The Last Time I Saw Paris (6 page)

She could hear Dan Holland laughing too as he closed the gate and went on his way.

H
e let himself in by the side gate at 4:52 precisely. Lara didn't bother to check the seconds on her old watch but she knew to the minute what the time was. Of course, she told herself she hadn't really been waiting for him, and to prove it, she whistled to Dexter and took off immediately for a walk along the beach. To her astonishment Dan's black Lab appeared out of nowhere, loping along beside her.

“Sorry about that,” Dan yelled from the deck. Shading her eyes with her hand, she looked up at him. “You whistle, he'll come,” he shouted. “I guess he's anybody's when there's a walk going.”

“Is it okay if he comes along?”

“Yeah, if you're sure you don't mind.”

“I don't and Dex certainly doesn't.” The two dogs were rapidly disappearing into the distance. She sprinted down the sand yelling for Dex but the dog took no notice, he was having too good a time. Lucky Dex, make the most of it, she thought. Happiness is fleeting, even in dogland.

The sun was low in the sky when she returned and half the boards on her deck were gone.

“You'll have to be careful until I get them replaced,” Dan warned. “Keep an eye on the dog too; we don't want him to break a leg.”

“I'll be careful.” He had taken off his shirt while he worked and beads of sweat trickled down his chest.
His body was so lean and hard Lara could have counted his ribs, had she cared to. Feeling suddenly pale and plump, she said quickly, “Can I get you a cold drink? A beer, maybe?”

“Beer would be great.” He wiped his neck with a dusty cloth and began shifting the lumber closer to the area where he would begin to replace the boards the next day.

Aware of his eyes on her and wishing her butt looked smaller in the white linen shorts, Lara hurried into the house. Foolish woman, she silently chided herself, what do you care anyhow?

I care,
someone inside her cried. I
care. I want to be thirty again, I want to be slender and beautiful with long blond hair and an uncreased white doctor's coat, nobly saving the lives of small children. . . .

Dan took the beer from her with a polite smile. “I left a corner where you can still sit,” he said. “I'll finish it up as soon as I can, I promise.”

“No problem.” She sank into the chaise and put her feet up. “Sit down, why don't you. And tell me about yourself.”

He took a seat. “What would you like to know?” Throwing back his head, he gulped down the beer.

Lara stared, fascinated, at his smooth, strong, rippling throat. “Oh, I don't know,” she said, gathering her wits. “I guess just who you are. What you are. What your life is like.”

He rolled his eyes. “That's a pretty tall order, Ms. Lewis. And I think your last question is the easiest to answer. At least without the help of a shrink.” He laughed as she blushed. “I thought blushing had gone out of style. But, anyhow, I didn't mean to embarrass you.”

“I'm sorry. Forget I asked.” She tugged selfconsciously
at her shorts, which were creeping up around her crotch. They must have shrunk.

He said, “I have this little house at the beach. Nothing as grand as this, of course.” His eyes took in the crisp gray shingles and the spare but stylish decor. “Just kind of a fifties A-frame that I'm gradually redoing.”

“Whenever you can spare the time from doing other folks' work after hours.” Lara wondered if she was imagining it, or did the air seem to tremble between them as their eyes met? Surely not. Dan Holland was only here because he was doing a job for her, not because he craved her company.

“Milt and I live there alone, except during school breaks, and then suddenly the place feels like it's bursting at the seams with the kids and their friends. A man can get used to living alone,” he added thoughtfully. “The silence, only having to think of yourself. Usually, I put on some music and because I'm alone I can play it as loud as I want. Loud enough so it pours out into the night. I like to sit out there in the dark and let it wash over me in waves of sound, hearing it blend with the roar of the ocean. There's something elemental about it.” He shrugged. “Anyhow, it just gets to me. Kinda sweeps through my soul.”

“I don't think you need a shrink, Mr. Holland,” Lara said, impressed. “I think you know exactly what you are and who you are and what you like.”

His laugh boomed across the darkening shore. “The name's Dan. And I wish it were that easy. I'm a simple guy. I like what I do and that's part of what I am. Right now, I'm putting up a taco stand in Monterey but I'm also working with a local architect on a new ranch we're building out in the hills behind Carmel.
I'm making money. Not a lot, but enough to keep me happy, pay for my house, a couple of fishing trips to Mexico, the occasional ski weekend in Big Bear.” He shrugged. “That's about it.”

“What about your girlfriend?”

He raised a quizzical eyebrow, smiling at her. “Her name's Britt. I thought for a while there that maybe she was the one. Now,” he lifted his shoulder, “I'm not so sure. I've been seeing her for ten months. She's a student at Berkeley.”

Lara told herself she might have known. “I'll bet she's beautiful.”

“Yes, she's beautiful. And ambitious. Not in the meaning of wanting a career. That's not Britt's style. She's ambitious for material things. Sometimes I get the feeling she's on the lookout for a better financial prospect than me.” He laughed lazily. “I can't say I blame her.”

“Then why stay with her?”

“She's kind of a challenge, I guess.” He didn't add that she was also wild in bed because he knew he would make Ms. Lewis blush again. The thought crossed his mind for a split second about how wild Ms. Lewis might be in bed. It was intriguing and totally out of place.

“I'm not sure what I'm looking for in life,” he added thoughtfully. “All I know is I haven't found it yet.” His eyes held hers in that deep gaze. “How about you?”

“Oh, I'm a very ordinary woman. A mother . . . you know how it is.”

“So what do you do with your days?”

“My husband is a specialist in cardiovascular surgery. He works with children a lot. Right now, he's in Beijing, then he's going on to India.”

“That's him. What about you?”

She shrugged, baffled. “I look after the house, work with seniors, play tennis with my girlfriends. That sort of thing.”

“The sort of things rich women do to pass their time.”

“I'm not rich.” She was on the defensive. “I mean . . . oh, hell, you know what I mean.” She glared at him.

“I think I do, Ms. Lewis.” He put the beer bottle down on the deck and stood up. “It's getting late. I'd better go.”

He whistled and his dog came racing back up the steps from the beach. “See you tomorrow around the same time,” he called as the gate clanged shut behind him.

Lara shivered as she drained the last of her wine. With the sunset it had turned cold again. She went inside and closed the windows. She set the fire in the grate and put a match to it, waiting until it caught before she went upstairs to shower.

“Serves me right for asking, hey, Dex?” she said with a shaky little laugh.

She fixed herself a childish comfort sandwich of bananas mashed with brown sugar on a slice of Wonder Bread, then, in her old pink robe, settled down in front of the fire with the Noel Coward
Diaries
to help her live vicariously. She thought maybe Dan Holland had got it right. Alone, you could eat what you pleased when you pleased. You could do what you liked. Be whomever you liked.

But it was awfully lonely, she thought sadly, when all you had to look forward to were Oreos and a glass of milk. She wondered if Dan was seeing the beautiful young student again tonight.

L
ara wore the red bathing suit the next afternoon when Dan came by, just to prove to herself that it meant nothing. She needn't have bothered; he barely looked at her.

She sat under the big green umbrella at one side of the deck pretending to read her book, while he busied himself at the other side, whistling softly as he worked. He had taken off his T-shirt and was wearing only a pair of old gray shorts. Lara wondered what the Girlfriends would say if they saw him. There was no doubt that Dan Holland was a hunk. A
young
hunk, she reminded herself. And she was a woman in her middle forties who was in the process of being ditched by her husband for a younger version. Maybe she should introduce Melissa to Dan and they would be irresistibly drawn to each other, beauty to beauty, sort of like looking in a mirror. She would get her husband back and resolve Dan Holland's love life.

Except she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to introduce Dan to anyone, not even the Girlfriends. He was her secret and she wanted to keep him right here on her deck and just watch him. His thick straight hair, bleached by the sun, fell over his eyes; his body had that golden, outdoor, California look about it, and his muscles rippled from more than a decade of hard work. He stretched lazily, and he was so male it took her breath away.

He turned to smile at her. “Got to cool off,” he said, running past her, down the steps to the beach. He dived into the waves with that wonderful confidence of the young and well-coordinated that his body could do anything he asked of it, and she watched him swim effortlessly into the red-gold path of the setting sun, at one with his watery world.

She had a beer waiting when he came back. His wet shorts clung to him, sleek as a second skin. “I'll get you a towel,” she said, quickly averting her gaze. “There's an old pair of Bill's shorts too, if you would like to change.”

He picked up the bottle of beer and drank deeply. “Thanks, Ms. Lewis, but don't trouble. I'll dry off in a couple of minutes in this heat, then I'll be on my way.”

She sank into the chaise, staring out over the ocean, wishing he would stay longer. “How was Britt last night?”

“Britt was . . . I guess she was just Britt.” He was leaning back against the deck rail, arms folded over his chest. “I've forgotten what I told you about her.”

“That she was young and beautiful and expensive, and maybe in search of a richer guy.”

He lifted the beer bottle in acknowledgment. “That's Britt in a nutshell.” His eyes linked with hers. “And what did you do last night?”

“I put on my robe, ate a banana sandwich on white bread, and read about somebody else's life,” she said honestly.

“It was probably more fun than my evening.” He put down the empty bottle and started gathering his equipment. “I'd better get going, Ms. Lewis. Tomorrow at the same time okay with you?”

“Oh, sure. Any time you want. The gate is always
open if I'm not here.” She was already promising herself that she would not be there when he came by tomorrow. Definitely not. Nor the next day.

Silence settled over her as she sat on the half-torn-up deck. Twilight turned to darkness. There were no stars tonight. Stroking Dex's head absently, she thought about Bill and what she was going to do. Perhaps she was wrong and Bill was really going to India alone. His work had always come first, and after all, it was lives he was helping to save.
Children's
lives. Wasn't it she who was the selfish one, wanting him to come to France with her?

But her stomach churned as she imagined Bill with Melissa. She felt locked out, abandoned, a part of his past. She could bear it no longer. She had to know the truth.

Grabbing the phone, she dialed the hospital and asked for the pediatric department. The nurse on duty told her that Dr. Melissa Kenney was in China. Yes, she had been due back next week, but now there had been a delay. She was returning via India and would not be back for several weeks.

Lara dropped the phone and huddled into the sofa, staring at the empty fire grate without seeing it. Pain was a lead weight on her heart, dragging her into an abyss. Her life was being stolen from her and there was nothing she could do about it.

She had no sense of time passing, no idea of how long she had been sitting there until she became aware of Dex whining and realized that she was freezing. Her watch said eight-thirty. She let the dog out and stared wearily around the empty house. It was so goddamn quiet. So lonely. Unable to bear the silence any longer, she ran upstairs, flung on a sweater and skirt,
jammed her feet into flat leather sandals, grabbed the car keys, and headed for the door.

She remembered she had not even looked in a mirror, swung around, raced back upstairs again, dragged a brush through her hair and applied lipstick carefully. Melissa Kenney might have stolen her husband, but she was darned if she was going to let the bitch steal her pride too. She ran to the door, then back again to the dressing table for a spritz of Ceylon, a gift from Delia and now her favorite perfume.

She drove into Carmel and walked aimlessly around with Dex happily sniffing on his leash, until some time later she found herself outside a small bar. Tying the dog to a convenient ficus tree, she walked in and took a seat. She had never been into a bar alone before, and, self-conscious, she stared straight ahead, not looking at the other customers.

“What can I get ya, ma'am?”

The bartender had spiky red hair and she thought he looked all of twenty-two years old. She wondered wearily if there was a youth conspiracy and she was the only one born in the wrong era. Daringly, she ordered tequila on the rocks.

She took a big gulp, coughing as the tequila hit her throat like fire. At least this time she had gotten up the nerve to order it.

She caught the eye of a gray-haired man at the other end of the bar. He raised his glass to her and she looked hastily away. She drained the tequila and ordered another. The bartender put the glass in front of her and pushed the bowl of peanuts closer. Lara sipped her drink this time, staring vacantly into the mirror over the bar, wondering what to do with her new freedom. Because she had no doubt now that Bill was gone for good.