our own terms.” Kaden shook his head. “I do not.”

“But you're not in
here, are
you?” Triste said, raising her hands to seize the bars for the first time. “You're free.”

Kaden watched her silently for a moment. “And what would you do, Triste, if you were free?”

She held his eyes, then seemed to slump, as though collapsing beneath the weight of the very notion of freedom. When she responded, her voice was thin, far away: “I'd go somewhere. Somewhere as far from your 'Kent-kissing palace as possible. There's a place my mother used to talk about, a little village by an oasis in the shadow of the Ancaz Mountains, just at the edge of the Dead Salts.
As far from the rest of the world as you can get,
she used to say. I'd go there. That village. That's where I'd go.…”

It was hard to know how seriously to take the words. Triste's eyes were unfocused, her speech slightly slurred with the adamanth. She had fixed her gaze over Kaden's shoulder, as though on something unseen in the distance.

“If I could get you out,” he began slowly, “if I could get you clear of the prison and the palace for a while, somewhere else, would you be willing to consider—”

All at once her attention was there, concentrated furiously on him. “I already told you,” she snarled. “No. Whoever comes to kill me—il Tornja, or Kiel, or you—he's going to have to do it himself.”